Psychological Analysis of Violin Student Personality Traits 101

[Ebony Harvey]

In the expansive field of psychology, violin students' personality
traits are understood to be the complicated mental dimensions of
personality discovered through empirical research. Empirical research
meaning, in the context of this article, my vast experience and wisdom
as a violin teacher for the past 10+ years.
To further advance the congruity of science and arts in the 21st
century and assist my readers to unravel the fascinating mysteries
surrounding the complex inner workings of the violin student's mind, I
have compiled my extensive investigation into the following twelve
categories:
1. Deer in Headlights
2. Ping Pong Ball
3. Aggravating Antagonizer
4. Teenage Trend Jockey
5. Chit Chatter
6. Know-It-All
7. Chronically Unpunctual
8. Procrasti-Master
9. Excuse-Generator
10. Neurotic Nelly
11. Black Hole
12. The Ideal Student
1. Deer in Headlights
Frequently manifested in pupils over the age of forty, these wide-eyed
and petrified casualties of violin instruction are rarely seen by
audiences or people who appreciate fine music. Mushrooms of novice
music, these willy-nilly players resort to more desirable activities
on recital night, such as an elective colonoscopy or tooth drilling,
but on rare events may be coerced, er, motivated to participate with
the proper incentive: promises of an empty theatre and free finger
food.
Once on stage and confronted with the reality of a sold-out live
audience (far less preferable to Deer in Headlights to that of a dead
audience) the Deer in Headlights defy the human "fight or flight"
instinct and opt to freeze for the duration of their piece. Though
they seem to be in a deranged trance, they are actually using their
peripheral vision to locate the nearest exit.
More bold and seasoned Deer in Headlights may muster up the courage to
play a fragment of a scale or the start to "Twinkle Twinkle," but
usually opt for scurrying off the stage like a squirrel with a weak
bladder.
The blind audition, or one which is conducted with the player behind a
screen or curtain, was surely concocted by a Deer in Headlights. He or
she could play like the dickens but had an inordinate fear of
spotlights, neat rows of seating and eyeballs.
Players between the ages of four and six may experience Deer in
Headlights symptoms during their first couple violin lessons, in which
time they will stare up with a frozen, gaping mouth and frightened
raised eyebrows at the instructor. They do not respond to light
conversation or friendly questions and spend the entire half hour
session frozen. They may go out on a limb and nod their head slightly
when asked if they want a sticker at the end of class.
Sadly for the teacher, this phase quickly passes and many morph into
Ping Pong Balls, leaving the teacher pining for the days when the
child didn't speak.
2. Ping Pong Ball, aka the Easily Distracted Hyperactive Hellion
The most concentrated number of young violin students fall into the
Ping Pong Ball classification. They are very easy to spot as they are
the ones swinging from the ceiling lamp, followed by floor gymnastics
while screaming nasty, made-up lyrics to Ode to Joy. The Ping Pong
Balls find it inexorably difficult to pay attention to the lesson,
listen to their teacher or remain still for longer than 3.672 seconds
(I've clocked them).
Depth is lost on the Ping Pong Ball and teachers working with them
find themselves the object of much rejection. I have concluded some of
my finest technique lectures and riveting inspirational speeches only
to be asked by a Ping Pong Ball, "Where did you get that cool pen? Can
I have it?"
The Ping Pong Ball quickly switches topics to something about another
child at her school who can lick her own elbows and then on to the
subject of what their dog coughed up the other day. She cannot think
in a room with windows, bright lights or shiny objects.
This is not to say the Ping Pong Ball is not an intelligent
individual. Quite the opposite, the Ping Pong Ball is a very smart
child who is so enthusiastic about her violin lesson she cannot
control her urge to act impulsively.
Violin teachers with pets, toys or any other objects of desire for
children in their home will find dealing with these distractions to be
a losing battle. Just let them play and enjoy the time off to surf the
net or catch up on laundry. The child is having fun at their lesson,
even if they haven't learned anything violin-wise. Tune their violin,
give them a star on their book and send them on their hyperactive way.
3. Aggravating Antagonizer
Music teachers serving time in prison incontestably taught one too
many Aggravating Antagonizers in their careers. The Aggravating
Antagonizer is undoubtedly the most difficult violin student to
instruct as they are usually under age and protected by special laws;
laws which they conveniently use to their obstinate advantage.
Picture an adorable seven-year-old little girl in pigtails. Add a
pouting bottom lip, claws and a shrill scream and you've got the start
of a successful Aggravating Antagonizer. You say black, she says
white. You ask her to play a scale in tenuto whole notes, she plays it
staccato prestissimo! Aggravating Antagonizers are spite externalized,
though surely they would disagree.
A few more words on Aggravating Antagonizers: adverse, clashing,
conflicting, contradictory, headstrong, hostile, negative, obstinate,
opposed, ornery, rebellious, stubborn and unruly.
4. Teenage Trend Jockey
Ping Pong Balls and Aggravating Antagonizers do mellow and become more
agreeable with age. As teens they enter a pupal stage in development
as a Teenage Trend Jockey. Like the Ping Pong Ball, the Teenage Trend
Jockeys (or as they would cleverly have it, the "T2J") are still
distracted from the lesson, but focus their teenage distraction
instead on being cool and aloof.
Strangely there is a definite split in characteristics depending on
the gender of the Teenage Trend Jockey. Females exhibit this behavior
by spending the entire lesson admiring their polished reflection in
the mirror and messing with their hair. They obsess on mundane news
items yet insist Britney Spears' new haircut is information of life-
altering quality.
Teenage Trend Jockey Males are simply concerned with occasionally
pulling up their sagging pants and disengaging their digital watch
alarms every two minutes to help pass the time. They also enjoy
bragging about their cars and latest gadgets. They do not yet
understand the concept of deodorant.
All Teenage Trend Jockeysfind enjoyment in checking their text
messages on their cell phones and starting up loud conversations with
other students waiting in the hall outside the lesson room rather than
listening to their teacher. They are not known to practice and have
many tragic reasons why they didn't have the time to practice that
week However, they are good to keep around as they all give free
computer and technology tech support.
5. Chitchatter
I, regretfully fall under this classification. Mixed with Chitchatter
students, my long distance phone bill rivals the national debt. To
keep things succinct, the Chitchatter talks constantly and dedicates a
fair chunk of lesson time to casual banter.
Some adult Chitchatters are just cleverly avoiding playing in front of
the teacher or any other observers and must be cut off mid-sentence
and firmly ordered to play a G major scale.
Violin teachers must strive to schedule chit chatters before
Chronically Unpunctual students and to never, under any circumstances
schedule a Chitchatter before Neurotic Nelly for whom the weekly
babbling and delay to lessons will surely cause a mental breakdown in
the latter.
More than one Chitchatter in a group lesson or ensemble means no
actual practicing or rehearsing will be done, so you may as well just
sit back and enjoy the conversation. Finally, DO NOT schedule the
Chitchatter at the end of your teaching day unless you like staying
after work two hours extra each day and eating cold supper alone while
your family sleeps.
6. Know-It-All
Not to be confused with mere Chitchatters who simply enjoy talking
during lessons and sharing a mundane narrative, or the Aggravating
Antagonizer who is contrary to anything the teacher says or does, the
Know-It-All has the inexplicable ability to attend one lesson and
become an instant expert in the violin, its technique and theory.
Expect the Know-It-All to refute any information you share as a
teacher but to lack the capacity to prove their argument. Thus arguing
with the Know-It-All is futile. Logic and reason do not apply. Yet
they continue to pay for lessons even though they are thoroughly
convinced they know all there is to be known in violin.
Violin instructors tend to breed Know-It-All children who refute
everything their parent explains to them about music. This is the
reason why violin instructors pay to have someone else teach their
offspring violin.
Know-It-Alls are connoisseurs of self-arrogance and ego in its lowest
forms but tragically claim to be humble and patient. Never compliment
a Know-It-All; his head will swell up to three times its normal size,
which is already larger than 95% of the population, and you will be
forced to rush him into the nearest hospital for an emergency ego-
exctomy.
Despite their lack of popularity in musical circles, there is plenty
of work for Know-It-Alls. With much practice and very little thought
they make superb orchestral conductors or music critics.
7. Chronically Unpunctual
Some Procrasti-Masters have devolved into a nasty little side cluster:
the Chronically Unpunctual. These people do own watches but apparently
do not know how to read them. The laws of time and space do not exist
in the mind of the Chronically Unpunctual. To them a weekly lesson
slot is merely a suggested time for arrival.
Chronically Unpunctual students are in the lesson in spirit. The
spirit of swearing while swerving down the highway at outrageous
speeds. Strangely, they find their composure as they enter the lesson
room and act as if there is nothing at all inappropriate in being 15
minutes late for a 30 minute lesson.
Chronically Unpunctual parents of young violin students raise
resentful Excuse-Generator children who, with enough missed lessons,
may even develop into Neurotic Nellies. The Chronically Unpunctual may
become nervous wrecks over time, in which case they incorporate Excuse-
Generator traits to their repertoire which season their weekly late
arrivals. After all, every teacher loves a long, drawn-out story
involving traffic, bad roads, alien abductions and time distortion at
the start of class.
8. Procrasti-Master
Procrasti-Masters leave everything to the very last minute, and not
just their weekly commutes to lessons. They have the best intentions
of practicing their violins all week but seem to forget about it until
the day of the lesson. Some can be seen practicing their music in the
car en route to the lesson.
Interestingly, Procrasti-Masters' best work is done under pressure. To
them it's a thrilling experience, like skydiving or robbing a bank.
The adrenaline starts running as the teacher asks the Procrasti-Master
to play the new piece he was assigned the week previous. Thus
Procrasti-Masters are fantastic sight-readers and learn pieces far
quicker and more efficiently than those silly people who actually
practice.
Though it stresses out the teacher to the point of losing sleep and
hair, the Procrasti-Master neglects his pieces until a week or so
before the recital. An industrious three or four hours is all he needs
to catch up. He smiles smugly knowing he wisely used a semester's
worth of practice time playing video games. Thus Procrasti-Masters
make excellent understudies for times when the soloist cannot play the
concert.
Likewise, Procrasti-Masters consistently earn high marks in festivals,
contests and exams. This is a point of contention and jealousy among
other students, such as Neurotic Nellies, who have been working on
their pieces in all twelve keys for five hours a day the past nine
months.
9. Excuse-Generator
One cannot discuss violin students without mention of the Excuse-
Generator. The start of every Excuse-Generator's lesson is dominated
by the reason they were late, why they didn't practice the previous
week, the drawn out story of how their music book went missing and how
dropping their violin in no way was the cause for the large,
mysterious new crack and broken strings.
Everything in the Excuse-Generator's life is external. They are
hapless victims of rare circumstance, government conspiracy and
complicated problems to which they have no control or solution.
Because of this Excuse-Generators are rarely top-notch violinists.
It's clearly not their fault! This is because many cannot read music
and have many reasons why it is far easier to just play by ear or fake
it.
Excuse-Generators also tend to attract violin strings which break
themselves and bows that tighten all on their own. Paranormal activity
is also common. A student of mine recently blamed a ghost for his bow
suddenly losing contact and sliding off the string. He insisted it had
nothing to do with his technique and asked that I have my home
inspected and exorcised by a priest.
In college I had an Excuse-Generator violin teacher who, after playing
a sour note, would quickly re-tune her violin. The darn fiddle just
seemed to go out of tune every time she made a mistake. It was
eerie...
10. Neurotic Nelly
This Type-A personality personifies itself in violin students as the
Neurotic Nelly, aka Irritating Pain in the Ass. You will see the
Neurotic Nelly in a wild frenzy to get to their lesson twenty minutes
early. Being late is as simply not an option for the Neurotic Nelly.
Neurotic Nellies make a consistent and painstaking effort to be as
anal retentive as possible, thus documenting everything their teacher
says and seem to have a better understanding of their teacher's
pedagogy than the teacher has. Don't bother arguing whether or not he
paid for classes or didn't miss a lesson; he has forms in triplicate
and video footage proving the contrary.
Their music is arranged in alphabetical order and is frequently colour-
coded. Extreme perfectionists, Neurotic Nellies simply cannot accept
compliments as their playing can never be good enough. The plus side
is that they always pay for lessons on time and never leave their
music at home.
Neurotic Nellies' nervousness makes them unsuitable for colder
climates as they are physically unable to travel during inclement
weather. A single hovering snowflake has them pressing speed dial to
cancel the afternoon's lesson, much to the teachers' dismay as the
Neurotic Nellies always request a free make-up-lesson.
It is widely debated among violin teachers and researchers whether or
not a Neurotic Nelly and Black Hole sharing the same desk in an
orchestra would simply cancel each other out into oblivion or prove to
be a winning, symbiotic relationship. In the meantime, the two are
kept in strict isolation from each other for the health of the entire
orchestra.
11. Black Hole
Also known as Chaos Incarnate, these muddle-minded individuals coax
disorder into their lives as an exposed pair of buttocks in the Amazon
basin attracts mosquitoes. Black Holes embrace entropy. Entropy,
however, secretly longs for a less tumultuous relationship and is
considering a career change.
Some Black Hole's daily routines of pandemonium are garnished with the
added burden of a violin lesson every seven days. It's just too
regular a schedule to adhere to and Black Holes miss more than half
their lessons due to poor planning or forgetfulness.
Suitable mates of Procrast-Masters and the Chronically Unpunctual,
Black Holes also leave everything to the last minute. More interesting
to watch however, Black Holes have added the frantic search for coffee-
stained sheet music and car keys amidst a disarray of papers and fast
food containers only scant minutes before their lesson time. In their
muddled, confused hunt they inevitably forget to pack the violin.
One Black Hole I instructed years back became oddly resourceful and
folded and wedged her sheet music into the toe of her shoes for "safe-
keeping." The result: a wrinkled copy of Sonata in G with ink running
from her preteen perspiration. I even purchased her a binder which was
later lost or eaten by her dog, I can't quite remember which.
12. The Ideal Student: Theoretical classification yet to be discovered
The Ideal Student is a simple beast who listens intently, does
everything as instructed to and practices a joyful 5 hours each day.
He pays in advance, compliments my appearance and his violin never
goes out of tune. She frequently has me over to visit at her Tuncan
villa and is compelled to bring Swiss chocolates to lessons.
Now accepting bookings from students who fit this description: inquire
within. And bring chocolates.