calmness

[Amy McNaughton]

I sit here tonight sensing that I am about to take a huge leap forward yet again.  Left foot leap, Right foot leap.  Leaping is what I have done since I chose to engage my life.  I could say "Engage my life differently" however my reality is that I wasn't engaging my life before I stepped onto Louise LeBrun holodeck.

 

This weekend I will be hosting a book launch for Guardians of the Vision ~ Parenting for the Birthright of Potential and I am doing so in the midst of my own family being in chaos.  Yes, my family is in chaos and today...not me.

 

How do I parent and allow space for those who are in my life that are moving with such intensity?  It's easy today and yet a couple of days ago it didn't seem so.  Now I step forward and remember who I am so that they have space to consider that I still move forward while they do 'the dance.'  I've always said that I'm a singer not a dancer.  Oh I have a few good moves and I am clear, they are mine to engage with when I want to move for myself.  I don't do the two step very well. 

 

There's a calmness in me tonight that I haven't felt for a while.  It's not that it wasn't there or hasn't been there rather I need a little holodeck shaking to remember the calmness which is mine.  It resided deep within the core of my being.

 

I could be called an intensity 'junky' and maybe I am.  Why would intensity call to me?  Well, it's simply who I am.  Intense and calm to co-exist in my life quite nicely. 

 

I can have all kind of information in flow in my body and yet have the calmness.  Yesterday however such was not the case.  A good friend of mine reminded me that I have encouraging, supportive friends on their way to me right now as I speak.  I create a holodeck with the most magnificent women. 

 

there were days when I didn't feel so blessed.  Things have changed now and I saw to it myself.  How can I blame another for my creation.  If I'm willing to accept it when it shiny and glows bright, I need to allow myself to claim it when it's dull and seems unnoticeable.  After-all once I embrace it I know it will glow again.  That's the magnificence of it all, isn't it?

 

I write tonight aware that I'm not sure what I wrote two minutes ago.  I am in this moment and the last breath is the past and the next will be as well.

 

We do indeed create what we need.  I smile as I picked up three other children today along with my daughter at the bus stop.  Heavy snow was not planned for and yet in all honesty, it was magnificent.  Meagan seems shy to others and yet I sense (hmmm...is this about me or her????  ya, ya...it's about me and her) that she wants so much to engage with others yet hasn't found her voice yet.  So every morning four children wait at that bus stop and don't speak to each other...until today.

 

Forty minutes after she left  the house I heard someone at the door.  The bus still hadn't arrived.  A quick call tells me that it could be another hour.  She comes in and leaves just as fast.  Right now I'm smiling because she created all this.  I pulled on some clothes quickly and drove down around the corner and picked them all up.  They giggled and laughed like they had been friends for years.  A grade 7-8-9 and 11 student all having a great chat.  Now Monday will come and they will have established something meaningful between themselves.

 

My view of the world is expansive and there's no denying that.  Now I also know that my daughter may see the same way.  I say 'may' because I'm not her.  She is amazing though she may not fully realize it just yet.

 

Well, good night my friends and thanks for being here.  It's nice to know that we're not alone isn't it?

 

Hugs to all of you magnificent women,

 

Amy

 

 

 

 

"Only she who engages the absurd, can manifest the outrageous!"

 

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