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(Note: On February 22nd, 2017, the redditors who originally came up with this historical what if contacted me asking if I could update this post to reflect their authorship of the points above. Of course I am happy to do so. Thank you Zach Ehrlich and Luke Conley for creating this fun writing prompt.)
18) Ulysses S. Grant. A career soldier and a mean drunk. Ruthless. Comfortable with blood on his hands. Formidable physically. I think Grant is going to do very well. Top 10 certainly, and maybe he battles with Polk and Taylor for Top 5 outside the Holy Trinity?
25) William McKinley. The man is famous for sitting on his porch and letting the party machine do the heavy lifting. A calm head and broad shoulders might see him through the early fracas, but I think he lacks the fire in the belly required to make his mark. Dead in the first half.
28) Woodrow Wilson. A brilliant mind and a delicate physique. Dead very early. If Teddy Roosevelt in his prime knew that Wilson would be president after him, I suspect Wilson would be a hunted man early in the fight.
34) Dwight D. Eisenhower has a solid military background, and in his prime he should have been a force to be reckoned with. That said, his penchant for negotiation and seeking consensus is going to infuriate Andrew Jackson. When that mad man comes after Ike without anyone to pull them apart it will be a duel worthy of a 14-part 20-second-in-real-time anime epic.
38) Gerald Ford was another big guy, but I suspect he had too soft a heart for a knife fight. He would defend himself, certainly, but would he hunt down the weak and give them the old cold steel? At some point the hesitation would catch up with him.
39) Jimmy Carter and a knife fight is a comical thought to me. Among the first dead would be my suspicion, but I have since been told during his time in the navy he walked into a partially melted down nuclear reactor for 90 seconds to fix a problem only he could solve. He had to poop in a bag for the next year while doctors monitored his radiation levels. Who really knows what Jimmy Carter is capable of?
Heres how it would play out: bloody and fatigued, Abe and Jackson team up on Teddy , knowing that he has the most skill with a blade. Abe strikes Teddy down because of his reach and Jackson stabs Abe in the back because hes that malicious. Then for good measure, Jackson walks around the entire area to check for anyone else living. Then tricky Dick pulls out a pistol after playing dead and shoots Jackson.
You need to re-read the rules. The contest is based on their best level of fitness during their presidency. I liked Ford but he fell down the steps of Air Force One a couple of times. That would have taken the fight right out of him.
Therefore my selection for the finial 3 would be from the younger constants. This fight is going to include a lot of running around just to get to an opponent. I think the last group standing will include Grant, Jackson, Lincoln, T Roosevelt, Truman, Carter, Clinton, Bush 2nd, and Obama.
Out of this group I think that it is fairly even up with the odds going to Grant, Jackson, T. Roosevelt. Depends on who can throw a knife and has picked up a spare knife or two and possibly some extra clothing to be used as armor.
James Monroe was badly wounded (an artery severed in an upper arm) at Trenton (the morning of Dec 25th, 1776) and would surely have bled to death except for the fortuitous presence of a surgeon, who took immediate action to stop the bleeding. But the six-foot Monroe, was wounded by a Hessian bullet, not a sword.
You underestimate the competitiveness of Jimmy Carter. Highly athletic & can throw a mean fastball (sic., knife). I say, in his prime, he would have made it past the early melee, but succumb prior to the top ten.
Polk was the hardest working, most intensively involved President who ever occupied the White House, literally sacrificing his sleep, nutrition and health during his single term in office. The guy would have been too busy to pick a knife if forced into this fight.
George Bush was a cheerleader in college that would take some agility. However I think he spent most of his time in college and in National Guard partying hardy. Both he and his father were pilots but not sure about knife fighting. My bet would be on Barbara Bush coming in and taking over.
Lincoln was know to be quite a scrapper. The man was pleasant and had a great sense of humor, but also had a really hot temper, and was quick to got fist-o-cuffs with rowdy rivals. I think Lincoln is very well placed at number 2 on the list, just behind Teddy.
See that was my thought as well (re: Bush elder and younger). In his prime W would be younger W, who was rebellious and drunk half the time, no? Elder Bush would just as soon cut the boy to teach him a lesson as team up with him in my mind.
If they were able to call in reinforcements JFK would win for sure. He did make the Green Berets (10th SFG) an official group in the Army and we would back him up! Also you listed the incorrect knife that is given at the end of the Q-Course..we were given the Yarborough knife not the gerber, similar knife but not the same.
you make some great points. I have long suspected, though, that Andrew Jackson could not be killed by mortals. The man took a bullet essentially to the heart without hitting the ground, and then stood back up and killed his opponent. If this is true, not even Lincoln could stop him, unless he found a way to give him phlebitis or whatever during the contest.
In a mass melee like this temperament counts a little more than physical attributes. The victor is going to be the person who managed to stay out of it the longest. He will still need a good physique and reach, but watching and waiting is key.
This is why I am pro Obama in the fight and anti-Teddy. I think Teddy rushes right into the thick of the battle. He is just too macho to live in this situation. Also, there is a great chance he loses his glasses and is in a world of hurt. Now maybe he has his going off to war with ten spare sets of glasses clothes on, and that gives him some hope, but odds are he is blinded just long enough.
Reagan never, never, never claimed any personal combat experience. That is a myth created by the press. I think it started when he once described an historical event and a reporter, noting a similarity to a movie, but not realizing the movie was based on fact, claimed he had confused fact with fiction. From there the story grew to claims that Reagan claimed his movie exploits were actual combat experiences. In actuality, he never made any such claim.
I would suggest that while your analysis of the physical and mental attributes the different presidents is well thought out, the shape of the arena is perhaps not taken into account sufficiently, i.e. in an oval, one cannot be cornered. For instance, I can easily picture one of our more squirrely presidents like George W. running a real scrapper like Teddy Roosevelt ragged in his efforts to avoid actual combat.
Ford, a great center while at Michigan (O-linemen are all scrappers, it gets nasty in the trnches) would block for (he pardoned him) Nixon, who would meticulously strike out at guys clenched with Ford. Obama would lose early and fast with little fight, he is a coward through and through and has no natural allies. Kennedy and Nixon were actually friends. If anyone is going after Kenneday early it is Johnson. Carter may have been a Navy grad, but he was a nuclear physicist through and through and would not even fight, he is one of the first to die.
Teddy was weak and asthmatic as a child and overcame that through sheer willpower. He worked out hard to develop his physique and became a very good boxer. One time when he was out west a rough, tough cowboy thought he was just an eastern dude and began making fun of him. Teddy dropped him easily.
While I have as much respect for Jackson as anybody, by the time he became president the hard years of frontier fighting were catching up to him. He was pretty crippled in both knees. I understand he could barely walk. I may be wrong, maybe he was in better condition when he was first elected, but I fear viciousness and cunning would only take him so far.
William Henry Harrison? The victorious general at Tippecanoe and the Thames? The guy who ran on the Log Cabin and Hard Cider platform? The fact that he died of pneumonia after a long military and political career hardly makes him a weakling.
36: Lyndon Johnson had a heart attack in 1955 that almost killed him and he lived in constant fear of coronary death while maintaining a 3 pack-a-day jones. The heart attack came 8 years before he became president and has to be considered.
Reagan did server in the military. He was a Captain and made documentaries and films for the military training program. He was too young for WWI and too old (by their standards) for WWII. But he did serve, just not in combat.
Reagan was a captain in the army during WWII. Kept out of combat by his poor eyesight, (also a factor here) they put him where he could do the most good, in Hollywood making training and propaganda films. Perfectly honorable service.
Imagine TR and FDR teaming up. Teddy riding on the back of the wheel chair, the two of them slashing about with their knives, and Teddy letting out blood curdling warhoops as they ride into battle. It would be glorious!
I think it would be more interesting to see what would happen if all of them knew who each other was adn what they did durring their presidencies. I think that would make for some interesting alliances. For example, how long do you think that FDR would last against the furry of Washington and the rest of the founding fathers? I suspect Wilson, Carter and Obama would be quickly hunted down by this group.
Someone might have told you this already, but the graduates of the Special Forces Q course are not given a Gerber Larsen/Harsey/Reeves knife. They are given a Harsey/Reeves Yarborough. If you follow your own Wiki link you will see this to be true. Contact Mr Harsey or any SF grad and they will verify this for you.
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