Joke about a Bricklayer........
Eddie Wall
accidents we were talking about I thought it worth posting.
If I am due a flame for this.... flame away.. I'm guilty.!
Eddie
Brick Layer's Accident Report
=======================
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Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the
cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust
the following details will be sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I
completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when
weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the
bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a
pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth
floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied
the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs
of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight
is 135 lbs.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I
lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the
vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding
downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section
3 of the accident reporting form.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping
until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the
pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence.
Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was
able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I
was now beginning to experience.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground, and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the
weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer
you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent
down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I
met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles,
broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.
Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel
seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the
pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,
in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories
above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
the rope...
:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
:-) :-) :-)
Subscribe to daily jokes for free at http://move.to/jokes
|||||| Updated web page.. comments invited. ||||||||
Web : http://indigo.ie/~edwall (REV (3) 2-10-98)
ICQ : 8679097
Geoff
<edw...@indigo.ie> writes
>I know this is slightly off topic, but in light of the humorous DIY
>accidents we were talking about I thought it worth posting.
>
>If I am due a flame for this.... flame away.. I'm guilty.!
>
>Eddie
>
>
>Brick Layer's Accident Report
>=======================
>
>Subscribe to daily jokes for free at http://move.to/jokes
>
>Dear Sir:
>
>I am writing in response to your request for additional information in
>Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the
>cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust
>the following details will be sufficient:
>
>I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was
>working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I
>completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which when
>weighed later were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the
>bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a
>pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth
>floor.
> ... ... ...
>I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,
>in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories
>above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of
>the rope...
>
>:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
>:-) :-) :-)
>
>Subscribe to daily jokes for free at http://move.to/jokes
>|||||| Updated web page.. comments invited. ||||||||
>Web : http://indigo.ie/~edwall (REV (3) 2-10-98)
>ICQ : 8679097
I know this as a (pseudo?) Irish folk song, a joke and I even remember
hearing Hoffnung doing it many years ago (on a bit of vinyl of course).
Each of these however manages to get to the end
--
Geoff
Andrew Gabriel
Geoff <Ge...@cetltd.demon.co.uk> writes:
>
>I know this as a (pseudo?) Irish folk song, a joke and I even remember
>hearing Hoffnung doing it many years ago (on a bit of vinyl of course).
I think it was originally spoken by Gerard Hoffnung to the Oxford
Union, probably in the 1950's. However, you've actually got to hear
him presenting it to get most of the benefit - it's all in the timing...
--
Andrew Gabriel
Consultant Software Engineer
Jonathan
>
>Brick Layer's Accident Report
>=======================
This joke was really done just by Gerard Hoffnung when he put it in an
after dinner speech at Oxford Uni - available on audio tape, one of
the funniest people i've ever heard
Interviewer: "Your cat used to sit at table with you holding a
lighted candle during dinner?"
Gerard: "Yes"
Interviewer: "Did he do anything else?"
Gerard: "Isn't that enough?"
You have to listen to it, i guess :)
Jon
Eddie Wall
wrote:
>I know this as a (pseudo?) Irish folk song, a joke and I even remember
>hearing Hoffnung doing it many years ago (on a bit of vinyl of course).
>Each of these however manages to get to the end
Well do tell, this is it as I found it......
If anyone has drawings or illustrations of a humorous nature I would
be delighted to receive or forward mine. I moved house recently and
lost / mislaid / threw out the folder I had with all my favorites. I
particular missed the "office party" one with about 40 characters in
various states and stages of incineration up to "all" kinds of antics.
Extremely funny.!
OK OK..... I'll get back on subject, no more departures form the faq
guidelines.
Does anyone have a source for cheap clip on thermometers for clamping
on Radiator pipes for balancing the system.. ??
Thanks
Eddie
Eddie Wall
wrote:
>On Wed, 14 Oct 1998 18:04:46 GMT, edw...@indigo.ie (Eddie Wall) wrote:
>>
>>Brick Layer's Accident Report
>>=======================
>>[snip]
>
>This joke was really done just by Gerard Hoffnung when he put it in an
>after dinner speech at Oxford Uni - available on audio tape, one of
>the funniest people i've ever heard
>
I know I am asking for it but who was / is Gerard Hoffnung ?
Douglas de Lacey
>
> I know I am asking for it but who was / is Gerard Hoffnung ?
Was, sadly. One of the most consistently funny persons I know of. Full
details on The Official Gerard Hoffnung Web Site,
http://www.edu.coventry.ac.uk/music/hoffnung/
IIRC there was a tribute to him on the radio a couple of years ago, with
That Speech and also some of his radio interviews. We were weeping with
laughter long before the end. A wonderful man.
Douglas de Lacey.
Nigel Orr- Delete no.uce. for non-commercial email replies- Sorry!
wrote:
>I know this as a (pseudo?) Irish folk song, a joke and I even remember
I knew I'd come across this by accident on a previous visit to the
International Lyrics Server, and I've managed to find it again- so for
another version (all the funnier for the rhymes!), have a look at:
http://www.lyrics.ch/query/get?s=18833
Nigel
Please Check AntiSpam for email replies...
Jonathan
wrote:
Eddie,
If you're interested, do look out for the audio tape as well, BBC
radio collection i think from memory, double cassette.
Well worth it, honestly.
Jon
Eddie Wall
wrote:
>Eddie,
>If you're interested, do look out for the audio tape as well, BBC
>radio collection i think from memory, double cassette.
>
>Well worth it, honestly.
>
>Jon
Sounds like I have to get my hands on that..
Thanks,,..
Geoff
<and...@cucumber.demon.co.uk> writes
>
>Union, probably in the 1950's. However, you've actually got to hear
>him presenting it to get most of the benefit - it's all in the timing...
>
--
Geoff
Geoff
<edw...@indigo.ie> writes
>>hearing Hoffnung doing it many years ago (on a bit of vinyl of course).
>
>Well do tell, this is it as I found it......
I've got the irish folk song written down somewhere, but exactly where
is beyond me at the moment, (other than I know it's up in the loft),
however, I do recall the last line -
"And that explains why Paddy's not at work today" (not to be sung with a
finger in the ear)
>
>If anyone has drawings or illustrations of a humorous nature I would
>be delighted to receive or forward mine. I moved house recently and
>lost / mislaid / threw out the folder I had with all my favorites. I
>particular missed the "office party" one with about 40 characters in
>various states and stages of incineration up to "all" kinds of antics.
>Extremely funny.!
>
>OK OK..... I'll get back on subject, no more departures form the faq
>guidelines.
>
>Does anyone have a source for cheap clip on thermometers for clamping
>on Radiator pipes for balancing the system.. ??
>
>Thanks
>
>Eddie
>
>|||||| Updated web page.. comments invited. ||||||||
>Web : http://indigo.ie/~edwall (REV (3) 2-10-98)
>ICQ : 8679097
I think Matthew Marks is the one for this
--
Geoff
Geoff
writes
>Eddie Wall wrote:
>>
>> I know I am asking for it but who was / is Gerard Hoffnung ?
>
>Was, sadly. One of the most consistently funny persons I know of. Full
>details on The Official Gerard Hoffnung Web Site,
>http://www.edu.coventry.ac.uk/music/hoffnung/
>IIRC there was a tribute to him on the radio a couple of years ago, with
>That Speech and also some of his radio interviews. We were weeping with
>laughter long before the end. A wonderful man.
>
>Douglas de Lacey.
I shall go and play my "Hoffnung's Music festivals triple album right
now
--
Geoff
Geoff
<edw...@indigo.ie> writes
>On Thu, 15 Oct 1998 08:40:38 GMT, jde...@NOSPAMrmplc.net (Jonathan)
>wrote:
>
>>On Wed, 14 Oct 1998 18:04:46 GMT, edw...@indigo.ie (Eddie Wall) wrote:
>>>
>>>Brick Layer's Accident Report
>>>=======================
>>>[snip]
>>
>>This joke was really done just by Gerard Hoffnung when he put it in an
>>after dinner speech at Oxford Uni - available on audio tape, one of
>>the funniest people i've ever heard
>>
>
>
>|||||| Updated web page.. comments invited. ||||||||
>Web : http://indigo.ie/~edwall (REV (3) 2-10-98)
>ICQ : 8679097
a lot of them published in mags like Punch. There used to be an annual
(?) concert named after him in which many of his arrangements (Concerto
for Hosepipe and strings, the Barber of Darmstadt etc. )would be
performed. Basically he liked to let his hair hang down (what there was
of it (Quote)).
is that OK in a nutshell ?
--
Geoff
Andrew Gabriel
Geoff <Ge...@cetltd.demon.co.uk> writes:
>He was a well known cartoonist whose forte was musical cartoons. He had
>a lot of them published in mags like Punch.
I believe they were originally produced for his children to
help them remember the Italian musical terms. The cartoons
became very popular and were published as a series of books.
Hoffnung also played the tuba (and his son is now a musician
- a percussionist IIRC).
>There used to be an annual (?) concert named after him
The Hoffnung Music Festival - he did two in the 1950's.
Malcolm Arnold [british composer and conductor, who wrote
the Concerto for 3 vacuum cleaners, a floor polisher, and
three rifes specially for the Hoffnung Music Festival]
organised another in the early 1960s after Hoffnung's death.
Jon Rouse
> I think it was originally spoken by Gerard Hoffnung to the Oxford
> Union, probably in the 1950's. However, you've actually got to hear
> him presenting it to get most of the benefit - it's all in the timing...
You have also to appreciate that until then the Oxford Union was a highly
pompus debating society, and Hoffnung was winding them up. You can tell by
the responses on the recording that it was some time before they realised
that this was not the usual boring after-dinner speech.
--
The views expressed are my own and may not represent those of my employer
Douglas de Lacey
>
> >I think it was originally spoken by Gerard Hoffnung to the Oxford
> >Union, probably in the 1950's. However, you've actually got to hear
> >him presenting it to get most of the benefit - it's all in the timing...
> >
We've got a long way from d-i-y but the website
(http://www.edu.coventry.ac.uk/music/hoffnung/) has a discography page:
this (as a double tape with other wonderful goodies) and the Music
Festivals are all still available.
Douglas de L.
Roger Chapman
from jde...@NOSPAMrmplc.net (Jonathan) contains these words:
> If you're interested, do look out for the audio tape as well, BBC
> radio collection i think from memory, double cassette.
Yes. BBC Radio Collection "Hoffnung - A last Encore"
"....all the Hoffnung recordings preserved in the BBC Archives".
> Well worth it, honestly.
Yes indeed.
I remember hearing it first when I was still at school so perhaps the
Oxford Union speech in 1958 was a live broadcast.
Roger
Jonathan
<r.ch...@zetnet.co.uk> wrote:
>The message <36261886...@news.rmplc.net>
> from jde...@NOSPAMrmplc.net (Jonathan) contains these words:
>I remember hearing it first when I was still at school so perhaps the
>Oxford Union speech in 1958 was a live broadcast.
>
>Roger
>
Now you're giving your age away, Roger :)
Jon
Jon Rouse
> The Hoffnung Music Festival - he did two in the 1950's.
> Malcolm Arnold [british composer and conductor, who wrote
> the Concerto for 3 vacuum cleaners, a floor polisher, and
> three rifes specially for the Hoffnung Music Festival]
> organised another in the early 1960s after Hoffnung's death.
Oh I remember that, perhaps Joe Stahelin should adopt it as his theme tune?
Robin G Sharman
wrote:
>Now you're giving your age away, Roger :)
Ha! I've been trying to give my age away for years - no-one wants it
though. shame really 'cos I've got more than enough for me;-)
Robin G Sharman