Re: Is this a feature Of Advanced Capitalism?: Some Thoughts

[Rinita Mazumdar]

Sabri,

Interesting comment; as you know from my classes that there is no such thing as an "arranged marriage", it depends on the kind of kinship structure, the relation to the mode of production and other cultural identities and ideologies.

Due to the force of bourgeois nationalism in India a very hegemonic concept of "arranged marriage" has developed with which I was brought up... again the play of ideology. This kind of ideology of arranged marriage was posed against "love marraige" basically to keep the power of the patriarchy alive.

Similarly there is no such thing as a "love marriage" in fact as you also know, Luce Irigary will tell you that heterosexual relationship within patriarchy is a dialogue of the phallus on the phallus about the vagina.

Even if we do not buy this extreme view, "love" is a difficult concept and a lot of it is determined via our self interest to subjugate the other (even in case of so called alternative sexualities, Hegel's Master Slave Dialogue).

Now the kind of "arranged marriage" that probably your friend from Fiji is talking about is both a production of modern capitalist system as well as a new identity constructed as opposed to "love marriages", and is hence cannot be constructed as essentialistic..... it could also be her self identity as someone facing the "public" sphere of US hegemony where "fiji" is constructed as the "other" need to be privatizedly civilized!

I still adhere to the view that Al and Tipper's case can be counted as a feature of advanced capitalism where the sense of individualism and familialism is becoming less important for one's survival.... specially those who are privileged, as we know Capitalism does not privilege everyone.... Whether State owning the means of production ("official socialism) will drastically change gender relations is a moot question... as for ideal communism (as I know many people really dislike Shulamith Firestone), it seems to me that without some kind of genetic engineering and artificial reproduction (quite chilling, I guess I am still an old fashioned romantic), that kind of Pan opticism and equality is impossible......

This again directly is related to who how resources will be redistriuted and the who in the population will get what and if natural reproduction is at all needed at that point... or a technological "arranged marriage" is the best....

Thoughts?
Rinita

On 3 June 2010 19:42, Sabri Sky <sabric...@gmail.com> wrote:

My neighbor from Fiji says arranged marriages work better; the divorce rates are lower; marriage comes first, love comes later.
Is this a feature of oppressive cultural imperative, or is it actually a key or at least clue to successful marriages?
She says what i understand as basically the cultural practice of not having the imperative to make successful an arranged marriage allows for such common unhappy & dissolutive relationships in the U.S.

On Tue, Jun 1, 2010 at 7:12 PM, Rinita Mazumdar <revfem...@gmail.com> wrote:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/al-and-tipper-what-happened-1610250/

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http://rinitamazumdar.com/

Rinita Mazumdar, Ph.D
Women Studies and Philosophy,
University of New Mexico

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Sabri Sky

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http://rinitamazumdar.com/

Rinita Mazumdar, Ph.D
Women Studies and Philosophy,
University of New Mexico

[Vidya Bhushan Rawat]

Hi,

This debate is very much in India among the people, activists and academics as so-called arrange marriages are successful than love marriages. Actually, marriage itself is a feudal construct and define clearly at least in our parts of the world, rights and duties of man and woman. 

The problem is that in the arrange marriages it is the family which comes first.. the family honor.. respecting the patriarch of the family as his word would be the final.. nobody can question him.. we all obey him as you might have seen in some of the bollywood movies these days.

Arrange marriages look successful as they try to save it. There is complete social pressure and it has actually imbibed in our personality also that marriages has to succeed at any cost.

And to look successful in public eye, we pretend everything is fine. So because even in the case of violence at home, a woman would not be ask to report to police but to get matter resolved at home.. so no cases of divorce. Actually, here woman surrender her rights to the 'happiness' of her family and man surrender himself to the supreme power of patriarch as he himself will become that one day.

So called love marriages are nothing more than a replicaton of these marriages albiet arranged by the youngs themselves. Some of them actually involve their parents while other do not, yet they do suffer from the same pressure of making it successful.

the moot question is that if the two partners are unable to carry on their relationship why should be they force to live life long. It is this psychology that marriage has to last till death do us part, makes the indian family as one of the most traumatic institution. People enjoy it too but internally it has failed and it is sustaining for the Ijjat or honor of the family.

There was a time when divorce was highly disliked by Hindus. And there is a rare possiblity of a divorce woman getting remarriages. These are realities and dark realities of India where women are still measured.

If you can see why there are violent reactions to so-called love marriages.. and u will find that it is basically the fear of losing control over your children. One a person decide to live life on his own, family fear, he would not be in their control. It is this control freak society and marriage provide an excellent tool to control us.

I do  agree with Rinita's assessment. Whether they are successful in Fiji or England, it depends on who are involved in 'arrange marriages'.. Indians  who have left India still live in the prism of their caste and class identities and definitely  thes false identities give them a sense of superiority over others. They can not do away with it for the fear of annhiliation of their caste identities. Once our youngs decide their own marriages and do not tag it as a life time trophy to save it at any cost, for the sake of society, caste and gender disparities will disappear.Both these abominable institutions which kept India in darkness do still play important role in our marriage system.

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Vidya Bhushan Rawat
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