Powerlessness

[Paul34]

Hello All,

My name is Paul and I am a new member to the group. I have been
pondering the idea of powerlessness. I have a great intellectual
understanding of the concept, but at times I have difficulty putting
it into practice when I need it. Can anyone give me suggestions about
how to make powerlessness real in one's life? There is also the
situation where I know I am powerless but decide F.. it and drink
anyway. Help?

[D Skomer]

Hi Paul,

I have struggled with the idea of powerlessness over the years, but found that it helps to think of one's powerlessness as situational, and not as all-pervasive. For shorthand, I say that I am powerless over "people, places, and things", because I AM powerless over what other people think, feel, believe, do, etc. And, there are forces in the world that I cannot control or manipulate. If I need a reminder, I visualize holding back an ocean wave. I also have to remind myself that I'm not in control of everyone and everything. If I decide to lay in bed all day, somehow the world manages without me! And, in spite of my best efforts, things don't always turn out the way I want them to.

What I cannot accept is the notion that I have no power, whatsoever. I have the power to get myself to a meeting. I have the power to call my sponsor, read something helpful, or start a variety of behaviors that will lead to a drink. I will not accept complete powerlessness, because this is a limiting belief that simply is NOT true. What is necessary is to honestly assess where we do have power and where we do not, then we need to get "into action" and acceptance.

Some days I find myself saying the Serenity Prayer quite often. It helps me to accurately access when I need to get busy and use the tools of the program and the strengths I possess, and when to "let go" and accept that I cannot control or change everything and everyone that I might want to. The "courage to change the things I can" and the "wisdom to know the difference" have continued to grow as I gain experience and insight in life.

I also work steps 1, 2, and 3 on many daily dilemmas. In thinking through a problem or situation, I first assess what power I do have if any (and sometimes it's power over my attitude and little else), then I remember that things can and do change with effort and time (and a little help from my friends), and finally, I make a decision. I decide what I'm going to do, then I try to do it. My decision may be good, or not so good...that will be revealed in time, but I do have to make a decision and get into action (or perhaps, just "let go" and sit still with the feelings and the truth that there isn't anything I can do this time...).

I certainly know the feeling of "F***-it, let's have a drink". That's part of the journey toward sobriety. I wish you well, and hope you will more often than not have the strength to make the decision to not pick up the first drink.

Debbie

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[Paul H.]

Debbie,

Thanks so much for getting back to me and in such a thoughtful way. I liked what you said:


"I also work steps 1, 2, and 3 on many daily dilemmas. In thinking through a problem or situation, I first assess what power I do have if any (and sometimes it's power over my attitude and little else), then I remember that things can and do change with effort and time (and a little help from my friends), and finally, I make a decision. I decide what I'm going to do, then I try to do it. My decision may be good, or not so good...that will be revealed in time, but I do have to make a decision and get into action (or perhaps, just "let go" and sit still with the feelings and the truth that there isn't anything I can do this time...)".

There is indeed so much I cannot control. Your suggesting to continuously assess what things I can control and which I can work with is a great suggestion. Situational assessment. Yes.

Then there is this:

"I certainly know the feeling of "F***-it, let's have a drink". That's part of the journey toward sobriety. I wish you well, and hope you will more often than not have the strength to make the decision to not pick up the first drink".

This is very liberating for me. You don't judge me and frame my issue as a path toward sobriety which I do believe I am on and making progress. Lots of "relapses" makes me feel I will never get there. I just get up to the critical moment and turn of the reminder pathway that says I am powerless. I then turn to the yeah but lets have a drink path. Paul

> Subject: Re: Powerlessness
> From: 4al...@cox.net
> Date: Thu, 19 Aug 2010 23:40:17 -0700
> To: weagn...@googlegroups.com