Fictional interview no.3: Trump and the Tariff Wars
Gloria Emeagwali
Trump and the Tariff Wars
“Mr. Trump, do you know what a tariff is?” inquired a petulant college student who was at the top of her game.
“How dare you ask me that stupid question. You look like a DEI beneficiary, anyway. A tariff is a beautiful thing- a lovely weapon.”
“But Mr.Trump, don’t you think that the weapon could backfire on you,”retorted the smart-ass kid.
The President wanted to wring her neck, or send her to a private prison run by a nice man whom he met at a Mar-A-Lago fundraiser. Shoving her in the Guantanamo prison was another option running through his orange - tinted head. But he held his breath, this once, and reiterated his pet theory.
“I would slap tariffs on every one of those Goddam countries and America would get rich.
“But President Trump, the countries you impose your tariffs on, would not be paying the tax. It is the importers who would do so , and they, in turn, would jack up the prices for consumers. Retaliatory tariffs, rising prices, chaos, and uncertainty may destabilize Wall Street - and even the global economy,” said the nerd.
“ You cannot use your own light petroleum, and you need tungsten, rare earth minerals, palladium and so on for your weapons industry. Auto- makers need a lot of imported screws and bolts, in the supply chain, and you are taxing those as well,” she added. The trade war will simply send Canada, Europe and everyone else into the arms of your nemesis, China, to explore its huge market for pork,soy beans, canola oil, and so on.
“You low life, I hope you know that I studied at the world’s best university and even launched my own. Have you not heard of Trump University?”boasted the President while keeping mum on the law suits filed against the fake university.
A crowd of adoring MAGA supporters was waiting for their hero, not too far away, proudly wearing their MAGA hats, MAGA shoes, and MAGA watches.
Guyana had Jim Jones; Kenya had Pastor Mackenzie. There was also Rome’s Nero and Russia’s Yeltsin; Italy’s Mussolini and Germany’s Hitler. Bokassa of the Central African Republic crowned himself emperor and saw himself as a clone of Napoleon.
The smart-ass, student jumped on a nearby bus, shaking her head in dismay, asking herself one question:
Who exactly was this man, who ends one war, and ignites four new ones, simultaneously? Who is this guy who wants to make America great again, whilst destroying it? He wants to give four trillion dollars in tax cuts to the wealthy while complaining about the cost of student loans. He hates immigrants, but invites White South Africans to settle in the U.S.
He even has the audacity to proclaim ethnic cleansing in Gaza in front of the whole world.
“Who exactly is Donald Trump,” she asked herself.
Oluwatoyin Adepoju
Profoundly disturbing.
Even more disturbing -how did such a person become President of such a proud nation?
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