[Carlsbad] Lower Decks: Starship, Yours

[Jeremy A. Reynolds]

"Starship, Yours."

Master Chief Petty Officer Michael Harriman

Chief of Operations

***
USS Carlsbad NCC-73110
California-Class Support Ship
Docked at the Remmler Array, In Orbit around Arkaria

Ensign's Log, Stardate 69425.88.  The Carlsbad is docked the Remmler Array because it's now time for it's routine five year stop to sweep the accumulated baryon particles.  Since this is lethal to us carbon based life forms, everyone is evacuated off of the ship while the baryon sweep is being done.  Many are taking the opportunity to enjoy shore leave or do some side projects off the ship.  Which, I have a surprise for Chief Harriman which I'm sure he's gonna love. OOOO! There he is now!

"CHIEEEEEEEEF!" Ensign Barker's high pitched call from down the corridor was like nails on a chalkboard for Harriman.  "ChiefChiefChiefChiefChief!  Wait up!"

And I was almost at the shuttlebay too...  Harriman groaned inwardly as he paused to wait for the plucky young Ensign.  Even though Harriman was a divisional head and everything, Barker still technically out ranked him.  "Sir..." he said with a short, curt nod.

"I'm glad I caught you, Chief," Barker said breathlessly.  “So, uh... did ya have any plans during downtime, Chief?” Barker asked

“Yeah, I’m taking one of the shuttles to Vulcan, I already have it checked out and ready to go,” Harriman grunted as he continued on and tried to walk faster than the young Ensign.  Barker scrambled to catch up.  “L’Aren already left to speak with her parents first about our relationship.  I’m to catch up with her.  Afterwards, we’re heading to Earth so she can meet my parents,” Harriman explained as they rounded the corner and were almost at the double doors for Shuttlebay One.

“Aw… gee… Chief, I kinda wish I had known that…” Barker said sheepishly, nervously scratching the back of his head.  “I… uhm… already scheduled us for a shuttle run out to DS9…”

Harriman stopped dead in his tracks, turned, and glared down at Barker.  “You… WHAT?!”

“I signed orders for us to take a shuttle to DS9 for a cargo run.  We need the supplies and provisions anyway according to your departmental reports.  You do runs like this all the time whenever we’re docked so I figured that this time I’d beat everyone to the punch and do the run with you this time.” Barker said, explaining fast.  He then grinned and gave Harriman a friendly jab of the elbow to the side as if they were friends.  "Eh?  So whadda say?  Ready to launch?"

Harriman was practically frothing at the mouth as he glared incredulously at the younger man.  "You... cancelled my leave... so I can take you... on a CARGO RUN?" he yelled.

“So anyway, shuttle buddy," Barker was saying, oblivious to Harriman's ire.  "I figured that you could take me under your wing.  Show me the ends and outs of supply and logistics, foster me on my growth, and help me gain some experience so I can make Lieutenant JG!"

"WHY ME!?" Harriman shouted, exasperated.

"Well, everyone says that to advance on this ship I should learn from you!  So, here I am while we both have time to spare.  Isn’t that great?”

It took Harriman every fiber of his being not to kill the man on the spot.  He took deep, calming, breaths that sounded more like he was hyperventilating and snarling. “I want to go back… sir… to the part where you CANCELLED MY MOTHER F(BLEEP)ING LEAVE!?”

“Uh… Chief?  You’re not cheering like I am about this…” Barker said cautiously.

Harriman snapped as he saw red.  “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” He screamed at the top of his lungs.

*

Captain Maker looked at the mangled body of the barely alive Barker… who was now laid up in traction in sickbay.  He closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, and turned to face Chief Harriman who was standing at rapt attention before Commander T'Prinn as he waited. “Oooookay, Chief... let’s take this from the top again… you say that the doors to shuttlebay one just spontaneously failed as soon as Ensign Barker walked through them?”

“It was the damnedest thing too, sir,” Harriman said in a crisp, even voice as he looked straight ahead. “Never seen the doors act like that while someone was in between them.  Chewed him up like a meat grinder off of that old Galaxy Quest show, it did.”

“And you have absolutely NO idea whatSOever as to how it happened?” Maier asked, not buying it for a minute.

“Not a clue, sir, I’m not an engineer.” Harriman replied at once.

"You have a higher engineering rating than I do, Chief!"

Harriman shrugged innocently.  “I'm just as equally baffled as to how the gravity plates kept on reversing between the floor and the ceiling in that one little spot just beyond the doors, sir.  I didn’t know that the human body could still squeal like a little girl while it was bouncing like a basketball either.”

“And this has nothing to do with the fact that you were to take a cargo run to DS9 with Barker?” Maier pressed.

“DS9? Oh wow that would’ve been such fun, sir!” Harriman said in mock happiness.  “I could’ve caught up with Kira again, spent some time at Quarks playing this quaint little game they call Dabo, shot some darts at O'Briens…” he let out a long, dramatic, wistful sigh.  “But, alas, I have a long haul to make to Vulcan, sir, as that is what my leave entails."  He glared at Maier.  "Leave that I might remind the Captain that he'd approved FIRST..." he then went back to his mock sorrow.  "But... I’m sure I can manage learning the culture and the ways of my soon-to-be in-laws, sir.”

“And you have no idea how Barker’s orders for your supply run got lost in the computer?” Maier asked, arching his eyebrow. “Or how all visual records in that section of the ship mysteriously vanished?”

“Could be the baryon buildup, sir,” Harriman said at once, all matter-of-fact.  “I’m told it takes a toll on starship systems, which is why computers have to be shut down for the sweeps to occur.”  He shrugged dramatically and let out another wistful sigh.  “If only I were a capable engineer who could solve such problems.  But, alas, I am not a Miracle Worker.”

“You are so full of s(bleep), Chief!"  Maier glared at him.  "What the f(bleep) am I going to do with you?"

Now Harriman looked at him and gave him the most insincere smile that Maier had ever seen on him. “Well, while I hesitate to tell you your job, Captain, I am thankful, sir, that we live in a society where suspicion alone does not constitute a crime and where men like you respect the rule of law…”

"Just who's starship do you think this is, Chief?"

"If you have to ask then it's not yours, sir."

Maier knew when he had been beat... especially when it came to the Chief and his runaround phrases that he was fluent in.  “Uuuuuugh… get the f(bleep) outta here!  See you when you get back with Lieutenant L’Aren.”

“Yes sir, thank you sir, I’ll give her your best.” Harriman then did a crisp about face and promptly exited sickbay.

T’Prinn had been standing nearby, observing the dressing down.  “You believe he is guilty of assaulting Ensign Barker?”

“Oh I know he f(bleep)ing did it, even if it was in an indirect manner, but I lack any kind of concrete proof.” Maier grumbled as he stalked to the door and stuck his head out into the corridor.  “BECAUSE IF I HAD PROOF WE WOULD BE HAVING A VERY DIFFERENT CONVERSATION, CHIEF!”

“I love you too, sir!  You're the best Captain I've ever served under!” Harriman called back as he rounded the bend.

Maier shook his head and walked back into sickbay.  “Still… can’t blame the guy completely… I mean if I had my leave cancelled last minute I’d probably be irate too.  I wasn't paying attention as I approved leave and cargo missions.  I must've approved Harriman's leave first and then Barker's cargo run second, not realizing that he'd put Harriman on the flight roster.”

T’Prinn arched her eyebrow.  “So you intend to let the Chief go free on this… transgression?”

“No…” Maier shook his head again.  “If there’s one thing that the Chief has taught me is that you don’t dole out justice directly to the person.  While I can’t formally charge him with anything even if I wanted to, I do know a few tricks to make him pay for this.”

“You don’t wish to punish him?” she asked.  “May I inquire as to why?”

“Because he’s a rare breed of NCO and it’s people like him that you want and need when things go to hell and back.  Sisko, Kira, Freeman, hell, even Bateson and Picard have all vouched for him.  He’s not someone you want to upset.  He dances around and bends the rules, sure, but he gets s(bleep) done."

"I have noticed that the Chief seems to know the intricacies of Starfleet Regulation and Federation Law.  It would be difficult to, how you put it, make him pay," T'Prinn pointed out.  

"Yeah, but I have a few options and ideas up my sleeve."  Maier caught T'Prinn's upraised eyebrow.  "Oh don't worry, it won't be anything serious, just something to hold over his head and extract a hefty favor out of him in the future.  Something to just let him know that he's guilty as sin even though I can't prove it."

*

Shuttlecraft Lassen, departing USS Carlsbad.

Jonsey gave Harriman a knowing look after he'd finished his story as to why they were delayed.  "You know, Chief, he's gonna make you pay for this."

"Eh... I'll be surprised if Ensign Barker even remembers his own name, let alone what ship he's on, once he wakes up."

"Not, him," Jonsey admonished him.  "The Captain."

"Oh... yeah... him," Harriman nodded in agreement.  "I would be severely disappointed if he didn't make me pay for it."