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Describe Your Sex Drive
Your interest in sex is connected to many parts of your life. Have you taken the time to think about how your own history and your current life have influenced your interest in sex? One way to explore this for yourself is to write out your sexual history. This may not be something you share with your partner, but having a better understanding of your sexual desire can help you take responsibility when talking with a partner.
When Talking Won’t Do, Write a Letter
Don’t worry about floral language or grammar. Writing down what you want to talk about is a great step to clarify your issues for yourself and practice the way you might communicate it to your partner. Some people actually write their partner a letter, and end up giving it to them at a later point. Letter writing can be a powerful way to communicate your thoughts and feelings, and if done along with talking it can increase intimacy in a relationship in surprising ways.
Compare Notes with Your Partner
Have a conversation about what sex means to each of you. Don’t make this conversation about the current problems you have with your sex life. Instead start by keeping it broad, with the goal being that you each get to understand the role sex has played in each others lives before and during your relationship. Before you have this conversation, look over this sexual communication tip that emphasizes the importance of listening and reflecting back what your partner is saying. The goal of this conversation is just to eliminate problems of miscommunication and mistaken assumptions.
Do You Have a Goal?
One reason conversations about sex may get stymied is that you don’t have a goal in mind. Your goal might be specific or general. It might be that you want to know yourselves or each other better. It might be that that you want to find a way to stay together and both of you be happy. It might be that want to figure out if the relationship is worth saving. Maybe you have more than one. You can also change your goals. This tip isn’t one that will work for everyone, but for some people having a goal to work toward can help keep them on track.
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