====my concern should not be minimized by saying that my concern does
not exist. ====
Consie, I'm not trying to minimize your concern, and I'm sorry to cause you
to feel badly.
What I was trying to suggest was that the reasons for your concerns might
be bogus (in the context of unschooling) because they include some writings
by someone who is not an unschooler, and research studies that are not about
unschoolers, with practices and agendas that have nothing in common with
unschooling. Plus by your own report your concerns are to some degree
being spurred by interaction with school officialdom, rather than unschooling
principles or the experiences of unschoolers.
Video games and unschooling are not like either vitamins or
antibiotics. Unschooling is not like prescribing something to treat a specific
problem with the desired outcome being a return to normalcy. I just
don't think attachment to this analogy is helping your serenity.
People have made other, better analogies about unschooling that have to do
with behavior and processes. One awesome analogy was created years ago by Kelly
Lovejoy - that unschooling is like being in a swimming pool. People who are
afraid cling to the sides and can't see how you can let go and not drown.
Unschoolers try to invite them to let go and see that they will be safe, but the
cling ons see their outstretched hands not as invitations but as the frantic
waving of the drowning. They refuse to hear the reassurances. Sometimes they
even perceive the beckoning hands as calls for help and try to pull the swimmers
back to the side. Then they get angry when their rescue attempts are rejected,
refusing to believe no rescue is needed.
===I am not having a problem with reporting.===
You were the one who wrote this:
=== They are intertwined concerns, but they are also two separate
concerns. If we did not have such a strict reporting system in our state,
I would not be so "aware" of what schooled children are doing.====
I thought that sounded generally like a problem with reporting. It sounded
like you were worried about reporting that he spends so much time
playing video games. It sounded like you were worried because you see
that your son is not keeping up with "schooled children". I and several others
have tried to reassure you about the timetables of reading from our collective
experiences.
In your place I believe I would be looking more at what other home schooled
children and unschooled children are doing than schooled ones. Are you
looking at the ideal as represented by state standards and curricula or are you
looking at what some particular real school kids of your acquaintance are doing?
I wonder if you are comparing your son to the very top of the class, rather than
looking at the middling average. I suppose none of us want to think of our kids
as academically average, but it might be more reassuring about test
scores to look at average, the C students from an academic point
of view, rather than the A's and A+'s.
What happens if your son doesn't ace his test, has a middling result, or
even fails it? Does the law say he has to immediately go to school, or is there
that common clause about "showing progress"? You don't have to answer here, but
do think for a moment about the worst case scenario. If all that happens is "do
better next year", is that really something to fret over today?
==== I really want some success stories. I don't want to be told that
I am just overly fearful. ie."alcoholic.. it's a weird fear, it feels
pulled out of a hat of fears" I was, by the way, just making another
analogy of a different type of addition. I don't want to be told
that my fears are weird. Again, as unschoolers, I don't think we
would say that to our children. Why would we say that to an adult?
That feels like invalidation. ===
You may not be new to unschooling, but it seems like you may be new to this
list. This is a discussion list, not a support list. You are not our child. You
are an adult in a rigorous discussion forum. Our purpose is not to
validate your feelings. Our purpose is to discuss unschooling ideas to help
each other and ourselves unschool.
This "video gaming = addiction" conversation has been canvassed over and
over again here and on Always Learning. If that is the analogy you are holding,
then you are choosing a paradigm that will keep you living in fear.
Several of us have shared success stories. You seem to want to argue with
them or invalidate the success stories. It seems like you want to get some kind
of agreement that your son's gaming is probably a big, bad problem. We
collectively appear to have a bunch of different experiences with heavy gaming
kids. Stop looking at other people including us, and return your focus to your
son. Is he happy? That is the foundation of your faith in unschooling.
Try this - ask him how his game is going and then listen to his joy. Bring
him food at regular intervals. Hang out nearby. That is what I do with my heavy
gaming 11 year old. Plus I offer her other choices, in case she wants to
take a break at any time, but really all she wants is Sims 2. And I really
try not to take it personally when she is frustrated, tired and grumpy
after a mentally challenging day. All she needs is some food and rest and
cuddles and simple physical games like tickle fests, and her equilibrium
returns.
You may not want to be told that you are just overly fearful, but we are
seeing you as overly fearful. Your words and stories are the ones giving the
impression of fearfulness.
You are the one insisting on clinging to your fears despite our numerous
and repeated ideas (including the pages on Sandra's site) about why your
fears are probably, if not groundless, then at least needlessly
exaggerated.
=== I could not stop reading for 2 years. ====
You have a whole year on him. And yet you turned out alright. And
apparently stopped. Maybe his passion is bigger than one year, just as yours is
for unschooling. You said "all he wants is Wii". So give him Wii.
Your son is almost 8. That means that actually you have been officially
unschooling for about 2 years, maybe 3 in some places. I'm glad you love
it.
I've been official for 6 (counting the kindergarten year), with
about 2 1/2 years before that identifying as an unschooler to
avoid dreary discussions of early academics programs so popular
with many of my local home schooling community members.
Some of the people posting have successfully unschooled healthy,
happy kids who are in their mid twenties. Years and years of letting go of
fear.
And just to be absolutely clear - my 11 yo daughter plays Sims 2 games and
You Tube videos for most of her waking hours every day. She falls asleep with
her laptop in front of her. She downloads custom content for Sims. She comments
on the characters and videos created by other Sims 2 aficionados. She spent
pretty much all her birthday gift money on expansion packs. Every now
and then, for a break she plays Free Realms, Nancy Drew or Sims Castaway
(on Wii), and checks her Facebook.
Our ONLY worry in all of this is that her laptop isn't good
enough for her needs. She needs a faster, newer computer with more memory to
enable her game play to be faster and better with fewer frustrating
crashes, but presently we don't have the bread for it.
I have absolutely no fear that anything that inspires this much
passion, this much creativity and makes her laugh this much can be in
any way harmful.