TREVS NAUGHTYS--JOKES 4 U.

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============ Kid's say the darndest things...   Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers. Here are a few examples:   - The future of "I give" is "I take."   - The parts of speech are lungs and air.   - The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.   - A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.   - Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.   - We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.   - A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.   - The climate is hottest next to the creator.   - Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.   - Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============

Reasons why the english language is hard to learn 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present. 8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum. 9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes. 10) I did not object to the object. 11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid. 12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 13) They were too close to the door to close it. 14) The buck does funny things when the does are present. 15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 18) After a number of injections my jaw got number. 19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear. 86 Lates jokes are available on jokeslog.com 20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============

Things you will never hear a man say.   # I know you just blew me, but I need a kiss.   # I'm sick of beer, give me a fruit juice with a lemon twist.   # Great, your mother's coming to stay with us again.   # I wonder if my gorgeous neighbor knows that her drapes are open when she's getting ready for bed. Maybe I should tell her.   # No way, you weeded the garden last week. It's my turn.   # Better get rid of these old Penthouse magazines, I don't look at them anymore.   # I understand.   # This movie has too much nudity.   # Damn, we're late for church.   # No. I don't want to see your sister's tits.   # Damn these onions, pass me a tissue.   # Put some panties on, for Christ's sake!

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============

Ever thought? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouths closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery!"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is a boxing ring square? Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips after you use it? Why is it necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why is what doctors do called "practice"? Why is it rain drops, but snow falls? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the third hand on a watch called a second hand?

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============

Gay Parrot A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a pet shop.   After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch; it doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says out loud, "Geez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"   "I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective parrot."   "Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually understood what I said and answered me."   "I understand every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly intelligent and thoroughly educated bird."   "Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"   "Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but since you asked, I will tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."   "Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer; can't you?"   "Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. And I am especially good at ornithology. You should buy me; I am a great companion."   The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. He says. "I can't afford that."   "Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing. "Nobody wants me because I don't have any feet. You can get me for $20.00; just make an offer."   The guy offers twenty dollars and walks out with the parrot. Weeks go by and the parrot is sensational. He's funny; he's interesting; he's a great pal, he understands everything, sympathizes, and gives good advice. The guy is delighted.   One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up close to the cage. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the parrot, "but it's about your lover and the mailman."   "What?" asks the guy.   "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your lover greeted him in a pair of briefs that showed everything and kissed him on the mouth."   "What happened then?" asks the guy.   "Then the mailman came into the house and put his hand on your lovers crotch and began petting him all over," reports the parrot.   "My God!" the guy says. "Then what?"   "Then he pulled down the briefs, got down on his knees and began to lick him, starting with his chest, slowly going down and down." The parrot pauses for a long time...   "What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy. "That's what pisses me off. I don't know." said the parrot. "I got a hard-on, and fell off my fucking perch." =====================================

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============

Naughty son Patient:My 5 year old son is very naughty. He has made my maid pregnant. Doctor:How the hell is that possible? Patient:He took a pin and punched holes in all my condoms.

[theol...@snap.net.nz]

WOOOOPPPPEEEEEE ITS JOKE TIME.   ============

Weird Questions ?           01.If all the nations in the world are in debt(i am not joking. Even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird).   02.When dog food is new with improved tasting, who tests it? (to be given a thought).   03.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd).   04.If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff? (very good thinking).   05.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows).   06.Can you cry under water? (let me try).   07.Why do people say, "you've been working like a dog" when dogs just sit around all day? (I think they meant something else).   08.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed? (God knows.)   09.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell).   10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones eyes).   11.What does OK actually mean?.   12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep? (tonight I will stay and watch).   13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange? (seed).   14.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments).   15.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help).   16.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes you can).   17.Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? (strange isn't it).   18.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it? (got to think scientifically).   19.If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens? (I didn't had a chance to try).   20.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? (very nice).   21.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice?).   22.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road? (stupid, break the law). ================================