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Describe Your Sex Drive
Your interest in sex is connected to many parts of your life. Have you taken the time to think about how your own history and your current life have influenced your interest in sex? One way to explore this for yourself is to write out your sexual history. This may not be something you share with your partner, but having a better understanding of your sexual desire can help you take responsibility when talking with a partner.
When Talking Won’t Do, Write a Letter
Don’t worry about floral language or grammar. Writing down what you want to talk about is a great step to clarify your issues for yourself and practice the way you might communicate it to your partner. Some people actually write their partner a letter, and end up giving it to them at a later point. Letter writing can be a powerful way to communicate your thoughts and feelings, and if done along with talking it can increase intimacy in a relationship in surprising ways.
Compare Notes with Your Partner
Have a conversation about what sex means to each of you. Don’t make this conversation about the current problems you have with your sex life. Instead start by keeping it broad, with the goal being that you each get to understand the role sex has played in each others lives before and during your relationship. Before you have this conversation, look over this sexual communication tip that emphasizes the importance of listening and reflecting back what your partner is saying. The goal of this conversation is just to eliminate problems of miscommunication and mistaken assumptions.
Do You Have a Goal?
One reason conversations about sex may get stymied is that you don’t have a goal in mind. Your goal might be specific or general. It might be that you want to know yourselves or each other better. It might be that that you want to find a way to stay together and both of you be happy. It might be that want to figure out if the relationship is worth saving. Maybe you have more than one. You can also change your goals. This tip isn’t one that will work for everyone, but for some people having a goal to work toward can help keep them on track.
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If you’re too busy to date or have an itch that needs to get scratched (tonight!), some good old fashioned casual sex might be just what you need! There are a couple of ways you could go about this: you could head out to a bar or pub and hope you meet someone, or you could go online and look for someone who is interested in becoming sex buddies or “friends with benefits” (FWB). Sex buddies, or “fuck buddies” as they are more commonly known, are perfect for people who are looking to have sex on a regular basis without the commitment of a relationship or the hassle of seeking out one-night stands. For those of you who are excited by the prospect of f-buddy sex, here are a few things you should know.
1. It’s convenient – Too busy to go through the process of dating, in hopes that you might at some point get laid? Hate going to bars in search of casual sex that may or may not happen? A casual f- buddy arrangement is perfect for you. When you enter into this kind of casual arrangement with someone you get to have regular sex without the pressure of a relationship – and if you’re lucky you get a side of friendship with someone you may not have connected with otherwise. It’s fun, it’s easy and you both get what you want. What could be better?!
Read this: What Younger Guys Can Expect When They Hook Up with Older Guys
2. Don’t develop feelings –
F-buddy relationships are completely based around convenience. Your buddy is looking for some hot sex and that’s it. Because of this, you need to be emotionally and mentally prepared before you enter into this kind of casual arrangement. If you’re the kind of person who easily develops feelings for the people you sleep with, having a f-buddy might not be for you. Keep in mind that the relationship is one based on sex first, friendship second. Also know that the relationship might end when the sex ends or one of you decides to move on. If you’re prepared for this from the get-go you can relax, lean in and enjoy the ride!
Read this: Blow Job Tips and More From The Author of The Bad Girl's Bible
3. Be honest and respect the person you’re sleeping with –Just because you’re in a casual arrangement doesn’t mean you shouldn’t treat the person your sexy times friend with respect. Always be polite, be discrete, communicate, and respect each other’s boundaries and feelings. If you want to change the status of your relationship – ie. you decide to move on or you’ve started sleeping with other people, be honest. The person you’re sleeping with deserves to know where you stand.
4. Don’t assume that you’re the only one – Just because someone is in a casual relationship with you doesn’t mean they don’t have other “buddies” or aren’t seeking out casual sex elsewhere. Because of this it is extremely important that you practice safe sex and use condoms at all times. It doesn’t matter how hot the sex is, or whether you “trust them” – no lay is worth sacrificing your life or future health over. Be safe!
Read this: Vaginas 101: How Much Do You Know?
5. Put yourself first – Never forget that the most important thing in the casual sex equation is YOU…your needs, desires and feelings. Never stop being selfish. If sleeping with someone isn’t working out, don’t be afraid to let them down easy and walk away. Remember, casual relationships are meant to be fun. If you’re not having fun, you’re doing it wrong.
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