Handfasting is a symbolic act that takes place during a wedding ceremony, where the hands of the happy couple are bound together with ribbon or cord, to represent their commitment to each other. Their hands are wrapped together in an expression of their love, with words, poetry or music accompanying the ritual.
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It is a wedding ritual that is said to date back over 2,000 years and has Celtic roots. Handfasting is also known as a hand tying or hand binding ceremony and is becoming popular again in modern weddings as a beautiful symbolic moment during the ceremony. It is a popular choice for many humanist weddings due to its long history, connection to nature and visual appeal.
Using ribbons, lace, or cord, or material that has significance to the couple, the hands of the couple are bound together. These ties are the physical representation of their commitment to each other.
There are different ways this can be done in a handfasting ceremony. You can link one hand each, or tie both hands using a figure eight to symbolise eternity. The material is looped around the hands of the couple in a particular order, whilst or before they make their vows.
The handfasting can be performed by your celebrant, but can also involve members of your family or wedding party. Many couples choose to use different colours to represent each person involved in the ritual, creating a sense of unity and togetherness through this symbolic act.
Sometimes the parents of the couple bring the ribbons for the hand binding. If the couple have children, it could be that they are involved in the ceremony in this moment. A handfasting ceremony can offer a lovely way to make special people in your life feel part of your big day.
Ribbons can be found in many colours and offer a delicate touch, whereas cord can symbolise the strength of your connections. As with every element of a humanist wedding, the choice is yours to make, so that the wedding can truly reflect you and your love story.
Some couples choose to have cords woven from three strands to show strength and unity. The colours can be chosen to go with your theme, or to represent different qualities you wish to bring into your marriage, such as red for passion or green for growth.
'My humanist ceremony was the most special day of my life. All my family were blown away. Both my parents said that they'd never been to a wedding that was more personal or heartfelt.'
Madeleine, 34
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The first time I was asked by one of my wedding couples if I would do a handfasting in their ceremony, I said yes, of course. But I was pretty intimidated by it. Handfasting sounds very formal. And there are actual logistics to consider! How do you tie the knot? What do you say? And most importantly, how can handfasting possibly not seem out of place in a fun, entertaining, and unboring wedding?
Now having done handfasting in quite a number of weddings, I've modified and adapted a style of handfasting ritual that works well in a contemporary ceremony. It might not work for your grandmother's hardcore traditional tastes or if you need to go by-the-book. But for modern, urban millennials, it turns out beautifully.
Some of my couples love the idea of adding a handfasting ritual because they've seen it in another wedding ceremony and they think it's beautiful. Other couples come from Scottish heritage where handfasting is fairly standard in the wedding ceremony - almost expected! So we officiants will get a range of reasons why our couple might want to add a handfasting to their wedding ceremony.
But a quick Google search of handfasting often associates the ritual with the word "pagan or Wiccan," and some couples are immediately put off or concerned. Will adding a handfasting ritual to our wedding ceremony open some witch door to a spiritual world of voodoo? Or, even for the officiating minister: will adding a handfasting mean I'm participating in some pagan rite?
Very briefly: almost two thousand years ago, when Christians first encountered Celtic tribes, Christians took a more assimilating approach than the colonizing tendencies we associate more with missionaries. They listened to Celtic traditions. They observed the Celts' religious rites. And rather than obliterating the Celts' culture, Christians sought for points of similarity. For dialogue where their two faiths could meet.
Once a year on the day before the winter solstice, the Celts would decorate their town's central sacred tree by hanging fruit from its boughs as a symbol of life. Christians saw this, and they tied it into the Tree of Life story in their book of Genesis. Next thing you know (okay, more like after a few centuries), we're all dragging Christmas trees into our living rooms and throwing decorations on them every December (if you're into that sorta thing).
So, handfasting is as pagan as a Christmas tree. That is, if we want to make it about paganism... okay! On the other hand, if we want to adopt this tradition for its beauty and richness and where it intersects our own beliefs, we can do that, too. And it's Celtic, to boot!
Of course, we need to set up the handfasting ritual: explain what it is and its significance to all in attendance. I've provided a brief introduction for the ritual you can use in the sample script at the very end of this article.
Again, a Google search on handfasting will turn up all sorts of permutations on ways to do this - dozens of combinations on whether the couple cross hands, hold two hands, just use one hand each, and all the various knots and ties.
However, if we're doing the handfasting as part of the vows, then what comes next is the ring exchange. Which means that right in the ceremony, under the watchful gaze of everybody there, the couple will have to unfasten their hands. We'll want to make sure they can do this as easily as possible, slipping out of the ribbon or cord without trouble so we can move on to the next element of the ceremony.
Here is a sample of the handfasting script that I use. It's worked really beautifully, and it's yours to swipe. The first iteration of the script, Option A, happens before the vows. The other iteration, Option B, happens after the vows and before the pronouncement and kiss. The only difference between the two is what happens after I fasten the hands.
[Partner A] and [Partner B], as I fasten your hands together and tie the knot, I invite you to reflect on the joy and responsibility that awaits you. From today, being bound together in the commitment and intention of marriage means that each of you is a lifelong, safe place to love and be deeply loved by the other.
Human beings have been performing wedding rituals for centuries, and today you will find couples incorporating traditions such as; sand ceremonies, candle ceremonies, time capsule ceremonies, tree planting ceremonies and oathing stone ceremonies (amongst others) into their special day, and not only are these beautiful to watch, but in my experience, these rituals are often very symbolic and spiritual.
When planning your wedding ceremony, there are so many different elements to choose from to personalise your wedding. From music, to readings and rituals, the hardest part will be narrowing down the ones you feel express who you are as a couple. From the reading of vows and ring exchange, to sand pouring and tree planting, rituals are a huge part of what makes a wedding ceremony special (we have a list of them here!).
If you're having a religious ceremony, these rituals will likely be dictated by your religion but for a secular or symbolic ceremony, you really are spoiled for choice. Handfasting is a very popular ritual, so we've put together a easy how-to, with everything from the meaning behind handfasting and what you need, to how to have a handfasting ceremony in your wedding.
Hand-fasting is a symbolic unity ritual in which a couple stand face to face as their hands are tied together - hence the phrase, tying the knot! As your hands are bound, you can recite words that express your commitment to one another. Handfasting rituals are associated with Pagan ceremonies, but are now often seen in secular, spiritual, and even some Christian ceremonies.
Handfasting ceremonies date back over 2000 years. An ancient Celtic tradition, it was originally used to symbolise a betrothal, during which a druid priest would declare that the couple would be bound together. This engagement would last a year, as a sort of 'trial marriage', after which you'd decide to opt in or opt out. In later times, it was used in a marriage ceremony, in lieu of the presence of a priest. Today,
Celtic handfasting rituals are particularly common among couples from overseas getting married in Ireland and Scotland. But more and more Irish and British couples are featuring them in their own ceremonies too to symbolise the binding together of their separate lives and the commitment they're making together.
A handfasting cord is a ribbon, or long piece of fabric used to bind your hands. Some couples use one or two cords, others use several. You can use simple lengths of lace or ribbon, but some couples take fabric that's significant to them, whether it's from a family heirloom, made or gifted from family members, or cord in colours or patterns that have a significance. Couples with children often choose a ribbons to represent each child. You can also buy handfasting ribbons online. A single handfasting cord should be about one to two metres long, so it can loop around your wrists and hands.
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