Filmyzilla Road Trip

[Tory Lattin]

Road Trip" is mellow and dirty, which is the wrong combination. It's sweet when it should be raunchy, or vice versa, and the result is a movie that seems uneasy with itself. It wants to be evil, really it does, but every so often its better nature takes over, and it throws in sweetness right there in the middle of the dirty stuff and the nudity. We feel unkind watching it. We'd enjoy the nudity more if it were ribald and cheerful, but it feels obligatory, as if the actresses were instructed to disrobe every five minutes in a movie that's only really interested in sex for commercial reasons.

Nude scenes should be inspired by the libido, not the box office. That's why I object to the phrase "gratuitous nudity." In a movie like this, the only nudity worth having is gratuitous. If it's there for reasons that are clankingly commercial, you feel sorry for the actresses, which is not the point.

The plot, which is narrated by MTV personality Tom Green in his first film role, is a lame-brained contrivance. It follows a frat boy named Josh (Breckin Meyer), who has been dating Tiffany (Rachel Blanchard of TV's "Clueless") ever since high school. Now he's a student at Ithaca University in New York, and she has decided she needs room to grow, or concentrate on her major, or something, and she enrolls at the University of Austin, which is not as far from Ithaca as you can get, but might as well be.

Josh and Tiff keep in touch by phone, but Josh senses her attention waning, and then there's a period when she doesn't answer the phone. Meanwhile, Josh has been flirting with a campus sexpot named Beth (Amy Smart), and one night she seduces him and they make a video of themselves having sex, perhaps because they have seen the same thing done in "American Pie," or perhaps because the makers of "Road Trip" are ripping off "American Pie," which is probably more likely.

Josh has made a sweet video to send to Tiffany, but we get no points for foreseeing the obvious, which is that the wrong video gets mailed to Tiff, and so Josh and his friends, who lack airfare, have to make an emergency road trip to Austin, Texas, to try to retrieve the video before Tiffany can see it. All of this is complicated by the presence of Jacob (Anthony Rapp), an unpleasant undergraduate whose minor seems to be in stalking.

Josh borrows a car that belongs to his geeky friend Kyle (DJ Qualls) and takes along his friends Rubin (Paulo Costanzo) and E.L. (Seann William Scott), who is from "American Pie" and thus functions as a cross-cultural trivia bookmark. They have versions of the usual adventures along the way, including an awkward scene where these white boys try to convince the members of an African-American fraternity that they are members. This scene is an uncomfortable as comedy can be because the latent humor in it would be racist, and so the movie lets it remain latent, which means that all the characters, black and white, seem to be standing around self-consciously avoiding tasteless material. (The movie is sadly bereft of any alternative material.) Whether Josh gets to the tape before Tiff sees it, I will leave for you to determine. And yes, I said "determine" and not "decide," because to be honest with you, I was confused. I thought she had seen it, and then it appeared that she had not, all because of a dream sequence that was either (a) incompetently presented, or (b) failed to engage what I fondly think of as my full intelligence.

On the way out of the movie, I met three teenage girls who asked me what I thought of it, and I requested their opinion: Didn't it seem like Tiff had seen the video and then that she hadn't? The three girls agreed with me, and said they'd been confused, too, and together we figured out what had happened, which was useful, but not the sort of conversation you should be having. When a movie doesn't have a brain in its head, it's kind of unfair to require thought on the part of the audience.

Full disclosure requires me to report that there were several moments in the movie when I did indeed laugh, and that the characters are likable when they are not being required to act dirty for the transient purposes of the screenplay. Those virtues are not enough to redeem the film, but they suggest that the cast should be regarded more as victims than perpetrators.

After the events of Barbie: It Takes Two season 2, Malibu and Brooklyn spend the summer in California with Malibu's friends and family. Malibu, Brooklyn and Ken go to the beach together and Malibu expresses how she isn't sure of what she wants to do in the future.

Skipper develops Match Mutts, an app meant to help people adopt rescue dogs. Malibu, Brooklyn, Skipper and Ken are going on a cross-country road trip in the DreamCamper to unite the dogs with their new owners. Before they leave, Rafa calls and says Malibu and Brooklyn have an audition to be backup singers for Jacinda, a famous pop star. The audition is in three days.

Brooklyn wants to take an express route to New York so she and Malibu will definitely make the audition. The group can camp at Roswell or keep driving. If they camp, Malibu can either have a bonfire with everyone, or a picnic alone with Ken. During the picnic, Malibu and Ken get scared by a sound. They can run to safety or investigate the sound (the latter causes Malibu and Ken to get abducted by aliens and the viewer goes back to the beach at the beginning.)

If the group keeps driving, they go to New Orleans. Ken wants to see a magic show, while Brooklyn and Skipper want to go dancing. If the girls go dancing while Ken stays with the dogs, they see Jacinda in a club. They can either try to impress Jacinda or play it cool.

The following day, the group can either go to a dog sanctuary or go to Chicago. In Chicago, the group watches a sports game. After going to the sanctuary or sports game, the group goes to the Pennsylvania State Fair. Ken buys tickets for a ferris wheel. Malibu and Brooklyn get a chance to perform. If they perform a long song, it leads to an ending where The Barbies get a record deal and move to London. If they perform a short song, Malibu and Ken get on the ferris wheel after.

On the ferris wheel, Malibu decides whether or not she will be more than friends with Ken. The next day, the group gets stuck in traffic on the way to the audition. Malibu and Brooklyn can run for it or take the subway. If they try to take the subway, they end up getting taken to the audition by aliens instead.

Whichever way the girls get to the audition, the ending changes depending on Malibu's relationship with Ken. If Malibu remain just friends with Ken, then The Barbies get to be in Jacinda's music video as backup singers, and Malibu moves to New York. Malibu and Brooklyn adopt Bella and Ella, and The Barbies wait for their big break. Match Mutts is "on fire" and Ken visits New York a lot. If Malibu and Ken are boyfriend and girlfriend, The Barbies get to be in Jacinda's music video as trees. Malibu moves back to California and adopts Bella and Ella.

Ken wants to take the scenic route so Skipper can have more time to use Match Mutts, and also so he can spend more time with Malibu. Malibu agrees and tells Rafa that she and Brooklyn aren't going to the audition. For the start of the trip, the group can go straight to Roswell or stop at Dino Park for Ken. At Dino Park, Malibu can choose a toy from a machine, or get her fortune taken. If they camp, Malibu can either have a bonfire with everyone, or a picnic alone with Ken.

During the picnic, Malibu and Ken get scared by a sound. They can run to safety or investigate the sound (the latter causes Malibu and Ken to get abducted by aliens and the viewer goes back to the beach at the beginning.)

The following day, the group goes to the Grand Canyon. They use Match Mutts to find a potential owner for one of the sister dogs (Bella and Ella). They accidentally give the wrong dog away. To get the right dog to the new owner, the group can ride burros or hang glide. The new owner changes his mind because he doesn't want to separate the sister dogs. Ken later wants to be alone with Malibu, but she doesn't take the hint. She can either go find Ken and spend time with him, or think about her relationship with him more.

Match Mutts finds potential owners for the sister dogs, and another dog named Truffles. If the group goes to find the owner for the sister dogs, there is an ending where The Barbies get to be in Jacinda's music video as trees. Malibu stays in New York and The Barbies wait for a big record deal offer. Skipper goes back to California to work on her app. If the group goes to find the owner for Truffles, they go to the state fair after.

At the state fair, Ken buys tickets for a ferris wheel. Malibu and Brooklyn get a chance to perform. If they perform a long song, it leads to an ending where The Barbies get a record deal and move to London. If they perform a short song, Malibu and Ken get on the ferris wheel after. Malibu decides whether or not she will be more than friends with Ken. After, Rafa calls and says he knows of an entrepreneur named Rebecca Lee. Rebecca is interested in investing in Match Mutts, so the next day, the group goes to New York to see her.

Just before the meeting with Rebecca, the Match Mutts app crashes. Skipper can restart the app, which leads to an ending where she gets the investment from Rebecca. Malibu moves back to California to help Skipper run her Match Mutts business. Malibu adopts Bella and Ella and Brooklyn's solo career is "on fire."

If Malibu thinks of a plan B for the meeting, she improvises and uses a Jacinda song. The ending changes depending on her relationship with Ken. If Malibu remains friends with Ken, the Jacinda music video shoot goes badly and Malibu moves back to California. She adopts Bella and Ella. If Malibu is in a relationship with Ken during plan B for the Match Mutts meeting, then The Barbies get to be in Jacinda's music video as backup singers. They also join Jacinda on her world tour. Malibu and Ken move to New York, and The Barbies' music career is "on fire".

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