Gog Games Free Stardew Valley

[Melanie Wendelberger]

OldMe wooing a teenager is gross. We can all agree on that, right? At one point during my gift-giving, Abby sent me a letter telling me to come to her room after 8 pm because she wanted to "show me something." Is she gonna show me an arrest warrant, because that's about the only thing that would feel appropriate in this situation. Just the fact that she said to meet her at 8 pm like it's some kinda forbidden hour tells me that she's even younger than I thought. Gonna pass on that, Abs! Hit me up if you'd like me to explain escrow or recommend a good ophthalmologist.

Part of the problem here is that I'm roleplaying as myself. I named my character Chris, I made him bald with a beard just like I am and have in real life, and I'm dressed the way I would like to be dressed at all times: top hat, bomber jacket I crafted from an actual bomb, and the lower half of a dinosaur costume. So when I talk to the characters in Stardew Valley, it's like they're talking to me instead of a character I invented, because I'm just playing as literally me.

But even if I was playing as a younger version of myself, the love interests in Stardew Valley still feel incredibly young. I don't want to date any of them, I just want to give them advice, like that they should start contributing to a 401K as soon as possible and that they should always wear sunscreen and take care of their teeth at all costs and while it may be cool to blast music at full volume into their earphones it could result in permanent hearing loss and it just isn't worth it. Is there a mod that lets me give these kids advice instead of gifts? I'd be heavily into that.

And frankly, none of them should be marrying a farmer just because he walks up twice a week and wordlessly shoves a diamond or a chocolate cake into their hands. They're all so young! They have their entire lives ahead of them! Don't tie yourself down because someone gives you some crab cakes and duck feathers he just happens to be carrying around. Flee this valley, don't chain yourself to it. There are cities out there somewhere. Cities are so much better than valleys!

The real tragedy for lonely Old Man Chris is that there are plenty of age-appropriate characters in Stardew Valley, they're just not romanceable. Like, why can't I date Marnie? She's a cool independent lady with her own business, she likes animals, she lives close by, and as we all know via a little detective work, she's knocking boots with the mayor. That's an instant swoon for me. Hell, I'd be okay with her continuing to bang the mayor even after we were married: the last thing I want to do is meddle with the political landscape of Stardew Valley. Alas, the game won't let me romance Marnie.

The rest of the older crowd in the valley, I'm not that keen on. Willy the fisherman is kinda grubby and undoubtedly smells like fish, bartender Gus is a bit cuddly but I don't find him sexy, and I get a creepy vibe from Clint, probably because he's got a huge crush on Emily, who to me feels the most teen-agey of all the teenagers in the game. Also, I've been bringing Clint geodes in bulk for like 4 years, and he's never once offered me a discount for his rock-smashing services. Jerk.

But the most crushing blow to my romantic life is that I can't date and marry my ideal woman: Pam. Straight up, Pam, the bus driver, is the one for me. Sure, she's not the best mom in the world (she makes her daughter Penny perpetually clean their trailer) and has a bit of a drinking problem (shortly after I moved to the valley she sent me a letter asking me to bring her a beer) and she's not exactly sexy. She's not even vaguely sexy.

And her sexiest feature is her utterly predictable schedule. I know where she will be every single day: standing at the bus stop on the off chance someone (me) needs a ride to the desert. I find it irritating having to chase down other characters wherever they might be when I want to give them gifts, and in my old age my memory for all but the simplest of schedules is pretty shoddy. But at 10 am every day Pam is always in the same place, close to my house, and will stand there motionless until nightfall, meaning I never have to chase her around the beach or mountains or graveyard to give her a jar of dehydrated mushrooms or a bowl of parsnip soup. To someone without a lot of time left on this earth, that's a real timesaver, and that's sexy as hell.

Chris started playing PC games in the 1980s, started writing about them in the early 2000s, and (finally) started getting paid to write about them in the late 2000s. Following a few years as a regular freelancer, PC Gamer hired him in 2014, probably so he'd stop emailing them asking for more work. Chris has a love-hate relationship with survival games and an unhealthy fascination with the inner lives of NPCs. He's also a fan of offbeat simulation games, mods, and ignoring storylines in RPGs so he can make up his own."}), " -0-10/js/authorBio.js"); } else console.error('%c FTE ','background: #9306F9; color: #ffffff','no lazy slice hydration function available'); Christopher LivingstonSocial Links NavigationSenior EditorChris started playing PC games in the 1980s, started writing about them in the early 2000s, and (finally) started getting paid to write about them in the late 2000s. Following a few years as a regular freelancer, PC Gamer hired him in 2014, probably so he'd stop emailing them asking for more work. Chris has a love-hate relationship with survival games and an unhealthy fascination with the inner lives of NPCs. He's also a fan of offbeat simulation games, mods, and ignoring storylines in RPGs so he can make up his own.

Multiplayer has arrived in the valley in Stardew Valley on Nintendo Switch. You've inherited your grandfather's old farm plot in Stardew Valley. Armed with hand-me-down tools and a few coins, you set out to begin your new life. Can you learn to live off the land and turn these overgrown fields into a thriving home? It won't be easy. Ever since Joja Corporation came to town, the old ways of life have all but disappeared. The community center, once the town's most vibrant hub of activity, now lies in shambles. But the valley seems full of opportunity. With a little dedication, you might just be the one to restore Stardew Valley to greatness!

Now with Multiplayer! Invite 1-3 players to join you in the valley! Players can work together to build a thriving farm, share resources, and build relationships with townspeople or each other. As more hands are better than one, players have the option to scale profit margin on produce sold for a more challenging experience.

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