I had a disastrous discussion with Rachel today. Worst-case scenario,
almost.
This morning was great. I prayed with a lot of friends about Craig,
the man mentioned in the TILM newsletter, that his fath might be
strengthened. To make a long story short, Rachel Cox was getting tired
of the religious discussions we've been having. I've realized that
I've been doing a horrible job of telling her the Gospel, focusing on
minor doctrine rather the major doctrines of perfection and salvation,
so that's sadly understandable. I asked her if I could spend lunch
with her to have enough time to talk to her about the Christian gospel
in whole rather than just what she heard from me on the way to her
next class. She relunctantly agreed. At lunch, she seemed somewhat
receptive. She was interested as I bore my testimony of Jesus Christ,
and as I told her about what Jesus had done with my life, I could feel
the Spirit in the discussion. I was showing her Bible passages, and
working with the Word of God, and something was clicking, I could
tell. I told her how I was so worried about her salvation, because
Mormons try to establish their own righteousness instead of trusting
in the righteousness of God (Romans 10:1-4). I told her I was scared
(and I really am) for the spiritual danger she was in. I showed her
that our righteousness is like filthy rags compared to God's
righteousness (Isa. 64:6) and how, though God expects perfection
(Matt. 5:48) Jesus made us perfect in God's sight by His sacrifice on
the cross (Heb. 10). Basically, except for my personal experiences, I
let the Bible do the talking. Things were clicking, and me telling her
about the peace that comes from knowing Jesus Christ was striking a
chord as well.
Then, her friend broke in, saying "Is that Nathan trying to convert
you again?" As far as I can tell, her friend is either an agnostic or
a liberal-theology Christian (she doesn't believe in Biblical
inerrancy, holds to salvation of "good" people, etc.). I was floored.
This was supposed to be a conversation between Rachel and me, first of
all. When two people or more gang up on me, how am I supposed to
respond? Second, she was making all these claims about how the Bible
has been distorted, how people can make it to heaven if they're good
enough, why couldn't I just be "loving" and leave Rachel alone, etc..
I can hold rational discussion, but when people like this are making
such claims, ridiculing my beliefs, and then laughing at me when I try
to defend myself... I froze up. Rachel was laughing at me, too. It was
as if she and her friend were sharing an inside joke about me to my
face, making fun of me because I believed such "ridiculous beliefs".
Can't tell you how much that hurt. Next thing I know, I'm "majoring in
the minors" of Biblical translation, transmission, and interpretation,
and I can't find a way to get the discussion back on track.
It gets worse. We leave for the classroom, and I'm totally shaken up
(I was literally shaking, I was so shocked and stressed) and then an
acquaintance of mine takes me aside and starts scolding me for
"throwing the Bible" at Rachel. I was having a rational conversation
that Rachel agreed to, for crying out loud! He said it doesn't convert
people. I honestly felt like shouting at him that when he spends the
next few months researching Mormons and reads every book he can get
his hands on about evangelizing to them, and when he's scoured the
Bible on how to witness, he can instruct me on evangelizing to Mormons
then, but till then... and he thought going on three mission trips
somehow made him an expert on evangelizing. Well, not really. I don't
want to be too mean in describing him. He meant well, but it was a bad
way of doing it and an even worse selection of timing. I still like
and respect him, but he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It
started so well, and then it turned into an utter disaster. It hurt
(and still hurts) so much that I was making progress, and now it's
worse than before. Then, the last thing Rachel said to her friend
about me really hurt. Her friend asked her why I made such an effort
to "convert" her, when she doesn't do the same in reverse. Rachel
said, "I don't try to convert Nathan, because he's too prejudiced to
accept Mormonism." That hurt so much. I love Mormons. If I hated them,
I would leave them alone. I can't tell you how many times I've made
that clear to Rachel by words and actions. I even told her that at the
very beginning of the discussion, no less. That's why I had to leave
right after I finished my history quiz, I cried and prayed. It was
horrible. I'm still crying about it. I sent her a loving but sad
letter explaining that it was not hatred and prejudice that was why I
worried so much about her salvation, but that it was because I cared
about her. I didn't get angry, didn't shout, didn't make vengeful
comments. I was just confident, then spooked, then absolutely crushed.
The big question is where do I go from here with Rachel? A good
question before that would be if there is anywhere I can go from here
with Rachel, besides praying for her, obviously?
In Christ,
Nathan