I don't just laugh at stupid conversions - I get hot under the collar : visibility as low as 100 metres (328.1 feet).
My father was fine with words - as would be expected from the chief reporter at the Great Yarmouth office of the Eastern Daily Press - but he was totally ignorant of any scientific matters. He once wrote to the effect "That it has been so cold that Hickling Broad froze from the bottom".
Another story he told me was that on one occasion, as a very junior reporter, he and a colleague went chasing an apparent fire to the northwest of Yarmouth. Unsurprisingly no luck : it was aurora.
Jack