Diary Of Sex Addict Avi 001
Pok Trueba
A middle-aged chef in a luxurious restaurant reveals to his psychiatrist that while he is a family man who loves his wife and son, he is at the same time a sex addict who seeks pleasure at any time with any woman.
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To start with the end, I booked a brand-new Kia and ended up with the good old (?) Jaguar. Driving from Paris to Amsterdam in pretty shitty weather with lots of lovely BlaBlaCar passengers on board. (Hi Karne Huynh !)
Little did I know the charger was "broken", it has the typical liquid cooling issues these machines are unfortunately very well known for (between us nerds, that is). At least IONITY tries to put these devices on "free vend" when they're aware of the issue. (More on that in another diary entry). Here none of that: TOTAL is charging people a euro per kWh for 35 kW of charging performance (unless you bring an 800V vehicle that is!!)
The good news is that the Jaguar with some tailwind managed way better figures in consumption than I expected. So barely we made it to Antwerpen in one go where I had another passenger pickup in the area of the simply hilarious CMB.TECH Hydrogen station.
Why hilarious? If you know a thing or two about fast charging it might occur to you that putting ONE charger with one plug is not the way to go, case in point, we found a Volvo stuck in this... Deserted area of Antwerp.
The great news: Jaguar on hazard lights with this hardware showed a sweet 107 kW peak charging rate, that was not happening back in 2018 even when I got very lucky with heated battery and all, so kudos to Jaguar for these improvements. The bad news: one might think a "gas station break" at least offers a full car of four adults a bathroom; no. At night, this station is fully automated, which means no toilet. Very sad, or worse?
Ultimately, we went for a snack at "Oosterhout", cheap IONITY charging (can you believe that IONITY nowadays can be called cheap?!) snacks, toilets, lots of chargers thanks to IONITY and Tesla (and Allego in a dark corner, not very appealing).
All in all, the ride was smooth, the JAG is still a champ on the road (not so much at the charger). Not all hardware we encountered was great, not all was available, not all was easy to find, not all had toilets nearby, I could go on. Pricing is a very hot topic these days and there will be many more diary entries coming your way shining a light on what I think can/has to improve for us to try and convince a mass market to make the switch:
Is refined sugar addictive? Researchers have debated the issue for years, with the ayes increasingly drowning out the nays, although last month a big study suggested the addiction isn't to sugar but to eating itself. But ask me that loaded question and you'll get a sheepish nod in between teeming mouthfuls of sour gummies and frozen yogurt. The sweet stuff has been my biggest vice and source of insta-comfort since, well, forever, and I honestly can't remember the last time I didn't have dessert after dinner.
It's not like I always go overboard -- but those instances, every few months, when I do catch myself in the swell of a full-on sweets binge? It can get ugly. Because not only do I feel helpless, bloated and ashamed afterward, but the ensuing crash makes me super-irritable and ill-equipped to be around other people. And yet... I continually do the whole deranged dance over and over again. Why? Because... addict.
I've long flirted with the idea of quitting refined sugar (the really bad kind that's in all my beloved treats) for good. With the help of a 12-step program, I gave up alcohol years ago -- I'm still off it, although I'm no longer in program -- so I know it's possible to live without the substances that seem to fuel your very core. I've managed to cut out sugar for short stretches in the past, usually with the help of a nutritionist, but my passion for candy has always lured me back into its grip.
Recently, after a grueling cross-country move and a prolonged period of stress-fueled food fuck-its, I realized my sugar dependency was raging unchecked. It didn't feel worth it any more. So I decided to make (another) serious effort to give it up for real -- and to record my experience. This is my diary.
DAY 1
Around 7 a.m., feeling groggy and glum after a days-long gummy-candy binge (my last hurrah!), I head to the kitchen for breakfast. In a misguided attempt to prove to myself that not only can I live without sugar, I can live without sweetness altogether, I forgo the usual stevia (a non-caloric natural sweetener made from the plant Stevia rebaudiana) in my coffee, opting only for half-and-half. Said coffee tastes incredibly sad and lonely; by the mid-cup mark, I've dumped the damn stevia packet in. Life's too short, you know?
After driving myself crazy with bingey eating patterns and overall obsessiveness when it comes to the sweet stuff, I'm about to sacrifice my beloved sugar, too -- an addiction I've been battling since infancy (True story: My dad fed me Kool-Aid from a baby bottle). Am I really expected to give up goddamn naturally sweet herbs like stevia, too?
I eat some Greek yogurt with no-sugar brown rice cereal (yes, I am now reading labels very carefully) and throw in some fresh mango and pineapple. I'm hungry again two hours later. After lunch I'm slumping big-time, and desperate for some Diet Dr. Pepper. I'd intended to avoid artificial sweeteners like aspartame and Splenda (stevia is natural, so it's OK), but my craving gets the better of me and I hurriedly snatch a bottle of the carbonated goodness from a corner store. The soda's swift kick of caffeine and sweetness make me feel... something. Not something good, necessarily, but something.
Meeting a friend for dinner, I mention that I'm trying to quit the white stuff on my own, but I don't make a big deal of it because in our social circle of program types, every third person you meet is perpetually jumping on and off the sugar, gluten and/or dairy bandwagon. Dinner is fine, but I have a hard time staying focused on our conversation because I feel so spaced out. When I get home, I'm fiending to do my usual pre-bedtime routine (i.e., numb out with some frozen dessert in front of the TV); instead I scarf a sugar-free chocolate protein bar. It's mildly satisfying and though I'm tired, this whole no-sugar deal doesn't seem too miserable... yet.
DAY 2
I start off with the same breakfast I had yesterday. I feel bloated from last night -- probably due to the protein bar, which contained a sugar alcohol/fake sweetener called maltitol that can cause excessive gas and diarrhea.
By noon I'm ravenous, with a gnarly headache. My sugar withdrawal symptoms are finally kicking in. My friend Sarah comes by with take-out lunch (salad with spicy grilled chicken). I use oil and vinegar instead of store-bought dressing (a common source of hidden sugars).
By afternoon I'm feeling foggy, tired and morose -- the idea of not eating sugar for five more days (not to mention, weeks and maybe months and years beyond that) sounds almost literally unbearable. I find myself thinking almost laughably dramatic thoughts like, "What's the point in living if I can never eat sugar again?"
Before attempting my big sugar boot, I spoke to David Katz, M.D., a leading doctor/researcher/public health expert in nutrition and obesity, who warned me that I might feel shitty. "If you're relieving stress with sweets or providing yourself sugar as gratification to brighten your day, the initial effect may be psychological -- your day might feel like it's missing its bright spots," he'd said.
Dinner is microwaved mac-and-cheese from Trader Joe's. By 9 p.m. I am outright desperate for something sweet, so I have a little sugar-free frozen yogurt (I know, I know -- artificial sweeteners). I immediately pass out and dream of Willy Wonka.
DAY 3
The alarm goes off at 7 a.m. and though I usually have no problem getting moving in the morning, today is... different. I find it all but impossible to leave the cozy confines of my bedroom, despite my dog's increasingly urgent pleas to go outside. Another long, empty, sad, sugarless day stretches before me. Again, I remember something Dr. Katz told me -- "You might have a little less energy, you might feel a little more run down" -- and keep it in mind as I trudge through the day.
To be honest, quitting sugar feels a lot like what it felt like in my early days of quitting drinking. Sugar, like alcohol, had become such a psychological, emotional and even social crutch for me that without it, I just don't know what to do with myself. What's a sane, "normie" way to reward myself for finishing an article or working out or whatever that doesn't involve getting drunk or feasting on sweets? Seriously, these are life's Big Questions for me at the moment.
At night, I catch a movie with a friend. Setting foot into a theater usually serves as my free pass to excessive candy consumption, and the theater we're at has bulk candy bins, my Favorite Things on Earth. My entire sugar-free project almost takes a flying leap out the window as I feel myself powerfully tugged toward the clear plastic containers, overflowing with happy multi-colored goodies. I white-knuckle my way through the lobby without stopping.
DAY 4
I drag myself out of bed without too much protestation. It's Saturday, but I work on the weekend and I somehow manage to feel over-the-top stressed, anxious and exhausted at the same time, all day long. I have a healthy no-sugar breakfast and lunch, but after that, things start spiraling downward. I don't eat any actual sugar, but I come close. Anything even remotely sweet is calling my name, so I go to town with whatever I can find in my kitchen: dried mango, cocoa powder, shredded coconut, peanut butter, sugar-free popsicles, cereal...