choices
4 views
Skip to first unread message
sarah
Jul 5, 2011, 7:12:08 PM7/5/11
to WomenGathering
I am a couple days away from signing papers at a new organization and
a couple days from giving my two weeks notice at my current job. I
have been choosing to honor myself and create space in this process.
The other day I sat with louises guided meditation cd in my car on my
lunch break and breathed. A complete calm came over me. This time
around I am driving my experiences. The magnitude of the reflections
I have experienced in my expereince of others and what was called up
inside of me in the last year have been powerful for me. I now stand
in a place where I recognize the stradegies I carry that were creating
movement in me while engaging with others who appeared to have the
same. Whether they do or not doesn't change my experience, what does
is being able to stay grounded while stuff moves in me so that I can
choose differently in what I am experiencing so new reflections
emerge. This process used to feel condeming. On myself. Was so hard on
myself. I just didn't realize how to get it easier. How to get past
that hump. But somehow I managed. I am not fleeing this current
position becuase I can't survive and yet I have no desire or need to
prove I can survive in it. I am choosing to leave it becuase it holds
nothing for me anymore. Its not meaningful and its not fun. I have
learnt so much in it and I am ready to move on to something new and
fresh. I can always change my mind later or move again to something
else. The beauty of my career is that the possibilites are endless.
Something that I found very interesting on this journey is how
powerful habit is. How easy it is to fall into old habits. When it
feels like others are hostile and in a parent child model of control
its so easy to feel like your backed into a corner trying to defend
yourself. The choice of not engaging it like that just kind of started
emerging after I had had enough and stopped caring and stopped trying.
Knowing full well everything is perfect as is, something I can't deny
no matter how hard I have tried and resisted, I know what I know.
Moving through it to create something different is not always easy.
When I look back at the challenges and experiences I have had in this
I am amazed. I have had rich experiences both "good and bad" where I
have become so much more. When I stopped trying I started feeling
more. Which at first was overwhelming to say the least given the state
of what I was experiencing around me with the pressures of it all and
demands that often felt way beyond what I could give. I know that some
models of persceptions believe this is how you motivate as I have
carried this stradegy with me as part of my "work ethic and driving
force" yet really when I look at it now its almost silly and
unnesseccary. I accomplish so much more when stop trying so hard. So
anyways. I am really grateful for the experiences I have had with
everyone involved and now I am ready to experience something a bit
different. From there who knows. and for the first time I am totally
at peace with that. Its been amazing being part of peoples lives in
their homes and I have seen some great stuff and had some great
conversations. Had some great tears of sadness and joy on my travels.
I have felt fear, uncertaintly,and complete presence in moments as
well. I have felt so alive in my job. Choosing now has never felt as
good. It really never was about the right job, or the right people,
its just a journey. Mine has taken me to where I am right now. I care
becuase I don't care...I care differently now. I know that new
reflections of me await on my paths and I also know that choosing how
I engage and in what I engage makes all the difference. So cheers to
new. Feels good to be writing again. This body of knowledge has never
failed me...its always lead me to more and that I am grateful for.
a couple days from giving my two weeks notice at my current job. I
have been choosing to honor myself and create space in this process.
The other day I sat with louises guided meditation cd in my car on my
lunch break and breathed. A complete calm came over me. This time
around I am driving my experiences. The magnitude of the reflections
I have experienced in my expereince of others and what was called up
inside of me in the last year have been powerful for me. I now stand
in a place where I recognize the stradegies I carry that were creating
movement in me while engaging with others who appeared to have the
same. Whether they do or not doesn't change my experience, what does
is being able to stay grounded while stuff moves in me so that I can
choose differently in what I am experiencing so new reflections
emerge. This process used to feel condeming. On myself. Was so hard on
myself. I just didn't realize how to get it easier. How to get past
that hump. But somehow I managed. I am not fleeing this current
position becuase I can't survive and yet I have no desire or need to
prove I can survive in it. I am choosing to leave it becuase it holds
nothing for me anymore. Its not meaningful and its not fun. I have
learnt so much in it and I am ready to move on to something new and
fresh. I can always change my mind later or move again to something
else. The beauty of my career is that the possibilites are endless.
Something that I found very interesting on this journey is how
powerful habit is. How easy it is to fall into old habits. When it
feels like others are hostile and in a parent child model of control
its so easy to feel like your backed into a corner trying to defend
yourself. The choice of not engaging it like that just kind of started
emerging after I had had enough and stopped caring and stopped trying.
Knowing full well everything is perfect as is, something I can't deny
no matter how hard I have tried and resisted, I know what I know.
Moving through it to create something different is not always easy.
When I look back at the challenges and experiences I have had in this
I am amazed. I have had rich experiences both "good and bad" where I
have become so much more. When I stopped trying I started feeling
more. Which at first was overwhelming to say the least given the state
of what I was experiencing around me with the pressures of it all and
demands that often felt way beyond what I could give. I know that some
models of persceptions believe this is how you motivate as I have
carried this stradegy with me as part of my "work ethic and driving
force" yet really when I look at it now its almost silly and
unnesseccary. I accomplish so much more when stop trying so hard. So
anyways. I am really grateful for the experiences I have had with
everyone involved and now I am ready to experience something a bit
different. From there who knows. and for the first time I am totally
at peace with that. Its been amazing being part of peoples lives in
their homes and I have seen some great stuff and had some great
conversations. Had some great tears of sadness and joy on my travels.
I have felt fear, uncertaintly,and complete presence in moments as
well. I have felt so alive in my job. Choosing now has never felt as
good. It really never was about the right job, or the right people,
its just a journey. Mine has taken me to where I am right now. I care
becuase I don't care...I care differently now. I know that new
reflections of me await on my paths and I also know that choosing how
I engage and in what I engage makes all the difference. So cheers to
new. Feels good to be writing again. This body of knowledge has never
failed me...its always lead me to more and that I am grateful for.
Sheila Winter Wallace
Jul 5, 2011, 7:51:38 PM7/5/11
to womenga...@googlegroups.com
Hi Sarah,
I so relate to your words, I care because I don't care...I care differently now. I know that, too, as my truth. I am discovering that my indifference is what fuels my willingness and ability to care. Life is so much easier this way. And I agree with you, when you say, This body of knowledge has never failed me...its always lead me to more and that I am grateful for. Thanks for sharing, Sarah. I am so moved by your willingness to simply Be yourSelf and to speak the truth of your experience.
Sheila.
--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "WomenGathering" group.
To post to this group, send email to womenga...@googlegroups.com.
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to womengatherin...@googlegroups.com.
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/womengathering?hl=en.
Sheila
Going Beyond Solving a Problem to Transforming a Life in Trusting the Body to Lead
Sheila Winter Wallace
WEL-Systems® Affiliate
CODE Model Coach™ & WEL-Systems® Master Facilitator
BodyGateways
Naomi Irons
Jul 5, 2011, 8:23:35 PM7/5/11
to womenga...@googlegroups.com
I am not fleeing this current position becuase I can't survive and yet I have no desire or need to prove I can survive in it.
Brilliant Sara! This really speaks to me of the power and impact of choosing mySelf in a new paradigm. As I read your words I am deeply inspired...this is the world I want for my children!
What a great day of being reminded of the simplicity in choosing a life of meaning...breath by breath! Thanks to ALL!
Naomi Irons
'Conversations from Within'
'Conversations from Within'
Specializing in unique programs and coaching sessions to awaken women and birth a new paradigm... one woman at a time.
CODE Model Coach™
WEL-Systems® Program Facilitator
Certified Doula
Registered Massage Therapist
Website: www.naomiirons.com
Facebook Page: Conversations from Within
Phone: 902-759-8089
Email: conversatio...@gmail.com
WEL-Systems® Radio Show
DeAnn Sheppard
Jul 6, 2011, 9:50:44 AM7/6/11
to womenga...@googlegroups.com
Dear Sarah,
I have been a member of this group since it's inception and I have
never felt compelled to write. I read your words this morning and
something in me has shifted. As I read your words they could have been
mine. I am going through a very similar transition and choice points.
Thank you for chosing to share your truth as it has helped me honour
my one.
De-Ann
I have been a member of this group since it's inception and I have
never felt compelled to write. I read your words this morning and
something in me has shifted. As I read your words they could have been
mine. I am going through a very similar transition and choice points.
Thank you for chosing to share your truth as it has helped me honour
my one.
De-Ann
> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "WomenGathering" group.
> To post to this group, send email to womenga...@googlegroups.com.
> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to womengatherin...@googlegroups.com.
> For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/womengathering?hl=en.
>
>
--
De-Ann Sheppard
"A congruent person can afford to empower others"
313 Prince Edward County # 28
RR#7, Belleville, ON, K8N 4Z7
613-661-5256
Jean Winter
Jul 8, 2011, 5:21:29 PM7/8/11
to womenga...@googlegroups.com
Dear Sarah
Your words remind me that we all know so much more
than we think we do. When I
stopped trying I started feeling more. When I don't get caught up in
the product and trying to produce more or better [whatever that really means]
then I learn more, enjoy more, see more, hear more, laugh more. Thank you
for sharing yourSelf.
Jean
Reply all
Reply to author
Forward
0 new messages