sample script

[klaatu]

Your website says you'd like a longer sample script. Here is a
screenplay, CC-BY-SA, that is about 90 pages long (100+ pages would be
rare for a movie unless it were an epic summer movie; typical running
time is 90 minutes, so 90 pages is the norm).

http://gnuworldorder.info/slackware/relayer.trelby

Feel free to use it as you will.

Great project, trelby is. I can't tell you how badly it is needed.
Thanks for your hard work!

[Anil Gulecha]

Hey,

I'm unable to connect to this domain. Can you upload it elsewhere?

Thanks
Anil

[Osku Salerma]

Hi,

Great that you like the program!

I have to disagree on movie runtimes though. Only crappy comedies average 90 mins, almost every quality movie is at least 100 mins, and 2+ hours is not at all rare.

Thanks for the sample script, but we'd really prefer for people to extend the existing sample we have. Not only does it avoid questions about copyright (we have no way of confirming you actually have the copyright to the script youve sent), its also a fun exercise in seeing multiple different authors take the script to new directions.

We're not asking for anyone to write 80 new pages for it. 2-3 page contributions will accumulate and the sample will reach full length eventually. That's the plan anyway.

Osku Salerma

[Osku Salerma]

I've updated http://www.trelby.org/contribute to make this sample screenplay issue clearer, and also to tell people to base their extensions on the latest version, so they don't waste time working against some old version.

--
Osku Salerma

[monsieur...@gmail.com]

Joe

[elmehd...@gmail.com]

I have written aroud four more pages and I think I have taken the story to an interesting level :). The script is attached to this message.

Mehdi.

[Anil Gulecha]

On Mon, Sep 10, 2012 at 5:54 PM, <elmehd...@gmail.com> wrote:
> I have written aroud four more pages and I think I have taken the story to
> an interesting level :). The script is attached to this message.
>

Cool.. I'll give it a read tonight.

~Anil

[Tony Huben]

I read Mehdi's revision.

Good, but the interesting level you reached I think should be addressed after a longer build-up. The story, in my honest option, needs something to support. It is going way too fast.

Rising actions -> climax -> resolution

Rising actions take most of the film.
LATER ON some major changes
We need more conflicts first.

The CLIMAX can be short and sweet.

The RESOLUTION is also short, but doesn't have to be.

By the way, Osku, I have seen Chronicle, and it was only 84 minutes. One of the best examples of excellent pacing.

Job well done, Mehdi! We need more people like you.

[Osku Salerma]

Hi,

My feedback is that the idea of the gang being hired to get rid of the koalas is a good one, and presents lots of possibilities. The nuclear missiles being aborted doesn't work however:

• Nuclear missiles cannot turn back and return to base, neither can they realistically be shot down. Maybe they have an in-flight abort option, however, or at least we can pretend they do, but you'd have to find a way to cinematically show that to the audience.
• It is not realistic for a random dude to crash a meeting with the president, and it seems a waste to introduce a new character just for that purpose. Why couldn't one of the existing intelligence/military people at the meeting propose that? Then again, the president already asked that, and nobody said anything, so that wouldn't work either.
• There is an implicit rule, similar to improv theatre, that you never say "no". Specifically, extensions should not rewrite the existing script to change what has already happened, in this case, erasing the nuclear explosions from ever happening. There are not enough nuclear explosions in movies, that's why I wrote them into the script!

A way to keep both nuclear explosions and the being-hired-to-get-rid-of-koalas is to keep the explosions, but make them not 100% successful in getting rid of the koalas. There can be a good scene to be had showing how some of the koalas in some interesting/funny way manage to survive the nuclear explosion, and possibly even a montage (who doesn't like a montage!) showing how they spread over more densely populated areas of USA before anyone realizes it's happening, and at that point, you can't nuke half of the USA anymore, hence the hiring of the gang.

Before the hiring, more fun can be had by the government trying various non-working ways to get rid of the koalas, lots of possibilities there.

On Mon, Sep 10, 2012 at 1:24 PM, <elmehd...@gmail.com> wrote:

I have written aroud four more pages and I think I have taken the story to an interesting level :). The script is attached to this message.

Mehdi.

--
Osku Salerma

[elmehd...@gmail.com]

Hello, thanks for reading my addition to the script :). As for your different comments to the changes I incorporated into the script, I'll try answering one comment at a time :

Nuclear missiles cannot turn back and return to base

 I recently saw the first episode of this new tv show Revolution. It revolves around a bunch of nuclear weapons, and in one of the scenes, we see multiples nuclear missiles going back after getting sent by the government. So it's possible. And even if it's not, it's widely known it is.

It is not realistic for a random dude to crash a meeting with the president...

You're right. I didn't make it clear enough in the script, but Mike was supposed to be a guy working in the white house, or with the government. He just doesn't have enough clearance to be in the situation room. But introducing an new character is indeed pointless, so I may have figured out a way to meet up in the middle with you (I'll explain this at the end of my post).

There is an implicit rule, similar to improv theatre...

I completely agree; I'm a big fan of improv and I'm aware of that rule. I just didn't think I should apply it to this script. And I should've.

I read all of your opinions and I think a good way to finish this script is just to write our big plans for the script, and if everyone agrees on them, we can all start applying those changes. So big plans at this point :

After "The aide leaves. The president continues staring at the wall, then sighs.", a flashback is maybe shown of the different methods used to eliminate those koalas (some funny, some not so much but didn't work...). OR the methods are shown before the "5 years later" super.
I'll skip the parts that works in the scripts...
The missiles are very close to their final destination. The reader think something is going to happen to make this stop. (a nuclear bomb can't explode in the us-he thinks). But, the first bomb destroys the first town. Everyone is devastated. The second one destroys another town. While this is happening, a employee wearing very simple clothes (he has a very deskish look) is extremely nervous, he wants to say something but he feels he can't. He finally shouts : There is a way to avoid this !! The president immediately cancels the missiles because a) he know him and b) he's not a big fan of destroying cities (who is :p?).

So we get a nuclear disaster, and there are still koalas out there in other cities. So Mike says pretty much the same speech, and the team is sent to those undestroyed koalas-filled cities.
The montage I envisioned was a koala eating something out of a tree with a big nuclear explosion in his background. Showing therefore that the nuclear didn't impacted all of the cities.

.

[elmehd...@gmail.com]

I agree, you can give ideas to help. Because I frankly have no idea on how to do a longer build-up :p.