Ichiro Terao
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa, baka pati ikaw wala sa
mundong ito.
Matrona: Sa palagay mo Love, ilan taon na ako?
Lover: Kung titignan sa buhok-18. Kung nakatalikod 21. Kung titignan
sakutis-25. Bali 64 ang total.
Pinoy Marriage - Man's life cycle...
3 to 8 years old - Paramihan ng toys
9 to 18 years old - Pataasan ng grades.
19 to 25 - Padamihan ng siyota.
26 to 35 - Pagandahan ng asawa.
36 to 45 - Palakihan ng income.
46 to 55 - Padamihan ng kabit.
Two married men talking...
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
Theme song of married couples...
1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya
Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? ("May bahay") Ano naman ang kabit? ("May condo")
Doc: "Ano ang trabaho mo, iha?"
Girl: "Substitute po."
Doc: "Di kaya prostitute ?"
Girl: "Doc, Mommy ko ang prostitute. Kung hindi siya puwede, ako ang
pumapalit!"
In an obstetricians clinic:
Doc: "Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala... I won't take advantage of you!"
Girl: "Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty at bra ko?"
Doc: "Diyan lang sa may tabi ng brief ko."
Sa seminario:
Madre: "Father, pagsabihan mo naman yung mga seminarista. Umiihi sila sa
pader!"
Father: "Sister naman. Maliit na bagay, huwag mo nang pansinin!"
Madre: "Naku, Father, malalaki po!"
APO: Lolo, nagse-sex pa ba kayo ni Lola?
LOLO: Oo, pero "Oral" na lang. Pag-higa ko sa
tabi niya, sinasabi ko "F_ck you" at sumasagot siya, "F_ck you too."
If VIAGRA is used to excite men, what is used to
excite women?
ANSWER: VIAGMO...
Cardinal Sin's wish when he dies is to have Erap
and Jinggoy on his side.
Erap: We're honored but why us?
Sin: I want to die like Christ, with thieves on both sides.
BARTENDER: Sir, napansin ko bawat inom ninyo
tumitingin kayo sa bulsa ninyo.
MAN: Ahh, ito? picture ng Misis ko ito... pag maganda na siya sa tingin ko,
uuwi na ako.
May naka-dinner date ako, may kulangot near her lip. Sinabihan ko na lang na
may kanin near her lip. Dinilaan niya at sabi-"Ikaw talaga, hindi naman
kanin eh, ULAM.
MAN: Kung di ako makaligtas sa operasyong ito, ikaw na lang bahala sa mga
bata!
WIFE: Tumigil ka nga r'yan kung kailan tatlo na ang anak natin saka ka
magpapatule.
GUY : Doc, hina ng tenga ko. Di ko marinig kahit utot ko.
DR. : Heto inumin mo ng isang linggo.
GUY : Lalakas na ang pandinig ko?
DR. : Hindi lalakas na ang utot mo!
Jinggoy: Dad, pang ilang Tirso Cruz na si Tirso Cruz III?
Erap :(natawa) trick question ba yan anak? Eh, di pang-lima, kaya nga PIP
ang tawag sa kanya, di ba?
Dapat talaga tayong sumuporta sa naganap na coup dahil according to reliable
sources, isa sa mga panuklala ng mga
rebel soldiers sa National Recovery Program ay huwag tanggalin ang Meteor
Garden.
Q: What is coup de etat in Japanese?
A: HU-NA-SAN
Q: What is coup d etat in Mexican?
A: GRINGO!
Dad: Mabait ba ang boyfriend mo?
Anak: Yes, Daddy.
Daddy: Maka-Diyos?
Anak: Sobra Dad.
Daddy: Nasaan siya?
Anak: Nandoon sa simbahan, nagmimisa!
Tay: Nawala na ang Inay mo, ngayon naman ikakasal ka na.
Anak: Tay! Sa kabilang kanto lang naman ang bahay namin!
Tay: Hay, salamat! Magkikita pa rin kami ng yaya mo.
Genie: Dahil pinalaya mo
ako, may 3 wishes ka!
Man: UNA Gawin mo akong rich, pero di bayad ng tax;
PANGALAWA powerful, pero di halata;
PANGATLO notorious, pero wala sabit.
Genie: Okay, mula ngayon ikaw na si PING LACSON.
Sgt: Boss, nakatakas si Al-Ghozi.
Ebdane: Huh! Did you seal all exits?
Sgt: Yes, sir!
Ebdane: Eh paano siya nakatakas?
Sgt: Doon po kasi siya lumabas sa entrance.
Two young priests discussing prospects of celibacy.
P1: Do you think Vatican will allow us to get married?
P2: Not in our generation, maybe our children!
A COW story:
America has COWboy and COWgirl.
England has madCOW.
China has MaCOW.
Russia has MosCOW.
But the Philippines has the cutest COWs: iCOW at aCOW.
Vet: Sorry po, patay na aso nyo. Pinaliguan kasi ng anak nyo ng laundry
soap.
Nanay: Anong masama sa sabon?
Vet: Di sya doon namatay, sa washing machine!
Guro: Ibigay ang kahalagahan ng PERIOD!
Pupil: Nang hindi dumating ang
PERIOD ni Ate, hinimatay si Mommy,
nastroke si Daddy, at nagbaril sa sarili yong pari namin!
Elderly man saw his son's Viagra and asked for one. Son agreed and told him
to make the most out of it cause its $10 each. The next day the son received
$110. $10 from Dad and $100 from mom!
Sabi ng Pari: Wag magsex sa tubig, di ka naman
isda. Wag sa damuhan di ka naman hayop. Higit sa lahat, wag sa likod ng
simbahan, di ka naman pari.
Pres. GMA visited Mental Hospital and talked to a patient.
GMA: Do you know me? I'm the President.
Patient: Ah, don't worry, when I came here I used
to say I am the President, but we have good doctors, you'll be cured too!
What makes a happy man:
daughter is on the cover of Cosmo;
son is on the cover of Sports Illustrated;
Mistress is on the cover of Playboy; and wife is on the list of Missing
Persons.
A lady visits her doctor again.
Doc: You looked more sick & exhausted than before. Are you having three
meals a day as I advised?
Lady: What? I thought you said three MALES a day!
Young childless wife asked for advice.
Pastor : Keep trying.
Iglesia: Try another doctor.
Born Again: Try special diet.
Rabbi : Try yoga.
Bishop : Let me try.
Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.
A widow asked a lawyer about her late husband's will.
Lawyer: Your husband left 'all he had' to the Home for the Aged.
Widow: But what about me?
Lawyer: You're "ALL HE HAD."
Erap: "Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!"
Doc: "Is it choking?"
Erap: "No, it is Max's."
Doc: "I don't mean 'Chow King', I mean, are you choking..."
Erap: "No, Doc! Serioso ako, Doc!"
Sex is like mathematics:
Add the bed, minus the lights, subtract the clothes, bring down the panty,
divide the legs, be ready to multiply...
Nagpayabangan ang tatlong daga:
Daga #1: "Kakainin ko ang keso sa mouse trap!"
Daga #2: "Ako, kakainin ko ang keso na may rat killer!"
Daga #3: "Manood kayo. Yayariin ko yung pusa!"
At their honeymoon:
60-yr old Pastor to his young bride: "Honey,
before we do it, let's first pray for guidance."
Young bride: "Darling, just pray for endurance,
I'll take care of the guidance!"
At Bill Gate's wife's first press conference:
Reporter: "How does it feel to have sex with the
world's richest man?"
BG's Wife: "No big deal...The world know's why he
named his company Microsoft!"
