Fw: The problem with African Men

[Dr. Valentine Ojo]

The problem with African Men

I speak of the African male in the Diaspora. I speak of men, not
individually, but collectively. I have known men who are
extraordinary both in their private and public lives. But today, I
make no distinction, and instead have as the focus of my treatise
the general male population in the Diaspora. There are no mysteries
surrounding men. There is nothing that cannot be explained about
men. But alas, in their relationship with women and with fellow men,
men tend to convey and or project a godlike picture. Their attitude
and disposition are quite different. For men, life is all about
power and a can-do-attitude; it is about "me, therefore me." Men
have an exaggerated sense of entitlement. They believe they own the
world, therefore they rule the world. They make war, make peace;
they build and they destroy.

Collectively, men expect women to cook and clean, to raise babies
and to provide sex on demand; and if the women won't "obey before
complain," the men will make a home elsewhere. No man will admit to
the aforesaid; no man will admit to being provincial, uncouth, and
non-western. And why should they? To admit to their primordial
instinct and belief would be suicidal. A man's world is a world of
grave contradictions, a world of simmering anger, fear, uncertainty,
and parchment of egos. Left alone and without guidance, men will
self-immolate, will self-destruct. Men live in a bubble and are
eternally self-centered. Go down history-lane and you will realize
that women have been keeping men "together" and afloat long before
Adam & Eve; but unfortunately women don't know these simple facts --
facts men are not about to admit to, now or ever!

It is a shame that, collectively, women have yet to realize three
general facts about men: throw a man out of the house and he will go
to pieces; deny him sex and will pout and pout and pout; deny him
food and he will whine like a baby. To challenge a man's mentality,
disposition and worldview is akin to castrating him. It is better to
kill a man than to take away his "john." Women should know that
there is an invisible rope around a man's neck. Women just needed to
know when to pull and when to let go: master the timing and you can
enslave a man! But because women do not know these basic facts about
men, they allow men to dominate their every existence and essence.
Women allow men to be kings not knowing that men are childlike and
duplicitous -- mostly devoid of ethics, morals, good sense and
common sense.

African men are quick to lie and cheat and bamboozle African women.
But then, lying and cheating and conniving are in their nature.
Brought up to view women as objects -- mostly objects of sexual
desire -- they have no respect for women. The African male does not
view the African female as an equal. And if these men have their
ways, women will be confined to the kitchens, to the maternity wards
and to subservient roles. One need not look far and wide to witness
some of the atrocities the African men commit against African women.
Aren't these the same women who are the bedrock of the society, the
pillars of the family? Men rely on women for everything. They cry on
the shoulders of women, rely on the advice of women and when they
fall on hard times, these women will take them in. And more often
than not, these women become the only anchor in a sea of turbulence.
Yet, how do men repay women? By being men again and again and again.

It is beyond ones wit why after all these years women have yet to
figure men out. Year after year, men have been abusing and
disrespecting women. Year after year, men have been lording over
women and in the process have taken away or crushed their rights and
dignity. There are women who are driven to mental penury after their
encounter with these men. In the last couple of years, one has
noticed a new phenomenon: in a country where polygamy is illegal,
the Africans have found a way to "marry" more than one wife. From
Maryland to Texas, from New York to Los Angeles, there are African
men who are raising children in two or more households. (I don't
mean divorced household, but households of unofficial wives where
the man "come and go" as he wishes.) The women are trapped. Too
tired and beaten to start afresh and so have accepted their lot in
life.

Africans, and especially Nigerians, are making a mockery of life.
They are making a mockery of everything decent. Today, it is
difficult being a Nigerian. To admit to being a Nigerian, within
certain circles, is to invite ridicule, scorn and suspicion. Known
for their big cars, big houses, big ego, pipedreams, and big mouth,
Nigerians have become the poster boy for all manner of illegalities.
And when these men return to their villages in the East, West or
Southern Nigeria (on vacation), they paint a rosy picture of life in
North America and elsewhere. Suddenly, dope dealers become
pharmacists; insurance and real estate crooks become consultants;
CNAs become registered nurses and medical doctors; janitors become
big city building inspectors; and cab drivers become information
technologists.

And then there are the international business men who are always
waiting for containers that never makes it to the Port of Houston,
Miami, Seattle or wherever! When they are not lying to the women in
their lives, they are lying to the women they are about to snag.
When they are not lying to their brothers and sisters, they are
lying to their parents. But mostly, they lie to themselves so much
so that most are not even aware they are lying. They have lost
their moral compass. They have lost touch with reality.

Not only do we misuse and abuse our women, we also corrupt, abuse
and misuse the communities we live in. We are doing the same things
we did back in our own continent (and respective countries). We have
become a community that lacks moral sensibility; a community without
scruples. Excessive greed and a complete disregard for the law is
now part of our culture at home and in the Diaspora.

For the great majority of Africans in the Diaspora, we cannot go
back home. Some are economic refugees, while others are shame-
induced refugees. We cannot go back to a continent that does not
know what do with us (or we, with her). We cannot go back to a
continent that is fast becoming a strange land to most of us.
Consequently, we stay away and hope -- we hope that someday we will
return home. But unfortunately, the vast majority will never be able
to call Africa home again, save in nationalistic sense. If our
forefathers were involuntarily sold into slavery, we have
voluntarily sold ourselves into slavery.

Sadly too is the fact that for the vast majority of Africans in the
United States and elsewhere outside of the continent, our children
cannot speak our language. They know almost nothing about our
people, land and culture. For them, the continent is a distant and
far away land just as it is fast becoming a distant and far away
land for most of us.

Sabidde@yahoo. com

---

.

__,_._,___

[Amina Zeblim]

This is the type of sophomoric essay that crucifies Africans in general whether men or women. It is full of errant platitudes! Indeed, the type of story that are common in settings where people see themselves as victims of other people's crude agency.

 

First, the author's infantalization of the "African male" is universally applicable: African men, Asian men, European men, men in the Americas, Artic men, Antartica men, and need I add Moon men and Sun men, all are capable of lying, cheating, abuse, laziness and what have you!

 

I have raised questions about the polarization of Africa-area studies and have received some intelligent as well as bogus responses, though this is by no means a response to anything that I have written, it shows how Africa and Africans are constructed and "Africans" come to accept their "otherness" and "victimhood." Western feminist discourses that typologize African women as the "other" have helped in perpetuating some of these myth-making perspectives on the African male! Time is not on my side now, but let me say that Western women were/are oppressed and because they see "African women" as the "other" they think that our situation is worse, and indeed, worst in the world, perpetuated by the ever-brutish beasts "Othelo-like African male!  

 

I think that we need to restart the ignition of the discourse on gender in Africa right from the precolonial period, through to the colonial, and the postcolonial periods. I will give a few example here. In the pre-modern era, African women had the most equality with men in the world. While European women were treated like dirt, though in their large skirts, African women were highly recognized for their roles in society. They were industrialists; land-owners and farmers; and political agents, for instance, most precolonial African societies had female rulers, now mostly known as queen-mothers, at least in my beloved Ghana. Women were also merchants and traders; religious agents and priests; and agents of socialization.

 

All the above roles were derailed by colonialism: look at the so-called British indirect rule policy and you would realize that women were totally marginalized. In the area of the so-called Western education which became a means of social mobility, women were marginalized.

 

Just recently, an Amercian woman told me that she liked my name and went on to ask me about my maiden name. I said Amina Zeblim. She went on to ask me whether I was married and when I asked her for the reasons for the last question, she said that she thought that Zeblim was my husband's name! Since, I was with my long-time friend Kwabena [Akurang-Parry] and his spouse, I jokingly said that he would not allow me to use his surname - Akurang-Parry - for marital purposes. Not surprisingly, the poor American woman pitied me greatly! In the end, I found courage to convince her that my society allows me to retain my pre-marital name, and she dropped her jaw to show her twenty-eight teeth! Her follow-up quetions showed that African men were/are really controlling because they would not even allow their wives to use their surnames! That's abuse for you!

 

Amina

---

Be smarter than spam. See how smart SpamGuard is at giving junk email the boot with the All-new Yahoo! Mail

[Prof Alfred Zack-Williams]

Amina,

 

There is much need for cultural interrogation and to call time on hegemonic masculine norms, but it is also important to avoid essentialism and geometric sweeping generalisation. You started off with African men in the Diaspora, jumped to men in general and sweeping generalisation about all men.  I know many African men in the Diaspora who 'do not expect their wives / partners to cook', nor do they 'bamboozle ' their wives. On another note, I feel you are under-estimating the experience and intelligence of African women if you suggest that they do not realise your 'three general facts about men'. I submit, that the vast majority of African women, on the continent and the Diaspora are very much aware of the 'general facts'. What you should have drawn attention to are the structural constraint that prevent them from taking either independent or collective action to deal with hegemonic masculinity. The law is skewed against our women: should they leave a dysfunctional home if this is going to lead to poverty, isolation and pariah status? In Africa, there is always on winner in divorce cases- most judges are men, the laws and courts are designed in the image of men to serve their interests and do not forget that these concerns, however absurd this may sound, they impact on even professional Diasporic women to move on gender oppression.

 

In another incarnation, I was involved with the catalytic movement Women in Nigeria. I learnt so much from those brave women who came out to challenge patriarchy, who stood up to be counted at the risk of their own relationships, their jobs etc. At that moment I realised African women were aware of their condition and looking for avenues to challenge oppression. I also learnt that African men committed to a progress and dignity have no alternative but to be on the vanguard to end the oppression of over 50% of our population. Our history is replete with gender challenges to both colonial rule (Aba Women) and their neo-colonial successor. In Sierra Leone domestic violence against women has just (this month) been made illegal and as a quid pro quo to the backwoodsmen, FGM was consolidated as a cultural trope. Who dominate the Sierra Leone parliament? Men, who speak for women.

 

Tunde

[Amina Zeblim]

Prof Alfred Zack-Williams,

 

I am sure that your article is not meant for my consumption after following through the woods of your ideas. I am not the original author of the piece that arrested all African men in one foul swoop and put them into a bottle inscribed with AFRICAN MEN ARE THE WORST IN THE WORLD.

 

My response below sought to question the original author's generalizations at several fronts!  Please, read my response carefully, and you would realize that we are saying variations of the same ideas as responses to the original author.

 

But I will like to pick at you in several places. You suggest that until you engaged a Nigerian women's movement you did not think that African women knew anything about their oppression! Well, I have some ideas for you! African women like women all over the globe in whatever period have continued to fight their oppression in several ways. You are a late-comer to the site of wome's activism and agency.

 

Amina Zeblim

[Prof Alfred Zack-Williams]

Amina,

 

I must apologise for the misreading of your comments, but you have also misread my reference to WIN. I did not imply that until WIN I was not aware that 'African women knew anything about their oppression'. No, I used that historical moment to challenge what was a central plank in what you and I are trying to deconstruct. On the JCL point, WIN was launched over 25 years ago. Please, let us not reduce a serious discussion to personal abuse.

[Amina Zeblim]

Prof. Zack-Williams,

 

I am sorry that you thought that I had misread aspects of your timely posting. In reality this is what you wrote (please see below) and which garnered my sharp response that African women's initiatives and agency in fighting oppression is home-grown and timeless. You wrote (see especially the last sentence):

 

"In another incarnation, I was involved with the catalytic movement Women in Nigeria. I learnt so much from those brave women who came out to challenge patriarchy, who stood up to be counted at the risk of their own relationships, their jobs etc. At that moment I realised African women were aware of their condition and looking for avenues to challenge oppression.

 

Well, if these ideas do not support my response, then let us assume that I misread your piece and can only say that I am sorry! Let me in fairness admit that I state my views boldly without fear or favor. This said, I don't engage in "personal abuse" in public discussions. Thanks.

 

Amina Zeblim.

---

Make free worldwide PC-to-PC calls. Try the new Yahoo! Canada Messenger with Voice