Of Robbits in Red Middle Earth
Janne Vainio
DISCLAIMER: According to Finnish and EU law, this is a parody of a parody,
and therefore cannot be sued as libel.
From there to Hell again
Of Robbits
Robbits are a tiny, hairless, bad smelling and thoroughly unnecessary
people that used to exist in Red Middle Earth. They still do exist, but
they are so despicaple few people admit knowing that. Least of all the
Robbits themselves, as they are masters at lying to others, and above all,
to themselves.
Most of the time they stay in their continent wide prison of Rodinha, but
a watchful person may catch a glimpse of a Robbit clicking its hairy paws
on the keyboard to type obscene posts on internet discussion forums in
mangled Questron that would make a most hardened flame warrior cringe.
They have a charming habit of twisting history in the most unimaginable
ways, mostly that of their own. They are often compared to the ravenous
bugblatter beasts of Traal in their utter stupidity. They think if they
are stupid enough not to see a lie right in front of them, nobody else
will either.
Everyone else than the Robbits are Narczis to them, and everyone else is
always lying. This peculiar trait comes from the sad fact that in the
thirties of Red Middle Earth 3rd time is the charm time, Robbit mafia
gangleaders routinely copulated with Narczi thugs. These days Robbits deny
all association with Narczis because there are no Narczis anymore and they
are ones themselves. See reference to the bugblatter beast above. Reason
there are no Narczis, is that the Robbits convinced the people of the
Quest to wipe them out after a blood feud between a Narczi and Robbit
king. The end of this beautiful love affair was caused by jealousy as the
Narczi king fucked the Robbit?s sheep.
They are well known for their prowess in battle, where they usually fail
to squash a dangerous snowsuited squirrel even with ten to one odds. They
also taught the Narczis various methods of torture and mass murder. Like
watching Robbit dubbed Elvish musicals, and smothering millions of bugs in
blinis and caviar. This is why the camps they invented for this purpose
are called debugging camps.
To be continued in How Jildo Visvarovits Robbinovits of Stalinend met the
awful snowsuited squirrel Belayasmertum and found the gas pipe o-ring of
Charmelia.