TREVS--JOKES 4 U.

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================  'Real Jokes', 'Home Alone children', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.St. Paul, MNThe hit movie "Home Alone" about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn''t total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone.Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut."I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat," Ryan said Thursday. "I went...into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in...and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could."The man ran. Ryan called 911.Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, did enjoy the fact that the kid got in the first lick against a bad guy.', =========================  'Real Jokes', 'Caught by alligators', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Inverness, FLA 71-yearl-old man fell off a dock and into the jaws of an alligator but said his knowledge of reptiles, gained from watching wildlife programs on television, helped him escape."I wasn''t a bit afraid. I knew what they usually do," said George Blinn, who got away from the 7-foot gator by jabbing his thumb in its eye.Blinn said he has long been a fan of such programs as Wild Kingdom and knew about alligators'' general behavior.He got the chance to use that knowledge when he fell into the canal behind his house. Blinn said the alligator bit him on the left hand and then flopped him over in the water three times before Blinn escaped.', ========================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'Insulting to women', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Bangkok, ThailandA member of the ruling junta who oversees Thai Airways International has ordered the carrier to hire more-attractive stewardesses."We have received a lot of complaints that our air hostesses are not pretty enough, too old and unsmiling," Air Chief Marshal Kaset Rojananil said.In an interview published in "The Nation", the airline has been hiring too many college-educated women, he said, adding: "Intelligent women tend not to be good looking."', ====================== 'Real Jokes', 'Who was drinking more?', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Bellevue, WAOn Saturday, police broke up a disturbance between a couple arguing over which one was drunker. Both were arrested and taken to Overlake Hospital for treatment of injuries to their heads.The police are charging them with disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace, but not assault.They each injured themselves and not the other.It seems, according to police and witnesses, that the couple were taking turns bashing their heads into the drywall walls and the wooden door of their apartment in order to prove they were so drunk that they couldn''t feel the pain.', =========================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'A new type of fraud', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.New York, NYPolice across the nation are warning people who wear pagers to be on the lookout for the latest scam.According to police, pagers in several states have been beeped by a number displaying a 212 area code (New York) and the prefix 540. When the victims return the call, they are charged $55 on their phone bill.The call the respondent makes has been electronically linked into a 900 "pay-per-call" system which allows the charge to be added to the phone bill."People will look at the number and say ''Gee, who is calling me from out of state? It must be important,''" said an investigator.', =================== 'Real Jokes', 'Homeschooling kids', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Bellevue, WAThere''s a story circulating through the Bellevue School District about the woman who called wanting information on home schooling.Both Lake Washington (Renton, WA) and Bellevue districts are noted for their support of home schoolers, and the Bellevue spokesperson was explaining procedures and what to do to the mother on the telephone.Among other things, the mother needed to file a declaration of intent, a kind of home school registration. The spokeswoman offered to send out the proper form.The mother gave a Renton address.The spokeswoman suggested registering the children in her home district in Renton, the Lake Washington School District."No way," said the mother. "Everyone knows Bellevue schools are much better than Renton schools."', -----------------------------------------

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'Most popular video', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992The most popular video in Sweden earlier this year was a 60-minute fireplace fire, shown from the point of ignition until it burns into cinders, and featuring a sound-track of fire-crackling wood. Price: about $35.', ==========================  'Real Jokes', 'Unsanitary conditions', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992The local board of health closed down the Wing Wah Chinese restaurant in South Dennis, Mass., briefly in August for various violations.The most serious, said officials, was the restaurant''s practice of draining water from cabbage by putting it in cloth laundry bags, placing them between two pieces of plywood in the parking lot, and driving over them with a van.Said Health Director Ted Dumas, "I''ve seen everything now."', ==========================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'Robbing a locked bank', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992In Annandale, Va., two armed men rushed the front door of First American Bank just after manager Dwight Smith opened up.Unknown to the men, the door had locked automatically behind Smith.The first robber bounced off the door hitting the second man.They escaped in their van and have not been captured.', =========================  'Real Jokes', 'Appear on television', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992In July, Danny Fouts and his wife and her sister, in New York City to appear on the "Sally Jessy Raphael" show to discuss their arrest for shoplifting their wedding supplies on their wedding day in March, were arrested for stealing from the New York Ramada Hotel the TV show had booked them in for their stay.', =========================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'Buying from a store', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992Kenneth Jeffries, 24, was arrested in West Haven, Conn., in August for robbing a convenience store. Police reported that he had first offered the clerk $1 for a pack of gum as a ruse and then taken $40 in the robbery.However, said police, Jeffries returned a minute later and asked, uncertainly, "Did I pay for the gum?"By that time the clerk had summoned police, and Jeffries was soon apprehended.', ======================  'Real Jokes', 'New way to herd cattle', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Wednesday, October 21, 1992A Japanese rancher told reporters in Tokyo in July that he herds cattle by outfitting them with pocket pagers (beepers), which he calls from his portable phone.After a week of training, the cows associate the beeping with eating and hustle up for grub.', =======================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'Invent artificial dogs', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Sunday, November 22, 1992Researchers at Cornell University recently patented an artificial dog that would speed up the breeding of fleas for lab use.Previously, the lab required 25 live, severely infected dogs to breed the 12,000 fleas per day needed in studies of humans'' and animals'' allergic reactions to fleas.', ======================== 'Real Jokes', 'Public school dangers', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Sunday, November 29, 1992An investigation by the Dallas Morning News revealed the city''s public schools employ at least 185 people who have been convicted of felonies, including two convicted murderers.In response, the school superintendent promised that the city would begin periodic records checks.', =========================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   =========================

'Real Jokes', 'Choking a girlfriend', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Sunday, November 29, 1992The Ontario Press Council dismissed a complaint filed by Allan Sorensen against the Toronto Sun, which had reported that Sorenson had choked his ex-girlfriend.Sorensen''s complaint was that his reputation was damaged because the Sun engaged in "speculation" that he had used only one hand to choke her (the other being forced into her mouth). In fact, he said he used both hands.', ============  'Real Jokes', 'Ordered to pay fines', '|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny.Sunday, November 29, 1992The Los Angeles Department of Water and Power (DWP) was ordered to pay $333,000 in penalties to Inyo County because DWP''s property tax payment arrived late -- after having been sent back for $3.40 in additional postage.', =================