Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

[Toyin Falola]

Nigerian High Commissioner in Kenya's Official Response to Allegations Wife Beating

This is a document received on our news desk, an official response from Dr. Chijoke Wigwe, to allegations of wife battering.

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RESPONSE TO

ALLEGATIONS OF WIFE BATTERING AGAINST ME, DR CHIJIOKE WIGWE,

BY MRS TESS IYI WIGWE AS PUBLISHED BY

THE STAR NEWSPAPER ON 26TH MAY 2011

 

Background

I married Tess Iyi Wigwe (nee Oniga) under native law and custom on 9th April 1978. The girl I married was famous for her temper and fighting ability. With my gentle and unassuming nature, I honestly believed that the sharp contrast in our characters could neutralize and complement each other. It was a grave error of judgment.

 

I joined the Nigerian Foreign Service in April 1984 after teaching at the University of Jos for some years. My first posting in 1986 was to Tokyo, Japan. I was in charge of Commercial and Trade Matters. One night in July 1988, I took my female colleague from another Embassy out for dinner. It was actually the first outing. After dinner, I took her in my car in order to drop her off at a train station. As we drove through town, a car which I quickly recognised as mine (I owned 2 cars) and being driven by Mrs Wigwe pulled up beside us at a traffic light. Mrs Wigwe hurled air freshener bottles and any other objects she could find in the car to hit us. I later came down from the vehicle and explained to her who the lady was. But she did not believe me and instead chased me through the city shouting abuses at us and throwing objects at us. When I got to a train station, I opened the door and let the lady out. Mrs Wigwe abandoned her car in the middle of the road causing a big jam as she ran after the lady. She caught up with her and after interrogating her, seriously assaulted her, and beat her so mercilessly using the woman's umbrella that the woman passed out. Mrs Wigwe fearing that the lady was dead fled the scene taking with her the woman's hand bag. Good Samaritans took the lady to hospital where she spent one month in intensive care. I was made to pay the woman's hospital bills. The morning after the attack, Mrs Wigwe traced me to the Embassy where I had taken shelter and took a huge stone and smashed the windscreen of the car to pieces. Mrs Wigwe never admitted to taking the handbag and its contents. However, months later, the wife of a colleague with whom she had left the handbag, confessed. This gross act of violence visited on an innocent woman, so angered the Nigerian Ambassador and the entire staff that it was decided that Mrs Wigwe should be punished severely to deter other wives with such inclinations. Accordingly, she was suspended from post for 3 months and repatriated to Nigeria by the Embassy in October 1988. She spent a total of 6 months at home coming back only in April 1989 when my posting came to an abrupt end following the decision of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs to recall over 150 officers worldwide who had spent 24 months and above at post in the wake of the structural adjustment programme of the government of the day.

 

That premature recall had a serious psychological impact on my very young family of 4 and I decided to take a one year study leave at own expense ostensibly to pursue a post-graduate diploma in journalism in London, but strategically, to insulate our children from the disruptive effects of the unpredictable posting policy of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs. I therefore took my family along with me at great cost. When I left England in February 1992, I left my family behind. In 1993 I was posted to Warsaw, Poland but my family remained in London for the sake of the children's and Mrs Wigwe's education. Having learnt a bitter lesson from Tokyo, I unilaterally decided that Mrs Wigwe must not live with me at post in Warsaw. Instead, I encouraged her quest for higher education since she had only secondary education when I married her. She graduated from Middlesex University in July 1998. I paid her fees through university from 1993 and law school. At the end of my posting in October 1998, I returned to Nigeria. The family, now well established and settled, remained in London. Between 1998 and 1999 I made regular visits to the family. In November 1999, Mrs Wigwe visited me in Abuja and we travelled to her home town. We had a very serious misunderstanding. We returned to Abuja and she travelled back to London. When she returned to London after two weeks, she informed me that she no longer wished for me to come to London as previously planned to spend the Christmas and New Year holidays. All my efforts to reach her by telephone, fax and mail were unsuccessful. The situation continued until 2002 when on transiting London en route New York for an official assignment in July 2002, I discovered that Mrs Wigwe had brought her male lover, a Nigerian of Yoruba tribe, to live with her and the children in the family house. The children told me how they had bitterly resented her and her lover. But she ignored the children and co-habited with her boyfriend in the family house for close to a year. To all intents and purposes, we were still husband and wife; we were not even officially separated! It was then I knew the reason why I had been barred from visiting the family since 1999. Consequently, and bruising from the humiliation she had bestowed on me and the children in particular, I hastily remarried in December 2002. I married my colleague in the service whom I had not actually known for more than six months. By mutual consent in December 2006, we decided to separate amicably and to remain friends which we are to date. As the marriage had no children it was quite easy for us to part. I remained a bachelor.

 

Following my nomination as ambassador in September 2007, I called Mrs Wigwe on phone to offer her an olive branch and to ask her to join me, if she so wished, to associate with my new appointment. It was another grave error of judgment. Although I never intended that we should live together under the same roof again as husband and wife given our antecedents and the coldness of feelings that mutually existed between us after many years of separate lives. I was only prepared for her to have a sense of belonging and attachment to my new status considering also that we have 5 children together. I thought the honour was due to her. She accepted and travelled to see me in Abuja in April 2008. Our first encounter after many years, proved to me and I guess to her, that we could truly no longer call ourselves husband and wife. Nevertheless and much to my shock and deep apprehension, she decided to take a leave of absence for 3 years from her employer in London to join me in residence in Nairobi. She insisted that I should take over her monthly expenditures in London including an ongoing mortgage for the family house I had myself helped her to buy in 2004 after she was on the verge of losing it due to lack of funds to meet her housing loan requirements. I did this in spite of not being married to her. I did it for the sake of the children. I could not contest her decision to come and live with me in Nairobi thus I let her come. But, it was clear as crystal that our differences and her mistrust of me and our mutual dislike for each other's company were insoluble but above all that our long evaporated love would never come back. Thus, we have been living in separate bedrooms connected by an inner door that is firmly and permanently locked from her side of the border. We decided to live with as minimal contact with each other as we could manage. Because she often refused to open her door, we developed the art of communication by notes pushed under the door. She liked it so much as it often allowed her to state her endless money requests without having to justify them. We hardly engage in conversations except when she needs money. Our irregular engagements in the act of conversation often end up in a quarrel. In public we manage to present a united front but those who are close to us know that we were only putting up appearances. We did fairly well and were just longing for the end of my tenure as ambassador so that we could resume forever our separate lives. That long hoped for time is nearly with us and hence the deep anxiety on the part of Mrs Wigwe who for 3 years has lived in reasonable comfort and financial security, with a Mercedes Benz car and a driver to complement her status. The end of my tenure would mean a return to financial stress and anxiety for her. Mrs Wigwe is in a desperate mood. I am reliably informed that most of the GBP 1,700 mortgage (about $2,800) that I have to cough out every month from my meagre Foreign Service allowance and remit to her account in London through my Barclays account in Nairobi, was allegedly misappropriated by someone she trusted in London and that to date the mortgage in London is in tatters and Mrs Wigwe has suffered a loss of GBP 10,000. Besides this loss, Mrs Wigwe claimed that she had lost $6,000 in cash from her bedroom in 2009 and most recently another $3,000. The houseboy then in 2009 was accused of stealing the money from Mrs Wigwe's 24 hour locked bedroom. The servant pleaded his innocence and the money was never found and police abandoned the matter and we sacked the servant. The latest theft of $3,000 again from her heavily locked bedroom sometime this year remains a mystery. She did interrogate the new servant and even followed him to his house to interrogate his wife, but nothing came of it. Mrs Wigwe is in a desperate state financially. This is the motive for the onslaught against me in a desperate attempt to tarnish my image and reputation and to get monetary compensation that will restore her big loss and sustain her for a long time. That is why she has carefully chosen the words she used in the story that appeared in the Star where she was talking of spine and paralysis. Mrs Wigwe is an avid watcher of the television channel Crime Investigation. She hardly watches anything else. She had obviously practised and rehearsed her lines and actions for months in her premeditated assault on me on Wednesday 11th May 2011. Concerning her wish for spine injury that would lead to paralysis, I can only pray God to please graciously grant her wish so that she may truly know what it is to have spine injury.

ALLEGATION OF WIFE BATTERING

On Thursday 26th May 2011, the Star, a Nairobi based tabloid, published a story in its front page with photographs showing a badly bruised face of Mrs Tess Wigwe and an allegation that I, her husband, had inflicted those injuries on her face. It was alleged that I had beaten my wife because she had responded to a "note" from me requesting to be served food. It was alleged that I had so beaten her that she suffered injuries to her spine and she was in danger of being paralysed. Many other allegations dating back to many years then followed in her premeditated attempt to build a solid case against me, including the foolish allegation that I used to bring women to the Residence in 2008 and the blatantly false information that she left me in Nigeria in 1999 and went to England to study and live.

RESPONSE

In response to these allegations, I wish to state quite categorically that I did not beat my wife and that I did not ask for food either in writing or verbally. What happened that fateful Wednesday night was shocking to me and clearly fits into a pre-planned mould cast by the avid Crime TV watcher..   I had returned home late at night after attending the launch of a new product, Go Places, by Kenya Commercial Bank which was held at the Hilton Hotel. As is my practice, I went straight to my room and began to take off my jacket. Mrs Wigwe matched into my room shouting on top of her voice (that is how she speaks to me) that if I knew I would not be eating at home, I should tell her so she does not have to prepare any meals for me. I was stunned as indeed I had been eating regularly every day when I come home from work. I took it for a joke but I saw she was going on and on and would not let me put in a word. Her loud voice attracted my daughter Ada who came over to my room. Upon sighting my daughter I told her to please convince her mother that I had been eating food I met in the fridge every day at least for the past two weeks. Mrs Wigwe was taking none of that and insisted and before I knew it she was abusing me and calling me names. I naturally got angry and told her that if she were indeed taking proper charge of her kitchen then she would have noticed that I do eat what has been prepared for me. She took offence with my comment and became agitated when I asked her when or what has prompted her sudden interest and care for my welfare.

In her characteristic manner, Mrs Wigwe lunged at me to slap me. I tried defending myself and indeed my daughter came in the way and as we tussled and jostled around the door to her own bedroom where a massive wooden shoe rack was standing, Mrs Wigwe received a cut. Once she felt blood on her right side of face, Mrs Wigwe used her right hand to rub the blood and smeared her entire face with it. She ran into her bedroom and produced a camera and in the presence of my daughter and I, Mrs Wigwe photographed herself, taking two to three shots. She was shouting that she had got me, and that the whole world was going to see her bloodied face; that she was going to send the picture to Abuja. As my daughter and I tried to push her into her room to prevent her from coming to fight me, my daughter's hand was caught in the bedroom door and she gasped in pain. Mrs Wigwe also grabbed her phone and called her friend Yvonne to come and take her as she had been injured and bleeding. My son Nelson, who also joined in the effort to restrain Mrs Wigwe, offered to wipe the blood but Mrs Wigwe refused. With camera in hand, Mrs Wigwe ran downstairs and outside the building and for the next one hour was hurling abuses at me and shouting obscenities about me and my family and friends. It took the combined efforts of the Security Guard, the Cook and my son Nelson Ikenna to hold her back and prevent her from re-entering the house which I had now safely locked. In frustration that she could not re-enter the house, Mrs Wigwe who claimed in her report to the Star that she had suffered spinal injury, managed to wrestle with three able men and finally broke loose to carry a flower pot to smash the big glass window of the room we use as gym. She carried the flower pot and threw it at the glass window, shattering it. Not long after, her friend Yvonne arrived and together with my daughter they drove off. No ambulance was needed to convey Mrs Wigwe to hospital. Mrs Wigwe did not first rush to the Police to report the incident and show her injuries to the police. Mrs Wigwe only reported to the police on 27th May! That speaks volumes. She went to the police after people had begun to doubt her story! The first wave of shock when the story first hit the headlines had begun to give way to sombre reflection and analysis. As the children and house staff began to contradict her story, she decided it was time to make a statement to the police. She began to focus on her dual citizenship and what the British government might do for her.

 

Yvonne later sent me a text message saying Mrs Wigwe and daughter had been admitted at Aga Khan Hospital. I sent Mrs Wigwe a text in the morning advising her to get much needed rest. I also wanted to go and see her but she bluntly told me to keep off and to await a letter from her lawyer and to watch the news for what was going to happen to me. I had advised her to take the period to rest properly in hospital having noticed that since January she had lacked proper sleep following the devastating news of the alleged misappropriation of GBP 10,000 by her trusted friend and the "theft" of $3,000 in-house. Of course, she was not aware that my son Nelson to whom she had confided about the loss in London had intimated me I had sworn to secrecy before not to divulge the information. I continue to pretend ignorance of what has been ailing her and almost confining her to her bed for months. In addition, my son had also informed me that while I was away on consultation in Abuja, Mrs Wigwe had told him that somebody had hinted her that I might have purchased a house in Nairobi. She had said that she was investigating it and if found to be true, will engage the services of a lawyer to ensure that her name was appended to the property. She thus began calling my staff in the Embassy but got no positive response. She quizzed Nelson and found out he knew nothing of any such enterprise. She could be scheming to lay her hands on the property if it is indeed true. It is instructive that on the night when her spine was broken and she had severe waist pain, Mrs Wigwe remembered to mention the house issue among the tirade of words that were flying out of her mouth like a practised actor. Her greed would not allow her to note that she alone owns the house in London and in her village which was built entirely with my money while serving in Tokyo. Considering the odds staring her in the face as my tenure in Nairobi draws to a close, Mrs Wigwe is in dire need of a way out.

 

My daughter Ada was discharged from hospital after several x-rays revealed no damages to her bruised hand. Mrs Wigwe remained in hospital until Saturday 14th morning when Yvonne sent me a text to say that she had been discharged and I needed to pay the bills. I was in church when the text came and I went straight to the hospital and paid the bill of ksh 27,800 (about $330) and even took her x-ray result. She had only taken the pain killer prescribed for her and had not taken the x-ray result. Her spinal injury was miraculously healed within 3 days. From hospital she went straight to Yvonne's home and remained there. I travelled to Abuja on Wednesday 18th and came back on Wednesday 25th. When she heard news of my travel, she returned to the Residence as I was to learn later. As I had locked my bedroom from the front door, I was shocked to discover that my drawers had been ransacked and 1 (one) Rolex watch, 1(one) Accurate gold watch and 1(one) gold ring with precious stone had been stolen with their cases. Mrs Wigwe is the only one with a key to the connecting door to my room. She prevented me from keeping a spare. Only she has absolute access to my bedroom and she enters there at will including when am fast asleep. Why did she have to remove those items if not to sell them and make some extra cash from them? Secondly, when I entered the pantry next to my bedroom, I noticed that 1 (one) trunk box and over 10 (ten) empty suitcases belonging to me had disappeared and the room was desolate. The trunk box was full of my stuff but she had recklessly emptied them and forcefully repacked them into the other two boxes. I asked the houseboy who confirmed that Mrs Wigwe had packed all her personal belongings into the suitcases and locked them in the store downstairs. I went downstairs and noticed that she had removed her pictures from the various room walls. In spite of all these, I found Mrs Wigwe very much living in the house, locked up as usual in her bedroom!

 

On the same day that I had returned to Nairobi having flown with the night flight from Lagos, I went to work and a little after 11 am I received a call from an unfamiliar number. It was a man from Radio Africa, publishers of the Star. He mumbled something about a letter with very bad photographs of a woman sent in by a woman lawyer in respect to my wife. I was shocked but I told him that I recall that Mrs Wigwe had sent me a text on 12th May saying that I would soon hear from her lawyer. She had also told me that she was going to send pictures around. I instantly denied inflicting any such injuries as he was describing and requested him to call me back so we could set up a meeting to discuss the letter since I who was supposed to be the accused received no such letter from any lawyer. He hung up. The following day, very early in the morning, I could hear movement from Mrs Wigwe's room and I could hear that she had ran downstairs and back upstairs. As I went into the bathroom, a friend called me and advised me to check out the Star newspaper. I ran downstairs to pick up the newspapers of the day from the front door only to discover that Mrs Wigwe had earlier picked them and returned to her room.

 

When I finally saw a copy of the paper in my office, I was aghast at the strange photos of Mrs Wigwe and her "battered face" and worse still to read of severe injuries to her "spine" which according to the report could leave her paralysed! I was also shocked that the story of how the argument started had been shamelessly and fraudulently altered. I was shocked to read that my two children took her to hospital. I was shocked to hear that I had beaten her up in 2008 because I had brought women to the Residence. And many other concoctions of our story over the years completed my day of mystery and entry into the world of absolute scandal and blackmail, with intent to extort money from me.

CONCLUSION

I affirm on my honour that I am not a wife beater. I affirm that in the many years that I have known and lived with Mrs Wigwe, she has always been the aggressor. That Mrs Wigwe is prone to using her fists first rather than engage in a debate or an argument to prove her case. If anyone is guilty of violence in my home, it is Mrs Wigwe. If anyone is a victim of domestic violence it is I. I have lost many spectacles over the years following Mrs Wigwe's direct hit on my face. I sleep every night afraid that she may enter my room and stab or strangle me in my sleep. I am for this reason half awake all night. I do not take phone calls when I enter the Residence. Every call I take is suspected to be from a woman who must also be my girlfriend. So even for official calls from colleagues or from my host government or my own government, I have to go downstairs where she cannot hear that I am making a call. On some occasion when I would have fallen asleep and had forgotten to turn the television set off, she had stormed into my bedroom with lights blazing, to accuse me of making a call. On such occasions, I normally summon all the humility and composure in me to endure the unwarranted interruption of my sleep in order not to provoke an argument. Mrs Wigwe removes the photographs of people she does not like from the album of official events organised by the Embassy. She had also asked that DVDs be edited to remove the people she no longer considered as friends or people she said did not greet her in a respectful way or people whose affinity to me could not be sufficiently established. Most recently, she abused officials of the Association of Nigerian Women in Kenya (ANWIK) and prevented me from attending the Nigerian Family Fun Day on Easter Saturday 23rd April 2011, organized by the women because she was angry that ANWIK which is registered with the High Commission did not consult and get her approval before approaching the Embassy. The women had apologised and pleaded and even bribed her with a free special dress which she had accepted, but in vain they pleaded. On the day of the event we were not there and my colleague from Ghana had to stand in for me!

 

On the level of public conduct, Mrs Wigwe has so intimidated and assaulted many people in Nairobi, men and women and staff of the High Commission alike that the High Commission no longer holds dinners, luncheons and other mandatory functions in the Residence. If in doubt, please ask around Nairobi. Mrs Wigwe has assaulted and abused so many people at public gatherings in Nairobi that people fear to greet me when we meet at public functions. Mrs Wigwe hardly supports me in my work. Although she struggles to have a copy my weekly programme and quarrels when my staffs forget to leave a copy for her, she often criticises me for attending too many functions. When people commend me for the work that I do she feels offended and often complains that I am the reason why people don't notice her. I have tried in vain to encourage her to do more social work or to consider doing a post graduate course in any of the universities in Nairobi, as a way of keeping her occupied and fulfilled. But after three years living in Nairobi, she has not added any educational value to her degree.

 

On relations with staff of the Mission, Mrs Wigwe is a constant irritant. She considers herself as the ambassador and I her weak deputy. She calls staff and directs them on what to do. She intimidates the local staff and threatens to sack them and when I refuse to do so, we quarrel.

Mrs Wigwe is in dire need of psychiatric examination or what religious persons may call spiritual deliverance, but over the many years and on each occasion when I or those close to us have advised her to do so, she had always ended up insulting us. But this woman needs help. Every woman who shakes hands with Dr Wigwe is a threat to Mrs Wigwe. Even my female colleague ambassadors have not been spared. Mrs Wigwe's ten finger nails are painted and coloured differently ranging from blue, red, brown, and gold to yellow. A different colour and pattern for each finger nail. Everybody sees something funny in that especially for a woman her age and status, but only Mrs Wigwe sees it as most fashionable and chic.

 

Mrs Wigwe is desperate seeing that my posting is fast coming to an end. She badly needs money. She set me up and used me as a pawn by destroying me knowing that we were never going to be husband and wife again after Nairobi. Our coming together was only for the sake of sharing in the glamour and glory of high office. That was the motivating factor for her uncharacteristic concern for my welfare on that night of the 11th and that was why she refused to believe either I or her daughter and instead proceeded to generate an argument using provocative language. She had obviously concluded that Dr Wigwe must not be allowed to leave Nairobi with honours on his back. That was the plot and she found a willing accomplice who introduced her to a woman lawyer who is a friend to the Editor of the junk newspaper otherwise called the Star. That is how the Star has come to champion this fake and fraudulent story in an attempt to help the friend of a friend in her most difficult time of financial ruin and imminent suicide.

My daughter, Adanne and son Nelson Ikenna, had stormed the Star newspaper offices to protest the falsehood the Editor so shamelessly carried in her paper. The Editor had confessed to my children that she and the lawyer were actually friends. Two quality newspapers in Kenya namely the Nation and the Standard had refused to carry the junk story. Nelson has further made a comprehensive statement to the Diplomatic Police, where he had met the Residence Security guard (name withheld) who had witnessed the actions of Mrs Wigwe on the night of the event and had struggled in vain with the Cook and my son Nelson to restrain Mrs Wigwe, with a "seriously damaged back and spine." Mrs Wigwe had coached, coaxed and incited him to misinform the police about what happened in order to make her story credible but fortunately for Truth and Justice and fortunately for the millions of men like me all over the world who are silently suffering and living under the Tyranny of a Woman, who are Living in Bondage, who are emotionally and physically abused and assaulted on a daily basis by their wives, who are forbidden to bring their relatives to the house, who are forbidden to bring visitors to the home, who are impoverished by gluttonous and greedy wives, the Christian and God fearing Guard refused to be intimidated. May the Truth prevail.

 

Violence against Men is real and must be stopped. The stereotyping of men as being responsible for domestic violence has gone too far and has damaged permanently the reputation of so many good men. Many men have lost their lives or have been forced to commit suicide because of over domineering and manipulative women. The female predators move on with glee to their next victim. Mrs Wigwe has proven beyond doubt my long held beliefs that "Truth is a lie repeated three times," and another which says that "He lies often who cries often."

 

CWW

Dr Chijioke Wilcox Wigwe

Dated this 30th day of May 2011 at Nairobi, Republic of Kenya

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Toyin Falola
Department of History
The University of Texas at Austin
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512 475 7224
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[OLADMEJI ABORISADE]

From Oladimeji Aborisade. My reaction to "Wigwe's Epistle". I read it. I think that I understand it. You have ridiculed yourself and indeed your profession.You cannot manage your home and you are an Ambassador. After diggesting your "Epistle",it is a shame on anyone who is still retaining you in public service. You do not deserve it. Your morality appears to be weak or clearly dented.  Look, sir, you married with four children whether Church Marriage, Court or tradional. You affirmed that your wife picked another "Man" and lived together for one year at least. You claimed that you married very hurriedly to another "Woman" whom you met for about six months. According to you, that marriage is in  trouble. Did you divorce your first wife before you re married?.  Or you just  took law into your hands that you can mess women around. With your explanation, I will suggest that you see a psychiatrist who will understand your mental incapacitation well. I wish you all the best, but please find your way out of the "Public Service".
Thank you,
Oladimeji Aborisade
Email: olaabo...@msn.com
 

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Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 07:41:05 -0500
To: USAAfric...@googlegroups.com
From: toyin....@mail.utexas.edu
Subject: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

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[Segun Dosumu]

Thank you for the post. However, I wish to point your attention to the title of the mail. It reads: Wigwe: Why I beat my wife. I think this title should read "Wigwe: Why I am called a wife beater or domestic violator" or even "Wigwe's Response to Allegations of Wife Battering". The reason for this suggestion is that having read Dr. Wigwe's response to the grave allegation and without the final word yet on the matter, I think that title should bear those titles or others that leave the readers to discern what happened. Adesegun Dosumu Centre for Black and African Arts and Civilization (CBAAC) 36/38, Broad Street, Lagos Island, Lagos, Nigeria. 01-7744489, +2348083950755, +2348055404320 --- On Mon, 6/6/11, Toyin Falola <toyin....@mail.utexas.edu> wrote:

From: Toyin Falola <toyin....@mail.utexas.edu> Subject: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

[Hamburg, Roger P.]

Quoting OLADMEJI ABORISADE <olaabo...@msn.com>:I have no knowledge
of the circumstances in this dispute but personal attacks defame the
internet!

>
> From Oladimeji Aborisade. My reaction to "Wigwe's Epistle". I read
> it. I think that I understand it. You have ridiculed yourself and
> indeed your profession.You cannot manage your home and you are an
> Ambassador. After diggesting your "Epistle",it is a shame on anyone
> who is still retaining you in public service. You do not deserve it.
> Your morality appears to be weak or clearly dented. Look, sir, you
> married with four children whether Church Marriage, Court or
> tradional. You affirmed that your wife picked another "Man" and lived
> together for one year at least. You claimed that you married very
> hurriedly to another "Woman" whom you met for about six months.
> According to you, that marriage is in trouble. Did you divorce your
> first wife before you re married?. Or you just took law into your
> hands that you can mess women around. With your explanation, I will
> suggest that you see a psychiatrist who will understand your mental
> incapacitation well. I wish you all the best, but please find your
> way out of the "Public Service".
> Thank you,
> Oladimeji Aborisade
> Email: olaabo...@msn.com
>
>
>

> Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 07:41:05 -0500
> To: USAAfric...@googlegroups.com
> From: toyin....@mail.utexas.edu
> Subject: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> Nigerian High Commissioner in Kenya's Official Response to
> Allegations Wife Beating
>
> This is a document received on our news desk, an official response
> from Dr. Chijoke Wigwe, to allegations of wife battering.
>
>
>
>
>

[Oyedeji, Kale]

I hope that this forum will not go the way of other Nigerian for a where
people just can't discuss issues without a test of insult. Dr. Aborisade
created the subject of his comment based on his judgment which is
misleading indeed. I'm always amazed how people read and jump to
conclusion based on only one side of the story.

Please let USAAFRICADIALOGUE remain a gentleman's forum.

'Kale Oyedeji

[Cornelius Hamelberg]

It's an altogether tragic story – as tragic as the allegations against
Dominique Strauss-Kahn – and in both cases it's word against word,
although the incredibly courageous Dr. Wigwe has voluntarily come out
in the open with what to some may sound like an extensive ad
misercordiam, a sorrowful narrative in chronological sequence with
stunning insider revelations and in intimate detail too, about his
personal, underdog life-relations with the woman he now calls his
former wife. Perhaps from his cultural or social point of view, it was
expedient to tell the story, but not the most diplomatic move that a
man can make outside the Roman Catholic Confessional, when it could
have been sufficient to give a minimalist account of the accident she
had. Most preferably that instead of the extended bare-all
revelations of the long-suffering, wronged, & wrongfully battered
husband. Perhaps unnecessary, certainly in my opinion -
diplomatically speaking, uncalled for but from his perspective, a
man’s gotta do what a man's gotta do, in this case, resulting in the
kind of contempt expressed by one Oladmeji Aborisade, in this forum.

In my opinion that sort of weakness provides a sub-plot that promotes
the villain type in Zola's “Theresa Raquin” sort of marital tragedy.

I think that all the men who have read Dr. Wigwe's response to the
allegations made against him are in deep sympathy with him, especially
me, since I know that such is the strong moral character of the
Honourable Ikwerre man, since I lived with Ikwerre people in Upland
Rivers State for 18 good months and never heard such a story of a
family man, one man's self-restraint and forbearing. I see Dr. Wigwe
as a veritable world champion in loving patience and forgiving.

The Macho men will say it's an extraordinary tale of “ woman lappah”
but we ought to have more compassion for the rest of the family ( the
children in particular) being drawn into the public view.

That Kenyan sewer paper ought to be sued. Dr. Wigwe should throw the
whole book at them and collect a few million dollars compensation for
libel, slander etc. etc. That should tecah them not to play with a
Nigerian diplomats diplomatic immunity.....and integrity.....

The president of France and of course all the African presidents were
quietly chuckling to themselves about the Monica L affair, with the
definite assurance that they themselves are so powerful in their own
countries that such a minor everyday chicken event could not possibly
happen to them - and impeachment of the Hogah because he kissed his
secretary of she kissed him in the presidential mansion? Forget it.

Someone asked , “Does anyone know what religious texts (and specific
verses) say about spousal
beating?”

Last week's Torah portion dealt with SOTAH. Not practised any more:

http://www.google.com/search?source=ig&hl=en&rlz=1G1GGLQ_SVSE353&q=Sotah&aq=f&aqi=g9g-s1&aql=&oq=

I don't think that in extreme circumstances, men's extreme emotions
are easily governed by religious rules and regulations. In France at
least there's the sort of crime that's called “Crime of passion.”

As Saint Paul says, “ All have sinned and fallen short of the glory”
and here is some critical information about “ spousal beating”:

http://www.google.com/search?q=OIC+Fatwa+on+Domestic+Violence+and+the+Rights+of+Women+in+Islam:+Beat+Your+Wife&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&hl=en

The significance of Dr. Wigwe's testimony can be summarised in this
mail that I got from a thoughtful Swedish male colleague who I sent a
copy of Dr. Wigwe's explanation and self-defence: He wrote 11:53 AM (7
hours ago)

Hej Cornelius,

Tack för det intressanta brevet. Jag har läst de första sidorna.
En mycket påfrestande situation för honom. Det är bra att han
berättar om män som får problem med kvinnor eftersom det
inte alls bevakas av media på samma sätt som de kvinnor som
misshandlas
och dödas av sina män. Hans historia visar på hur komplicerade
relationer
och människor kan vara. “

Which translates,

“Thanks for your interesting letter. I have read the first pages.
A very stressful situation for him. It is good that he tells of men
who have problems with women because such is not at all covered by the
media in the same way as reports about women who are abused and killed
by their husbands. His story demonstrates how complex relationships
and people can be. “

On Jun 7, 3:57 pm, "Oyedeji, Kale" <koyed...@morehouse.edu> wrote:
> I hope that this forum will not go the way of other Nigerian for a where
> people just can't discuss issues without a test of insult. Dr. Aborisade
> created the subject of his comment based on his judgment which is
> misleading indeed. I'm always amazed how people read and jump to
> conclusion based on only one side of the story.
>
> Please let USAAFRICADIALOGUE remain a gentleman's forum.
>
> 'Kale Oyedeji
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: usaafric...@googlegroups.com
>
> [mailto:usaafric...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Hamburg, Roger
> P.
> Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 9:42 AM
> To: usaafric...@googlegroups.com
> Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife
>

> Quoting OLADMEJI ABORISADE <olaaboris...@msn.com>:I have no knowledge

> of the circumstances in this dispute but personal attacks defame the
> internet!
>
> > From Oladimeji Aborisade. My reaction to "Wigwe's Epistle". I read
> > it. I think that I understand it. You have ridiculed yourself and
> > indeed your profession.You cannot manage your home and you are an
> > Ambassador. After diggesting your "Epistle",it is a shame on anyone
> > who is still retaining you in public service. You do not deserve it.
> > Your morality appears to be weak or clearly dented.  Look, sir, you
> > married with four children whether Church Marriage, Court or
> > tradional. You affirmed that your wife picked another "Man" and lived
> > together for one year at least. You claimed that you married very
> > hurriedly to another "Woman" whom you met for about six months.
> > According to you, that marriage is in  trouble. Did you divorce your
> > first wife before you re married?.  Or you just  took law into your
> > hands that you can mess women around. With your explanation, I will
> > suggest that you see a psychiatrist who will understand your mental
> > incapacitation well. I wish you all the best, but please find your
> > way out of the "Public Service".
> > Thank you,
> > Oladimeji Aborisade

> > Email: olaaboris...@msn.com

>
> > Date: Mon, 6 Jun 2011 07:41:05 -0500
> > To: USAAfric...@googlegroups.com

> > From: toyin.fal...@mail.utexas.edu

> ...
>
> read more »

[Eke, Maureen Ngozi]

Now, I have to weigh in on this. I have held my tongue, hoping that someone will address the perennial issue of wife beating, among our people. This is a human rights violation covered by the UN convention on the abolition of all forms of violence against women! How do we help our people get it in their heads that one's gender or identify as a woman does not condemn one to exterm1nation?

Despite Dr. Wigwe's claim that he is the abused husband in this case, I hate to say that I am not convinced. Beat the wife or kill her and then demonize her in a public diatribe. Shame on him! Enough! So, someone now feels sorry for him and chooses to ignore that his wife was wounded?

And, we are to take his narrative as "nothing but the truth?" What gives him the right to beat his wife or even push her to the point that she is wounded?

I hate to say this, but I have heard many similar tales from Nigerian and African men who beat their wives and blame them for the incidents. Years ago, the police where I lived brought a young woman to my apartment early one morning (1:00 a.m.) to keep her safe. She had been severely beaten by her husband, threatened with a knife and all of this before her children (two boys), who also have taken to insulting her. She would not go into a shelter because she was too embarrassed to do so. For weeks, the woman and I had to devise ways of keeping her safe and making sure her husband did not discover where she was staying, because he was threatening to kill her. He accused her of prostitution, spent his time demonizing her before his friends--African men, one of whom was present during an earlier incident and had done nothing to stop the abuse.

I don't want to narrate this whole event; but those of us who speak up and out against wife abuse are demonized, called haters of black men or men in general, targeted for wounding. How do we end this madness? I do not care about what the bible says and to hell with any text or culture's code for that matter that deems it appropriate or necessary to abuse a woman, girl, child, or anyone! What baffles me is the ease with which some men forget that they are of women born! So, if a man beats his wife, will he also accept it if his daughter, sister, or mother were beaten, raped, tossed out like a rag? Many of our sisters have been beaten to near death, caused serious bodily harm, including loss of pregnancies, then, expected to "perform" as wives and when they refuse, violated, because they are still married to these men. Really, poor "gentle" Dr. Chief High Commissioner, who naively "married Tess Iyi Wigwe (nee Oniga) under native law and custom on 9th April 1978," and who "was famous for her temper and fighting ability." So, only now the "gentle "Dr. chief" realizes that they may not be compatible? Give me a break!

Frankly, it is time we begin addressing this problem. Our women are being killed and violated everyday in an unofficial war against them. Look at the DRC and South Africa, for instance. Many of our young men are still operating under the belief that it is their right to bludgeon a young woman who stands up to them. It might help if our brothers or men who truly believe in gender equity were to speak up and speak out against these acts. This is not a problem that threatens women only. And, if we are to have true freedom or liberation on the continent, then everyone has to be liberated and safe. Don't tell me you are interested or committed to gender studies, women's equity, civil and human rights while engaging in practices that undermine the very issues which you seemingly claim to advocate. Matching some theory with practice would be a good start.

Thanks.

Maureen N. Eke, Ph.D
Professor of English
Central Michigan University
Mt. Pleasant, MI 48859
989-774-1087 (direct line)
989-774- 3171(main office)
989-774-1271 (fax)
eke...@cmich.edu or
maure...@cmich.edu
 
roups.com

[Nkolika Ebele]

Madam.,

I think it is wrong to describe another person's experience as untrue. Yes it is customary for men to beat women which is very bad ,but I have also witnessed situations where women abuse their husbands even physically. In one situation  the woman after pounding the man into a pulp,give herself some briuses and start shouting on top of her voice that neighbousr initially thought that it was the man that initiated the beating. On one occassion a neighbour stumbled in and what she saw was unbelievable. There are so many of such cases, it is because the ,men in such situations feel embarassed to tell their story. You know they will not look man eneough in African tradition where the man is expected to be the stronger partner. So better leave this family to sort themselves out.

Nkolika

Awka

----- Original Message -----
From: "Eke, Maureen Ngozi" <eke...@cmich.edu>
To: "usaafric...@googlegroups.com" <usaafric...@googlegroups.com>
Cc:
Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 9:07 PM
Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

[Abdul Karim Bangura]

Indeed, it is true that more husbands beat their wives compared to wives who beat their husbands. Awka is quite correct in stating that many wives do beat their husbands, sometimes mercilessly. All one has to do is an Internet search of youtube with he words "wife beating husband" to see plenty of this. In Italy, more wives beat their husbands compared to husbands who beat their wives. Even among the widely perceived gentle Swedes, I was quite surprised to learn about many husband and wife beatings. The problem is global; thus, a global remedy is needed.

[Cornelius Hamelberg]

I believe Dr. Wigwe and according to Dr. Wigwe's testimony he has
been suffering as a hen-pecked husband over a long period of time and
this is not a side issue:

http://www.google.com/search?q=Domsetic+violence+against+men

It's the sort of issue that is surely being addressed by people like
Pastor Adeboye, the Rev. Commander Pastor Ebenezer Obey and perhaps
more importantly, the Federal Ministry of Women Affairs and Social
Development.

Fortunately, Dr. Wigwe is not a Muslim and so is not under a cloud of
suspicion that he was acting under legal cover, to some extent
provided by Sharia and that he had merely exceeded the limits set by
Islamic Law. And by the way here the Islamic law not vilified but
explained in a more compassionate light:
http://www.google.com/search?q=OIC+Fatwa+on+Domestic+Violence++in+Islam

So the question that remains is what does Nigerian Law say about
domestic violence?
And Kenyan Law?

To Abdul Bangura: you talk about Italy and Sweden … what can you tell
us about the African Diaspora in the United States with regard to
violent wife-husband dis-agreements?

And apart from Islamic education and respect for Sharia etc. what
global remedy do you suggest for the majority of people who are not
Believers?

On Jun 7, 11:41 pm, Abdul Karim Bangura <th...@earthlink.net> wrote:
> Indeed, it is true that more husbands beat their wives compared to wives who beat their husbands. Awka is quite correct in stating that many wives do beat their husbands, sometimes mercilessly. All one has to do is an Internet search of youtube with he words "wife beating husband" to see plenty of this. In Italy, more wives beat their husbands compared to husbands who beat their wives. Even among the widely perceived gentle Swedes, I was quite surprised to learn about many husband and wife beatings. The problem is global; thus, a global remedy is needed.-----Original Message-----

> From: Nkolika Ebele
> Sent: Jun 7, 2011 4:58 PM
> To: "usaafric...@googlegroups.com"
> Subject: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wifeMadam.,
>
> I think it is wrong to describe another person's experience as untrue. Yes it is customary for men to beat women which is very bad ,but I have also witnessed situations where women abuse their husbands even physically. In one situation  the woman after pounding the man into a pulp,give herself some briuses and start shouting on top of her voice that neighbousr initially thought that it was the man that initiated the beating. On one occassion a neighbour stumbled in and what she saw was unbelievable. There are so many of such cases, it is because the ,men in such situations feel embarassed to tell their story. You know they will not look man eneough in African tradition where the man is expected to be the stronger partner. So better leave this family to sort themselves out.
>
> Nkolika
>
> Awka
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Eke, Maureen Ngozi" <eke...@cmich.edu>
> To: "usaafric...@googlegroups.com" <usaafric...@googlegroups.com>
> Cc:
> Sent: Tuesday, June 7, 2011 9:07 PM
> Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife
> Now, I have to weigh in on this.  I have held my tongue, hoping that someone will address the perennial issue of wife beating, among our people. This is a human rights violation covered by the UN convention on the abolition of all forms of violence against women! How do we help our people get it in their heads that one's gender or identify as a woman does not condemn one to exterm1nation?
> Despite Dr. Wigwe's claim that he is the abused husband in this case, I hate to say that I am not convinced. Beat the wife or kill her and then demonize her in a public diatribe. Shame on him! Enough! So, someone now feels sorry for him and chooses to ignore that his wife was wounded? 
> And, we are to take his narrative as "nothing but the truth?"  What gives him the right to beat his wife or even push her to the point that she is wounded? 

> I hate to say this, but I have heard many similar tales from Nigerian and African men who beat their wives and blame them for the incidents. Years ago, the police where I lived brought a young woman to my apartment early one morning (1:00 a.m.) to keep her safe. She had been severely beaten by her husband, threatened with a knife and all of this before her children (two boys), who also have taken to insulting her.  She would not go into a shelter because she was too embarrassed to do so.  For weeks, the woman and I had to devise ways of keeping her safe and making sure her husband did not discover where she was staying,...
>
> read more »

[E.S. Etuk]

Dear Dr. Maureen Ngozi Eke,

I will not pretend, as you did, to hold my tongue. Your biased writeup made me so angry that I have had to engage in this self-disclosure.

Did they not teach you that in writing on any subject, you ought to subdue your personal and subjective feelings and try to be as objective as you can possibly be? For many years, I have known some MEN who are abused by their marital spouses verbally, mentally,psychologically and physically.

My pastor refers to them as women who usurp authority at the home and whip their husbands. Embarrassed, the men are forced to remain quiet, subdued, introvertish, and unduly tolerant. Women like you who jump to defend every case of domestic abuse as originating and perpetrated by the men don't seem to care that there are men who are suffering and have suffered a lot in silence. Western modernism is, of course, to blame.

Women never do wrong because we men committed the sin to choose them as our partners only to find out the mistake we made by marrying them in the first place. The only mistake which Dr. Wigwe made was to have married that silly, shameless, termagant, that ranting crazy bastard who had no shame in molesting anyone publicly because of her incurable jealous spirit. Was she to have been a self-respecting, sweet, woman, the kind exemplified in the book of Proverbs 31, we would all be condemning Dr. Wigwe.

What annoys me most is that feminists like you never ask what led to the battering? You outrightly condemn the men without paying any heed to the years of incessant abuse by a female batterer. You do not care if the man was so mistreated that he had a stroke, stress, or high-blood pressure. You find solace in using your vagina to torture men and expect them not to fight back. The tragedy is that the children are the poor victims of these dysfunctional homes and, once the woman is enraged, she cares less what would happen to the children.

Dr. Eke, you ought to be fair to admit that you did not reside with the Wigwe family and can never know completely what transpired within the inner chambers of their home. Mrs. Wigwe, like many so-called modern women, has destroyed her man, his career, and whatever pride the children would have. She went public instead of following the African traditional means of conflict resolution. She did not complain to the parents and family of Dr. Wigwe. She took matters into her own hands. And, did you care to read the testimony of Junior Wigwe against her mother?

Have you not read of many Nigerian women murdered here in the United States? Do you think we men are happy about such tragedies? But, does anyone ever take the time to ask what led the men to kill their wives. All we here is often the story from the woman's side. It never occurs to many women that in any case of infidelity, adultry, prostitution, and cheating, it takes another willing WOMAN for a man to commit the offense.

I am really offended by the blatant one-sidedness of your writeup and state that it were better you kept shut as you claimed. Do a research on the MEN WHO HAVE BEEN ABUSED BY WOMEN since the emergence of Western style of FEMINISM and you will be shocked at their pains and misery. This is my challenge to YOU!

E.S. Etuk, Ph.D
AWARD-WINNING Author of 14 books.

[Prof. Alfred Zack-Williams]

Dear Maureen,

You are absolutely right in calling on all decent African men to stand up to
gender violence. It is arrant nonsense for anyone to compare domestic
violence by women in the realm of hegemonic masculinity to the plague of
women bashing that goes on in parts of our communities. Indeed, our learned
Ambassador should have known better that he was the face of a great nation
to the rest of the world. Indeed, this phenomenon of gender violence by
'Ambassadors' is not a Nigerian peculiarity as at least other West African
country has had representative accused of similar acts. In the case of
former Ambassador Wigwe, if the wife was suffering from mental illness, as
he hinted in his rationalisation, why did he not seek psychiatric help for
her. Furthermore, if the marriage had broken down, is divorce not available
under traditional African law? If this is impossible to obtain, then it is a
recipe for domestic homicide. Finally, you are right to juxtapose gender
violence as a human right issue, like child abuse and gay bashing & killing,
we need to stand up to such barbarous practices.

In solidarity

Tunde Zack-Williams

-----Original Message-----
From: usaafric...@googlegroups.com
[mailto:usaafric...@googlegroups.com] On Behalf Of Eke, Maureen Ngozi
Sent: 07 June 2011 21:08
To: usaafric...@googlegroups.com
Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

Thanks.

--

[Eke, Maureen Ngozi]

Dear "E.S. Etuk, Ph.D" of "AWARD-WINNING Author of 14 books" who can not hold his tongue, arrogance and partiality either. I did not claim that I was being objective in my piece. And, my piece simply states that Dr. Wigwe's narrative cannot be read as "nothing but the truth." Do you really know what objectivity and self disclosure are? Why not clean up your nose before picking mine!

Yes, men are abused and even killed by women. Men have also been raped by other men and possibly women. All of these are violations which no one in their right mind should accept. So, you want to tell me that because a man has been verbally or psychologicaly battered, he has the right to beat up his wife or another woman. By the way, one form or level of abuse does not become the correction for another. I abhor violence of any kind regardless of who experiencs it.

You are angry and so you have chosen to resort to the very attitude about which I spoke--name calling and vilification.

Listen to your very own language:
"women who usurp authority at the home and whip their husbands:" Really, so, to whom does authority belong?
"Women like you" "feminist" What of sort women are we now that we cannot speak about these abuses, even, if we speak from a specific position? I speak from the point of view of a woman who has seen so many (African) women abused and almost killed. Some have lost pregnacies, been damaged psychologically, and abandoned. Needless to say as you and I agree, the children suffer. The struggle is all of ours, like it or not. From you view, Mrs Wigwe wronged not only because she did not go to the inlaws or follow the traditional African way, but because she exercised some authority by exposing her husband's nakedness in public. Did the "gentle" Dr. himself not do that also in that long pity me piece? why not chide him for it?

YES, I AM A FEMINIST and choke on that if you choose! I make no apologies about this. And, it has nothing to do with the west or modernism. I was a feminsit before I encountered western feminism and so were/are generations of African women. Go read the books you claim to know. So, give that idea that western feminism or western modernism is responsible for our actions or call to be respected a rest!

Really, I refuse to indulge you. I am truly glad that you are aware that many Nigerian women have been killed here in the US by their spouses and that we should be concerned--my point exactly. Do something. Stop standing at the door to watch it happen only to say why not ask the man why he is killing his wife. I do not know how to justify blaming the victim of spousal abuse for the abuse. If a man is angry at his wife or spouse, he does not have the right to beat her and neither does a woman have the right to beat her spouse either. If a man turns to another woman, he does not have the right to beat or kill the one he left. And, shame on you for simply holding women accountable for some men's infidelity. I am tired of hearing that Eve made Adam eat the apple. Does Adam have any brains? Enough or wake up!

And, as for you, speak your mind as will I. Not even your vilification has the power to silence me. I choose to speak or remain silent when I wish.
Thanks.

Maureen N. Eke, Ph.D. (Proud African woman, feminist, scholar, author and of no book awards)
Dept. of English

AN 240

Central Michigan University

Mt. Pleasant, MI 48859

direct: 989-774-1087

main: 989-774-3117

fax: 989-774-1271

________________________________________
From: usaafric...@googlegroups.com [usaafric...@googlegroups.com] on behalf of E.S. Etuk [emi...@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 07, 2011 6:47 PM

To: usaafric...@googlegroups.com
Subject: RE: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife

Dear Dr. Maureen Ngozi Eke,

[joan.Osa Oviawe]

Dear Dr. Eke,

Distinguished gentlemen who do not want to besmirch their bonafides in polite company have found a new pejorative to replace "bitch," it's called "feminist."  Any woman who chooses to have an opinion and express it freely of her own volition is a "feminist" never mind that the woman in question self identifies as a feminist or not.  It has now become a word used by some, to discipline and silence "open-eye" African women.

It is worth noting that while Dr. Etuk admonishes you not to take sides, he, in turn, has no qualms about describing Mrs. Wigwe derogatorily as: "silly, shameless, termagant, that ranting crazy bastard..." talk about masculinist indulgence!

Saludos,
joan.Osa Oviawe

[Ayo Obe]

Sweet Maureen, any child who failed to understand or agree that 2nd class status should be assigned or withheld on the basis of gender is a natural feminist. Those of us who fail to have that understanding shaped or conditioned by society or Mrs Goody Two-shoes in Proverbs 31* remain feminists whether we are women or men. It has no more to do with Western ideology than the failure of many black people to understand or agree that they are inferior to whites.

There are obviously many sides to the Wigwe story, but my understanding of his explanation of his wife's injuries was that they were self-inflicted and enhanced with make up or tomato ketchup or something ... I have no idea which of them is telling the truth. I can cite three battered wife cases from personal knowledge (including one where the husband claimed that the wife had deliberately tried to aggravate injuries received in a fight to 'make them look bad') but have only rumour as regards battered husbands. I don't discount it: it is unlikely to be something that a man who is not actually maltreated in public would broadcast to the world.

As to the Wigwes, I got tired reading the sorry story which only left me baffled as to why, with a previous history of his wife being suspended, he thought that the best place to revive their troubled marriage was when he representing the Federal Republic of Nigeria as its High Commissioner in Nairobi. Possibly a triumph of hope over experience. An expensive mistake sha...

Ayo

*This admirable woman is always wheeled out on Mothering Sunday as an example. Unteachable mothers like me consider her to be one of many crosses we have to bear ...

[Cornelius Hamelberg]

“Othello” is a great Opera. Paul Robeson once played the part designed
for that extraordinary emotion which in Swedish is called “
Svartsjuk” - “the black illness” : jealousy, which after all is a
universal emotion ( therefore Sotah) but said to be specially
pronounced/excessive in the darker species, therefore the BLACK
illness. So when Sir Laurence Olivier played the part, he hung out
with Black people ( mostly West Indians) in London, to study and
inculcate (Stanislavski method) some of our emotional attributes. This
accounts for some of the melodrama that we see in his acting – not in
the Burbage delivery of his lines......I've seen the performance
several times....a quite exaggerated you and me. But that's the scene
and the screen for you, to make a person “ bigger than life”

http://www.google.com/search?q=Othello

So today, Bigger Thomas stands in front of Her Majesty's magistrate
at the Old Bailey, charged with assault and battery, and causing “
grievous bodily harm” to a female. Her Majesty's magistrate (male or
female) hallucinates the image of Othello which is now planted deep in
his psyche as the representative image of the Black Man and he is
therefore readily disposed to conclude that ”The lustful Negro must
have done it” ...with extra lust for “ the forbidden fruit” ....

It's the same thing when the innocent Negro is charged with rape –
especially of a white woman. On the day of the trial she turns up
wearing a short skirt covering an ashasha looking like the back side
of Monica Lewinsky, and the male members of the jury, drooling at
the lascivious sight even before any evidence is presented, have
already concluded that “ The Negro must have done it” because perhaps
irresistibly, nobody in sight, from their own point of view it would
look like a good idea, if it were to be delivered to them, on a
platter

And if the Negro is looking humble and grieved ,they think he is now
hanging his head in shame and regret.

If he is looking confident and defiant, they think, “What the cheek
he's not looking meek ! In spite of being guilty, see how arrogant
and unrepentant he looks” - and he will probably get an even stiffer
sentence.

No matter how he looks, he can't win.

I 've seen this happen to various friends from various countries of
Africa, here in Sweden.

Today, we do not want to see the Wigwe family drama as reported being
reduced to a Nollywood soap opera 4U2Laff. We are talking about an
honourable Nigeria ambassador who has hitherto served his country
well ; throughout his trials and tribulations that he has acquainted
us with there is no mention of wife-beating nor does she accuse him of
such, - until now - and we are to presume his innocence until should
he (Heaven forbid) be found guilty.

A question we must ask is “ Why would the Mrs. Wigwe in question want
to kill the goose that's laying the golden eggs?

Ambassador Wigwe has given us the answer.

Dr. Wigwe & the whole world is aware of the problem of domestic
violence mostly perpetrated by men on women and also by women on men
( 40%?) and by parents – both women and men - on their children, and
in some parts of the world where it's called “corporal punishment” by
teachers, both male and female, on their students, tiny tot, young or
old.... and in my opinion the latter system of punishment in part,
accounts for the long, post-colonial history of brutality in some
parts of Africa (daily mass rape in Eastern Congo still on-going) and
accounts for some element of brutality being so readily acceptable by
many Africans who were subject to such punishments and consequently
have thought that it's legal fare and a good way of maintaining
discipline, winning an argument, or solving a problem whether in the
Ivory Coast, the Sudan, Libya or Pakistan, it's the philosophy of “
Spare the rod and spoil the child” and it's said and sung that with
the US as parent, pastor and world Sheriff, it's, “Send the
Marines !”:

http://www.google.se/search?q=Send+the+Marines

We (men) are in solidarity with women ( mothers, lovers,
daughters,wives) who may be on the receiving end – it is not a
coincidence that in our part of Africa, Prince Nico Mbarga's “Sweet
Mother“ is the most popular African music piece of all time: this is
so because it strikes a chord in everyone of us – men and women who
have come into existence through woman – and therefore exalt mother-
hood.

http://www.google.com/search?q=Sweet+Mother

Therefore it is expected that we respect our wives, womenfolk , as we
respect our mothers.

At the start of the Sabbath - before the Sabbath meal, “ Eshet
Chayil” ( Proverbs 31 that Dr. Etuk mentions) the alphabetically
arranged eulogy that our Patriarch Abraham composed on behalf of our
Matriarch Sarah is recited. Proverbs 31 was incorporated by King
Solomon as part of the closing chapter of Proverbs. “This hymn extols
the way virtues of the Jewish wife and mother who sets the tone of
Shabbos and in the home and family”:

http://www.google.com/search?q=Eshet+Chayil&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

As the saying goes, “He who feels it knows” and as Dr. Emma Etuk -
justifiably angry - has so insightfully pointed out, the new
vociferous and aggressive strain of militant African feminists who
“find solace in using (the power of ) vagina to torture men and expect
them not to fight back”, should know that it is not all men that are
willing to take it, lying down.

So, let's be reasonable here, not merely sentimental, emotional,
romantic, tearful or reeling in pain and being vindictive. Although
the discussion has now moved from the specific to the general, I would
like to return to the case at hand: yes, everyone knows that there's a
general wife-beating, "temporary insanity", battering & bruising and
perhaps this is what Mrs Wigwe has exploited, in the belief that her
story will be easily believed, because wife-beating is a widespread
phenomenon. But what has she done this time which she has not done a
thousand times before? What excess is it that she is supposed to have
committed that broke the camel's back this time? That too is a
question.

http://www.google.com/search?q=Crime+of+passion

Professor Tunde Zack-Williams raises two pertinent questions which
the church, the Mosque and the Nigerian Federal Ministry of Women
Affairs and Social Development should address.

The questions:

“if the wife was suffering from mental illness, as

he hinted in his  rationalisation, why did he not seek psychiatric
help for
her. Furthermore, if the marriage had broken down, is divorce not
available

under traditional African law?”

This is where Family Counselling should help - adjusted to the
cultural context of course.
As Professor Zack-Williams knows, in a country like Sierra Leone,
there is only one psychiatrist in the whole country and some say that
because of the strain and stresses of the workload this poor man has
to bear, he himself might be in need of some treatment, without even
being aware of this. And to some extent, the treatment – for
witchcraft or whatever, would have to be culture-dependent.

http://www.google.com/search?q=Family+Counselling

Dr. Etuk also observes that, “She went public instead of following the

African traditional means of conflict resolution. She did not complain
to the parents and family of Dr. Wigwe. She took matters into her own

hands. ” This is an essential difference between European life and
life in Africa: in Sweden divorce can be almost instantaneous once
tempers flares or it has got to the point of “enough is enough” - the
wide range of Swedes that I know do not make personal domestic
problems a bigger family affair with consultations with parents and
their familial extensions sitting on the judgement seat. They take
matters into their own hands.

Another difference is that in Africa , on the whole the woman tends to
be subjugated to the man on whom she is usually economically dependent
to the extent that she is reluctant to bite the hand that feeds her.
Even here in Sweden, African immigrants have been known to marry
African women who upon becoming economically independent have tended
to “ take matters into their own hands” and deserted their African
husbands, to live life in “freedom” & without any husbandly
supervision, taken over his house / apartment since the law seems to
favour women.

This has tended to result in alcohol problems and sometimes suicide
for the poor men.
Over here, when a man commits suicide it's usually about money or
woman.

If there had been no wife beating? No wife beating at all, say in
Nigeria? Then the women would have taken over completely long ago –
and we would have had the first Female president of Nigeria some Lady
Ngozi, type, from day one. Goodluck himself would not have stood a
chance, except perhaps to be the man, the “ boy-child” power behind
the First Lady's throne, with the First Lady as his President, in
control of the purse strings of course, and perhaps her sister Mrs.
Wigwe or Lavonda Staples as her Chancellor of the Exchequer.

And in Ghana the Markola Market Mammy (the usual economic power behind
the throne/ political power) would have also taken over long ago.

And hopefully, we are not societies -n-transition to polyandry of the
sort that ( survival of the fittest) masculine man could have to
succumb to as they look back in nostalgia and update the history of
once upon a time, in African Patriarchal societies. This is likely to
happen once the Freedom March of the Militant Feminists and Lesbians
achieve their objectives. As Fela complains

“ Lady nah Master,”Lady na Master.!

“She go say him equal to man
She go say him get power like man
She go say anything man do
Him self fit do
I never tell you finish… (3x)
I never tell you…
She go want take cigar before anybody
She go want make you open door for am
She go want make man wash plate for her for kitchen
She want salute man she go sit down for chair (2x)
She want sit down for table before anybody (2x)
She want piece of meat before anybody (2x)
Call am for dance, she go dance Lady dance (2x)”

And the ideal, “Sweet mother” holy mother, picture:

“She know him man nah Master
She go cook for am
She go do anything he say ...”

http://www.google.com/search?q=Fela+%3A+Lady

Mark my words: it's in the pipe-line: after the Arab Spring, you will
have the Muslim women in that area rearing their heads and women's
Liberation and feminism in Islam will be the next new thing. And the
Muslim men won't be taking it lying down. Some will have to sing and
beg for their supper after the fuse of The Muslims' women Lib is
lit.

May the Almighty help us all : the Dr. Wigwes, you, me.

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[Michael Afolayan]

Ladies and Gentlemen –
 
I think we need to hold a truce on this matter and intentionally muse. There is
no reason to make an issue of this magnitude a personal crusade and so we should
be as reasonable as humanly possible, letting wisdom guide us in navigating the
storm. And please, let us forget all theorizing and speculating based on
psychology, cosmetology, theology, and other intellectual “dis, dats, and dose”
that are becoming pervasive in this conversation, and let us take a reality
check at least, just for the moment. The proverbial thief has stolen here, as
the Yoruba people would say at such a time as this, there is no moral
justification for blaming the owner who purportedly left his or her item in an
enticing location. A person has been severely assaulted in this story; should
there be a rational justification for beating up another human-being? Excuse me,
but in my mind this is not a woman problem; it is a human problem and should be
seen as such. A change in our narrative on this matter is on order!
 
Here is the matter: When anyone raises his or her hand to hit another person and
draws blood in the process, it is known as aggravated assault. In America, even
if you are the sitting president, you WILL go to jail automatically and you
would have yourself to blame for it. It is one situation where you are presumed
guilty until proven innocent. You may be proven innocent if eventually it is
determined you did what you did in say self-defense or your action was
unintentional; but you are initially handcuffed, hauled away in a squad car and
made to spend some time behind bars. It is that serious! Am I missing something?
Why all these emotional pontifications to defend this man, Dr. Wigwe? My
upbringing has taught me that a man who raises his hand to hit his wife (or any
woman for that matter) has lost the inner feeling of modesty, self-respect, and
decorum and no sane person should stand to defend that person except, perhaps,
in the court of law. This is more so in the case of Dr. Wigwe, who I understand
served (or is still serving) as a Nigerian ambassador. My goodness, an
ambassador, by protocol, is addresses as “His Excellency” (H.E.). This is the
same title given to the head of a country. This means this man was the “de facto
president” of the Federal Republic of Nigeria in Kenya. He represented (or is
representing) the entire nation - its cultural, economic, political, and other
social interests. His actions reflect the norms and values of Nigerian people.
If only for that, I would expect something better from him, regardless of the
explanation, and I don’t care who is doing the explaining – his colleagues,
admirers, neighbors, passersby, friends, son, daughter or what have you! I
particularly hate the explanation that the wife, Mrs. Wigwe, was a fighter and
husband beater herself even before the couple was married, according to the
husband. Haba, where is the rule of logic here? Why marry a virago if you knew
her as such? And if she beat you up, why not call the police and have her
arrested? Why not ask for a restraining order to prevent her from coming within
certain space of your domicile? Oh, PLEASE!
 
And my, oh my, this explanation of “it is customary for men to beat women”
should stop. The so called “battered husband syndrome” excuse should stop. They
are demeaning to us Africans and self-serving to their proponents. They should
be seen as aberrations rather than the norm. I am sorry to say, and I thought I
would refrain from personalizing this but I don’t know the home individuals grow
up from but I never once saw my own father raise up his hand to hit my mother,
and in case you wonder, I have been married to my wife for 29 years and neither
one of us has ever raised a finger against the other except when we occasionally
give “high fives.” Sorry, but my wife is not Mother Theresa, and I am not Dr.
Huxtable of the “Cosby Show” fame either.  In my book, however, this is normalcy
and anything to the contrary is eccentricity at its peak.

Honestly, as a husband, father to three girls, an academic, and normal
human-being, it is hard for me to watch and see the barrage of attacks on Mrs.
Wigwe, who, like my wife or any of my daughters, may not be an angel herself, or
to watch an attempt to silence Dr. Maureen Eke, who is trying to be a voice of
reason in this difficult macabre situation. It is even worse for me to see a
fortress of defense being bulwarked around Dr. Wigwe for what I saw as clearly a
shameless expression of macho-militancy and Stone Age masculinity on his part.
 If you beat your dog half the extent to which the picture of this woman shows,
you would be arrested. I hope those of us who are men of conscience can stand up
for this woman and let the likes of Dr. Wigwe know that certain things are
acceptable in our book, and as my village people would say, putting a leash on
the chicken is a shame on the chicken farmer. Beating up your wife is a thing of
shame and any explanation in defense of this folly is a shame on the
wife-beating apologists!
 
Michael O. Afolayan
From the Land of Lincoln

----- Original Message ----
From: "Eke, Maureen Ngozi" <eke...@cmich.edu>
To: "usaafric...@googlegroups.com" <usaafric...@googlegroups.com>

[Meshack Owino]

I don't know the Wigwe family beyond what I have read about it on the public domain, but one thing that I am sure all of us cannot pretend about is that domestic abuse is a common phenomenon, with, I believe, more men/husbands doing the battering of their women/wives.   I also wanted to respond to the following assertion by a discussant: "I can cite three battered wife cases from personal knowledge (including one where the husband claimed that the wife had deliberately tried to aggravate injuries received in a fight to 'make them look bad') but have only rumour as regards battered husbands."   In response to this claim, herebelow is a youtube clip of a battered husband complaining of being battered by his wife. This particular clip is on a Kenyan man and his wife.   http://www.youtube.com/user/NTVKenya#p/search/1/CQu__0lwgw0   Listen to the report (English), as well as the interview of the husband and the wife (Kiswahili). The husband admits that he is battered by his wife regularly. He shows wounds inflicted on him by his wife. The wife also admits on camera that he batters his wife becuse he is a "drunkard."    This is a very delicate discussion, and I will leave it there.   Meshack Owino. ------------------------ _____________________ Meshack Owino, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of History, History Department, RT 1319, Cleveland State University, 2121 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland, OHIO 44115-2214, USA. Tel.: 216-523-7264 Fax.: 216-687-5592 E-mail address: m.o...@csuohio.edu; mas...@yahoo.com _______________________________________________________ --- On Wed, 6/8/11, Ayo Obe <ayo.m...@gmail.com> wrote:

From: Ayo Obe <ayo.m...@gmail.com> Subject: Re: USA Africa Dialogue Series - Wigwe: Why I beat my wife To: "usaafric...@googlegroups.com" <usaafric...@googlegroups.com> Cc: "usaafric...@googlegroups.com" <usaafric...@googlegroups.com> Date: Wednesday, June 8, 2011, 5:41 AM

Sweet Maureen, any child who failed to understand or agree that 2nd class status should be assigned or withheld on the basis of gender is a natural feminist.  Those of us who fail to have that understanding shaped or conditioned by society or Mrs Goody Two-shoes in Proverbs 31* remain feminists whether we are women or men.  It has no more to do with Western ideology than the failure of many black people to understand or agree that they are inferior to whites. There are obviously many sides to the Wigwe story, but my understanding of his explanation of his wife's injuries was that they were self-inflicted and enhanced with make up or tomato ketchup or something ...  I have no idea which of them is telling the truth.  I can cite three battered wife cases from personal knowledge (including one where the husband claimed that the wife had deliberately tried to aggravate injuries received in a fight to 'make them look bad') but have only rumour as regards battered husbands.  I don't discount it: it is unlikely to be something that a man who is not actually maltreated in public would broadcast to the world. As to the Wigwes, I got tired reading the sorry story which only left me baffled as to why, with a previous history of his wife being suspended, he thought that the best place to revive their troubled marriage was when he representing the Federal Republic of Nigeria as its High Commissioner in Nairobi.  Possibly a triumph of hope over experience.  An expensive mistake sha... Ayo *This admirable woman is always wheeled out on Mothering Sunday as an example.  Unteachable mothers like me consider her to be one of many crosses we have to bear ... On 8 Jun 2011, at 01:24, "Eke, Maureen Ngozi" <eke...@cmich.edu> wrote:

[Meshack Owino]

Sorry, the following sentence, "The wife also admits on camera that he batters his wife becuse he is a "drunkard" should read as fllows: "The wife also admits on camera that she batters her husband because he is a "drunkard."

_____________________ Meshack Owino, Ph.D., Assistant Professor of History, History Department, RT 1319, Cleveland State University, 2121 Euclid Avenue, Cleveland, OHIO 44115-2214, USA. Tel.: 216-523-7264 Fax.: 216-687-5592 E-mail address: m.o...@csuohio.edu; mas...@yahoo.com _______________________________________________________

--- On Wed, 6/8/11, Meshack Owino <mas...@yahoo.com> wrote: