As the World Battles COVID-19, Nigerians Confront COVIK 4-1-9

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Farooq A. Kperogi

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Apr 4, 2020, 5:20:13 AM4/4/20

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As the World Battles COVID-19, Nigerians Confront COVIK 4-1-9

By Farooq A. Kperogi, Ph.D.

Twitter: @farooqkperogi

Amid mounting panic and uncertainties over the ravages of COVID-19 worldwide, Nigerians are wracked by the double whammy of disabling fear over the scourge of the virus and bewildering COVID-19-inspired fraud by their government.

Nigerians on social media justifiably say their country’s most pressing burden now is how to deal with the heartrending transmogrification of COVID-19 to COVIK 4-1-9 there. For those who need initiation, COVIK 4-1-9 is a jocular blend of Muhammadu Buhari’s pronunciational murder of COVID-19 (which he mispronounced as COVIK 1-9) and 419, the section of the (Southern Nigerian) Criminal Code that outlaws advanced fee fraud, but which now functions as shorthand for fraud and deception of all kinds.

COVIK 4-1-9 is a particularly imaginative coinage because it encapsulates a merger of incompetence and fraud, which defines the current government’s response to the threats of the novel coronavirus—and, for that matter, everything else.

When the perils of COVID-19 were only just emerging and clearly moving in the direction of Nigeria, Buhari didn’t deem it appropriate to address the nation and to announce measures he was putting in place to stop or minimize the effects of the virus.

When almost all African leaders had addressed citizens of their nations in national broadcasts over COVID-19 and Buhari was still missing, there was panic about his state of being. Worse still, Nigeria became the butt of jokes on social media among other Africans.

In Ugandan Twittersphere, for instance, there was a “#BuhariChallenge.” The most viral tweet from the challenge came from a Kenyangi Bale, which goes: “I know Ugandans deserves [sic] better. But, our President, Museveni, has addressed this nation the 5^th time in 2 weeks on the COVID-19 pandemic. You guys needs [sic] to visit Nigerian Twitter. They are looking for their president. He is nowhere to be found.”

Other African countries’ Twitter chatter satirizing Buhari’s puzzling silence amid the rising dread of the novel coronavirus soon spilled over to Nigerian Twittersphere and actuated an intensification of calls for Buhari to address the nation.

So Buhari’s handlers caused him to make a 23-second address to the nation during which he called COVID-19 COVIK 1-9. He only needed “4” to make it COVIK 4-1-9. The phonological similitude between 1-9 and 4-1-9 was not lost on Nigerians. And after a severely scathing mockery of the 23-second COVIK 1-9 webcast, Buhari’s social media aide by the name of Bashir Ahmad took it down from his Twitter page.

On March 29, 2020, Buhari was compelled to address the nation in a pre-recorded broadcast which, while admirable and praiseworthy in the policies and programs it outlined to confront COVID-19, nonetheless rendered itself vulnerable to charges of creating the basis for governmental fraud when it said it would feed school children who aren’t in school and observe social distancing while doing so.

Even the wildest stretch of fictional fantasy can’t imagine feeding school children who are out of school while maintaining physical and social distancing in the process.

The presidency attempted to delegitimize Professor Wole Soyinka’s fulmination against its national lockdown order by calling him a “fiction writer,” but not even Soyinka’s prodigious dramaturgical wizardry can conceive of feeding people in their absence while being physically and socially distant from them.

Consequent upon Buhari’s address, government also said it would embark on a program of “conditional cash transfers” to poor, vulnerable Nigerians to ease the hurt of the national lockdown order. But Nigeria doesn’t have a database to make this happen.

That’s why people suspect that most of the money will be stolen by government officials and some of it will be given to party loyalists and hangers-on of politicians in the ruling party. In fact, photos that have emerged of people who received the “cash transfers” from the minister of humanitarian affairs showed faces of well-fed, middle-class men and women who don’t fit the image of “poor” people.

Apologists of the regime insist that the government is deploying a World Bank database to identify poor Nigerians, although the government had consistently claimed in the past that the World Bank’s statistics on Nigeria were inaccurate.

For instance, on October 9, 2019, newspapers reported Buhari to have said, “Today, most of the statistics quoted about Nigeria are developed abroad by the World Bank, IMF and other foreign bodies. Some of the statistics we get relating to Nigeria are wild estimates and bear little relation to the facts on the ground.”

How can Buhari’s government rely on the same “wild estimates [that] bear little relation to the facts on the ground” to “transfer” cash to poor people?

Nonetheless, when the government enforces a national lockdown, which cripples the informal economy upon which a vast majority of Nigerians depend, more than 70 percent of the population is already vulnerable and in need of government’s help.

In any case, as the poverty capital of the world, most Nigerians, including people who are not party loyalists, need all the help they can get from government. For starters, the N37 billion budgeted to renovate the dysfunctional and utterly useless National Assembly Complex could be better used to secure the lives of Nigerians.

Lockdown amid hunger and lack of electricity and water is death sentence for most people. People can survive COVID-19, but no one can survive sustained starvation.

Another disturbing COVIK 4-1-9 phenomenon that may hurt the nation is the selectivity of the testing for COVID-19. Testing is still a privilege reserved for “big people.” It has become a status symbol. Plus, it doesn’t seem that government is giving a thought to the possibilities of false positives and false negatives. The BBC reported on March 30 that many Western nations have discovered that test kits from China are only 30 percent reliable.

Perhaps the most insidious COVIK 4-1-9 that no one seems to be talking about is that victims of COVID-19 are being used as a bargaining chip to get money from the federal government. The Benue index case, for instance, whom the state government identified by name against ethical guidelines, has been asymptomatic for weeks after testing positive, but has been kept in isolation in a dingy, unsanitary place. She is possibly the victim of a false positive, but she’s being kept in isolation anyway. Her request to be retested has been spurned.

Her relatives say she is kept in isolation against her wish, and was prevented from going back to London to her family when the airspace hadn’t closed, because the state government wants to use her as a bargaining chip to get federal money since the Lagos State government, which seems to be doing remarkably well so far, got N10 billion from the federal government to fight the novel coronavirus. In how many more places is this happening?

While other nations are working day and night to reverse the effects of COVID, Nigerian governments at all levels, except for Lagos State for now, see the virus as an opportunity to perpetrate chicanery. The only silver lining in the dark clouds is that if the tragedy of the leaders’ fraud unravels, they would have nowhere to run to. We are all in this together.

Related Articles:

Coronavirus: Why Buhari Won’t Address Nigerians

Buhari’s “Kovik One Nine” Pronunciational Mishap Proves My Saturday Column

Yar’aduaization and Politics of Compassion in the Age of Coronavirus

Buhari’s Only Job is to Prove He Isn’t Dead

7 Coronavirus Grammar Lessons

Farooq A. Kperogi, Ph.D.

School of Communication & Media

Social Science Building

Room 5092 MD 2207

402 Bartow Avenue
Kennesaw State University

Kennesaw, Georgia, USA 30144
Cell: (+1) 404-573-9697
Personal website: www.farooqkperogi.com

Twitter: @farooqkperogi

Author of Glocal English: The Changing Face and Forms of Nigerian English in a Global World

Nigeria's Digital Diaspora: Citizen Media, Democracy, and Participation

"The nice thing about pessimism is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised." G. F. Will

Anthony Akinola

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Apr 4, 2020, 9:45:28 AM4/4/20

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Quite an agreeable critique.

Anthony Akinola

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Salimonu Kadiri

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Apr 6, 2020, 6:31:35 PM4/6/20

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On Sunday, 22 March 2020, Farooq Kperogi's post on this forum was titled : Buhari's ''KOVIK ONE NINE" Pronunciational Mishap Proves My Saturday Column. In his diatribe against Buhari's broadcast to Nigerians Kperogi wrote, "Although his speech was pre-recorded (which means it wasn't live) his handlers couldn't get him to retake the portion where he mispronounced COVID-19 as *KOVIK one nine!* Within a week, the misanthropic logorrhoea has changed Buhari's mispronunciation. Thus he wrote, ".... Muhammadu Buhari's pronunciational murder of COVID-19 (which he mispronounced as COVIK 1-9) …." Because Buhari was not fast enough to address the nation on Coronavirus according to Farooq, he wrote, "Worse still, Nigeria became the butt of jokes on social media among other Africans. In Uganda Twittersphere, for instance, there was a #BuhariChallenge. The most viral tweet from the challenge came from a Kenyangi Bale, which goes: 'I know Ugandans deserves better. But our President, Museveni has addressed this nation the 5th time in 2 weeks on COVID-19 pandemic. You guys needs to visit Nigerian Twitter. They are looking for their President. He is no where to be found." I have underlined the grammatical errors of Kenyangi Bale, Farooq's favourite as a mocker of Buhari and a joker on Nigeria. To Farooq, a Ugandan is other Africans!!!

Following what he called butt of jokes on social media about Nigeria among other Africans, Farooq wrote, "So Buhari handlers caused him to make a 23-second address to the nation during which he called COVID-19, COVIK 1-9. After a severely mockery of the 23-second COVIK 1-9, webcast, Buhari's social media aide… took it down .." On Sunday, 22 March 2020, Farooq Kperogi heard Buhari on audio-television broadcast pronouncing KOVIK ONE NINE, but by Saturday, 3 April 2020, Farooq Kperogi is saying he heard Buhari saying COVIK 1-9. Can this be a case of a dementia-plagued, and insentient young geezer masquerading as a social critique or a case of what psychiatrists/psychologists call a schizotypal person, that is to say, a person who believes in things that normal people in the world do not believe, such as claiming extra sensory powers and being able to read minds?

S. Kadiri

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OLAYINKA AGBETUYI

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Apr 6, 2020, 9:13:54 PM4/6/20

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From the perspective of a linguist and language teacher what ought to have been obvious to columnist Farooq Kperogi from his numerous citations of President Buhari is the President's common pathology with President. George W. Bush which I once cited and it is NOT dementia; it is dyslexia.

From his write ups on Buhari regarding the misspelling of his name it ought to be obvious to Kperogi that the President was dyslexic from an early age.

There is no teacher program a teaching professional such as Kperogi will undertake in the UK that will not focus on how to make provisions for dyslexic learners ( I wonder how Kperogi deals with this aspect in his current classes; I know I had dyslexic students in my American classes.) Dyslexic students are generally not viewed as lacking in intelligence and most in spite of their dyslexia end up making a success of their professions.

A President is elected for his perceived POLITICAL skills and the verdict of history will highlight these; they are not judged on the presence or absence of dyslexia. Buhari will not be different.

OAA

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Cornelius Hamelberg

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Apr 7, 2020, 7:34:43 AM4/7/20

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Baba Kadiri ,

Kudos! The coronavirus issue is serious enough and we should be more concerned about how to fight it in Nigeria, but let’s leave that for a moment.

In the good old days of corporal punishment in our part of Colonial West A-free-ca, the motto was “spare the rod and spoil the child!” Sadly, after so many civil wars and the destruction of the normal social order, the consequent destruction of the natural order of authority due to war, child soldiers and other social disorders, whole societies turned upside-down, all some of the elders and Babas can do now, is pray, and weep and sing this kind of hallelujah, in nostalgia,

“There was a time, when peace was on the earth,

And joy and happiness did reign and each man knew his worth

In my heart how I yearn for that spirit's return

And I cry, as time flies,

Om, Om “

Baba Kadiri, it has come to our notice that “spare the rod and spoil the child” is exactly what you have been doing for quite some time now, i.e. you never miss an opportunity to castigate/spank/trash your eternal object of opprobrium, namely your bad boi, Don Kperogi the intransigent. I guess it would give you more than visceral satisfaction, if only you and all of us would or could hear Kperogi hollering from the smarting in pain caused by your sadistic drubbings, all conducted, only verbally of course, and in the national interest.

In the good old days, you would also get the well-earned satisfaction of a duty, in this case a national duty well done, if it were to have produced the necessary reform in your subject, the mandatory, “ Ai baig pardon Sah”, maybe him laying his belly flat on the ground, hands extended to reach for your feet, words of remorse, words of sincere repentance and a firm promise to never criticize Muhammadu Buhari again, not as long as he lives. In the good old days just a dozen strokes of the cane on a nearly- bare bottom would extract that kind of commitment , for at least as long as the pain lasted or could be remembered with a feeling of “ never again” (Like Muhammad Zia-ul-Haq’s public flogging of political prisoners and journalists, sometimes also having some of his citizens flogged in a public stadium, for coming adultery or fornication) - and drinking (intoxication)

I’m told that in some non-fictional African country, the dictator-president would send his security agents to apprehend the unfortunate journalist who had written” something” about him. They would eventually throw the unfortunate journalist at the foot of Mr. President’s throne, and there the unfortunate journalist would remain huddled in a heap, not daring to move until he had to move a little involuntarily when he heard Mr. President asking him harshly, “You wrote that rubbish about me?”

The unfortunate journalist would then move slightly, pretending to be in more pain than he really was in, and hoping that he was sounding as contrite as possible when he said, “Pa, please forgive me, I beg you in the name of the Most Merciful God Almighty. Sir, it was not me, I was drunk when I wrote what I wrote.”

Baba Kadiri, how do you defend yourself against the charge that no matter how extreme, detailed and punctilious Don Kperogi’s criticism of Mr. President and any of his perceived shortcomings, you can’t accuse your Don Kperogi of un-Nigerian activities, although perhaps his non-stop criticism of his motherland could be viewed in certain quarters as “ un-American activities” to the extent that an exasperated Brer Trump could ask him why then don’t you go to your s-hole country and fix things there, instead of complaining ad nauseum from the precincts of Atalanta, Georgia?

Don Kperogi has already told us how he would respond to Trump requesting that he go lead the revolution in Nigeria: “Buhari’s agents are planning to assassinate me”

Baba Kadiri, now to the main point. I’m disappointed. You lambast your culprit, “the misanthropic logorrhoea”, strong words, but in the final analysis, could you accuse him of being treacherous or treasonous? Misanthropy and loquaciousness are not in themselves political crimes, or are they?

If you are serious you could fill out the charge sheet with all the crimes and misdemeanours that you believe Don Kperogi has committed and sue him in court - Fela’s African court if you will – on behalf of whoever – Buhari, the APC, Nigeria, the Africa Union., the US-Africa Dialogue

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Salimonu Kadiri

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Apr 7, 2020, 4:46:52 PM4/7/20

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OAA,

I agree with you that there are kings, presidents, prime ministers and even renounced professors around the globe that are dyslexic and, as such, it will not be strange or exceptional if Buhari in one of them. What is strange and exceptional is the claim of Farooq Kperogi that he heard Buhari in an audio-visual broadcast pronounce KOVIK ONE NINE on 22 March 2020 but by 3 April 2020, he heard him pronounce COVIK 1-9 in the same broadcast. Kindly note that auditorily the pronunciation of KO at beginning of KOVIK will sound like CO in COVIK to any normal listener. But our professional logomachist claimed he could differentiate the pronunciation of CO from KO in a television broadcast, which was why he asserted with confidence, in his post of 22 March 2020, that Buhari pronounced KOVIK One Nine. In my response of 25 March 2020 to him, actually directed to Kenneth Harrow, I wrote, "The President (Buhari), obviously pronounced COVIK instead of COVID but Farooq has mischievously distorted Buhari' audio-vision pronunciation of COVIK to KOVIK." I explained further that there was nothing wrong for Buhari to pronounce nineteen (19) as one-nine (1-9) since Nigeria's criminal law four-hundred and nineteen (419) is general pronounced 4-1-9 in Nigeria. I referred to the plane hijackers incidents in the US on September 11, 2001 which is always referred to as 9/11 incidents, with the nine (9) representing the number of alphabets in the spelling of September while 11 represents the date in September when the incidents occurred.

It is from my post of 25 March 2020 that Farooq Kperogi has taken correction of his obnoxious KOVIK One Nine to his present COVIK 1-9 even though he claimed never reading anything I write. The man claims to be a Muslim but, like most Nigerian Muslims, he is a hypocrite. Otherwise, he should have followed admonition to adherent Muslims in Quran, Surah 31 : 18 which commanded the faithful thus, "And swell not thy cheek (in pride) at men, nor walk in insolence through the earth, for God loveth not any arrogant boaster."

S. Kadiri

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Cornelius Hamelberg

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Apr 7, 2020, 9:33:45 PM4/7/20

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Baba Kadiri!

You know the proverb,” Let the fool speak and the wise give no answer”?

I learned that from my mother’s mother. She used that proverb of Solomon whenever she wanted to stop or kill an argument or a conversation. It’s a very effective way of saying “Shut up!”

Consider V.S. Naipaul: The Mimic Men. See what has happened to those whose minds were colonised by the English Language, especially if that language was acquired (like Joseph Conrad) a little later in life. That’s why this is the most interesting topic to appear in this forum, for a very long time. It’s RICH! Even I have some profound first-hand insights and understandings about my niche.

So His Holiness the Pope doesn’t pray to the Almighty in the Peter Okwoche type of BBC English. Does it matter, frightfully?

Here’s a list of people who are dyslexic. The ones I know are often very artistic and competent in many other ways, even mathematics…

The pronunciation that some of the pedants would be looking for in song, well just check out Dylan asking the night-watchman “Is it me or him that’s insane?” or” Is it me or him that’s in sight?”

I can give a few dozen examples of this kind of thing with Dylan and Mick Jagger. And Faust. And and...

A South American friend was listening to someone doing a cover of early Tabu Ley doing their old hit “Paquita” with Dr. Nico there on lead guitar ( what Nico did was transfer a simple piano riff to the guitar) anyway, about the vocals, Tabu Ley / Seigneur Rochereau thought he was singing in Spanish, but it didn’t sound so Spanish, not even to a Cuban ear…

This constant bickering, Kperogi said this, Kperogi said that, is getting to the point where any psychologist that witnesses this endless tittle-tattle from you, could easily diagnose an obsession. More correctly speaking, it’s known as Obsessive-compulsive disorder ( OCD). Please correct me if I’m wrong. It seems to me that other people may be addicted to e.g. big booty, coffee, marijuana or something stronger, but our Baba Kadiri is addicted to Farooq Kperogi.

Don Kperogi knows how to push Baba Kadiri’s button. Don Kperogi doesn’t (hasn’t) claimed any prophetic powers, nor is it fair to diagnose him as Baba Kadiri has done, so unjustly, in the name of libel and slander, claiming that the brother is “a schizotypal person “; nor has Don Kperogi claimed any “extra-sensory powers” or that he is “able to read minds” – unless by “minds” or “ other minds” Baba Kadiri is referring to e.g. Chidi’s poetry, or “the Gospel according to John” because, for sure, Don Kperogi is not a solipsist.

But I believe that there are some things that I can predict with an almost 100% certainty : That the sun will rise tomorrow and that all Don Kperogi needs to do is make sure that the name “ Buhari “ is featured prominently in the next headline of his Notes From Atlanta - and therefore expect a Pavlovian reaction from Baba Kadiri. In other words, Baba Kadiri’s interest is whetted by whatever Don Kperogi writes, and that interest is particularly whetted by any reference to Baba Kadiri’s beloved President Muhammadu Buhari. That 's guaranteed. Perhaps, equally guaranteed, an instantaneous reaction if unexpectedly tomorrow’s Notes from Atlanta headline contained the name “Mrs Salimonou Kadiri” – in which case, Don Kperogi had better be very careful, because that could be causing him plenty of trouble; Already in Heaven, any Professor with a long or only a short string of pearls behind his name shouldn’t want to see his dead body floating down the River Thames, or would he?

This pronunciation bug! The Sephardim chuckle about what they see as Ashkenazi mishandling the correct pronunciation of the Holy Tongue! You hear some American rabbis reading Hebrew with a distinct American accent ( like John Wayne) , others with a pronounced Yiddish accent. Fact is the Almighty understands anyway. Call his servant Abraham or Ibrahim, Moshe, Musa or Moses, call him Yehoshua or Jesus, call him David or Daoud, Solomon or Suleiman. No problem.

So, Dear Baba Kadiri this is another way of looking at it: I see Professor Kperogi as the new normal. President Buhari’s speeches are subject to all kinds of tests in Doctor Kperogi’s language laboratory. President Buhari’s every utterance in Nigeria’s Official language, provides the documentary evidence which has to be analysed in his laboratory which specialises in collecting living specimens of Nigerian English and records Naija’s deviations from Her Majesty’s Buckingham Palace standards. Have you taken some time off to look through his magnum opus : Glocal English: The changing face and forms of Nigerian English in a global world ?

For all we know, he is working hard, collecting first-hand material for an addendum to this book, some new subchapters on the new Naija political jargon which is not standing still, you know; just this year the 29 Nigerian English words which have been added to the Oxford Dictionary will have to be incorporated in Oga Kperogi’s next big book. Offhand, I can think of more than a dozen Naija English words and phrases that are even more deserving of being included in the Shorter Oxford.

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