Wanda Miller Telethon: We Must Find a Cure
Phillip Dampier
our community. For years, the hard working and respected journalist and
news anchor Wanda Miller has served the needs of Rochester. Miller has
appeared at one time or another on several local stations, served as a
volunteer for several non-profit community organizations, and prevented the
loss of hundreds of pets by featuring them on local newscasts, ready for
adoption.
Recently, however, a downward spiral of events has caused a local tragedy in
Miller's career and standing. Starting with her stint of public relations
work from an office in run down Key Lox office park (conveniently located
next to Get In, Get Out Speed 'n Crack House 24), to a sorrowful series of
backfiring publicity stunts, Miller has now reached a stage in her life when
an emergency intervention has become patently clear.
Looks of shock, anger, hurt, and disgust were commonly reported among tens
of thousands of local viewers when witnessing Miller's appearance in recent
advertisements for Irondequoit Dodge. What was once a paragon of steady,
sober news delivery and uncompromising professionalism has now fallen, in
Michael Jackson proportions, to an incredibly shameful and embarrassing
performance as a frenetic news reporter for fictional "Channel 2 News." Her
smile and bemusement clearly masks the pain in her eyes as she looks at the
camera.
Viewers can sense the discomfort of Ms. Miller, imagining her personal agony
of ever having to meet former colleagues Don Alhart, Ginny Ryan, the
Anchor-of-the-Moment-in-a-Desperate-Attempt-to-get-Anyone-to-Watch-Our-News
on WROC, and even former cohort Kevin Williams again.
Rochester, being a caring community, cannot stand for this any longer. We
must help. Therefore, coming December 21st, the 1st Annual Wanda Miller
Telethon. The goal of the fundraising campaign is to get Miller sufficient
income to permit her to bow out of clown-like television advertising. This
is being done not only for her, but also for the good of this community to
spare us from ever having to witness these types of advertisements again.
A cure for the travesty of a fading career is just around the corner, but
only with your help. Please give generously.
Lee Drake
"Phillip Dampier" <dam...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Rj%Cb.12020$JW3....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> Rochester, being a caring community, cannot stand for this any longer. We
> must help. Therefore, coming December 21st, the 1st Annual Wanda Miller
> Telethon. The goal of the fundraising campaign is to get Miller
sufficient
> income to permit her to bow out of clown-like television advertising.
This
> is being done not only for her, but also for the good of this community to
> spare us from ever having to witness these types of advertisements again.
>
> A cure for the travesty of a fading career is just around the corner, but
> only with your help. Please give generously.
>
Don't give her money - she'll run for public office like Maggie Brooks, and
then where will we be?
Lee
John Passaniti
"Phillip Dampier" <dam...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Rj%Cb.12020$JW3....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> in run down Key Lox office park (conveniently located next to
Hey, I used to work there and loved that building. I did see Wanda's name
on the office directory in the parking lot, but I never actually found out
where her office was. Chances are it was in the space the company I worked
for took over-- potentially the same space that was at one time occupied by
a "foot reflexologist" who featured something called "Martian biography
theatre."
> Rochester, being a caring community, cannot stand for this any longer.
> We must help. Therefore, coming December 21st, the 1st Annual
> Wanda Miller Telethon. The goal of the fundraising campaign is to
> get Miller sufficient income to permit her to bow out of clown-like
> television advertising. This is being done not only for her, but also
> for the good of this community to spare us from ever having to
> witness these types of advertisements again.
Phil and I don't watch a lot of live television-- what we see is usually on
tape or the intensely crappy Explorer 8000 from Time Warner. And so while
apparently Wanda has been doing these commercials for a while, we never saw
them. Then, a friend of ours told us about these commercials. We gladly
accepted the possibility that Wanda could be doing commercials for
Irondequoit Dodge. But we never imagined they could be so... awful,
shameful, embarrassing, painful-- you pick the adjective.
As the commercial faded out, all I could say is, "Wanda, Wanda, Wanda... if
you needed money, you could have just asked, and we would have given it to
you. You didn't have to do that to yourself."
Of course, this isn't the first time "the boys" from Irondequoit Dodge have
managed to take someone with a reputation and convert them into a stooopid
stereotype. Remember that Jewish actress from NYC that played their Italian
mother? You knew she was Italian because she added an extra vowel sound to
the end of every other word. (I have some relatives who came to Rochester a
few years ago who are actually originally from Italy, and when they saw the
Irondequoit Dodge commercials, they just looked at each other, completely
mystified by the experience. "Why is that woman pretending to be Italian?"
and "I don't understand why someone would do that" and "do people buy cars
because of this?" were the questions they asked, and unfortunately, we had
no answers.)
Phil's idea for a telethon to help Wanda Miller not have to do any more of
those commercials is in a sense treating the symptom and not the problem.
The problem is of course "the boys" from Irondequoit Dodge (or more
accurately, whoever came up with these commercials). The solution?
I think this town needs an annual "anti-award" ceremony. Each year, we rent
some space (say the convention center), and make it a formal event. Men in
impeccably pressed tuxedos and women in gowns and pearls arrive by limo, all
to see awards handed out for the worst in Rochester. All very chi-chi and
elegant of course.
"And in our next category, worst television commercials. The nominees are
Wanda Miller's series of fakecasts for Irondequoit Dodge, any of the atonal
jingles for Fox's Deli, and Time Warner's embarrassing anti-satellite
television ads. Let's roll some samples."
If it became popular, it might even be an attraction for visitors on the
ferry.
T. D.
> > in run down Key Lox office park (conveniently located next to
> > Get In, Get Out Speed 'n Crack House 24), [...]
Hay! I STILL work in that building, and I have only had one car stolen.
(unfortunately I am not kidding).
I think radio ads could be included in the local Anti Awards. I would like
to nominate the following:
For Jewelry:
Jerrod's. The jingle starts with a woman making a noise similar to a cat
with his tail caught in a fan belt. The cheese continues with the terrible
"synth sax".
Honorable Mention: Beth Adams, with a voice that makes you think she just
had a nice big glass of whole milk, singing a Burke and Banyon jingle.
Auto Dealers:
"...they've gone way above and beyond my great expectations, it's Bob
Johnson Chevrolet." Well, at least they don't make a rhyme using "everyday"
with "every way".
The blow your own horn award:
"WHAM News. We give it to you straight." Yeah, ok, is that during breaks
from the Savage or Limbaugh show? At least WHAM prepares you for what to
expect - they proceed their 5 o'clock news hour with a jumble of un-related
sound clips from the days headlines. My brain automatically tries to put
the sentences together and I end up with 2 wheels on the rumble strip.
"John Passaniti" <nn...@JapanIsShinto.com> wrote in message
news:VNaDb.14677$JW3....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
Phillip Dampier
"T. D." <zeppo19...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:XjoDb.15414$UY6....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
> > > [...] Starting with her stint of public relations work from an office
> > > in run down Key Lox office park (conveniently located next to
> > > Get In, Get Out Speed 'n Crack House 24), [...]
>
> Hay! I STILL work in that building, and I have only had one car stolen.
> (unfortunately I am not kidding).
That's okay. I had rocks thrown at the car while picking John up one day.
The comments from the throwers seemed to reflect disconcertment over
"cracker being in the hood."
That and the meth lab three doors up that blew up while I was waiting for
John another day. Within moments, I was surrounded by thick black smoke,
whilst dialing 911 to report the ignunce.
Les Wilson
> I think radio ads could be included in the local Anti Awards. I would
like
> to nominate the following:
Throw local TV into the mix...
Which TV station has the most painstakingly detailed minute by minute, block
by block current weather forecast. I mean if you want to know what the
weather is like at your house - look out the damn window! Sub-awards can go
to the longest weather forecast per newscast, the most powerful weather
radar, most annoying weathercaster (my vote goes to WOKR's Glenn Johnson and
his awful accent).
The most over-the-top gravel-voiced sportscaster (i.e., John DiTullio).
Etc...
-bithead-
No, that's just John. He's not laying it on, that's him.
Thing is, he actually KNOWS something abuot sports... Football
particularly. Some might consider that an advantage. (Shrug)
