THE GUMBY DAMNIT FAN CLUB
Your Humble Scribe
Behold brothers and sisters, I bring you the profound story of
how King Gumby Damnit the Great became so. It is an
exciting tale filled with wonder, awe, and heroic deeds. Come
closer, as I relate this grand history.
In the land of Triangledot, the county of Power Supply was
plagued with a terrible injustice. The evil mercenary force
from Capacitor held the people of Smoke prisoner. Repeater,
the ruler in exile of Power Supply, offered a rare and unused
Radio Shack battery card to anyone who could free the people
of Smoke from their Capacitor prison. A young and fearless
warrior stepped forward to take up the gauntlet. Repeater
told him of the dangers but the young man was undaunted and
resolutely set off to free them.
When he arrived at the gate, Gumby was challenged by the
fearsome guardians, Positive and Negative. So terrible were
these mighty sentinels that even the renowned guardian SJohnM
trembled when faced with Positive and Negative. Armed with
his trusty screwdriver he didst battle with them. In the hands
of a true warrior the screwdriver is no common weapon. Our
hero, battle tested and proven in the labs and urinals of
Technical School, was much more than a professional. He was
a Grand Master of the Number Two Phillips Blade.
The guards fired spinning hex nuts and sliced with the dreaded
razor sharp quartertwenty threads. Again and again, using
every feint, lunge, and parry the guardians had learned in
centuries of defending the cabinet, but to no avail. Gumby
maneuvered himself and with one swift strike, he ended it. He
had touched both guardians in the only way to kill them. He
bridged the gap between them in a move only a Master
Bladesman could execute, the Short.
The Capacitor force exploded from the cataclysm releasing the
Smoke from their electrolytic bondage. Afterward, the Smoke
rewarded Gumby with their highest honor, the Diddler of the
Spark.
Gumby, hoisted by his own petard, began the journey home. In
the land of Triangledot, he was attacked by the Legions of
Ennui. These were no ordinary warriors, but elite shock troops.
Armed with the latest in Apathy, Disdain, and Contempt, they
lay seige to our hero.
For months, a battle of attrition was waged. One after another,
mighty warriors all, they fell. Even I, your humble scribe was a
soldier in the Legion of Ennui. Alas, too many fell before the great
Gumby. I survived to tell this tale. No one could understand how a
single man could withstand such an onslaught as was heaped
upon him. Then we learned the source of his great strength. He
was the most favored disciple of the malevolent gods, Fraud and
Liar. They had taught him the secret fighting languages of
Turpitude, Innuendo, and the most deadly of them all, Obscenity.
Under their smutty tutelage, he repeatedly repeled the attacks with
adroit displays of oratorical onanism.
There was a point in the war when we thought we were going to
prevail. We had Gumby surrounded, he was in everybodys kill
file, and his ISPs were terminating his accounts as fast as
he could login. He had been beaten back to where, except for
SJohnM, he stood alone armed only with a 300 baud modem and
a Commodore 64.
Sadly, we were almost all victim to his great strategy and now he
sprang his most devastating weapon. Surrounding him with our
keyboards poised for the final death blow, he hoisted his hands
above him. Like Moses bestowing the Ten Commandments to the
chosen people, in his hands his mail-order diploma proclaming him
Master of Communication Technology smote almost all of us down.
Cowered by the supreme Divinity before us, a hush fell upon the
surrounding army. The only sound was a muffled cough from one of
the younger soldiers. We lay prostrate on the ground before him,
fearful of his wrath. Who were we to show the temerity to
challenge his divine turgescence. We waited. Slowly, he walked
through the defeated masses, and went home.
Upon returning to Triangledot, he found word of his great deeds
had preceded him. He was declared Supreme Grand Master
Fool of the Universe and the people clamored for his ordination
as King. In response, the Church of Scanner Mods proclaimed him
King and the great sage and visionary Pope Gurk presided
over the coronation and everyone was smerpy. As he placed
the Discone Crown upon his head, he spoke the sacred papal
blessing, "This boy reeks."
So there you have it, brothers and sisters. Behold the saga of
his fetidness, King Gumby Damnit the Great, Ruler of Torpor,
Supreme Grand Master Fool of the Universe, Grand Master of the
Number Two Phillips Blade, holder of the Diddler of the Spark,
Divine Master of Communication Technology, High Priest of the
sect of Fraud and Liar, and Orational Master of Turpitude,
Innuendo, and Obscenity.
All hail King Gumby Damnit the Great Liar.
Richard Kendrick
I am the author of the original version of this story. It was first
posted on October 30, 1996 in alt.radio.scanner and rec.radio.scanner.
Why have you plagiarized my story?
Just for reference, I have included the original story for comparison.
***************** The Original Story **********************
Behold brothers and sisters, I bring you the profound story
of how King Mackey the Great became so. It is an exciting
tale filled with wonder, awe, and heroic deeds. Come closer,
as I relate this grand history.
In the land of Scannerdom, the county of Power Supply was
plagued with a terrible injustice. The evil mercenary force
from Capacitor held the people of Smoke prisoner. Repeater,
the ruler in exile of Power Supply, offered a rare and unused
Radio Shack battery card to anyone who could free the people
of Smoke from their Capacitor prison. A young and fearless
warrior stepped forward to take up the gauntlet. Repeater
told him of the dangers but the young man was undaunted and
resolutely set off to free them.
When he arrived at the gate, Mackey was challenged by the
fearsome guardians, Positive and Negative. So terrible were
these mighty sentinels that even the renowned guardian Cerebus
trembled when faced with Positive and Negative. Armed with
his trusty screwdriver he didst battle with them. In the hands
of a true warrior the screwdriver is no common weapon. Our
hero, battle tested and proven in the labs and urinals of
Technical School, was much more than a professional. He was
a Grand Master of the Number Two Phillips Blade.
The guards fired spinning hex nuts and sliced with the dreaded
razor sharp quartertwenty threads. Again and again, using
every feint, lunge, and parry the guardians had learned in
centuries of defending the cabinet, but to no avail. Mackey
maneuvered himself and with one swift strike, he ended it. He
had touched both guardians in the only way to kill them. He
bridged the gap between them in a move only a Master Bladesman
could execute, the Short.
The Capacitor force exploded from the cataclysm releasing the
Smoke from their electrolytic bondage. Afterward, the Smoke
rewarded Mackey with their highest honor, the Diddler of the
Spark.
Mackey, hoisted by his own petard, began the journey home. In
the land of Recdotradiodotscanner, he was attacked by the
Legions of Ennui. These were no ordinary warriors, but elite
shock troops. Armed with the latest in Apathy, Disdain, and
Contempt, they lay seige to our hero.
For months, a battle of attrition was waged. One after another,
mighty warriors all, they fell. Even I, your humble scribe was
a soldier in the Legion of Ennui. Alas, I too, fell before the
great Mackey. No one could understand how a single man could
withstand such an onslaught as we heaped upon him. Then we
learned the source of his great strength. He was the most
favored disciple of the malevolent gods, Fraud and Liar. They
had taught him the secret fighting languages of Turpitude,
Innuendo, and the most deadly of them all, Obscenity. Under
their smutty tutelage, he repeatedly repeled the attacks with
adroit displays of oratorical onanism.
There was a point in the war when we thought we were going to
prevail. We had Mackey surrounded, he was in everybodys kill
file, and his ISPs were terminating his accounts as fast as
he could login. He had been beaten back to where he stood alone,
armed only with a 300 baud modem and a Commodore 64.
Sadly, we all were victim to his great strategy and now he sprang
his most devastating weapon. Surrounding him with our keyboards
poised for the final death blow, he hoisted his hands above him.
Like Moses bestowing the Ten Commandments to the chosen people,
in his hands his mail-order diploma proclaming him Master of
Communication Technology smote us down.
Cowered by the supreme Divinity before us, a hush fell upon the
surrounding army. The only sound was a muffled cough from one of
the younger soldiers. We lay prostrate on the ground before him,
fearful of his wrath. Who were we to show the temerity to
challenge his divine turgescence. We waited. Slowly, he walked
through the defeated masses, and went home.
Upon returning to Scannerdom, he found word of his great
deeds had preceded him. He was declared Supreme Grand Master
Fool of the Universe and the people clamored for his ordination
as King. In response, the Church of Scanner Mods proclaimed him
King and the great sage and visionary Pope Bcheek presided
over the coronation. As he placed the Discone Crown upon his
head, he spoke the sacred papal blessing, "This boy reeks."
So there you have it, brothers and sisters. Behold the saga of
his fetidness, King Mackey the Great, Ruler of Torpor, Supreme
Grand Master Fool of the Universe, Grand Master of the Number
Two Phillips Blade, holder of the Diddler of the Spark, Divine
Master of Communication Technology, High Priest of the sect of
Fraud and Liar, and Orational Master of Turpitude, Innuendo,
and Obscenity.
All hail King Mackey the Great Liar.
S John M
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In these excerpts from <Re: THE GUMBY DAMNIT FAN CLUB>.
Toodles!! <sah...@unity.ncsu.edu> wrote:
> toodles,
> the hall
>
> now, might i say that is a kick-ass post.
> kudos to you, sir.
You might say that, if he actually had written it-- you see this was
posted by our own Dick DiFilippo under yet another assumed identity.
After pointing out in rec.radio.scanners that the story had been
plagiarized (see excerpts below of my post to that newsgroup for the
full explanation) its original author e-mailed me (see additional
inclusion). It's really sad that this loon has become this obsessed.
<continued>
In these excerpts from <*Attn: <f...@john.mackey.org>, Who wrote
"Behold brothers and sisters, I bring you..." (Was: The John Mackey
And Gumby Damnit Fan Club)>. sjo...@bellsouth.net (S John M) wrote:
> In these excerpts from <Re: The John Mackey And Gumby Damnit Fan
> Club>. gum...@ccsnetworks.com (Not gum...@mailexcite.com) wrote:
>
>
> When Dick DiFilippo was nice enough to site your prose (immediately
> below), again demonstrating his powerful command of Dejanews, he
> decided he liked it so much, he's use it himself...
>
>
> > On Fri, 16 Jan 1998 17:27:40 -0800, Fan of John Mackey
> > <f...@john.mackey.org> wrote:
> >
> > > Behold brothers and sisters, I bring you the profound story
> Now, you guys in r.r.scanner, are applying this to YOUR John
> Mackey... but, even though Dick can't compose a comprehendsible
USENET
> post HIMSELF, he does recognize talent when he sees it... behold
> Dick's latetest contribution to <triangle.bizarre>:
>
> > From: scr...@Ennui.dom (Your Humble Scribe)
> > Newsgroups: triangle.bizarre
> > Subject: THE GUMBY DAMNIT FAN CLUB
> > Date: Thu, 02 Apr 1998 20:33:57 GMT
> > Organization: Legions Of Ennui
> > Lines: 98
> > Message-ID: <6g0sb2$p...@camel21.mindspring.com>
> > NNTP-Posting-Host: user-38ld994.dialup.mindspring.com
> > X-Server-Date: 2 Apr 1998 20:27:14 GMT
> > X-Newsreader: Forte Free Agent v0.55
> > Xref: newsfeed.atl.bellsouth.net triangle.bizarre:1053030
> Whoever was responsible for that story in it's original form,
you've
> been plagiarized. I'd encourage you to contact Mindspring.Com (as
this
> is why I've provided full headers in the above quote).
>
> Thanks Again,
> S. John
>
In response to that message, I received an e-mail from "Richard
Kendrick N7NT" <wa7...@primenet.com> explaining HE WROTE the story in
its ORIGINAL form around Halloween of 1996... he as well can support
this claim. And I can furthermore offer a wealth of circumstantial
evidence that the "version" of this story you're complementing is a
simple rewrite perpetrated by none other than the Triangle's own,
Difilippo @ CCSNETWORKS.COM...
S. John
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Ccsnetwork
>I am the author of the original version of this story. It was first
>posted on October 30, 1996 in alt.radio.scanner and rec.radio.scanner.
>Why have you plagiarized my story?
Have you seen the nonsense he's pulled in these newsgroups?...."nuff said
CCS...Where Dick Is King!
DiFilippo1
Your endless posting of this throughout usenet is SPAM. If you were going to
do this...it might have been more effective if it was of your own creation
instead of plagarized material.
Countless Computer Services
Yesterday's Technology...Tomorrow!
rico.di...@cybergal.com