TREV- Jest For Kids 09-07-10

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JEST FOR KIDS 09-07-10           Riddles and Puns for the 8 to 14 year old                       RIDDLES   What happened to the snail that ran into an electric fence?           It was shell-shocked   Why do people go to a massage therapist.   He fills a knead.   Where does a rabbit go when it needs grooming?      To a hare dresser.   What do you get when you bless an avacado?   Holy guacamole.   We were all in a car and it wouldn't start, so I told everyone to be quiet, and then it started right up! Why?   Because it goes without saying.   Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?   No. They had an apple.   What hotel does a wolf stay at?     The Howl-iday Inn!                       SCHOOL WORK   Define "Inhabit": A dressed nun   Use "Tumor" in a sentence: I need just TUMOR classes to graduate.   "I won't finish in fifth place," Tom held forth.   Sign at a Car Dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."   Generally, I find that people do not have a great deal of respect for the beneficial effects of poultry in our society. This is a shame, because we could go on and on about our feathered friends and what they have done for us. For example, during the American revolution, the colonists used hens to sniff out red-coat sympathizers. Thus, was born chicken cacciatore.                       PUNS & SHORT JOKES   If ever you're about to be mugged by a pair of clowns, don't hesitate to go for the juggler.   I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.   The hardest people to convince they are ready to retire are children at bedtime.   Perfect Match...He's a Geologist and she's got rocks in her head.   She got mad at the fast-food chef and gave him a pizza her mind.                       GROANERS & LONG JOKES        Knock, knock       Who's there?      Isadore             Isadore who?         Isadore locked?          (Richard Lederer)   I was escorted to a wedding by my twenty-four-year-old bachelor son. He appeared unaffected by the ceremony until the bride and groom lighted a single candle with their candles and then blew out their own. With that he brightened and whispered, "I've never seen that done before." I whispered back, "You know what it means, don't you?" His response: "No more old flames?"   This story was related by a baseball announcer, who attributed it to Honus Wagner. Way back when Honus played, they didn't have stadium lights and when it got dark, you couldn't see what you were doing very well. One time, he was playing in the outfield and the ball was hit his way, but he just lost it in the darkness. Fortunately, a rabbit was running by at the time and he grabbed it and threw it to first for the out. This was the very first time anyone was ever thrown out by a hare.       ____________________________________________________________     No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 9.0.851 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3118 - Release Date: 09/07/10 06:34:00