Ally Pally Show
Chris Bedford
end can for my ZX9r and I forgot to buy a hugger ohh well that will have to
wait Got the can for £250 plus a free £30 lock which I don't really need.
Guy selling big chamois and big rolls of polishing cloth (use it for my car
more than anything else) just to let you no its an absolute bargain!! Have
fun and thank god the weather is slowing getting better. Parachute jump
next week anyone want to sponsor me? Its for Comic relief. No I will not
leave without a parachute.
Chris
2000 ZX9r 1996 BMW M3Evo
Kiran Soar
"Chris Bedford" <emch...@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:94vc4b$88k$1...@uranium.btinternet.com...
> Just come back from there ermm nice women errr anyway bought a Remus
carbon
> end can for my ZX9r and I forgot to buy a hugger ohh well that will have
to
> wait Got the can for £250 plus a free £30 lock which I don't really need.
> Guy selling big chamois and big rolls of polishing cloth (use it for my
car
> more than anything else) just to let you no its an absolute bargain
Anyone going tomorrow?
Oh, and what are Remus cans like - I was thinking of one of those titanium
ones for the 6R.
--
Kiran Soar D.Bot (Celeritas)
ZX-6R J1
BOTAFOT#19
porl
>
> Oh, and what are Remus cans like - I was thinking of one of those titanium
> ones for the 6R.
But I remember you saying [1] "If it doesn't sounds like that what's the
point?"[2]
[1] When Andy Bonwick started up the duke.
[2] Outside Macd's before that run [3]
[3] Wherever the hell it was:)
--
zx6r- using; sv650- sold; cg125- remembering; mb50- forgetting
botafot #78 skoga #1
http://www.geocities.com/porlp
Kiran Soar
"porl" <yl...@dial.pipex.com> wrote in message
news:3A733BAF...@dial.pipex.com...
> Kiran Soar wrote:
>
> >
> > Oh, and what are Remus cans like - I was thinking of one of those
titanium
> > ones for the 6R.
>
> But I remember you saying [1] "If it doesn't sounds like that what's the
> point?"[2]
>
possibly for Paul Carmichael's VTR.
Changed my mind though and decided the 6R definitely needs improving on the
sound front - I think it could do with a slightly deeper note. I saw a
mate's 6R with a remus on it the other day, not too loud and obvious.
Anyway, I'll see what offers are on at the show.
Platypus
> fun and thank god the weather is slowing getting better. Parachute jump
> next week anyone want to sponsor me? Its for Comic relief. No I will not
> leave without a parachute.
This is one of these parachute jump things where the first £200 or so of
the sponsorship money goes to pay for the jump? Yeah, right. If you
got everybody to pay the money directly to the charity in question,
they'd be much better off. If you want to go skydiving, pay for it
yourself.
Platypus
Lesley
>Chris Bedford wrote:
>
>This is one of these parachute jump things where the first £200 or so of
>the sponsorship money goes to pay for the jump?
Spunds like.
>Yeah, right. If you
>got everybody to pay the money directly to the charity in question,
>they'd be much better off. If you want to go skydiving, pay for it
>yourself.
Notwithstanding the cost that has to be paid to the airport,
etc?
Not that I condone the idea. I know how things work. I do
not do charity payments any more.
--
Lesley
ZXR400SP [Cagiva 1000 due]
SBS#11[with oak-leaf cluster]
"I love to cook with wine. Sometimes I even
put it in the food."
Platypus
>
> On Sun, 28 Jan 2001 00:21:37 +0000, Platypus <plat...@ukrm.org> wrote:
>
> >Chris Bedford wrote:
> >
> >This is one of these parachute jump things where the first £200 or so of
> >the sponsorship money goes to pay for the jump?
>
> Spunds like.
>
> >Yeah, right. If you
> >got everybody to pay the money directly to the charity in question,
> >they'd be much better off. If you want to go skydiving, pay for it
> >yourself.
>
> Notwithstanding the cost that has to be paid to the airport,
> etc?
Exactly. The charity doesn't get any of that money. So, say the
average jumper raises £400 in spons, and the jump costs £200. Would the
sponsors be happy to know that only half of their contribution will
actually go to the charity?
> Not that I condone the idea. I know how things work. I do
> not do charity payments any more.
I used to do sponsored walks and swims and the like. Nowadays I just
pay cash, direct from my wages, every month. If I ever feel the urge to
throw myself out of a perfectly good aeroplane, I'll pay for that too.
Platypus
Lesley
>
>I used to do sponsored walks and swims and the like. Nowadays I just
>pay cash, direct from my wages, every month. If I ever feel the urge to
>throw myself out of a perfectly good aeroplane, I'll pay for that too.
Let's just say that, with the previous position where I work I became
*very* aware of where money for 'trust' purposes gets spent.
Hence, I don't do donation's any more.
Platypus
>
> On Sun, 28 Jan 2001 01:35:26 +0000, Platypus <plat...@ukrm.org> wrote:
>
> >
> >I used to do sponsored walks and swims and the like. Nowadays I just
> >pay cash, direct from my wages, every month. If I ever feel the urge to
> >throw myself out of a perfectly good aeroplane, I'll pay for that too.
>
> Let's just say that, with the previous position where I work I became
> *very* aware of where money for 'trust' purposes gets spent.
>
> Hence, I don't do donation's any more.
They can't all be rogues and blackguards. My money goes to the NABD -
those I know that are involved with it appear to me to be trustworthy.
Perhaps I'm being taken advantage of, but I don't think so. I just have
to take that chance.
Platypus
Lesley
>They can't all be rogues and blackguards. My money goes to the NABD -
>those I know that are involved with it appear to me to be trustworthy.
>Perhaps I'm being taken advantage of, but I don't think so. I just have
>to take that chance.
In a black and white sense, yes. But there are overheads.
And there are *always* people who *have* to go to such
and such an event which is paid for by the trust monies
available. And those that will buy equipment (ie a *very*
large monitor - and no, you don't want tp hear what we
'normal' people said about that one) which, as far as I am
concerned is a waste of money.
I work for the NHS. I have had to deal with the different
accounts for the Trust. I am very impressed with the way in
which some of the people who have a trust account. I am *very*
unimpressed with the rest. So, I no longer give to charity,
because I have seen how it can be abused.
steve auvache
writes
Any loose charity aimed contributions that I can collect go straight to
what I consider to be a very worthwhile cause. But then I am incredibly
biased in this respect, I wouldn't want some bloody pilot to be making a
living out of it.
If you do not yet make a donation to charity through your wages or
dividends readers, might I suggest you go here:-
--
steve auvache "The Butchers Dog" www.thecow.demon.co.uk
VT500(x2) XBR500C
BOF#41
I ride in the bike lane
eric the brave
250 quid for a silencer. You must be mad. Only about 30 quids worth of
parts. Anyroadup I bought a Scorpion can for 90 quid last year. Full
lifetime guarantee as well...
--
SimonB - South Wales. BOF#32 KoTL-MSWF#
ZX9R-C1 in the proper colour. Z1R.
Mid-South-Wales-Run @ http://www.zapik.fsnet.co.uk/mswf.html April 22nd
Email: simon...@ixion.org.uk Web: http://www.zapik.fsnet.co.uk/
darsy
wrote:
>Oh, probably. Nothing compares to the sound of a Duke with race cans, 'cept
>possibly for Paul Carmichael's VTR.
...which was proved to be somewhat quieter than my TRX with twin Remus
Titanium end-cans, if that affects your decision in any way...
--
darsy | SZR660:blue | TRX850:red
TCP#0.FF#1.SSC#1.VBC#3.BOTAFOT#009
"The Voice Of Reason"
Doc Gonz0
wrote:
> My money goes to the NABD -
>those I know that are involved with it appear to me to be trustworthy.
'Ang on... doesn't Wolf work for them now?
--
The Doctor.
West Ham United F.C., Laverda Formula 750 S, MZ ETZ 301
TPPFATUICG#1, IMC#1,AC&UFTFCotFFO[tm] #1, ITJWTFO #1,BBIWYMC #2,
GHPOTHUF#3, UKRMHRC#6, YTC #8, DIAABTCOD#9. BOD#8, two#8
This sig is too long for demon.local
Andy Bonwick
>On Sat, 27 Jan 2001 23:42:19 -0000, "Kiran Soar" <ki...@ukrm.org>
>wrote:
>>Oh, probably. Nothing compares to the sound of a Duke with race cans, 'cept
>>possibly for Paul Carmichael's VTR.
>
>...which was proved to be somewhat quieter than my TRX with twin Remus
>Titanium end-cans, if that affects your decision in any way...
I changed the 748 back to it's old Bora system before I sold it and
was suprised at how quiet it was considering they have the same
internals asTermignonis.
I think it was Champ who said he thought it was you coming up the
road the first time he heard the 748 with the race system on.
--
Andy Bonwick
ZX9R E1, Yamaha FZX750.
BOTAFOT#22
Chris Bedford
"Lesley" <Les...@ukrm.org> wrote in message
news:m0t67t438g43l95vu...@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 28 Jan 2001 00:21:37 +0000, Platypus <plat...@ukrm.org> wrote:
>
> >Chris Bedford wrote:
> >
> >This is one of these parachute jump things where the first £200 or so of
> >the sponsorship money goes to pay for the jump?
>
> Spunds like.
>
> >Yeah, right. If you
> >got everybody to pay the money directly to the charity in question,
> >they'd be much better off. If you want to go skydiving, pay for it
> >yourself.
>
> Notwithstanding the cost that has to be paid to the airport,
> etc?
>
> Not that I condone the idea. I know how things work. I do
> not do charity payments any more.
Its a good point the jump is £180 I have paid the £40 deposit and I am also
paying the remaining £140 out of my own money. Other people bought this up
at work and wouldn't sponsor me if I didn't pay for the jump (fair enough)
I do know what you mean though but in this case I'm paying for it. My
sponsor form is purely for charity other wise it looks bad on me.
Chris
Alan T. Gower
news:94vc4b$88k$1...@uranium.btinternet.com...
> No I will not leave without a parachute.
Wuss.
--
Alan
YZF-R1 (Y2K) , F27V8 (Being Stolen for 8950), XLH1200 (YUK)
TriumphThunderbird(s are go), DS#2 (Re H-D), YTC#9 (and proud)
JP
wrote:
>
>Anyone going tomorrow?
>
>Oh, and what are Remus cans like - I was thinking of one of those titanium
>ones for the 6R.
Monday. 11am and 2pm in the main bar.
--
JP
ST1100 Pan European (in even more incredible tacky colourscheme!)
ZX9R E1 It's big and it's green! "Leaner, meaner Janitorial Cleaner"!
NATC#1 MHP#1 MMJ#1 BotToS#1 UKRMFBC#4(provisional) KotHMC#
MC
relief added on
For example donate £5, the charity gets £5 plus whatever the tax rate is
(I think I got that right, and will stand corrected)
So that how I do it, and I have gave up on sponsorship / door to door / etc.
a long time ago
MC
00 1200 Bandit
steve auvache
<fust...@thecow.demon.co.uk> writes
>If you do not yet make a donation to charity through your wages or
>dividends readers, might I suggest you go here:-
See and right there should be the URL for Breakthrough, but for some
reason Demon are being difficult with web access right now and it got
posted by mistake before I could paste the proper URL in there.
There you go mistake corrected, here it is:-
http://www.breakthrough.org.uk/docs/home.asp
Adrienne M Jenn
>In article <3A73807D...@ukrm.org>, on Sun, 28 Jan 2001
>02:14:21 +0000 , Platypus <plat...@ukrm.org> wrote:
>
>>They can't all be rogues and blackguards. My money goes to the NABD -
>>those I know that are involved with it appear to me to be trustworthy.
>
>Veggie Dave and Wolf???
Nope, Wolf & me (membership sec). Veggie no longer does the web site.
--
Adie
FZ750 / GSZ450
MRO#11 BOTAFOF#7
Kiran Soar
"JP" <J...@ukrm.org> wrote in message news:3a741b78...@news.clara.net...
> On Sat, 27 Jan 2001 21:00:45 -0000, "Kiran Soar" <ki...@ukrm.org>
> wrote:
>
> >
> >Anyone going tomorrow?
> >
> >Oh, and what are Remus cans like - I was thinking of one of those
titanium
> >ones for the 6R.
>
>
> Monday. 11am and 2pm in the main bar.
Ah, couldn't make tomorrow so I went today instead. And to say it was
absofuckinglutely packed is an understatement.
Anyway, got a few bargains - Remus oval titanium silencer (Ł200 - due to
manager having a fit at sales assistant when said sales assistant admitting
he forgot to pack any exhausts for the ZX6R or 9R into the van - exhaust to
be delivered in a day or so), Arai Quantum F (Ł255) and some Oxford throw
over panniers (Ł65).
Platypus
>
> Its a good point the jump is £180 I have paid the £40 deposit and I am also
> paying the remaining £140 out of my own money. Other people bought this up
> at work and wouldn't sponsor me if I didn't pay for the jump (fair enough)
> I do know what you mean though but in this case I'm paying for it. My
> sponsor form is purely for charity other wise it looks bad on me.
Good man! Too many people don't think about this sort of thing at all.
Platypus
Robbo in from somewhere else
> leave without a parachute.
Dont get the Irish parachute ..........
It opens on impact !!
--
--
Robbo
1500GL
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
\= /=
\= / /=
\ \= / /=
\\\' , / //
\\\//, / //,
\_-//' / / /<,
\ /// <//`
/ >> \\\`__/
/,)-^>> _\` \\\
(/ \\ //\\
// _//\\\\
(( ((
.
Champ
>If you want to go skydiving, pay for it yourself.
Agreed. Whenever I tell people about my planned "Snowboard down Mont
Blanc " trip, they say "are you doing it for charity?" To which I
reply, "no , I'm doing it cos I fucking want to".
--
Champ
Kawasaki ZX9RC2, H1B (in bits), GPz750turbo
www.champ.org.uk GYASB#0 BotToS#2 BOTAFOT#35 UKRMFBC#2 IHABWTMMJ#3
The Game Never Stops
Bastard Bear
>
> Platypus <plat...@ukrm.org> ejaculated :
>
> >If you want to go skydiving, pay for it yourself.
>
> Agreed. Whenever I tell people about my planned "Snowboard down Mont
> Blanc " trip, they say "are you doing it for charity?" To which I
> reply, "no , I'm doing it cos I fucking want to".
"Keith doesn't give a shit".
--
Bastard Bear
These are my own opinions, and not necessarily those of all Bears
TART#1 UKRMHRC#8 GHPOTHUF#4 HB#2 TCP#1a DIAABTCOD#4 ZX-9R KotYTC#
UKRMFBC#3 BOTAFOT#1 MSWR#2 "Deligatus est! Viae abeamus!"
Bear's Napster track of the week: Gun: "Better Days"
Veggie Meldrew
>Well, I haven't seen enough of your postings but I'd say
>that hanging around with Veggie Dave probably indicates that
>there's something not right.
>
Can't deny that...
>Anyway, I thought Veggie Dave had something to do with
>adaptions?
Not for a while
Veggie Dave
UKRMHRC#2
V&S Extreme Photography http://www.bikehouse.demon.co.uk
Drag Racing http://www.bikehouse.demon.co.uk/racing
--
Toxic Shock Syndrome Gets More Girls Than Me
StevenM
"Andy Bonwick" <An...@ukrmspamhaters.org> wrote in message
news:cnn77toisvbqnqg3v...@4ax.com...
> On Sun, 28 Jan 2001 08:51:54 +0000, darsy <da...@sticky.net> wrote:
>
> >On Sat, 27 Jan 2001 23:42:19 -0000, "Kiran Soar" <ki...@ukrm.org>
> >wrote:
> >>Oh, probably. Nothing compares to the sound of a Duke with race cans,
'cept
> >>possibly for Paul Carmichael's VTR.
> >
> >...which was proved to be somewhat quieter than my TRX with twin Remus
> >Titanium end-cans, if that affects your decision in any way...
>
> I changed the 748 back to it's old Bora system before I sold it and
> was suprised at how quiet it was considering they have the same
> internals asTermignonis.
This mean you have a pair of Termignonis that you are selling?
--
Steven M
748S, SV650SY, FTO
BOTAFOT #10
Kiran Soar
"StevenM" <steve-m...@dial.pipex.com> wrote in message
news:95233h$eb8$1...@lure.pipex.net...
>
>
> This mean you have a pair of Termignonis that you are selling?
>
IIRC, they're not Termi's but summat else, or am I talking complete
bollocks?
StevenM
"Kiran Soar" <ki...@ukrm.org> wrote in message
news:3a749124$1...@news.ukrm.org...
>
> "StevenM" <steve-m...@dial.pipex.com> wrote in message
> news:95233h$eb8$1...@lure.pipex.net...
> >
> >
> > This mean you have a pair of Termignonis that you are selling?
> >
> Oh do try and keep up at the back ;-) The ad was posted a few weeks back.
Been a bit busy lately.
> IIRC, they're not Termi's but summat else, or am I talking complete
> bollocks?
Don't know.
lozzo
> news:95233h$eb8$1...@lure.pipex.net...
> >
> >
> > This mean you have a pair of Termignonis that you are selling?
> >
> Oh do try and keep up at the back ;-) The ad was posted a few weeks back.
>
> IIRC, they're not Termi's but summat else, or am I talking complete
> bollocks?
JHP's [1] IIRC
[1] John Hackett Products. Whatever, they are fuckin' loud.
--
Lozzo
RD350LC F2 and a few air-cooled RD's
BOTAFOT #57, SBS #10, TCP #7, BONY #9, DIAABTCOD #14
Vidi, Vici, Vene......I saw, I conquered, I came ;-)
darsy
<An...@ukrmspamhaters.org> wrote:
> I think it was Champ who said he thought it was you coming up the
>road the first time he heard the 748 with the race system on.
Oddly enough, I started the bike up this morning, about to leave the
tyre-fitting place where I got my lovely new BT010s, and a grown woman
started to cry.
--
darsy | TVoR | SZR660:blue | TRX850:red | BOTAFO(T7|F2)
"i have done questionable tings".
Mat Tab
darsy <da...@sticky.net> wrote:
> On Sat, 27 Jan 2001 23:42:19 -0000, "Kiran Soar" <ki...@ukrm.org>
> wrote:
> >Oh, probably. Nothing compares to the sound of a Duke with race
cans, 'cept
> >possibly for Paul Carmichael's VTR.
>
> ...which was proved to be somewhat quieter than my TRX with twin Remus
> Titanium end-cans, if that affects your decision in any way...
But, like it's owner, your bike is all noise and no action...
--
Mat Tab
TCP#1b UKRMFBC#1 MSWF#4
CBR1000 EKS TR181 + 1G
Hoi!
Sent via Deja.com
http://www.deja.com/
darsy
wrote:
>But, like it's owner, your bike is all noise and no action...
fuck off, you red-nosed bastard.
Adrienne M Jenn
>Well, I haven't seen enough of your postings but I'd say
>that hanging around with Veggie Dave probably indicates that
>there's something not right.
Well you could be right there but everyone says I'm the sensible one in
the relationship. Then again, that wouldn't be hard would it?
>Anyway, I thought Veggie Dave had something to do with
>adaptions?
Nope, he handed that over to Vic a long time ago.
>Ob subscriptions can I assume that I'll be reminded when to
>cough up again or do I have to remember?
You will be reminded, if its due in the next six months a reminder will
be send with the next Open House. Alternatively you can mail me direct
with your membership no and I'll look it up for you (beware the anti
munging device).
--
Adie at ukrm dot org
Champ
>On Mon, 29 Jan 2001 14:54:44 GMT, Mat Tab <warwic...@my-deja.com>
>wrote:
>
>>But, like it's owner, your bike is all noise and no action...
>
>fuck off, you red-nosed bastard.
<g>
The "Master of Wit and Repartee" joke is one of my all time favourites
porl
Champ wrote:
>
> The "Master of Wit and Repartee" joke is one of my all time favourites
> --
Can you send it? I've never heard it told properly. It's one of those
jokes people fuck up like 'Man with an Orange for a head', or 'Kid with
a Welding Mask', and even 'German Mute Boy'.
--
zx6r- using; sv650- sold; cg125- remembering; mb50- forgetting
botafot #78 skoga #1
http://www.geocities.com/porlp
Suze
mark_...@nospam.btinternet.com says...
> If you donate to charity by using a Covenant, the charity also gets tax
> relief added on
>
> For example donate £5, the charity gets £5 plus whatever the tax rate is
Yeah, I think it's through CAF or Gift Aid. I work for a charity,
although not on the fundraising side. The organisation I work for
doesn't do that door-to-door canvassing thing or pay a professional
fundraising organisation to do it for them. They just get what comes in
and that's that. Although we do get quite a bit from trust funds to pay
for specific projects.
I can understand many of the comments above and I do believe you should
be discerning in choosing what you want to support.
Suze
--
Past: Bandit 400 & CB250 Nighthawk
Present: CBR400RR(fast), VT250(loud)
Nurse to crash survivors...
BOTAFOT#77
email: kingstonr...@freeuk.com (remove the boat to reply)
Suze
says...
snip
> Parachute jump
> next week anyone want to sponsor me? Its for Comic relief. No I will not
> leave without a parachute.
>
Hope you have fun :-) Am I right in thinking that they don't allow you
to jump solo now?
I parachuted some 6 years ago in Hong Kong and it was probably the most
scary and most exhilerating thing I've ever done.
I had always thought that it was easy - you just get pushed out of the
plane. Oh no, that would be *far* too easy. This was a solo jump and
you had to climb out on to the wing of the plane James Bond style and
then basically let go and let gravity do the rest.
For two days our training had included the traditional "one
thousand...two thousand...three thousand...check canopy" but when it came
to the moment....AAAAAAHHHHHHHH! was far more appropriate!
Apparently the instructor heard me most of the way down.
The parachutes we had were rectangular steering ones, so we had time to
play with the steering on the way down (the time for this depended on
your weight obviously).
The landing, etc, was fine, the training had prepared us well. So back on
terra-firma all I wanted to do was to go up and do it
again...heee...heee.
But no, again that would be *far* too easy. Prior to any other jump,
they make you pack a parachute. Although this was supervised, you can't
help but think, "what if..."
And yes, they handed me back the same parachute *I'd* just packed. Yikes.
When I told the instructor that I'd rather have another one, he replied,
"So you'd quite happily give it to someone else, but not wear it
yourself?" Me "Yup, that about sums it up!" And yes, he did make me use
that parachute! B*stard!
Anyway, all went well. I really enjoyed standing out on the wing of the
plane this time and even managed to get through the traditional count,
earning me a VGAWD (Very Good All The Way Down!) oooh eerrr.
Suze
2
Andy Bonwick
<steve-m...@dial.pipex.com> wrote:
>
>"Andy Bonwick" <An...@ukrmspamhaters.org> wrote in message
>news:cnn77toisvbqnqg3v...@4ax.com...
snip>
>>
>> I changed the 748 back to it's old Bora system before I sold it and
>> was suprised at how quiet it was considering they have the same
>> internals asTermignonis.
>
>This mean you have a pair of Termignonis that you are selling?
JHP 54mm race system. Mail me if you're interested but be warned -
they are seriously loud.
Mat Tab
porl <yl...@dial.pipex.com> wrote in message
news:3A75BBAF...@dial.pipex.com...
>
>
> Champ wrote:
>
> >
> > The "Master of Wit and Repartee" joke is one of my all time favourites
> > --
>
> Can you send it? I've never heard it told properly. It's one of those
> jokes people fuck up like 'Man with an Orange for a head', or 'Kid with
> a Welding Mask', and even 'German Mute Boy'.
ITYM 'Austrian Mute Boy' you daft twat...
HTH
--
Mat
TCP#1b SbS#7 UKRMFBC#1 BOTAFOT#65 MSWF#4
EKS; CBR1000FL; TR181 + 1G...etc
darsy
>darsy <da...@sticky.net> ejaculated :
>
>>fuck off, you red-nosed bastard.
>
><g>
I hadn't seen it for a while, and thought it deserved an airing.
Champ
>
>
>Champ wrote:
>
>>
>> The "Master of Wit and Repartee" joke is one of my all time favourites
>> --
>
>Can you send it? I've never heard it told properly.
Imagine if you will, a Man Who Loves Circuses ... here was a throwback
to the days of yore when mediæval thespians and travelling players
would entertain good King Richard with their tumbles, conjuring and
bear baiting. In the twentieth century, however, the Man Who Loved
Circuses found little in the normal travail of everyday life with
which to whet his appetite for bluff, honest human entertainment ...
save for circuses.
Many is the day he would tramp the bleak streets of London in search
of trapezists, wirewalkers and tumbling fools. On one such day, just
as he feared his daily endeavour might fail, he came upon a billpost
roughly pasted to a wall, its blaring colours and ungainly typefaces
at variance with the sordid dirty bricks to which it was forever
affixed until the melt of the fell slushy snows of January should wash
it to oblivion.
"Come To The Magnificent Circus" it broadcast to the blank stare of
our hero. "See the amazing high wire act, the death defying quadruple
somersaulting trapezists, Madame Petulengro's Amazing Performing
Poodles and, by public demand ... The Silly Clown !" You may imagine,
dear reader, the warm gush of fulfilment and anticipation which swept
through the frail collection of flesh, bone and stringy sinew that was
the Man Who Loved Circuses.
And Lo! It came to pass that The Man Who Loved Circuses attended the
circus that very night. Sitting at the circumference of the magic ring
he thrilled as the lights fell. The ringmaster, resplendent in red
serge and silk shinings announced each act. The trapezists performed
impossible feats, effortlessly throwing their bodies through the air,
seeming as if to have received the gifts which only the birds enjoy.
The wirewalkers danced and juggled on a wire so slender it was as a
single silk strand, the performing poodles quipped their busy way
through fiery hoops and formed pyramids of impossible height from
amongst their number. And then ... The assembled multitude hushed, the
arena was plunged into black night, a single drum rolled and suddenly
the darkness was split asunder by a spotlight beam of such brightness
and narrowness that it seemed to rend the very World. Caught in the
furthest point of its incisive reach was ... the Silly Clown!
The crowd erupted, children screamed, women cried and grown men were
seen to wipe a surreptitious tear. The Silly Clown bounded into the
ring and continued straight across, leaping to the top of the
circumferential barrier directly opposite The Man Who Loved Circuses
and but an arm's span from him he looked down. Addressing the hero of
our tale he intoned, in a rich baritone, "Are you the front end of an
ass?" The Man Who Loved Circuses attempted, without success, to hide
his perplexity and whimpered in reply,
"No". An insignificant response, but all that he found possible.
"Are you the rear end of an ass?"
Again our friend was bereft of response except a mournful "No".
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
The crowd exulted, an elderly man had a seizure, such was the height
of his delight, whilst several younger women were seen to have fits of
laughing hysteria and grown men became speechless with mirth. All
except the Man Who Loved Circuses. He could not find the clown funny,
try as he might.
All around people were happy and laughing, he was drowning in a sea of
delight, but a sea in which he could not swim. That the joke was at
his expense was clear, he knew not why nor even how. Shamed by his
incomprehension he rose from his seat and even as his visage took on
an ever ruddier hue he left the auditorium, the sarcastic and sadistic
wails of derision from the audience accompanying him to the point of
egress.
Alone in his garret the Man Who Loved Circuses gazed at the poorly
distempered walls and peeling wallpaper. How could this have happened
to him ? Why had he not seen the joke ? Why was he the butt of the
Silly Clown ? He had no answers and, as is so often the way with the
human temperament, his ignorance slowly turned to hatred. He would
repay the Silly Clown and in kind, but just as his revengeful thoughts
began to consume him a more sanguine concept emerged. What if it was
just bad luck? Of course that must be it! He did not know the Silly
Clown nor vice versa, it was the purest chance, an unfortunate
happenstance, but what to do?
All night he pondered and as the dawn rose and the twittering of birds
overcame the small noises of the rats and mice gnawing at the
wainscot, he had it! He would attend the circus again and watch
carefully whilst the Silly Clown chose another victim.
All day he exulted in his cleverness and planned for the evening. Once
or twice he even found himself smiling secretly at the thought of the
discomfiture to be visited that night upon another. Surely here was
the measure of the Silly Clown's genius, that he, the Man Who Loved
Circuses could be laughing at a joke he had yet to hear!
And lo, the evening came and the Man Who Loved Circuses entered the
Big Top. Taking again a front row seat, yet one which was on the
opposite side to the site of his former distress he waited.
Once more the imposing figure of the ringmaster, resplendent now in
blue with silver trimmings, announced each act. The trapezists
performed impossible feats with no net to protect their bodily
existence, effortlessly throwing their bodies through the air as if
suspended upon celestial bonds. The wirewalkers unicycled and
blindfolded hopped on a wire of shimmering steel. The performing
poodles snapped and postured through the fiery hoops and formed
pyramids of improbable height. And then ... The assembled multitude
hushed, the arena was plunged again into black night, a single drum
rolled and suddenly the darkness was split by the spotlight.
Illuminated in the furthest point of its incisive reach was ... the
Silly Clown!
The crowd rose as one, children mewled and puked, women fainted and
grown men roared their approval. The Silly Clown bounded into the ring
and continued straight across, leaping to the top of the
circumferential barrier but not as he had done before; changing
direction once again he ended directly opposite the Man Who Loved
Circuses and looked down. Addressing the hero of our tale he intoned,
in a rich baritone,
"Are you the front end of an ass?"
The Man Who Loved Circuses was minded to leave at once but was held by
a strange power he did not understand. He whispered in reply,
"No".
"Are you the rear end of an ass?"
Again our friend was bereft of response except "No".
"Then you must be no end of an ass!"
And so it was that crying in his fierce acknowledgement of dishonour
and deceit the Man Who Loved Circuses was once again driven from the
theatre of dreams.
In the following days his hatred and need for revenge grew stronger
and more cold. He knew what was to be done. He made an arrangement to
meet with the Grand Vizier of Circuses, than whom no man knew more
about circuses. The Vizier would explain all and defeat the Silly
Clown on his behalf. At the appointed hour he presented himself at the
tent of the Grand Vizier, a massive construction of silk and brocade
with colours of the rainbow enmeshed in the weave of its rich fabrics.
The Grand Vizier listened, intent and grave, whilst the Man Who Loved
Circuses recounted his tragic tale. When all was told and the man was
left limp and exhausted through the travail of reliving his shame and
distress the Vizier considered for some time. Eventually in a deep
brown voice, redolent of the mists and mysteries of the orient he
said, "My son, yours is indeed a tale of woe. But alas my powers are
insufficient. The Silly Clown is a practitioner of the darkest of arts
and I am powerless to help you."
Distraught, the desolation of the Man Who Loved Circuses was pitiful
to behold and the Grand Vizier was moved beyond telling.
"Or perhaps, just perhaps…."
"Perhaps what oh Great Practitioner?"
"Perhaps if you could locate the Master of Wit and Repartee he surely
would assist you. There is no power he cannot overcome nor deploy. If
any man can help you it is he."
"And where shall I find the Master of Wit and repartee?" "As to place,
there is no precision. The foothills of the Himalayas is the greatest
aid I can be to you. Now away ! Seek the Master for it is there your
troubles shall be laid to rest."
Man Who Loved Circuses left that very night. Travelling by rail and
hired contrivance he travelled across Europe to the very edge of the
Asian mass. Arriving at an enchanted forest he mustered his courage
and forged through without mishap. At the shark infested ocean he swam
strong and true and arrived safely at the far bank. He hiked through
desert and slowly, oh so slowly his route began to rise. The
temperature dropped with the altitude and he began to see snow capped
mountains on the horizon.
After several days he was struggling through snowdrifts and across
rock crags. Eventually he approached the last major face of mighty
Everest itself and there, as if by magic, he found a small rough
wooden shelter. With trepidation he approached and then entered.
Within all was bare, no food, no furnishings nor accoutrements of any
type.
Seated in the lotus position at the very centre of the floor was a
wizened old man dressed only in a white loincloth despite the
temperature which was many degrees below freezing. The man was snowy
haired and bearded. With a shaking voice Man Who Loved Circuses
addressed the figure.
"Excuse me sir, but are you the master of wit and repartee ?" There
was a silence which lasted for several hours before the response came.
"I am my son. And you are the Man Who Loves Circuses, you are here to
tell me your troubles. Draw near, sit, and recount them. And so it was
that the Man Who Loved Circuses did as he was bidden. He explained
about the delights of the circus, the music, the dancing the coloured
lights. He described the dress of the ringmaster, the actions and
feats of the trapezists, wirewalkers and performing poodles. And then,
his voice cracking with emotion, he came to the Silly Clown and his
fearsome joke." When he was finished the silence was palpable.
The Master of Wit and Repartée did not move, only a very slight rise
and fall of his chest indicated that he had not expired. At length he
responded.
"My son, such a tragedy has befallen you. Of all people to fall under
the baleful spell of the Silly Clown, you who have never done more
than enjoy and exult in circuses should not have to suffer so. And yet
... there is nothing you can do."
The Man Who Loved Circuses thought he would expire from very
disappointment and was about to protest when the master resumed his
discourse.
"No you can do nothing, but I, the Master of Wit and Repartée, I may
yet be able. I shall accompany you back to the far off land from which
you hail and deal with the Silly Clown on your behalf, or perish in
the attempt!"
And so they left, arm in arm. Down the foothills of the Himalayas they
travelled, across the desert. Together they swam the shark-infested
ocean and dared the enchanted forest to do its worst. Eventually they
managed to find hired transport and travelled together across Europe
to the very heart of London. Even now they journey was not ended and
they continued to the place where the circus was now resident.
Taking their seats beside the ring they waited. Sitting at the very
circumference of the magic, the Man Who Loved Circuses thrilled as the
lights fell. The ringmaster, resplendent once more in red serge and
silk shinings announced each act. The trapezists performed
unbelievable feats, effortlessly throwing their bodies through the
air, seeming as if to have received the gifts which only feather can
bestow. The wirewalkers danced and juggled on a wire so slender it was
as if it was not there, the performing poodles quipped their noisy way
through a multitude of fiery hoops and formed pyramids of impossible
height from amongst their number.
And then ... The assembled multitude hushed once more, the arena was
plunged into black night, a single drum rolled and suddenly the
darkness was shivered by a spotlight beam. Caught in the furthest
point was ... the Silly Clown ! The crowd erupted, children threw
fits, women shed tears of wonder and grown men hurrahed until their
throats bled. The Silly Clown bounded into the ring and continued
straight across, leaping to the top of the circumferential barrier
directly opposite the Man Who Loved Circuses and the master of Wit and
Repartée.
Addressing the hero of our tale he intoned, in a rich baritone,
"Are you the front end of an ass ?"
The Man Who Loved Circuses gazed anxiously at the Master of Wit and
Repartée, but he made no move and so he replied as strongly as he
might
"No".
"Are you the rear end of an ass ?"
Once more our hero sought the solace of the Master of Wit and
Repartée, but he remained impassive. With trepidation he prepared to
respond once more when the Master of Wit and Repartée rose.
Standing at his full height he mounted the ring and gazed untroubled
into the depths of the soul of the Silly Clown. The crowd hushed,
bemused. The Silly Clown, unsure, stopped. He swayed, almost
imperceptably.
Unhurried and strong the Master of Wit and Repartée stared at him
until, in a voice like thunder, resplendent with the magic and craft
of his calling he uttered :
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"Fuck off, you red-nosed bastard"
porl
>
> ITYM 'Austrian Mute Boy' you daft twat...
>
> HTH
I think sir has forgotten his cunt collar.
Heel!
AndrewR
news:slrn97d5n...@blake.research.mediasurface.com...
> sculpsit champ:
> > "Perhaps if you could locate the Master of Wit and Repartee he surely
> > would assist you. There is no power he cannot overcome nor deploy. If
> > any man can help you it is he."
>
I always tell it as "the master of quick wit and _ready_ repartee", if that
helps.
--
AndrewR, D.Bot (Celeritas)
ZX-6R (grey one crashed, red one crashed, anyone lend me a green one?)
BOTAFOT#2 (and KoTL),ITJWTFO#6,UKRMRM#1
Ask me about SKoGA#s, but don't mention the KURDS#s
"This is going to be one hell of a bowel movement - he'll be lucky to have
any bones left!" Futurama
lepoiss...@_your_finger_hotmail.com
<snip tales of sheer delight>
excellent, bravo encore
--
lepoissonrouge
DFWAG#2
Pull _YOUR_FINGER_ out to reply
"It seems to me that a potato would be a simple thing to
put into outerspace, because it has a very simple rhythm,
a 24 hour rhythm,It does not have a complex life pattern.
If a potato cannot survive outside of the earths sphere
of influence then I would be very, very, cautious if I were
concerned with the total problem of sending man out into
outerspace until I found out what it was the potato lacked
in order to permit it to survive out there."
steve auvache
<and...@rockface.demon.co.uk> writes
>dog <d...@dog.net.uk> wrote in message
>news:slrn97d5n...@blake.research.mediasurface.com...
>> sculpsit champ:
>> > "Perhaps if you could locate the Master of Wit and Repartee he surely
>> > would assist you. There is no power he cannot overcome nor deploy. If
>> > any man can help you it is he."
>>
>> i could have sworn it was the master of /quick/ wit and /rapid/ repartee.
>
>I always tell it as "the master of quick wit and _ready_ repartee", if that
>helps.
Is it not original??
--
steve auvache "The Butchers Dog" www.thecow.demon.co.uk
VT500(x2) XBR500C
BOF#41
I ride in the bike lane
Adrienne M Jenn
dead...@burnt.org.uk Writes
>You think I can find something as small[1] as a membership
>card?
Mail me your name and address & I'll sort it. (Beware the munged
address).
Anyone else while I'm at it?
--
Adie at ukrm dot org.