Fwd: From my email

[ucsd_...@yahoo.com]

Sent from my iPhone

Begin forwarded message:

From: Festerly Micah J <Micah.J....@irs.gov>
Date: September 19, 2013, 10:37:56 AM EDT
To: "ucsd_...@yahoo.com" <ucsd_...@yahoo.com>
Subject: FW: From my email

Loving you - 3 to 6 months at a time

I love you. But I don't want to you to keep me I love you. I want to see you every day.
I love you, but I don't depend on you for my fulfillment 40 years down the road
I love you. I want to share my joys with you, my adventures, my sorrows. I want yours.

Your unanticipated acceptance to NYU Dance.
Your trip to Germany.
Your PhD.
All these are without me.

Do I miss you? Yes.
Do I regret letting you go? No
Do I regret purposefully picking you, with your expiration date? No
Did we ride this ride without the future weighing down upon us and driving you mad with the pressure of all that's expected?

This was amazing. Night after night of walking you home, hand in hand.
2 am Scrabble games in the hallway, so we wouldn't wake your roommates.
Failing at the small dance at that spot in front of the bike share by the Washington monument.
12 Krispy Cremes with friends at DuPont Circle, new beginnings. So many romances there.
Paddle boats: Tidal Basin.
Kayaks lashed together on the Potomac.
Saying goodbye. You saying someone finally taught me how to hug.
Our inside jokes
The do-over trip to Boston just to get our goodbye right

Memories fade. I must be a diligent poet. Pen down our times. Pick up the page years later.... Page. Screen. Podcast. YouTube.... Whatever Maybe I won't ever read them again.
Doesn't matter. We lived them.

Something nags me. This feeling that I'm writing lies.
I dismiss it as brainwashing.
The find one person forever thing.
No disrespect to anyone who has.
I just believe that one for life is not the only option. Not the only healthy, amazing, life improving road we can roar down. There I go again. Into that dialogue. Let's get real.

How about fear. Is it fear of... date I say it? Commitment.
It is ok to avoid negativity. To avoid putting so much pressure on a relationship that it cracks.
It's not fear of commitment.
Fear is a primal survival instinct.
Our culture teaches us to be Afraid of fear.

It's fear of pain, her pain, my pain. When we stay together just to stay together, even though we know the good part is over.
The pain, when I start to resent you, for keeping me around. Resent you for my own inaction because I don't want to hurt you. The arguments start.
It's FOMO. So much beauty.
You are beautiful, but there is more after ours is over.

[ucsd_...@yahoo.com]

Sorry. Didn't mean to send that to the group. 

Sent from my iPhone

--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "UCSD Alumni, DC Chapter" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to ucsd-alumni-dc-ch...@googlegroups.com.
To post to this group, send email to ucsd-alumni...@googlegroups.com.
Visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/ucsd-alumni-dc-chapter.
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/groups/opt_out.