WJJ on hiatus indefinitely

[Westchester Jazz Jam]

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In This Newsletter
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- Westchester Jazz Jam in repose indefinitely
- Joke of the Week


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WJJ on hiatus
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We will not be starting on December 2nd at Mediterranean Taverna

We may or may not decide look for a new venue

We will certainly let you know when or if we resume somewhere else

We wish you many blessings for the holidays and for 2010

We thank you for all the support and we look forward to keeping in
touch



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Joke of the Week
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Definitions:

string quartet: a good violinist, a bad violinist, an ex-violinist,
and someone who hates violinists, all getting together to complain
about composers.

detaché: an indication that the trombones are to play with their
slides removed.

glissando: a technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.

subito piano: indicates an opportunity for some obscure orchestra
player to become a soloist.

risoluto: indicates to orchestras that they are to stubbornly maintain
the correct tempo no matter what the conductor tries to do.

senza sordino: a term used to remind the player that he forgot to put
his mute on a few measures back.

preparatory beat: a threat made to singers, i.e., sing, or else....

crescendo: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too
loudly.

conductor: a musician who is adept at following many people at the
same time.

clef: something to jump from before the viola solo.

transposition: the act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of
music that is too low for the basses to a point where it is too high
for the sopranos.

vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong
pitch.

half step: the pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.

coloratura soprano: a singer who has great trouble finding the proper
note, but who has a wild time hunting for it.

chromatic scale: an instrument for weighing that indicates half-
pounds.

bar line: a gathering of people, usually among which may be found a
musician or two.

ad libitum: a premiere.

beat: what music students do to each other with their instruments. The
down beat is performed on top of the head, while the up beat is struck
under the chin.

cadence: when everybody hopes you're going to stop, but you don't.

diatonic: low-calorie Schweppes.

lamentoso: with handkerchiefs.

virtuoso: a musician with very high morals. (I know one)

music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the
composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by
the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the audience.

oboe: an ill wind that nobody blows good.

tenor: two hours before a nooner.

diminished fifth: an empty bottle of Jack Daniels.

perfect fifth: a full bottle of Jack Daniels.

ritard: there's one in every family.

relative major: an uncle in the Marine Corps.

relative minor: a girlfriend.

big band: when the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players.

pianissimo: "refill this beer bottle".

repeat: what you do until they just expel you.

treble: women ain't nothin' but.

bass: the things you run around in softball.

portamento: a foreign country you've always wanted to see.

conductor: the man who punches your ticket to Birmingham.

arpeggio: "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"

tempo: good choice for a used car.

A 440: the highway that runs around Nashville.

transpositions:
1.men who wear dresses.
2.An advanced recorder technique where you change from alto to soprano
fingering (or vice-versa) in the middle of a piece

cut time:
1.parole.
2.when everyone else is playing twice as fast as you are.

order of sharps: what a wimp gets at the bar.

passing tone: frequently heard near the baked beans at family
barbecues.

middle C: the only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are
low.

perfect pitch: the smooth coating on a freshly paved road.

tuba: a compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll
Cream!"

cadenza:
1.that ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when
company comes.
2.The heroine in Monteverdi's opera Frottola

whole note: what's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year.

clef: what you try never to fall off of.

bass clef: where you wind up if you do fall off.

altos: not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes" or "Dori-
toes".

minor third: your approximate age and grade at the completion of
formal schooling.

melodic minor: loretta Lynn's singing dad.

12-tone scale: the thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer
truck with.

quarter tone: what most standard pickups can haul.

sonata: what you get from a bad cold or hay fever.

clarinet: name used on your second daughter if you've already used
Betty Jo.

cello: the proper way to answer the phone.

bassoon:
1.typical response when asked what you hope to catch, and when.
2.a bedpost with a bad case of gas.

french horn: your wife says you smell like a cheap one when you come
in at 4 a.m.

The Musicians Copyright Notebook - © Industry Secrets Revealed !! -
Avoid Copyright forms being rejected that weren't filled out properly
- the "The Ultimate Musicians Do-It-Yourself Copyright Notebook" has
example forms already filled in by a copyright attorney. We show you
how to Copyright one song at a time or an entire compilation of many
songs for the same price as copyrighting just one. How To File Both
PA's and SR's On One Form For The Same Price As Just One - the example
forms already filled in can be used as a guide... everything you need
to copyright your songs - whether your music is written or
recorded ... ask your lawyer what it would cost to copyright just one
song...

cymbal: what they use on deer-crossing signs so you know what to sight-
in your pistol with.

bossa nova: the car your foreman drives.

time signature: what you need from your boss if you forget to clock
in.

first inversion: grandpa's battle group at Normandy.

staccato: how you did all the ceilings in your mobile home.

major scale: what you say after chasing wild game up a mountain:
"Damn! That was a major scale!"

aeolian mode: how you like Mama's cherry pie.

bach chorale: the place behind the barn where you keep the horses.

plague: a collective noun, as in "a plague of conductors."

audition: the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to satisfy
the sadistic intentions of someone who has already made up his mind.

accidentals: wronng notes.

augmented fifth: a 36-ounce bottle.

broken consort: when someone in the ensemble has to leave to go to the
bathroom.

cantus firmus: the part you get when you can play only four notes.

chansons de geste: dirty songs.

clausula: Mrs. Santa Claus.

ducita: a lot of mallards.

estampie: what they put on letters in Quebec.

hocket: the thing that fits into a crochet to produce a rackett.

interval: how long it takes to find the right note. There are three
kinds:
1.Major interval: a long time.
2.Minor interval: a few bars.
3.Inverted interval: when you have to go back a bar and try again.

intonation: singing through one's nose. Considered highly desirable in
the Middle Ages.

isorhythmic motet: when half of the ensemble got a different edition
from the other half.

minnesinger: a boy soprano.

musica ficta: when you lose your place and have to bluff until you
find it again.

trotto: an early Italian form of Montezuma's Revenge.

di lasso: popular with Italian cowboys.

supertonic: Schweppes.

metronome: a city-dwelling dwarf.

allegro: leg fertilizer.

transsectional: an alto who moves to the soprano section.