[Will's semi-regular rant] Top 10 things to do with my vegetative body

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Will OConnor

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Apr 11, 2005, 9:02:27 AM4/11/05

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If I should ever wind up in a vegetative state, I would like a minimum of 5 of the following 10 activities to take place before you pull the plug on me.
Hopefully one of these will jolt my brain back into action. If not, at least you tried. Don't starve me though, I'd prefer a lethal injection.

(In no particular order)

1. Take me on a roller coaster ride. Please strap me in real good since I won't be able to brace myself.
2. Toss me out of an airplane. Well, strapped to the back of a tandem instructor, anyway. Someone's gotta pull the ripcord. Unless they have a parachute that opens at the required altitude, then you can kick me out of the plane solo.
3. Get me a ride-along in a 2-seater Indy car. I think they have one at the Las Vegas speedway.
4. While in Las Vegas, prop me up in front of a slot machine. I'll bet nobody notices the unresponsive zombie until I start drooling on the machine. If I happen to get a jackpot, you can keep the winnings.
5. Another ride along : In a stunt bi-plane. They have one here at the Addison Airport. I want to do a barrel roll and a loop. Please don't kick me out of this plane, they don't fly high enough to use a parachute. Alternate mission: Land me on an aircraft carrier with "Mission Accomplished" banner.
6. I want to see all 6 episodes of Star Wars in a row at a nice movie theater. At least I won't have to worry about my butt getting sore from sitting so long, I won't be able to feel it.
7. Wheel me up to the top of the Empire State building. I didn't make it there on my trip to NYC.
8. I'd like to watch the Monaco Grand Prix from a yacht in the harbor.
9. If space travel is feasible at the time, send me up in a sub orbital Virgin Intergalactic flight. Or to the moon and back.
10. Use me as a prop in a haunted house. Or as a scarecrow. Just don't let me get sunburned or let birds poke my eyes out.