My Experiences as a Buddhist

[Maya Putra]

Dear friends,

I would like to share with you an article I have written for Jade
Buddha Temple. Hopefully it will inspire you and be beneficial to you
all.

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YOUTH & BUDDHISM

Buddhism has saved my life. I can't begin to imagine what my life
would have been like had I not known Buddhism. In this day and age,
the life of an adolescent is not as clean and innocent as it once was
when my grandparents were young. New technology and discoveries come
with a price. Today's society has become so fast paced, so money
driven, and so corrupted that it is uncommon to see people abuse
alcohol and drugs just to escape this world. It is more so uncommon
to have drugs, guns, cigarettes, alcohol, and sex as a part of the
average High School experience. Fortunately I managed to steer away
from all these negative influences. It wasn't easy and I'm still
struggling as we all are.

I'm thankful that I encountered Buddhism at such a tender age, but
that is partly due to my highly idealistic personality and my mom's
role model. Buddhism has always been a big part of my life. At age 5
or 6 I liked going to the temple. There was something about being at
the temple or monastery that touched me, as if I'm just a speck of dot
in comparison to the entire universe. As a kid I had very minimal
wants and was never materialistic. My grandmother gave me a nickname,
"Miss No", because I would always say "No" whenever she asked if I
wanted anything. My mom was also a big influence. She read me Jataka
tales (Buddhist moral stories) and tried to explain the concept of God
in a more logical way than mere faith.

Everyone is not perfect; I had my flaws. Even though I may not have
been attached to material objects, I am however attached to people.
That is one thing that I am still struggling to overcome. This
capacity of mine to empathize and love another person is my biggest
downfall. I do not connect with people easily, but once I do it is
very hard for me to detach myself from them, especially my family.
When I was 10 I would purposely make a fool of myself just to get my
grandparents to laugh. Every time I visited them my goal was to make
them happy and I succeeded every time. I was very close to my
grandparents and was deeply sadden when I had to leave them (for I was
Houston-bound) and when they finally passed away. Unfortunately my
life is such that I frequently move from place to place and therefore
losing contact with the few friends and loved ones I did have.

I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia and lived there until age 6. During
that time frame, I moved 4 times within the country. Then I moved to
Houston and lived here for 3 years. At age 9 I moved back once again
to Jakarta and lived there for 2 years. Finally at age 12 due to some
political upheaval in Jakarta, I moved back to Houston and have moved
twice since then.

Twelve is the magic number called puberty. This is where the trouble
starts. It had always been difficult for me to make friends, partially
because of my introverted nature and the fact that not many people can
relate to me. Most of my friends were mere acquaintances. They do not
truly know me. Even today my dad does not completely know me. My
high idealism isolated me and made me very lonely. I yearned for
someone to connect with spiritually and emotionally, but found most of
my peers shallow. So this led me to Internet chatting, every parents'
worst nightmare. It was my only outlet (at the time) to connect with
the world, in search of like-minded friends. I have done a number of
unfavorable things such as, meeting guys online, falling for older
men, and frustrating my parents wondering how or why I have adopted
such a lifestyle, which involves sitting in front of the computer
screen 12 hours straight.

Had it not been for Buddhism and Vipassana I would have led a much
darker life, possibly a life of sex and drugs, the "All-American High
School experience". The five precepts (no killing, stealing, sexual
misconduct, lying, and intoxication) helped a lot. I tried my best to
abide by them, though I have broken the 4th precept a few times
ignorantly. However now I practice 98% honesty, where the 2% are for
white lies.

Like the saying goes "No pain, no gain". Every success starts with a
failure. Every mistake I have made are only fertilizer for the wisdom
that I will grow and reap. I have met many people online as well as
offline and have thanked them graciously for the lessons I learned.
Despite the Internet's bad reputation, it was the Internet that led me
to Vipassana meditation. I wanted to give my mom a special birthday
present and knew she had always dreamed of taking a 10-day retreat.
On the Internet I found a course taught by S.N. Goenka, called
Vipassana (www.dhamma.org).

During my first course at age 15, my entire perspective of this world
shattered right before my eyes. I did not only know it intellectually
but I was able to experience it through my meditation. It dawned upon
me that everything is basically empty. Any object, when broken down
to its subatomic particles are just mere vibrations. Solid, liquid,
and gas are all composed of vibrating atoms attached by covalent or
ionic bonds. They are constantly changing. Why must one become so
attached to something that is constantly changing? I know this for
sure because I felt my entire body vibrating, as if I am made up of
grains of sand. If one tries to dissect an atom, you will find the
core nucleus (composed to neutrons and protons), huge empty space, and
tiny negligible electrons. Even an atom is mostly made up of empty
space. These are all easy in theory but hard in practice.

These realizations are only the tip of the iceberg. There is more,
much much more that we are all oblivious to. To quote the Kalama
Sutra:
* Do not go upon what has been acquired by repeated hearing;
* Nor upon tradition
* Nor upon rumor;
* Nor upon what is in a scripture;
* Nor upon surmise;
* Nor upon an axiom;
* Nor upon specious reasoning;
* Nor upon a bias towards a notion that has been pondered over;
* Nor upon another's seeming ability;
* Nor upon the consideration, "The monk is our teacher."
Only believe and accept something if you have proven it for yourself
and found it beneficial for you and others. With that said, do not
take my word for it. Try it for yourself!

I am very fortunate to have encountered Buddhism at such a young age.
Even though I will have more lessons to learn and probably create more
mistakes, I do not regret the experiences life has to offer. I am also
very fortunate to be involved with the Association of Buddhist
Students at UH. I have finally found an outlet to meet like-minded
friends to connect with.