[transgendernews] [Films] [Canada] Hot Docs: Girl Inside
S. Stevens
Xtra, Toronto, Canada
Hot Docs: Girl Inside
ON SCREEN / Love across the spectrum
Jon Davies / Xtra / Thursday, April 12, 2007
Premiering at Hot Docs is Girl Inside, the new documentary by
partners Maya Gallus and Justine Pimlott, the compelling story of
three years in the life of a young Toronto trans woman named Madison.
Madison is articulate, thoughtful and self-aware — excellent
qualities for a stimulating interview subject.
[PHOTO: A JOURNEY TO SELF THAT ISN'T SOLITARY. The illuminating
documentary follows Madison over her three-year transition, focussing
on her relationships.]
But what makes Girl Inside so original is Madison's kin: There's a
grandmother who enthusiastically schools her in how to be a lady —
the old-fashioned way; there's a close friend from her past who ends
up becoming something much more; plus there's the rest of her family
of Maritimers who struggle to various degrees with a beloved son
becoming a beloved daughter.
Madison is a bookish girl with a casually glamorous air, a Linux wiz
with flowing locks and a wispy frame. Director Gallus met Madison
through a mentorship program at Trans Youth Toronto, where she heard
the stories of many young trans people. "What [they were] going
through seemed quite different to me from what an older person
transitioning was going through," says Gallus, "because [younger
people] are dealing with family, parental acceptance, siblings,
dating, what is their sexual orientation — all kinds of questions
coming up."
The film shows how Madison must constantly negotiate her gender
identity with her loved ones, the daily compromises between how
others perceive her and how she perceives herself. The fact that her
family was struggling to be supportive — instead of simply rejecting
her — piqued Gallus's interest in Madison as a potential documentary
subject, and her scene-stealing grandmother Vivien "sealed the deal."
Gallus says she was interested in positive family support, "which I
hope becomes more the norm.
"I liked the idea of exploring someone going through transition, but
the conflict being more internal than external, about their sense of
self."
Vivien is a gloriously witty and warm old bird with a schmancy
British accent and a yen for apple martinis (Madison prefers tea).
[PHOTO: RED QUEEN PRODUCTIONS. Filmmakers Justine Pimlott and Maya
Gallus. (Glenn McKay)]
She and Madison are very close, with the elder's love for the younger
undiminished by her major renovation. But there is tension between
the octogenarian's ideas of what it means to be a proper lady, and
those of the hip, twentysomething transsexual. Vivien tenaciously
sniffs out any lingering masculine traces in the way her
granddaughter appears or behaves, innocently remarking that, other
than a bumpy nose and unattractive feet, Madison looks great. Madison
takes it in stride.
"She was mature enough to understand that people don't just [click],"
says Gallus, "that there is a process for everybody." Their frank
tête-à-têtes are models of openness, especially when Vivien poses
touchy questions — about passing, for example — that have bruised
many an ego. Vivien believes that if Madison is to be treated by
others as a woman, she must act like the popularly accepted ideal of
one (Vivien doesn't believe that being a woman might be a matter of
opinion).
Over dips in the pool, hair dates and road trips (including one to
visit her mother in Florida, where Madison must
dress "conservatively"), we learn that, despite her strict sense of
feminine decorum, Vivien's understanding of her own gender identity
has been thrown into question by Madison. This leads to some very
refreshing moments of grandmotherly self-scrutiny, some of which are
sparked by Madison's staunch heterosexuality. Madison begins a
serious romantic relationship with Cameron, a lovely sensitive lad
who had been a very close friend of hers when she was male, but who
sees her as the woman she is. The relationship sends off-kilter
Vivien's implicit misconception of transsexuality as an extension of
being gay. "In your situation," she asks, "what is straight and what
is gay?"
Gallus and Pimlott, whose credits together include Fag Hags, Punch
Like A Girl and Laugh In The Dark, worked hard to earn Madison's
trust — and it shows. The documentary is suffused with empathy and
respect for their subject, and Gallus attributes this closeness to
several factors. "We're queer, so we weren't just the CBC coming in
to do this story on transsexuality.
"We weren't doing a freak show — the fact that I wanted to follow her
over a long period of time — we didn't jump in, go for the jugular
and leave. We cared about Madison so much. We're a couple who work so
closely so sometimes it was just the two of us, there's an intimacy
that evolves from that [and] the fact that we're women."
Once Madison signed on, she stayed committed to the project despite
the hardships of being under the microscope. While she couldn't make
guarantees for how involved her family members would be, they were
surprisingly open to the filmmakers and never asked that the camera
be turned off, even in the most emotional scenes. "We really
connected with Madison and had trust in each other, filmmakers and
subject," says Pimlott, the film's producer. "How Madison felt about
her relationship with us informed how open [her family] would
be." "They trusted her judgment," adds Gallus.
Madison's immediate family — except her easygoing and gung-ho sister —
sees Madison's sex change as the death of a son, rather than simply
a transformation. They find adapting difficult despite wanting to be
supportive. One moving sequence records Madison's arrival at her
father's house in New Brunswick. He is an average Joe who tries to be
relaxed about her transition. "Madison wants a vagina!" he playfully
tells the dog. But the casual veneer soon cracks. Her brother, who is
very nervous about the reunion, spends his birthday with friends, and
Madison isn't invited (he tries to be nice about it).
Less of a focus than Madison's relationships are her hormone
treatments and surgeries, which include a surprisingly gruelling
tracheal shave — "Childbirth's worse," quips Vivien — and the genital
reassignment operation that Madison has been saving up for over the
course of filming. Girl Inside thus goes beyond typical "Trans 101"
documentaries that focus on the fundamentals of transitioning — as
important as this genre still is for mainstream audiences — and goes
deeper into the life of one individual, with her own desires and
opinions.
"The film isn't so much about the transsexual experience, it's about
Madison," says Gallus. "It is very much one person's story.
"Even though it's about transsexuality, it's really about a family
dealing with this person going through this change, and how do these
people learn as they go and adapt and change, themselves."
It is tragic that so much of the pain, confusion and intolerance that
Madison and her family — and society in general — face over
transsexuality is due to an overly rigid understanding of gender.
Changing gender becomes equated with a kind of death. It is also
remarkable how much of her family's encouragement revolves around the
fact that Madison "looks good" and passes as a "natural" woman. (What
type of film would this be if she didn't look as "real" as she does,
or had less decorum, grace and discretion? Would there be a happy
ending?)
When the doctor crassly jokes, "She's a girl now" at the surgery's
end, you realize that Madison is still trapped by gender, if in a
different way.
Girl Inside screens Sat, Apr 21 at 7pm at the Royal (608 College St)
and Sun, Apr 29 at 7pm at Isabel Bader (93 Charles St W).
>snip<
http://tinyurl.com/3y2u5b
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