[OT] and you think you've had a bad day.....
Goat
Ever get that feeling that something just ain't going right?
That feeling that some higher force is testing you, provoking you,
punishing you in some way?
I've been through all the tests and trials and well, I've decided it's
now just downright taking the piss, seriously, life is taking the piss
and I no longer believe it's real, its too fekkin surreal to be real.
"What's got Goat so forlorn?" you may ask...
Well... let me tell you.
A few weeks ago I spotted a minor damp patch on the wall, about the size
of a golf ball, "Hello," methinks, "there's a minor damp patch on that
there wall, how strange."
A few days later this damp patch is about the size of a tabloid
newspaper, "Hmm, now there lies a problem that needs sorting, probably
time to patch up any loose pointing on the front of the house."
So, being practical I dig out the pointing trowel and set to work.
At this point you may remember I lost my fingertips by using them as
building tools with nastily caustic cement.
"Doh! silly me, never mind they'll grow back"
And grow back they did, after a week or so I could type with both hands
again, after 2 weeks I could pick up my guitar without bleeding all over
the fretboard. Just another improbable Goaty situation, nothing I'm not
used to.
Anyway, a lot of the water had got in before I stopped it, and the
plaster on the ceiling had started to sag quite badly. It's an old house
with plaster on lats rather than plasterboard so I was a bit wary of it
and called in a builder to take a look and give me an estimate.
He pops around today and prods it a bit to see how bad it is, says he'll
post me an estimate and goes away.
Then I hear this sound, quiet at first, like sprinkling a handful of
gravel into a cardboard box.
I take a look up.
"Did that ceiling just move?... nah..."
I hear it again, louder this time.
"Its just bits of plaster settling, its ok"
I get on a chair and push it gently to see if it moves.
"Seems fairly solid that, should be fine for 2 weeks until the builder
can fit the job in, no worries, I mean it's not like its gonna fall in
at any min... SHIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!"
I never thought to raise my hands at this point as my mind wasn't
believing what my eyes were telling it.
Starting from the wall the whole ceiling breaks away and swings down
from the centre of the room like a giant anaglypta fly-swatter and
smacks me in the chest and face, sending me reeling.
Then, as this half of what was once a happily horizontal kitchen ceiling
finds it has no where left to, the rest of the ceiling, still attached
to the first half by 60 years of wallpaper and emulsion decides it wants
in on the fun and adopts the free-fall position and plummets straight
down onto my head.
You know how your mind plays tricks occasionally and tries to see logic
in chaos? well I swear that as I looked up to see that last piece
plummeting towards me it was laughing at me.
Luckily I managed to get my hands up before the second piece hit, but
now my knuckles are bleeding, my head hurts and I look like the sole
survivor of an explosion in an icing sugar factory.
I'm standing there in a state of shock, I didn't even move for at least
a minute as the billowing dust settled around me and I ask myself the
question, "Could things get any worse?"
Then I realise, only minutes beforehand I had decided to move the micro-
system from underneath the loose plaster in case any dust sprinkled
down, with the intention of moving it to the bedroom, and it was now
buried under a very large pile of rubble on the kitchen table.
"Can things get any worse?", of course they can, never, ever tempt fate
by asking such a bloody stupid question.
This was half an hour ago, I havent touched a thing yet.
I came straight up here if only to give myself half an hour in which I
will hopefully wake up. I'm clicking the heels of my Reeboks together
but it just isn't working.
Feel free to laugh, I'm leaving the house now, I'm going to get some
booze, *lots* of booze, a camera and I'm going to piss myself at all
this :))
Until the next episode...
Take care,
--
Goat
[LSoG]Goat / UK}Empire
cowsgomoo
Goat <go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:Lt53MtAy...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk...
> > Feel free to laugh, I'm leaving the house now, I'm going to get some
> booze, *lots* of booze, a camera and I'm going to piss myself at all
> this :))
Well, it wouldn't be the first time in recent months you've been involved in
a "booze, *lots* of booze and a camera" situation.... would it? :)
make sure we get the pics d00d :)
cows
Nick Hall
[ceiling episode]
Blimey.
If you're insured (I hope you are), then I hope you say that there was a
lot of expensive stuff under that ceiling :) Make back in electrical
toys (no - not that sort) what the insurance company stick on your
premiums.
Oh yeah, like cows say, photos. Stick em in some web space somewhere.
--
Nick
Remove .SPANKYSPAM from my email address to reply......
CK
It's rented aye?... if so, no need to ask what you'll do, I already know.
Jesus
, Jesus Goat.
I have a job interview tomorrow btw - Technical Supervisor, just have to
wait fot them to take the piss with a pay offer that a catering assistant
would be disgusted with.
Jesus Goat, you remember me asking you, in irc before, about the little
meeting betweek me you and fugee at my place in 3 weeks... `Will you be
alive then' ? ... `I'm always alive' sais goat. hmmm. i reckon your lucky
to have your bone's intact, tho if you had been horribly injured, at least
you'd have something to show for it i guess. hmm
/me wants to see sum piccies..
The landlord? - SUE the BASTARD (that thing on tellie bout claiming damages,
phone'em.)
If it's not rented, sue somewone, you'll feel better. That could have killed
you quite easily.
--
Steve Brooks
knight...@virgin.net
Goat <go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:Lt53MtAy...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk...
> 'Eyup.
>
Gandalf
sounds like your having a rough week m8 :(,
after melting your fingers,
getting belted across the room by your ceiling.
i have to wonder if things do happen in threes.
look on the bright side.. things have to get better eventually :)
GL
Gandalf
Goat <go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:Lt53MtAy...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk...
> 'Eyup.
>
> Feel free to laugh, I'm leaving the house now, I'm going to get some
> booze, *lots* of booze, a camera and I'm going to piss myself at all
> this :))
>
Rab
> booze, *lots* of booze, a camera and I'm going to piss myself at all
> this :))
ROFL......poor Goaty....
Lol.....I think i'll pass on the offer of a bed and food for the weekend
mate.....I'd rather wake up with my house still standing around me ;-)
> Until the next episode...
> Take care,
Hehehe....damnit you gotta record all these incidents matey, and put em in a
book or summin....lol....
You really are a disaster area at times mate ;-)
Hope you get it sorted....
Just go get really pissed before you read the estimate on how much THATS
gonna cost to fix ;-)
Goat
Cows - LOL, at least I have a lot of good luck as well as bad, as that
booze and camera incident shows :)
Rab - Estimate so far, £400 for fitting new plasterboard ceiling and
skimming of said, and re-plastering damaged wall sections.
I still need to get a painter and decorator to quote me for re-papering
the room, and then we get to a liveable situation, best not worry about
the damage to the pine table and chairs, fridge, cooker, micro-system,
microwave and the fookin goddam dust in my goddam kettle.
STIGSTER! - Youre a local decorator aintcha m8? I need to talk to you
urgently! if anyone knows Stigs number please mail me with it, I'd
rather do business with a self employed mate than some insurance
company's back-scratcher.
CK - No it ain't rented m8, I bought this house when times were a
little more stable, weird thing is I love this house, its given me a
world of freedom, its also given me a world of worry. Ever since I moved
in here life has been mad, usually insanely so, but at least Im no
longer bored.
Nick - Thankfully I have buildings and contents Insurance but its gonna
look mighty dodgy in the 1st place as to why the hell I moved my stereo
from a safe position (under kitchen cabinet) to the kitchen table where
all the shit landed, but I do appreciate the advice.
In truth I was moving it upstairs to my bedroom and I had just put it
all down in the same place to re-gather it all in my arms and move it
when the ceiling caved in, I'm actually trying to think up stories that
sound more plausible because there's no way they'll believe the truth :(
Sad fact is it was far safer where it was.
Although I do have a dodgy TV in the cellar ....... ;)
<heavy heartfelt mode>
I have to confess this... as I was standing in the remnants of my world,
dust stinging my eyes, head hurting, and barely able to see the door in
front of me, a part of me wanted to fall to my knees and cry.
The one single thing that stopped me was the thought "I've gotta tell
the guys, they're gonna piss themselves at this!".
Had I not been able to escape up to my PC room for half an hour and
really make fun of it then I think I would be a mess right now. This
might sound like some "tree hugging hippy crap" but I need you guys, I
need you because I need to splurge stuff and you guys are always
listening. And that's why you're my mates.
Also, cheers Gan & Lil, you do more for me than I ever deserved.
</heavy heartfelt mode>
Hey, Leeds are doing good this season.
--
Goat
[LSoG]Goat / UK}Empire
___________________________________________
I have duality of mind, I love/hate my life
___________________________________________
[TAA]GreyJackal
<go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
>Nick - Thankfully I have buildings and contents Insurance but its gonna
>look mighty dodgy in the 1st place as to why the hell I moved my stereo
>from a safe position (under kitchen cabinet) to the kitchen table where
>all the shit landed, but I do appreciate the advice.
Get yer camera out right now and photo it. Move a few bits if you
need to get it recognisable under the rubble, but if you have evidence
of it sitting under a ceiling (albeit at about 6 feet too close) you
should be ok.
>The one single thing that stopped me was the thought "I've gotta tell
>the guys, they're gonna piss themselves at this!".
Only once we'd registered the fact that you could still type meant you
were ok :)
>Had I not been able to escape up to my PC room for half an hour and
>really make fun of it then I think I would be a mess right now. This
>might sound like some "tree hugging hippy crap" but I need you guys, I
>need you because I need to splurge stuff and you guys are always
>listening. And that's why you're my mates.
Have to agree with that one. Getting ditched two weeks ago (after two
years) was not a pleasant part of my life. Two days later and I sling
in an innocuous comment about it on here and get exactly the kind of
response I needed - one that made me laugh.
>Hey, Leeds are doing good this season.
Bah, football's for girls :) Rugby, now *that's* a man's game,
jumpers for trylines, it were all fields etc.
>Goat
>[LSoG]Goat / UK}Empire
Try not to let your walls cave in now, eh? :)
GJ
EvilBill[AGQx]
<snip>
>
> Feel free to laugh, I'm leaving the house now, I'm going to get some
> booze, *lots* of booze, a camera and I'm going to piss myself at all
> this :))
>
That sounds like what I'd do. <g>
Hope things improve soon m8... that sucked. :-(
--
Sisko: "Do you really want to give up your life for the order of things?"
Remata'Klan: "It is not my life to give up, Captain, and it never was."
EvilBill's home page: http://members.xoom.com/_XOOM/EvilBill/index.html; ICQ
number: 37464244
Remove .DIE-SPAM-DIE from my email address to respond.
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Shaft[FSB]
>'Eyup.
<snip>
>Until the next episode...
>Take care,
>--
>Goat
"Take Care" he says :)
If I was you m8 I'd be scared to get out of bed in the morning. You *have*
removed all the sharp objects in your house, haven't you ?
--
Shaft[FSB]
Men invented computers to drive women crazier!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
rich...@nospam.tgis.co.uk
ICQ 15714941
http://www.whitefriars.demon.co.uk/fsb/index.html
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Goat
<evilbill.D...@nutter.swinternet.co.uk> says summat like
>"Goat" <go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message...
>
><snip>
>
>>
>> Feel free to laugh, I'm leaving the house now, I'm going to get some
>> booze, *lots* of booze, a camera and I'm going to piss myself at all
>> this :))
>>
>
>That sounds like what I'd do. <g>
>Hope things improve soon m8... that sucked. :-(
I did exactly that, 2 bottles of red wine and passed out at 3am sometime
after shouting at Jerry Springer, then got woke up by the builder at
8am. Rough as fook but I feel *good* , one stiff coffee and I start
pitching in.
Today will be fun, I'm gonna enjoy ripping all these lats down, then
when the builder goes and leaves me at tea time with an unusable kitchen
I'm gonna take Lilliths offer and go be looked after for the weekend
with lots of tea and sympathy.
Life aint so bad, and I'm sat here laughing to myself just imagining
what it must have looked like as I stood there amidst the descending
chaos, wouldn't instant replay in life be useful? :)
--
Goat
Robert Meredith
>
> 'Eyup.
[snip tragic episode]
> Goat
> [LSoG]Goat / UK}Empire
Bad luck mate... sounds to me like you're permanently living in an
episode of 'Beadle's About'!! I bet you spend your day looking out for
the little git in his fake beard with a microphone stuffed down his
pants don't you!! ;)
--
[TNN]_Robbie_ @ work
********************************************
rob...@irlife.com ICQ: 29279669
http://www.n3on.freeserve.co.uk
********************************************
Oh, I can't be arsed...
Renegade[3MC]
[snip] B A D D A Y !!!!!!!
Goat mate,
If there was anyone who didn't deserve to have that happen, it was you.
But all the same, it was very funny :)))) Hope it goes well :)
Renegade
Dave Lane
<URL:mailto:go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
<snip the build up..>
>
> I get on a chair and push it gently to see if it moves.
Nooooo, nooooooooo....
Had a similar experience some years ago - large bulge
developing on the bedroom ceiling...leave it 'till the
approaching Xmas holiday.....so Xmas eve, must have been
the drink, let's go and have a look. Now appears like a large
breast hanging down, and I can't resist the urge to poke
it.....water....lots of water....turned out to be a split
water pipe in the loft. I don't know if there is a law
about driving a blowtorch whilst under the influence,
but there should be....
hope you get fixed up soon,
Dave
--
You tread upon my patience.
Goat
<rob...@irlife.com> says summat like
>Goat wrote:
>>
>> 'Eyup.
>[snip tragic episode]
>> Goat
>> [LSoG]Goat / UK}Empire
>
>Bad luck mate... sounds to me like you're permanently living in an
>episode of 'Beadle's About'!! I bet you spend your day looking out for
>the little git in his fake beard with a microphone stuffed down his
>pants don't you!! ;)
Indeed I do.
I had minor incident on Saturday, was getting all hyped up to go out to
a rock club for the first time in years, so I'm blasting out the metal
at full volume and bouncing around the house.
I have three little steps leading up to the bathroom but in my over
exuberant mosh mode I decided to leap up these steps in one swift bound,
and SLAM! head against top of the door frame.
My vision swamped in from the outside, it felt like falling into a black
hole and my last thought was "Typical! ah well, down I go"
Luckily I kept a tenuous hold on consciousness, but do you think my
mates would have understood if I was late? no way, it would be like
"Lazy fekkin' Goat!"
"But I was unconscious!"
"Yeah, whatever, Goaty b*****d"
Still, I quite like being me, it was only a few weeks ago I thought I
was dying of terminal boredom and prayed for something to happen.
Ah well, careful what you wish for eh?
--
Robert Meredith
> Indeed I do.
> I had minor incident on Saturday, was getting all hyped up to go out to
> a rock club for the first time in years, so I'm blasting out the metal
> at full volume and bouncing around the house.
>
> I have three little steps leading up to the bathroom but in my over
> exuberant mosh mode I decided to leap up these steps in one swift bound,
> and SLAM! head against top of the door frame.
LOL!!
Don't I have to send someone a cheque now??? ;)
[snip]
> --
> Goat
> [LSoG]Goat / UK}Empire
--
Rab
> "But I was unconscious!"
> "Yeah, whatever, Goaty b*****d"
LOL....
(see I'm allowed to do that without royalty payments....good init :))
> Still, I quite like being me, it was only a few weeks ago I thought I
> was dying of terminal boredom and prayed for something to happen.
> Ah well, careful what you wish for eh?
Man....Goat, you should really just come and spend a week of terminal
repetitiveness with me mate....
Mind you....at least things don't fall on me that often....most exciting
thing thats happened to me in the last 6 months? Er....nope, can't think of
anything.
:-(
[LSoG]TragedyTrousers
>I have three little steps leading up to the bathroom but in my over
>exuberant mosh mode I decided to leap up these steps in one swift bound,
>and SLAM! head against top of the door frame.
>My vision swamped in from the outside, it felt like falling into a black
>hole and my last thought was "Typical! ah well, down I go"
>Luckily I kept a tenuous hold on consciousness, but do you think my
>mates would have understood if I was late? no way, it would be like
>"Lazy fekkin' Goat!"
>"But I was unconscious!"
>"Yeah, whatever, Goaty b*****d"
<snip>
ROLF, I didn't know it was possible to laugh so hard the vibrations
would send my favourite ornamental glass eagle cascading down from the
shelves, but it is. Yer bastard! :)
(I have to thank my lucky stars I'm not Goat - if I was him it probably
would have landed on my head.)
--
TragedyTrousers.
deadBeat
Goat <go...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in message
news:Lt53MtAy...@hostile.freeserve.co.uk...
> 'Eyup.
[ Building Disaster - Snip! ]
Goat, bad luck m8. Glad to hear that you're still alive and capable of
holding a mouse.
If it's any consolation, I lost the flat part of the roof to my flat in that
storm back in Jan 1998. It landed in a big lump in next doors garden and
took out our local telephone poll (Oh, my neighbours and I laughed!). I had
to kipp on the sofa and get up in the night to juggle pots & pans full of
water as the rain pissed in.
Luckily my flat is rented so the Landlord had to foot the bill, but the
insurance company/builders took their own sweet time getting it fixed.
It was a nightmare at the time, but I can look back at it and smile now, I
hope you'll be able to do the same too!
dB.
P.S. I'm glad I'm a Pisces and not a Gemini otherwise I'd be getting really
nervous about now...
Renegade[3MC]
> Mind you....at least things don't fall on me that often....most exciting
> thing thats happened to me in the last 6 months? Er....nope, can't think of
> anything.
>
> :-(
What about Liquid 3 you bast*rd :)
Renegade
Rab
> > thing thats happened to me in the last 6 months? Er....nope, can't think
of
> > anything.
> What about Liquid 3 you bast*rd :)
Oh yeah, but I simply don't rank that against anything else anymore, cos it
just would make life unbearable :-)