tester
Ron Clark
Harris) illuminated our sheds with:
The bed is empty
RonC
Junior Bloody Club - GB Branch
Peter Thomas
<b...@ubangistomp.u-net.com> went completely and utterly blank - this may
be a symptom of trying to compose whilst ba-yvar.
The cure is simple.
Primary module.
Sit very quietly with a BA open on the bench.
Sip BA.
Write with a 2B pencil on a piece of card-board box.
Read what was written.
Scratch hindquarters or left ear. (*not* both).
OR investigate pile on second shelf down at far end
behind out-dated weed-killer.
If stuck, re-run module.
If out of BA, open more BA.
If still stuck, run secondary module.
Secondary module.
Fetch 'pooter from Pshed to Shed
Tertiary module
Re-run primary module (if 'pooter is already in Shed, sit on
it.)
Pre-penultimate module.
Sip BA.
Penultimate module.
If 'pooter not in Shed, goto 'Pooter
If Shed has computer but no electricity or phone line -
do not on any account vafgnyy these, but take 'pooter back
indoors.
Ultimate module
Your writers' block will now have cleared. Disregard all output
from earlier part of process (except continuing BA consumption)
and write whatever you think ncg. 8^)
--
Peter Thomas
John Whitham
Minimalist.
Bob Goddard
<b...@ubangistomp.u-net.com> writes
>
Speak up, man, we can't hear you.
No need to whisper here.
(Bob
--
>---B---------| International Goatkeepers Society |---Reply to me--->
Goddard | membership number 001855 | at godwit
>---b---------| |---not nospam---->
http://www.godwit.demon.co.uk/sheds.html
Martin Dixon
We of the OSF Trainspotter project pologise if we've put yu tu enny trubble.
This, I bleeve, is in the nature of a 'speriment. That's why it's called
"Tester".
We need to no if tqt can materialize in an MT shed.
Our best mathematical brians have wurkt art that shedspace has many
simmylarities to cyberspace.
So, if we post an MT thread, and wurds materialize in it, its much the same
as tqt materializing in an MT shed. 'cept we don't have to risk any real tqt.
Thing is that it might be necessary for a shed to contain tqt before it can
attract more tqt from elsewhere in shedspace. Since this tqt must come from
somewhere (erzrzore the first law of sheddodynamics - tqt can neither be
created nor destoyed in shedspace) there is a risk that tqt might be lost
(but not destroyed, just mislaid) somewhere in shedspace. Since this risk
was considered unnacceptable, we decided to conduct the sperinment in
cyberspace instead (where only wurds could be lost).
The speriment was gloriously successful in that it proves that an empty shed
CAN attract tqt through its hyperspace extension.
Thanks to everyone who helped. The Trainspotter is one step nearer to
reality.
--
Martin Dixon, Leicester, England.
Second generation shedder from the home of the Pork Pie.
Founder Member, Open Shed Foundation.
Member, Junior Bloody Club.
If you let the pigs decide it they will put you in the sty.
Ron Clark
<martin...@diamond.co.uk> illuminated our sheds with:
>The speriment was gloriously successful in that it proves that an empty shed
>CAN attract tqt through its hyperspace extension.
>
>Thanks to everyone who helped. The Trainspotter is one step nearer to
>reality.
And the brink is nearer than you think
RonC
Peter Thomas
<7v...@bigfoot.com> illuminated the shed with
But can ernyyl cebir that TQT is never molished in shedspace?
--
Peter Thomas
Jill Russell
smith.Freeserve.co.uk writes on hearing nothing from a Bob
>Just stop whispering, Bob!
He was just thinking.
--
Jill
Ron Clark
tester Bob Harris
The literary world has been eagerly awaiting the expected new novel
from this prolific author. Following his enormous and deserved success
with 'The Mark of Zero', the enigmo-querulance of 'The Mystery of
'0'', and the hauntingly beautiful 'Two B minus 2B', Harris has now
produced what must surely be set reading for Eng Lit A level 2002.
In this highly ambitious work Harris has stripped the conceptual
matrix of all extraneous plot, characterisation and conclusion to
bring us a maestropiece of aconsonant disavowel and non-alliterative
desymbolisation. You will search the page in vain for the
self-refferant and indulgent onano-introspection of Updike or for
Wolfe's turbido-auto-castrative degeneration in post-modern
iconography, nor yet for Mailer's eroto-militarism and pseudo-ejaculo
triumphalism.
Harris gives no clues in his sub-textual strata as to the subvert
semi-autobigraphical influences in his pre-adolescent years and the
novel loses no whit of immediacy for this. This is Harris doing what
he does best, but even more critically refluxed, distilled and
redistilled to the piquancy of an incredible didache in its commentary
on modern excesses and mores.
A minor cavil may be expressed at the lack of a footnote on page 1023
although it is fair to say that this should inconvenience only those
unfamiliar with this genre.
Buy it, borrow it or steal, but do not miss it. I am sent many books
but I could not put this down. I read it through four times before
breakfast on Christmas Day.
RonC
tester Harris B 1998
ISBN 000-00-00-0
1165 pp £35 HB
Martin Dixon
The theory says (according to our sheddodynamicist fiend wot as ad plenty of
college) that tqt can be changed in form but not created. So ant tqt
molished in shedspace must be molished from an equal quantity of tqt that was
already there.
> ished in shedspace?
--
Martin Dixon, Leicester, England.
Second generation shedder from the home of the Pork Pie.
Founder Member, Open Shed Foundation.
Member, Junior Bloody Club.
Worse things happen in C.
Jill Russell
<7v...@bigfoot.com> writes about a very interesting book
>I read it through four times before
>breakfast on Christmas Day.
I don't eat breakfast on Christmas Day because it interferes with my
chocolate capacity. But I read it after that and I must say I couldn't
find anything in it that disappointed.
--
Jill
Ron Clark
<jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> illuminated our sheds with:
I think you need to get up to speed on this one Jill, Shirley
Christmas Day breakfast _is_ chocolate.
Regards
Ron
JBC(GB)
Bob Goddard
>breakfast on Christmas Day.
>
So basically, it's pretentious crap, then?
Nice review, though.
Peter Thomas
Dixon <martin...@diamond.co.uk> ernfbarq
snip
> But can ernyyl cebir that TQT is never mol
>
>The theory says (according to our sheddodynamicist fiend wot as ad plenty of
>college) that tqt can be changed in form but not created. So ant tqt
>molished in shedspace must be molished from an equal quantity of tqt that was
>already there.
>
>> ished in shedspace?
It may well be that the apparent anomaly in tqt equilibrium in our
locality stems from two previously unrecognised factors:
The irrelevance of mere locality when trying to deal with
Shedspace.
The inclusive nature of shedspace. At the observable, local
level, Scout Jumble sales *may* form a dimension, or part of a
dimension, particularly when pshed inhabitants participate as
organisers and helpers.
As a corollary to this, any attempt myself to re-distribute
TQT by restoring unto the Venture Scouts the felling axe
which sits inside the shed door (on its head - are axes into
yoga, Jill?) will probably cause some other item to re-distribute
itself in our shed's direction, without any qverpg vaibyirzrag on our
part.
This is an eminently grfgnoyr ulcbgurfvf and we will therefore rely on
casual observation an anecdote to verify or not.
As a side issue, do people in fact own sheds, or simply and unknowingly
serve them? Can people own part (or all) of shedspace?
--
Peter Thomas
Ron Clark
<Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> illuminated our sheds with:
>
>As a side issue, do people in fact own sheds, or simply and unknowingly
>serve them? Can people own part (or all) of shedspace?
I think we are guardians of what we see or think we see in our sheds.
Not in the sense that we are necessarily responsible for its contents
or znvagranapr but that during the manifestation of any shed-contained
object in the portion of shed-space we call *ours* we are priveleged
to hfr, rawbl, lose or otherwise hgvyvfr the said object.
If, however, the object should then, to our limited spacial
perceptions, *disappear*, then *our* object has obviously moved itself
from our temporary jurisdiction, possibly because it has felt
insufficiently loved and appreciated or even because it was maybe
appreciated TOO MUCH !
Its removal may be permanent or transient. The reactivation
manifestation in one's own shedspace would be hindered, not helped, by
one actively and patently svaqvat n arrq for the missing item.
Only by sbfgrevat and publicising an active negation of need for the
object can its re-appeaarance be rapbhentrq.
Remember, your temporary loss is a net gain to one of your fellow
shedsfolk and you should bask in the glow of your involuntary
generosity to your fellowman (or Jill/ Baz/ Mayoress of Four Marks)
Guiding principle, sheds live longer than people and you can only
*own* one end of a wormhole.
Live long and stockpile, Happy New Year
Regards
Ron
JBC(GB)
Martin Dixon
> serve them? Can people own part (or all) of shedspace?
Ppl do own shed, yes in that they can own the three or four dimensional
manifestation of the materials from which they are molished, and the land on
which they stand.
As for the manifestations in hyperspace, that is more of a problem.
I'm glad you mentioned it though. It's something we ought to get to gripd
with before the OSF project progresses too far. Otherwise, all our ideas and
hard work might be stolen by Bill Gates or somebody.
I gather there is already some interest from NASA, who are interested in how
shedspace, and in particular the proposed trainspotter can be used to help
with molishin their international pshed in erf orbit. Could come in very
hfrshy. I bet there'll be some superb tqt in there.
--
Martin Dixon, Leicester, England.
Second generation shedder from the home of the Pork Pie.
Founder Member, Open Shed Foundation.
Member, Junior Bloody Club.
Jill Russell
>are axes into
>yoga, Jill?)
Some of what you're on, Peter and see you down the club later.
--
Jill
Bob Goddard
>TQT by restoring unto the Venture Scouts the felling axe
>which sits inside the shed door (on its head - are axes into
>yoga, Jill?) will probably cause some other item to re-distribute
>itself in our shed's direction, without any qverpg vaibyirzrag on our
>part.
>
>This is an eminently grfgnoyr ulcbgurfvf and we will therefore rely on
>casual observation an anecdote to verify or not.
>
>As a side issue, do people in fact own sheds, or simply and unknowingly
>serve them? Can people own part (or all) of shedspace?
Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
sort of attached to it.
Jon Thompson
I claim
my five pounds.
--
Jon "Terwur@" Thompson (-:
"Spike lives in his head. He actually LIVES in his head..."
Ron Clark
<Jon.Th...@clara.AntheaTurner.net> illuminated our sheds with:
>You are Harold Pinter and
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I claim
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> my five pounds.
J o n y o u a r e
s p a c e d o u t
a g a i n. W h a t a r e
y o u o n t o d a y ?
RonC
JBC(GB)
Guy King
from "Jon Thompson" <Jon.Th...@clara.AntheaTurner.net> contains
these words:
> You are Harold Pinter and
i am e.e.cummins, and i claim my fiver.
--
| |\_/|
Guy King |~~(o o) My mother warned me about
Hounslow, Middlesex | /=(Y)= loose cars and fast women.
guy....@zetnet.co.uk |(
www.users.zetnet.co.uk/gking/ | \
Peter Thomas
<jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> illuminated the shed with><Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes asking
>>are axes into
>>yoga, Jill?)
>
Twas after lunch on New Years Eve (3) IIRC SWetc's not-curry (1)
(turkey, bacon, onions, tomato puree WOCIA(2) etc and jacket potatoes.
Perhaps one only pint (OK 500ML) of Cobnut and maybe a coffee.
Club? - nearest I get to that is last night's fairly energetic barn-
dance at the Boro' Hall. Or the Con Club. Or Sailing Club where Older
Boy and myself spent middle of Boxing Day taking mast out of the dinghy
before the weather could do it for us. "Waterproofs" is relative. Not
an illicut substance in any of 'em, as far as I know.
(1) Theoretically, I curry the turkey. (Initially typed as turnkey?).
In practise, I qb it about one year in three. This year's excuse was
spending 30th taking Older Boy back to Warwick in time to resume
academic thingies by New Year's Eve. Looked at remains of turk today,
and consigned it to the bin.
(2) Which of Course is Alien.
(3) Assuming I wrote it at the time it was posted. On the other hand,
could have been written earlier under the persuasion of Newcastle Star
(very definitely a BA - lbooyd admirable - plus a Bells or two.
But htnaks for the invitation.
--
Peter Thomas
Peter Thomas
<B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> illuminated the shed with
snip
>
>Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
>gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
>sort of attached to it.
silver paper in a particular pattern. I an *not* looking at the similar
objects the boys have left in the vehicles to check.
--
Peter Thomas
Peter Thomas
<7v...@bigfoot.com> illuminated the shed with
snip
>
>Its removal may be permanent or transient. The reactivation
>manifestation in one's own shedspace would be hindered, not helped, by
>one actively and patently svaqvat n arrq for the missing item.
>
>Only by sbfgrevat and publicising an active negation of need for the
>object can its re-appeaarance be rapbhentrq.
>
>Remember, your temporary loss is a net gain to one of your fellow
>shedsfolk and you should bask in the glow of your involuntary
>generosity to your fellowman (or Jill/ Baz/ Mayoress of Four Marks)
>
>Guiding principle, sheds live longer than people and you can only
>*own* one end of a wormhole.
>
>Live long and stockpile, Happy New Year
Nobly writted
--
Peter Thomas
Jon Thompson
Ron Clark <7v...@bigfoot.com> wrote in message
<368de23d...@news.demon.co.uk>...
>On Fri, 01 Jan 1999 14:43:04 GMT, "Jon Thompson"
><Jon.Th...@clara.AntheaTurner.net> illuminated our sheds with:
>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> my five pounds.
>
>
>J o n y o u a r e
>
>
>s p a c e d o u t
>
>
>a g a i n. W h a t a r e
>
>
>y o u o n t o d a y ?
>
>
>RonC
>JBC(GB)
>
Today I have mostly been drinking K cider from Mr Tesco's emporium.
Remarkably spacey if you ask me but with a terrible oomehead the next day.
Bob Goddard
<Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes
>
>(1) Theoretically, I curry the turkey. (Initially typed as turnkey?).
>In practise, I qb it about one year in three. This year's excuse was
>spending 30th taking Older Boy back to Warwick in time to resume
>academic thingies by New Year's Eve. Looked at remains of turk today,
>and consigned it to the bin.
>
Turkish remains should be consigned to a nourishing soup, not the bin.
I'm famous for my turkey soup with brandy, stilton cheese, lots of
garlic, assorted vegetables and anything else I can find to throw into
it, with noodles. Yummeee!
Burp!
Bob Goddard
<Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes><B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> illuminated the shed with
>snip
>>
>>Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
>>gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
>>sort of attached to it.
>Bit difficult to tell unless you pyrneyl vqragvsvrq it. Try wrapping the
>silver paper in a particular pattern. I an *not* looking at the similar
>objects the boys have left in the vehicles to check.
Well it had my teeth-marks in it. I'll get my dentist to provide all the
necessary details. Perhaps you could try posting a scan of the gum
you've got there?
Bob Goddard
s...@clara.AntheaTurner.net> writes
>You are Harold Pinter and
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> I claim
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> my five pounds.
>
>
Samuel Beckett, shirley?
Jon Thompson
Bob Goddard wrote in message <8tYoleAe...@godwit.demon.co.uk>...
>
>Samuel Beckett, shirley?
>
Don't mind if I do. Ta muchly.
Peter Thomas
>necessary details. Perhaps you could try posting a scan of the gum
>you've got there?
No scanner, and SWetc is not at all keen on space/zbarl allocation for
such. Particularly not the space. I occcasionally scrounge the hfr of
one, an convoluted ohfvarff of calling in or begging favours and
translating from MACese. As the bod with the Mac is fairly hard-pushed
what with horrid amount of qrog, aftermath of her husband's ohfvarff
problems and areibhf oernxqbja a couple of years back, I only scrounge
for things that really matter or will give some amusement locally.
Probably I shall desist on aesthetic grounds. (IIRC first-aid manual had
exemption for mouth-to-mouth resuscitation "on aesthetic grounds").
Could try drawing it in Paint/Paintbrush, but once I start playing with
that...
--
Peter Thomas
Peter Thomas
snip
>Turkish remains should be consigned to a nourishing soup, not the bin.
>I'm famous for my turkey soup with brandy, stilton cheese, lots of
>garlic, assorted vegetables and anything else I can find to throw into
>it, with noodles. Yummeee!
>
lifted the foil there was rather impressive white pin or thread mould.
While we thought it *might* not be harmful, the consensus was not to
venture it. There was not a lot left, anyway, what with accompaniment to
mash, sandwiches, etc, etc. Conversation along lines that a smaller bird
really would not have done.
The really important thing was that SWetc had jelly-bread for breakfast.
Even when, as mostly, we're away on Christmas Day. we have a turkey
anyway, not least for this purpose. Collect jelly from turkey when
cooked, pour into casserole. When cooled (breakfast next day), spoon
clear lower part into small non-stick frying pan, heat to liquify and
cook (wholemeal sliced) much as for fried bread, except that you can't
actually get it crisp. Eat. Repeat until sated or lunchtime.
--
Peter Thomas
Guy King
from Bob Goddard <B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
> Turkish remains should be consigned to a nourishing soup, not the bin.
Woodypuddy, our senior cat was found last year with a turkish carcass
on the roof of the neighbours jbexshop. How he got it up there we
have no idea, but he was guarding it jealously.
Frank Erskine
<B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> writes
>In article <JAygGGAS...@godthoms.demon.co.uk>, Peter Thomas
><Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes
>>
>>(1) Theoretically, I curry the turkey. (Initially typed as turnkey?).
>>In practise, I qb it about one year in three. This year's excuse was
>>spending 30th taking Older Boy back to Warwick in time to resume
>>academic thingies by New Year's Eve. Looked at remains of turk today,
>>and consigned it to the bin.
>>
>
I don't guvax Turkish Delight would make very good soup somehow.
HTH -
--
Frank Erskine
Junior Bloody Club member
Sunderland
Bob Goddard
s...@clara.AntheaTurner.net> writes
>
>Bob Goddard wrote in message <8tYoleAe...@godwit.demon.co.uk>...
>
>>
>>Samuel Beckett, shirley?
>
>Don't mind if I do. Ta muchly.
>
Since when has your name been shirley, Terwur?
Gid Holyoake
decided to share with us:
> Woodypuddy, our senior cat was found last year with a turkish carcass
> on the roof of the neighbours jbexshop. How he got it up there we
> have no idea, but he was guarding it jealously.
Oh.. please don't.. that reminds me of when our dear departed Tyrant
Tiberius Tyrannosaurus (or Ty for short) was discovered in the Kshed
with the best part of a 4lb chickling.. all that was missing was the
drumsticks.. how he managed to carry it through the fanlight in the
window (his only means of access to our abode, five and three sevenths
feet in the air) I'll never know, but I do know I wish I'd been there to
see it..
He was a good cat was Ty.. always bringing me little presents.. once,
when we lived on the Embankment, he brought me a seagull.. he caught in
mid-air by leaping on to its back from the Hazelnut tree in the back
garden.. if I hadn't seen him do it, I wouldn't have believed it
possible.. and to be honest I'm still slightly boggled by the memory..
the trouble was, it wasn't dead.. he dutifully dragged it through the
cat-flap and let it go.. our abode at the time was about one sixth of a
Victorian town-house.. it had a corridor (which was originally one half
of the entrance hall) that ran from the front door to the kitchen..
approximately 60 feet long, with 11 foot high ceiling.. the seagull
liked the look of this space, and decided to fly backwards and forwards
along it, but, I think it must have been somewhat perturbed by the cat
following it on its way, as it decided that this was the precise time it
wished to evacuate the remains of whatever it had been feeding on..
incessantly.. I still do not believe so much hsti could come out of one
bird, and at such diverse angles..
Another funny thing he did was to catch a squirrel.. well.. I thought it
was funny.. SWMBO had a somewhat different opinion.. picture one Gid,
recumbent on the sofa, enjoying an afternoon of cricket on the WWP..
enter one Ty into the living room, bearing his latest offering, to wit,
one squirrel.. Ty lays the offering at the side of the sofa.. the
squirrel (having obviously been educated by possums) sees his chance,
and rushes up the curtains to sit on the pelmet and hurl abuse (in pure
squirrelese) at the cat.. picture now, one 11 lb half-siamese outraged
cat (who evidently understood squirrelese better than me) attempting to
reach the miscreant pelmet positioned poseur by climbing the net
curtains.. "oh dear" thinks Ty.. "this bit of curtain isn't strong
enough to hold my weight.. I can tell.. I'm slipping down leaving a
beautiful gashed net behind me.. I'd better try a bit further along!"..
which he did.. repeatedly.. I suppose I should have tried to stop him
from his one-cat demolition exercise, but I'm afraid I was waylaid by
paroxysms of hilarity at the sight..
Cats eh?.. who'd have 'em?
Gid
--
The Most Noble and Exalted Peculiar , Harem Master to Veiled Concubines
Guardian of the Sacred !!!!!'s , Defender of the Temple of AFPdoration
http://www.netcomuk.co.uk/~gidnsuzi/ for The Irrelevant Page! MJBC
Jon Thompson
Bob Goddard wrote in message ...
>In article <8Stj2.4776$OU....@nnrp2.clara.net>, Jon Thompson <Jon.Thomp
>s...@clara.AntheaTurner.net> writes
>>
>>Bob Goddard wrote in message <8tYoleAe...@godwit.demon.co.uk>...
>>
>>>
>>>Samuel Beckett, shirley?
>>
>>Don't mind if I do. Ta muchly.
>>
>
>Since when has your name been shirley, Terwur?
>
There was this terrible incident on the good ship Lollipop. Years ago, it
were. Oh Gawd, the ginger wigs. The GINGER WIGS!
Two of the yellow ones please nurse. Yes the large ones please.
Alan Price
>
>Turkish remains should be consigned to a nourishing soup, not the bin.
>garlic, assorted vegetables and anything else I can find to throw into
>it, with noodles. Yummeee!
>
Here's another law of shentropy- no matter how often you stir the soup
in your dish, you always end up with just one of the major constituents
left by the time you have consumed 80% of it.
Whilst this law is of interest as applied to heterogeneous concoctions,
it demonstrates its universality by applying equally well to the special
case of homogeneous comestibles.
--
Alan Price
http://www.postern.demon.co.uk
Guy King
from G...@netcomuk.co.uk (Gid Holyoake) contains these words:
> mid-air by leaping on to its back from the Hazelnut tree in the back
> garden.. if I hadn't seen him do it, I wouldn't have believed it
Woodypuddy could never do anything like that. He is so unathletic
that when he was a kitten the only thinkg he could catch was slugs.
He used to line them up in the front door step so that when you went
out in stockinged feet to get the milk a kind of "slug pureé" would
squidge up between the toes.
Bob Goddard
<Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes
>
>
>No scanner, and SWetc is not at all keen on space/zbarl allocation for
>such.
[snip]
That's a pity. I was hoping you would be able to describe the effect of
putting chewing gum into a nice warm scanner. It's not something I've
tried yet.
Well, not knowingly anyway... he said, as a Horrible Thought percolated
through his squashy grey bits...
Phew, no it's all right, must have left it somewhere else.
Peter Thomas
>That's a pity. I was hoping you would be able to describe the effect of
>putting chewing gum into a nice warm scanner. It's not something I've
>tried yet.
Prolly need to apply ice-cubes to remove it....
--
Peter Thomas
Jill Russell
<guy....@zetnet.co.uk> writes
>Woodypuddy could never do anything like that. He is so unathletic
>that when he was a kitten the only thinkg he could catch was slugs.
My old cat, Fluffy Puss, used to catch slow worms, bring them back to
our lawn, let them dig themselves in a bit, and then do a bit of gentle
patting, which tended to make them transmogrify into fast worms.
--
Jill
Alan Price
>On Sun, 03 Jan 1999 17:22:46 GMT, apr...@postern.demon.co.uk (Alan
>Price) delighted us with these thoughts -
>>
>>Here's another law of shentropy- no matter how often you stir the soup
>>in your dish, you always end up with just one of the major constituents
>>left by the time you have consumed 80% of it.
>>
>>Whilst this law is of interest as applied to heterogeneous concoctions,
>>it demonstrates its universality by applying equally well to the special
>>case of homogeneous comestibles.
>
>
<soothing tones>
Just accept... trust me, I'm a mathematician. After all, why bother to
understand things when there are people around to do it or you?
</soothing tones>
(Heh-heh-heh!)
Ron Clark
>On 3 Jan 1999 20:44:33 G, gera...@missenbirdsmith.Freeserve.co. wrote:
>>I've now read this several times and I still can't understand it.
>> apr...@postern.demon.co.uk replied rather rashly
><soothing tones>
>Just accept... trust me, I'm a mathematician. After all, why bother to
>understand things when there are people around to do it or you?
></soothing tones>
>(Heh-heh-heh!)
Oo-er you're a braver man than I talking to Lager Enid like that !!
RonC
Junior Bloody Club - GB Branch
Martin Dixon
<URL:mailto:B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> wrote:
> In article <zv1PaFAR...@godthoms.demon.co.uk>, Peter Thomas
> <Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes
> >
> >As a corollary to this, any attempt myself to re-distribute
> >TQT by restoring unto the Venture Scouts the felling axe
> >which sits inside the shed door (on its head - are axes into
> >yoga, Jill?) will probably cause some other item to re-distribute
> >itself in our shed's direction, without any qverpg vaibyirzrag on our
> >part.
> >
> >This is an eminently grfgnoyr ulcbgurfvf and we will therefore rely on
> >casual observation an anecdote to verify or not.
> >
> >As a side issue, do people in fact own sheds, or simply and unknowingly
> >serve them? Can people own part (or all) of shedspace?
>
> Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
> gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
> sort of attached to it.
Not firmly enough obviously!
>
> (Bob
>
--
Martin Dixon, Leicester, England. email martin...@diamond.co.uk
Created on: Acorn 420/1, 33MHz ARM3, RISCOS 3.1 Running ANT Internet Suite.
Wintel free - Millenium compliant.
--
Guy King
from Jill Russell <jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
> My old cat, Fluffy Puss, used to catch slow worms, bring them back to
> our lawn, let them dig themselves in a bit, and then do a bit of gentle
> patting, which tended to make them transmogrify into fast worms.
I bet they wished they'd not evolved away their legs. Or their teeth.
Alan H Jones
<Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes
>(1) Theoretically, I curry the turkey. (Initially typed as turnkey?).
>In practise, I qb it about one year in three. This year's excuse was
>spending 30th taking Older Boy back to Warwick in time to resume
>academic thingies by New Year's Eve.
> Looked at remains of turk today,
>and consigned it to the bin.
Eh? I hope this was only 'cos there was no visible meat left on it,
rather than a gurly aversion to green fur[1]?
As I can eat any amount of free-range, corn-fed turkey[2], I usually get
the largest that my farmer friend has, about 25lbs[3]... the one the big
hotel couldn't take, so I get a good discount on his normal Ł1.99/lb
price.
A Story.
Many years ago... you are sitting comfortably, aren't you? Where was
I.. Oh, yes. When I was young and in my prime, not that I'm not now...
in my prime, I mean... it fell to me to find the Christmas turkey, 'cos
I had 'contacts' in Cheshire farming circles.[4]
Every year I would come home with a slightly larger turkey, and every
year my mother would exclaim, "OH! No! It will NEVER go in the oven!!"
And every year I would put the bird in the large roasting tin and prove
that it *would* go in the oven!
One year I mentioned my mother's phobia to the farmer from whom I was
purchasing a 25lb bird, whereupon he suggest that I took the
measurements of the biggest bird he had reared that year, adding, "If
it'll fit yer mother's oven you can 'ave it fer a fiver, even the 'otels
won't take it!"
After my mother's, by now traditional, "OH! NO...!" I mentioned the
bargain we could have, and measured our oven. On December 27th I took
my parents for a drive into Cheshire and we collected a 54lb turkey![5]
[1] This can easily be brushed off before carving.
[2] I wouldn't even *think* about eating a frozen bird from
'Orriblemuckits', the cardboard boxes are much tastier.
[3] This is the weight of the bird, not my farmer friend, who is 6' 4"
tall and weighs about 16 stone.
[4] This is in no way connected with Corn Circles, most of which are
created by drunks who, after too many jars of cider, involuntarily
levitate themselves into the middle of a field and then tramp
around in circles until they remember how to get home.
[5] This was not a grossly overweight bird; it was a giant, and was one
of the three which had attacked me when I visited the farm on
business a fortnight before Christmas.
--
Alan H Jones Atheist, Angler, Cat Lover, Shooter, and proud member of
The Junior Bloody Club!
Manchester UK Seller of Magnetic Thingies for all purposes!
Alan H Jones
<guy....@zetnet.co.uk> writes
>Woodypuddy, our senior cat was found last year with a turkish carcass
>on the roof of the neighbours jbexshop. How he got it up there we
>have no idea, but he was guarding it jealously.
Quite right, too! Possession, to a cat, is 10 points of the law.
As regards him getting onto the roof; cats are far stronger than many
people realise. Our late Burmese used to crawl under the duvet and
sleep between us. At first we worried that one of use might roll over
and squash her during the night, but we soon realised that if a few
claws inserted into somebody's back didn't work, Misty merely braced
herself against me and pushed my wife out of the bed!
You call your Senior Cat Woodypuddy... how the Hell do you expect her to
control the others, with a name like that?! Cats understand, y'know!
We used to introduce Misty as 'Melanin Evening Mist-d'-Atherton', at
which she always sat up very regally before going and making friends
with our guests.
Happi Daze!
Alan H Jones
<G...@netcomuk.co.uk> writes
<Snip: two hysterically fun and delightful cat stories.>
>Cats eh?.. who'd have 'em?
Mmm, you and me, and a few thousand others, 'cos they bring light and
happiness into our lives.
My Misty, a Burmese, never weighed more than nine pounds, but it was all
solid muscle, although she was an indoor cat, only occasionally going
into the back garden, and then only if one of us was out there.
She never tried to climb the net curtains, and always got up the Dralon
ones without damaging them, for she loved to sit on the top of the
pelmet and watch us. She also liked to perch on the top of doors;
getting there with one leap and a carefully timed push with a back leg
on the handle.
Alan H Jones
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>>Here's another law of shentropy- no matter how often you stir the soup
>>in your dish, you always end up with just one of the major constituents
>>left by the time you have consumed 80% of it.
>>
>>Whilst this law is of interest as applied to heterogeneous concoctions,
>>it demonstrates its universality by applying equally well to the special
>>case of homogeneous comestibles.
>
He's a Chemist... they only speak English when you threaten to turn off
their Bunsen burner!
>
>Perhaps I'd better have some alcohol!
Whar' an egg^W... excal^W... good idea! HIC!
Melanie Rimmer
><Pe...@godthoms.demon.co.uk> writes
>>
>>(1) Theoretically, I curry the turkey. (Initially typed as turnkey?).
>>In practise, I qb it about one year in three. This year's excuse was
>>spending 30th taking Older Boy back to Warwick in time to resume
>>academic thingies by New Year's Eve. Looked at remains of turk today,
>>and consigned it to the bin.
>>
>
>I'm famous for my turkey soup with brandy, stilton cheese, lots of
>garlic, assorted vegetables and anything else I can find to throw into
>it, with noodles. Yummeee!
Ahh, Christmas leftover soup. A traditional method of clearing out the
fridge before the traditional New Year diet.
Permitted ingredients: any bits of poultry (carcass included), cream,
stilton (or indeed anything cheesy and bluey green. Most things in my
fridge fit this definition - sooner or later), brandy, sherry, etc. etc.
Not advisable: brandy butter, mince pies, nuts with their shells on, the
marzipan that my family always peel off and leave on the side of the
plate but always insist I put on the cake anyway, those horrible Quality
Street ones that are hard and have nuts in and no-one likes, etc. etc.
--
Anti-spam spoiler in "reply" field. Remove trailing x.
Melanie Rimmer
Dave Budd
>You do realise that the cat prolly thought of its self as "Vlad the
>Impaler", or "The Death of Rats",
Manchester Waterstones had a nice(ish) model of Death Of Rats when I was in
there just before chrimbo. Only about 2" high, which I felt was a tiny bit tiny
for convincing a rat to follow it to the rat afterlife.
Dave Budd
>In article <zqKXhhAbt$i2E...@godwit.demon.co.uk>, Bob Goddard
><URL:mailto:B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>> Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
>> gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
>> sort of attached to it.
there's a bit by the side of my bed. did yours have any distinguishing
features?
Guy King
from Alan H Jones <al...@antler.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
> [3] This is the weight of the bird, not my farmer friend, who is 6' 4"
> tall and weighs about 16 stone.
Ah, a stick insect.
Guy King
from Alan H Jones <al...@antler.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
> Quite right, too! Possession, to a cat, is 10 points of the law.
Wheras possesion of a cat means sod all. Possesion /by/ a cat on the
other hand...
> You call your Senior Cat Woodypuddy... how the Hell do you expect her to
> control the others, with a name like that?!
HE is actually called Edward. When he first turned up he was dropped
into Squid's lap, where he curled up and went to sleep. He looked
like a lumpy potato, so he was called Edward. He later got the name
Woody, Woodypuddy, or Woodenpud, or Woodpud or Shitten'kitten.
He came from behind the Royal Hampshire hotel, the one in Leicester
Square that used to be the Eye Hospital. We were sharing a house at
the time, and the bloke who then "ran" it was the doorman there.
Woodpud had been hangning orund the bins for three days looking sad,
so Larry brought him home. Odd really, as he hated cats but paid for
a cab to Harrow.
We took him to the vet for his jabs. Vet said "Ooh, what a nice
litten (he was about 8 weeks old), how much did you pay for him?"
We explained that we thoght he was a Moggy, and were told in no
uncertain terms that he was about £200 worth of Russian Blue.
All this was coming up for eleven years ago. We found out about four
years ago that he has Feline Immuno Virus, probably picked up when he
was having his wild and wooly youth. (raping looting and pilaging,
that sort of thing). Since I cut his balls off he has packed in the
raping, but he still goes on raiding parties.
I think the neighbour's dog has cured him of raiding their fish pond.
It hid nearby, and when Woody sat looking intently at the fish
waiting for one to get near enough to filp out he got pushed in by a
Giant Poodle.
Guy King
from Melanie Rimmer <m...@liberator.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
> A traditional method of clearing out the fridge
And the intestinal tract.
Bob Goddard
<D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
Alan Price
>In article <3691d4c1...@news.freeserve.net>, geraldine@missenbirds
>mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
<replacing snipped 'Alan Price wrote'>
>>>
>>>Whilst this law is of interest as applied to heterogeneous concoctions,
>>>it demonstrates its universality by applying equally well to the special
>>>case of homogeneous comestibles.
>>
>>I've now read this several times and I still can't understand it.
>
>He's a Chemist... they only speak English when you threaten to turn off
>their Bunsen burner!
>>
Chemist? CHEMIST!?!? I'll have you know, young man,that I gave up
Chemistry after achieving a creditable result at School Certificate in
order to concentrate on double Maths. Chemistry has never darkened my
doorstep since, except in connection with developing and printing
photographic materials.
<Chemist indeed! Youth of today, wouldn't have been allowed, National
Service would be good for 'em, eatin' fishanchips in the street in
school uniform, chunter, chunter, chunter...>
Bob Goddard
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>
>>He had a long and distinguished career before losing a fight with a
>>lorry.
>>
>RIP, Chops!
>
PORK, chops.
Jon Gurr
gera...@missenbirdsmith.Freeserve.co.uk wrote:
>
>When I lived in Northumberland with Morgan II, he was a terrible
>hunter and useter bring in all sorts of assorted animals, both whole
>and in bits, so in order to make it more difficult for him to do so, I
>left only the top of the kitchen sash window open, just enough for him
>to squeeze through, without, as I thought being able to bring in bits
>of his kill.
>
>He still mananged to lift a whole rabbit, as big as he was, through
>that tiny crack, somehow jumping up about eight feet, with the rabbit,
>presumably, in his mouth.
>
Friends cats (brothers [1]) once caught pet rabbit a few gardens away,
and bought the body home over several six foot wooden panel fences.
OK, your average pet may not be as aggressive as a wild rabbit , but
more than makes up for that in weight.
They never did dare tell the rabbt's owners.
>Unfortunately, it wasn't dead, but crawled under the washing machine
>and died there, only to be discovered when alive with maggots.
No, Morgan II woz just storing it there, in case he got a bit crpxvfu
in the night.
>
>When being fed something nice, Pip always gets first go, reluctantly
>giving way when there's about a third left. It's really funny to see
>the Junior Cat agitatedly hopping about behind Pip, hoping that
>there's going to be some left, but not daring to eat until Pip's
>finished. He won't even eat first if Pip's not there!
>
Cleo is our original, but younger. She is chased about the house by
Socrates, and will walk well out of her way to keep away from him. But
this does not extend to the communal food bowl, where Sox usually has
to wait his turn. It shows in their physiognomy too, if we were naming
them now, we'd call 'em Fattipuff and Thiniffer. When Sox hurt his leg
and got carted to the vet, they thought he'd got Feline Leukaemia or
summat, he's so skinny. Bloomin cheek, after all the luxury food we
had to give him wrapped round his pills - but I'm not starting That
line again.
JonG ( JBC No 37 3/4)
Jon Gurr
<B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>>>> Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
>>>> gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
>>>> sort of attached to it.
>>
>>there's a bit by the side of my bed. did yours have any distinguishing
>>features?
>
>Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
>
Is that it melted into your pipe over there?
Jill Russell
<7v...@bigfoot.com> writes
>The neighbours thought the name was Cheops and very posh, but it was
>really short for Obyybpx-pubcf if only they had known.
When I took Sam{1} to the vets to be inspected prior to the Cheop, said
vet started calling him Womble, and said he had one of those parts of
masculine anatomy not descended. From the puzzled look on my face as I
tried to make an internal connection, poor vet feared for a minute he
might have to explain.
{1} Top cat at our house
--
Jill
Gid Holyoake
decided to share with us:
Ceci n'est pas une pipe (WOCAB)
Gid
--
The Most Noble and Exalted Peculiar , Harem Master to Veiled Concubines
Guardian of the Sacred !!!!!'s , Defender of the Temple of AFPdoration
http://www.netcomuk.co.uk/~gidnsuzi/ for The Irrelevant Page! MJBC
Dave Budd
>In article <76sq50$6t0$2...@probity.mcc.ac.uk>, Dave Budd
><D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
>>there's a bit by the side of my bed. did yours have any distinguishing
>>features?
>Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
that's the one. shall i email it to you?
Frank Erskine
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>>
>Our Northumbrian friends used to have two cats, Morris and Austin.
I have a (human) relative (I guvax it's a cousin) called Austin Carr.
>They weren't brothers, but they always hunted together in the field
>behind their house.
I hardly ever see Austin, so I don't know whether or not he hunts in
fields (or anywhere, for that matter)
>
>They brought home many many rabbits that way, until Morris wandered
>onto the railway line and had a leg amputated. Although he finally
>healed sufficiently to hunt alone, he was evidently no longer any use
>as a hunting partner, so Austin adopted a newcomer kitten, Scratch, as
>a hunting partner.
>
>
>All three have now, alas, gone to that great hunting party in the sky!
How sad. I bet they're all laughing at us, typing silly comments about
them on bits of plastic down here...
--
Frank Erskine
Sunderland
Don't go metric - feet, BSF, Whitworth and inches are miles better
Still looking for 67.5V and 100V HT batteries
Frank Erskine
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>On Thu, 07 Jan 1999 07:10:41 GMT, 7v...@bigfoot.com (Ron Clark)
>delighted us with these thoughts -
>>with:
>>>, I have also been given a handsome round tin, some 10½
>>>inches in diameter and 1½ + ¼ inches deep, which also contained
>>>biscuits. Happily, I ate those myself!
>>>
>>>Therefore, nothing can disturb my equanimity!
>>
>>
>>Would that be 1¾ inches deep ?[1]
>>
>Thassright, Ron, but I cannot lay me hands on the ASC II code for
>three-quarters.
I had that on a bit of paper in front of me yesterday, but it seems to
have gone walkies. Well, it'll prolly turn up soon....
--
Frank Erskine
Junior Bloody Club member
Sunderland
Niall
<nzla...@fpneobeb.qrzba.pb.hx> wrote:
>gas folder opposite.
>
An intriguing device. What does it do?
(How many volenteers this time?)
--
"Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order..."
"The Out House For what is left over"
(from the Principia Discordia)
Niall. http://www.btinternet.com/~niallcw
Bob Goddard
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>On Wed, 6 Jan 1999 19:31:17 +0000, Jill Russell
><jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> delighted us with these thoughts -
>
>Or are you trying to tell us that Uncle Bulgaria.......?
Good grief, I never suspected...
Bob Goddard
<G...@netcomuk.co.uk> writes
>In article <3693e7d1....@news.clara.net>, Jon Gurr generously
>decided to share with us:
>
>> On Tue, 5 Jan 1999 23:17:44 +0000, Bob Goddard
>> <B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>>
>>
>> >>>> Excuse me, but has anyone seen the piece of only partially-hfrq chewing
>> >>>> gum I left by the computer when I started on these mince pies? I was
>> >>>> sort of attached to it.
>> >>
>> >>features?
>> >
>> >Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
>> >
>
>Ceci n'est pas une pipe (WOCAB)
>
Non, c'est le chicle de mon oncle (MAYBE)
Bob Goddard
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>
>ª ª Isn't this a superscript a?
>
>That's prolly cos I didn't understand all that stuff about Withcode.
>
>Is that anything like Withnail, cos if so, I think I'll pass!
Is this what you were looking for Nadgerlie?
¾ ¾ ¾ ¾ ¾
I just found them in the shed. God knows how they got there...
Bob Goddard
<D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
>Bob Goddard <B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
>>In article <76sq50$6t0$2...@probity.mcc.ac.uk>, Dave Budd
>><D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
>
>>>features?
>
>>Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
>
>
Ooh, yes please! <Thinks> You haven't been chewing it, have you?
Jon Gurr
<nzla...@fpneobeb.qrzba.pb.hx> wrote:
>[3] we were living in Sevenoaks [4] then otherwise it would have been a
>snicket or ginnel
>[4] forget the jokes about Oneoak - I've heard them all before
I was actually driving round On^^Sevenoaks at midnight within 24 hrs
of That storm, trying to find a petrol station cos the M11/M25/M20
didn't have any. Thort I was going to have to get out and walk.
Guy King
from Amynthas <nzla...@fpneobeb.qrzba.pb.hx> contains these words:
> [4] forget the jokes about Oneoak - I've heard them all before
Odd though because there are at least four sets of "Seven Oaks" that
I can think of, and only one lot got blasted.
Mum lives in St Mary's Platt a little way down the A25 from
Sevenoaks, and her windows were covered in salt. The nearest bit of
sea in the direction the wind was coming from that night is around
Portsmouth somewhere.
Martin Trump
mith.Freeserve.co.uk writes
>We were incredibly fortunate just here. Even though we are on top of
>the second highest hill in Hampshire and although there was terrible
>devastation in the woods about 300 yards away and on either side of
>the village, there was hardly any real damage in the village itself.
If anybody needs divine intervention in these matters, I'm available.
Having heard the noise during that night I wandered around my garden the
next morning - the only "damage" I could find was a cabbage leaf blown
from the compost heap to the front fence.
Only when I drove to work did I find out how bad it had been for others.
Regards,
--
Martin Trump
International Goatkeepers Society, Membership No. 001858
Junior Bloody Club Member
Ron Clark
>If anybody needs divine intervention in these matters, I'm available.
>Only when I drove to work did I find out how bad it had been for others.
Are you the well-known last of the trumps ?
and how will we know if you have sounded ?
RonC
JBC(GB)
Mike Holmans
<nzla...@fpneobeb.qrzba.pb.hx> decided to opine:
>X-NO-ARCHIVE: YES
> Jon Gurr <jon...@claraNOSPAM.co.uk> wrote
>>On Thu, 7 Jan 1999 22:08:20 +0000, Amynthas
>><nzla...@fpneobeb.qrzba.pb.hx> wrote:
>>
>>>[3] we were living in Sevenoaks [4] then otherwise it would have been a
>>>snicket or ginnel
>>>[4] forget the jokes about Oneoak - I've heard them all before
>>
>>
>>I was actually driving round On^^Sevenoaks at midnight within 24 hrs
>>of That storm, trying to find a petrol station cos the M11/M25/M20
>>didn't have any. Thort I was going to have to get out and walk.
>>
> That was a real storm that was, we also were in Sevenoaks at the
>time, living down near Bat & Ball. The storm didn't disturb us until we
>woke up to find no 'lecy. Then, looking out of the window in the half
>light I realised that one of the tree in the garden was down and the
>greenhouse probably underneath it. A short while later any thoughts of
>going to work were abandoned when SWN reported that the line of poplar
>trees on the other side of the road were all down. As luck would have it
>they had missed the line of parked cars on this side of the road with
>each tree lying neatly between a pair of cars.
I woke up that morning in Pimlico (not very unusual since I lived
there, and still do) and found there was no 'lecy either. There
weren't any lights in the houses I could see from the back window, so
I assumed we'd had a local power cut. I was due to go to Milton
Keynes, so I got ready to leave. When I got out of the house, I began
to get the idea that something a little more dramatic than a local
power cut had taken place, because my upstairs neighbours were taking
piccies of their car. At the time, there were peeps qbvat rkgreany
ercnvef naq cnvagvat, which had arprffvgngrq gur rerpgvba bs
fpnssbyqvat. Quite a few bits of the fpnssbyqvat were now sticking out
of the car. Apparently it was taken away later that day for scrap.
MikeH
--
Member - Junior Bloody Club
Member - League Against Cruel Cats
Dave Budd
>In article <772148$d0t$1...@probity.mcc.ac.uk>, Dave Budd
><D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
>>Bob Goddard <B...@nospam.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>>>In article <76sq50$6t0$2...@probity.mcc.ac.uk>, Dave Budd
>>><D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
>>>>there's a bit by the side of my bed. did yours have any distinguishing
>>>>features?
>>>Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
>>that's the one. shall i email it to you?
>Ooh, yes please! <Thinks> You haven't been chewing it, have you?
problem - found another bit matching the description on the other side of the
bed....
Jon Gurr
Holmans) wrote:
>
>I woke up that morning in Pimlico (not very unusual since I lived
>there, and still do) and found there was no 'lecy either. There
>weren't any lights in the houses I could see from the back window, so
>I assumed we'd had a local power cut. I was due to go to Milton
>Keynes, so I got ready to leave. When I got out of the house, I began
>to get the idea that something a little more dramatic than a local
>power cut had taken place, because my upstairs neighbours were taking
>piccies of their car. At the time, there were peeps qbvat rkgreany
>ercnvef naq cnvagvat, which had arprffvgngrq gur rerpgvba bs
>fpnssbyqvat. Quite a few bits of the fpnssbyqvat were now sticking out
>of the car. Apparently it was taken away later that day for scrap.
>
>
My sister was working then as secretary of a small, slate-rooved
junior school. A bank ran along the front of the building, and, next
day, the entire bank was studded with slates buried half their length
in the ground. I don't think there was a space big enough to lie down
on the bank - it looked like the practice ground for a giant
knife-throwing act.
JonG ( JBC No. 37 3/4)
Martin Trump
<7v...@bigfoot.com> writes
>>If anybody needs divine intervention in these matters, I'm available.
>
>>Only when I drove to work did I find out how bad it had been for others.
>
>Are you the well-known last of the trumps ?
>and how will we know if you have sounded ?
You won't. You'll be too late.
However, advanced warning can be obtained at moderate cost from the
undersigned. Just think of the benefits!
Cash in your insurance policies and go on a world cruise while it's
still there!
No need to pay your mortgage, use the money for something more
pleasurable!
Enjoy the entire contents of your cellar before it's too late!
Better hurry, you don't know when it's coming!
Peter Thomas
<pos...@jackalope.demon.co.uk> illuminated the shed with
>
snip
> When I got out of the house, I began
>to get the idea that something a little more dramatic than a local
>power cut had taken place,
My then obff was deeply upset that I said I had slept through it, save
for stirring when the hatch lifted into the loft.
On looking out, saw Head of Surrey Highways fgerahbhfyl fnjvat a fallen
willow. I quietly cursed him for being aboiut so rneyl and pretended I
hadn't seen.
This is the bod on whose account our road almost always gets
salted/gritted, and we never get snowed in.
And when we did manage to sledge on it (very much downhill, towards the
entrance) he came round the blind corner, rather fast, and seemed upset
that there were lots of people enjoying themselves on his precious
highway.
--
Peter Thomas
Barry Twycross
pos...@jackalope.demon.co.uk (Mike Holmans) wrote:
>I woke up that morning in Pimlico (not very unusual since I lived
>there, and still do) and found there was no 'lecy either. There
>weren't any lights in the houses I could see from the back window, so
>I assumed we'd had a local power cut. I was due to go to Milton
>Keynes, so I got ready to leave. When I got out of the house, I began
>to get the idea that something a little more dramatic than a local
>power cut had taken place,
I was in Greenford (near the B&Q on the A40), I heard the wind in the night
but I didn't wake up totally. I only found out what had really happened
when I turned on the TV to get the tube travel report on Ceefax, we still
had leccy unlike most everywhere else. The tube was totally ubggrede so I
didn't go to work. My flatmate took what was about the only surviving train
out of London so she could get to work in Slough. She wished she'd stayed
home though.
--
Barry
Ba...@netbox.com <http://www.netbox.com/barry>
JBC of California
Paul Stevenson
jon...@claraNOSPAM.co.uk (Jon Gurr) wrote:
> On Mon, 11 Jan 1999 14:39:24 GMT, pos...@jackalope.demon.co.uk (Mike
> Holmans) wrote:
>
>
> >
> >I woke up that morning in Pimlico (not very unusual since I lived
> >there, and still do) and found there was no 'lecy either. There
> >weren't any lights in the houses I could see from the back window, so
> >I assumed we'd had a local power cut. I was due to go to Milton
> >Keynes, so I got ready to leave. When I got out of the house, I began
> >to get the idea that something a little more dramatic than a local
> >power cut had taken place, because my upstairs neighbours were taking
> >piccies of their car. At the time, there were peeps qbvat rkgreany
> >ercnvef naq cnvagvat, which had arprffvgngrq gur rerpgvba bs
> >fpnssbyqvat. Quite a few bits of the fpnssbyqvat were now sticking out
> >of the car. Apparently it was taken away later that day for scrap.
> >
> >
> My sister was working then as secretary of a small, slate-rooved
> junior school. A bank ran along the front of the building, and, next
> day, the entire bank was studded with slates buried half their length
> in the ground. I don't think there was a space big enough to lie down
> on the bank - it looked like the practice ground for a giant
> knife-throwing act.
Midland Bank?(1)
When I was a poor apprentice, W&T Avery since you asked, weighing machine
makers to the masses; I was standing outside the workshop early one morning
waiting for the foreman to turn up(2) when a slate flew of the roof opposite
and crashed at my feet, six inches higher and it would have taken my leg
off. Dangerous place Weymouth in the late 1960s!!
1. Will you lend us fifty quid to mend the shed?
2. He came from Birmingham, most miserable man I've ever met. I got there
first because thats how the buses from Portland ran.
--
Paul Stevenson
Moderator of the model railway auctions at QXL Exchange
http://exchange.qxl.com
For information about Triang/Triang-Hornby/Hornby
Railways try http://www.ttgva.com/train/
Junior Bloody Club Member
Written on an Acorn StrongArm Computer.
.................................................................
random tag line
... As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Paul Beardow
gera...@missenbirdsmith.Freeserve.co.uk wrote in message
<3692fe30....@news.freeserve.net>...
>On Mon, 28 Dec 1998 20:41:32 GMT, b...@ubangistomp.u-net.com (Bob
>Harris) delighted us with these thoughts -
>
>
>Just stop whispering, Bob!
It must be him with an email address like that - one of my fave rock 'n'
roll tunes. I always remember the time he fell asleep on the Old Grey
Whistle Test, but I can't remember the name of the group now.
He could introduce new threads couldn't he? "and now, after the seminal
thread 'Felicitations (of the Kendal Variety)' comes Wayne's new posting 'I
swapped the Lard-Rover for a Lard-a'".
Could we afford a NG-DJ?
Paul
Ron Clark
>Could we afford a NG-DJ?
We've got the one already [1]
RonC
JBC(GB)
[1] YADJ [2]
[2] (da...@psilink.co.uk)
Guy King
from Paul Stevenson <pa...@pdsteveo.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
> weighing machine makers to the masses;
And what masses!
Bob Goddard
<D.B...@mcc.ac.uk> writes
>>>>>there's a bit by the side of my bed. did yours have any distinguishing
>>>>>features?
>>>>Yes, it still tasted slightly of nicotine.
>>>that's the one. shall i email it to you?
>>Ooh, yes please! <Thinks> You haven't been chewing it, have you?
>
>problem - found another bit matching the description on the other side of the
>bed....
>
Autogenesis?
Paul Stevenson
Guy King <guy....@zetnet.co.uk> wrote:
> The message <a69b4bc348%pa...@pdsteveo.demon.co.uk>
> from Paul Stevenson <pa...@pdsteveo.demon.co.uk> contains these words:
>
> > weighing machine makers to the masses;
>
> And what masses!
Brillant!!!
Any thing from a chemist's balance to a 100+ton weighbridge.
--
Paul Stevenson
Moderator of the model railway auctions at QXL Exchange
http://exchange.qxl.com
For information about Triang/Triang-Hornby/Hornby
Railways try http://www.ttgva.com/train/
Junior Bloody Club Member
Written on an Acorn StrongArm Computer.
.................................................................
random tag line
... I'd love to, but I did my own thing and now ... I've got to undo it.
Jill Russell
<Mar...@wmeadow.demon.co.uk> writes
>Better hurry, you don't know when it's coming!
Which reminds me. Some of you may know I changed my jbex this week and
I'm now teaching them hefty big kids maths. The unfortunate topic with
year 11 is cumulative frequency, abbreviated in a table to cum
frequency. Need I say more, snigger, snigger.
--
Jill
Bob Goddard
Twycross <Ba...@netbox.com> writes
>
>I was in Greenford (near the B&Q on the A40), I heard the wind in the night
>but I didn't wake up totally. I only found out what had really happened
>when I turned on the TV to get the tube travel report on Ceefax, we still
>had leccy unlike most everywhere else. The tube was totally ubggrede so I
>didn't go to work. My flatmate took what was about the only surviving train
>out of London so she could get to work in Slough. She wished she'd stayed
>home though.
>
Yes, Slough can be like that.
In Luton, there was a crash followed by insistent rumbling noises above
our heads that night; when I went outside to investigate I saw our TV
aerial mast had snapped in half and was rolling about on the roof,
dangling from its cables. Then in the morning our daughter complained
about water coming through her bedroom ceiling. The aerial had smashed a
couple of tiles, but that didn't worry me at all once I realised our
neighbours had very few tiles left on their roof at all.
At jbex in Rickmansworth the following morning, one of the hundreds-of-
years-old massive beech trees on the roundabout across the road finally
fell over with lots of very suitable sound effects. A bloke from the
council arrived in his van to assess the damage and pulled up just in
front of the fallen tree (which was blocking the road). While he was
doing investigating sort of things, another of these socking great trees
fell down immediately behind his van, completely blocking him in. If
he'd parked his van a yard further back it would have been flattened.
Needless to say, his mates arrived on the scene very quickly and had him
out of there by tea time.
Frank Erskine
<jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> writes
What's Year 11? Do you sheddily sort of add 5 (assuming that most kids
start skool @ 5), so that the durty-minded kids are ca 16?
Carl .LHS. Williams
Jill Russell <jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>In article <LbxkKBAf...@wmeadow.demon.co.uk>, Martin Trump
><Mar...@wmeadow.demon.co.uk> writes
>>Better hurry, you don't know when it's coming!
>
>Which reminds me. Some of you may know I changed my jbex this week and
>I'm now teaching them hefty big kids maths. The unfortunate topic with
>year 11 is cumulative frequency, abbreviated in a table to cum
>frequency. Need I say more, snigger, snigger.
This would be year 11 "Innuendo Foundation Skills", I take it?
--
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
E-mail to: | Yon Net is intermittently powered by tqt |
Carl<little snaily 'at' thing>(yon-net, not nospam) dot demon dot co dot uk
+++++ Member of the Members Only Club for Members Only (by invitation) +++++
Guy King
from ca...@nospam.demon.co.uk (Carl .LHS. Williams) contains these words:
> This would be year 11 "Innuendo Foundation Skills", I take it?
Oooh, what a good idea. Would have to have short fims by Frankie
Howard on the curriculum.
Ron Clark
<pa...@pdsteveo.demon.co.uk> illuminated our sheds with:
> I was standing outside the workshop early one morning
>waiting for the foreman to turn up(2) when a slate flew of the roof opposite
>and crashed at my feet, six inches higher and it would have taken my leg
>off.
We're good at maths you know..
And thus surprised to hear that your leg is 6 inches long.
RonC
(JBC(Brigstowe))
Paul Stevenson
gera...@missenbirdsmith.Freeserve.co.uk wrote:
> On Tue, 12 Jan 1999 14:52:54 +0000, Paul Stevenson
> <pa...@pdsteveo.demon.co.uk> delighted us with these thoughts -
>
> >2. He came from Birmingham, most miserable man I've ever met. I got there
> >first because thats how the buses from Portland ran.
>
> He couldn't've been worse than a chap I worked with fortymumble years
> ago, called A*th*r B*w.
>
> Every afternoon at 5.10 he'd put the top on his pen, stand up and say
> "Oh, well! Another day nearer death"!!!!
Oh he was, miserable that is.
Cheered up a bit after his wife died though.
--
Paul Stevenson
Moderator of the model railway auctions at QXL Exchange
http://exchange.qxl.com
For information about Triang/Triang-Hornby/Hornby
Railways try http://www.ttgva.com/train/
Junior Bloody Club Member
Written on an Acorn StrongArm Computer.
.................................................................
random tag line
... Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
Paul Stevenson
7v...@bigtearfoot.com (Ron Clark) wrote:
> On Tue, 12 Jan 1999 14:52:54 +0000, Paul Stevenson
> <pa...@pdsteveo.demon.co.uk> illuminated our sheds with:
>
>
> > I was standing outside the workshop early one morning
> >waiting for the foreman to turn up(2) when a slate flew of the roof opposite
> >and crashed at my feet, six inches higher and it would have taken my leg
> >off.
>
> We're good at maths you know..
>
> And thus surprised to hear that your leg is 6 inches long.
And my raes wipes out my footprints(1)
1. D.A.D.
--
Paul Stevenson
Moderator of the model railway auctions at QXL Exchange
http://exchange.qxl.com
For information about Triang/Triang-Hornby/Hornby
Railways try http://www.ttgva.com/train/
Junior Bloody Club Member
Written on an Acorn StrongArm Computer.
.................................................................
random tag line
... "Bother", said Pooh, as received his telephone bill
cormaic
<nzla...@fpneobeb.qrzba.pb.hx> enriched all our lives with these
words:
>Reminds me of when I jbexrq [1] in London. The wife of the head of
>department used to park her car just outside our building inspite of no
>parking signs. She didn't even stop when jbexzra fgnegrq chggvat hc
>fpnsbyqvat. Though when a scafolding pole was dropped from the 4th floor
>level and pinned her car to the ground she did decide to move [2].
When we were paving the centre of Preston in 1989, we had
whole streets at a time shut off so that we could jbex in peace, with
no danger of being run over by a rabid bus driver or coked-up taxi
driver. One cheeky abstrad had a habit of moving our barrier fences
aside, and driving his car onto our newly laid jbex, parking-up and
buggering off to his hairstylists for an hour or so.
One of the gangers who worked for me got really ipssed off
with this guy, and so, late one Friday afternoon, he arranged for the
JCB driver to manoeuvre some heavy packs of paving bricks into
position fore and aft of the illegally parked car. Everyone retreated
to the Stanley Arms, just to check if the ale had improved any, and
waited for your man to return.
He was a tad upset, and we did try very hard not to snigger
too loudly, as we watched him from behind the heavy curtains of the
tap-room. Eventually, the JCB driver ambled out and offered to drag
the blocks out of the way for 20 quid, which paid for the next round
of beers. :~)
We never saw him again.
--
cormaic - on the web at http://www.tmac.clara.net
Culcheth - paving pages at http://www.tmac.clara.net/paving2.htm
Last Updated on 13th January 1999
cormaic CAN BE FOUND AT tmac.clara.co.uk
Martin Trump
<guy....@zetnet.co.uk> writes
>> This would be year 11 "Innuendo Foundation Skills", I take it?
>
>Oooh, what a good idea. Would have to have short fims by Frankie
>Howard on the curriculum.
Benny Hill, I think it was. Innuendo = suppository
Jon Thompson
Martin Trump wrote in message ...
>In article <199901130...@zetnet.co.uk>, Guy King
><guy....@zetnet.co.uk> writes
>>> This would be year 11 "Innuendo Foundation Skills", I take it?
>>
>>Oooh, what a good idea. Would have to have short fims by Frankie
>>Howard on the curriculum.
>
>Benny Hill, I think it was. Innuendo = suppository
>
Gin = mascara thinners
--
Jon "Terwur@" Thompson (-:
"Spike lives in his head. He actually LIVES in his head..."
Jill Russell
<fr...@g3wte.demon.co.uk> writes
>What's Year 11? Do you sheddily sort of add 5 (assuming that most kids
>start skool @ 5), so that the durty-minded kids are ca 16?
You've got it. The government (Tories spit) invented the term to go
with the National Curriculum. Doesn't make their minds any cleaner
though. Mind you, Year 12 and 13 are still called the Sixth Form.
--
Jill
Bob Goddard
> from ca...@nospam.demon.co.uk (Carl .LHS. Williams) contains these words:
>
>
>
>Oooh, what a good idea. Would have to have short fims by Frankie
>Howard on the curriculum.
Oooh, you keep my curriculum out of this. No, Nooo, Missus, it's no
laughing matter, it's an affliction, that's what it is... Wellll, I
mean, if you had a short fim you'd want to keep it quiet, wouldn't you?
No, not you Sir, the lady at the back. Yes the one in the funny hat...
Oh well, suit yourself...
Frank Erskine
<jrus...@jirus.demon.co.uk> writes
>In article <VezJnFAS...@g3wte.demon.co.uk>, Frank Erskine
><fr...@g3wte.demon.co.uk> writes
>>What's Year 11? Do you sheddily sort of add 5 (assuming that most kids
>>start skool @ 5), so that the durty-minded kids are ca 16?
>
>You've got it. The government (Tories spit) invented the term to go
>with the National Curriculum. Doesn't make their minds any cleaner
>though.
I gubhtug that the Tory government would have restored good Victorian
values in the children - clean minds (and thoughts) and clean bodies (a
bath every year whether or not they need it).
> Mind you, Year 12 and 13 are still called the Sixth Form.
The Lower and the Upper 6th?
Do they still have the Remove?