Susan Felt Sick Because

[Courtland Boland]

Asyou all know if you follow my other newsletter, I had tough holiday and tougher start to the year. We got Covid, and then my beloved dog Leia passed away. It was a cruel punchline to a tough, tough 12 months. But I am trying so very hard to be optimistic. I mean, surely things can only go up from here, right? ?

And I guess one silver lining is that I have been using my writing as an escape from the grief and Covid symptoms. So while the personal life might be tough and the online life nonexistent, at least my creative life is full.

I am sad about this, but I do understand the business reasons for why it had to happen. After a lot of discussions with my publisher, and after a lot of scrutiny at my future publication schedule, they decided it would be best to move Witchlight to 2025 so we can space my upcoming releases better.

When the bridge over the dark-watered moat to the lodge came into a view, hundreds of Threads coalesced too. Brightest of all were a set of crimson Threads belonging to Caden fitz Grieg. When he spotted Iseult and Safi, he kicked into a canter their way. His Threads pulsed like red storm clouds above him.

As you all know if you follow my other newsletter, I had tough holiday and tougher start to the year. We got Covid, and then my beloved dog Leia passed away. It was a cruel punchline to a tough, tough 12 months. But I am trying so very hard to be optimistic. I mean, surely things can only go up from here, right? \uD83D\uDE05

\u201CSend Evrane in your stead,\u201D Safi said as the hunting lodge came into view over the trees\u2014or rather the dark moat around it and the red-uniformed soldiers along its ramparts. The rest of it, with its white stone facade, blended almost seamlessly into the snow and pale sky. Fire flickered in several windows, giving them the look of a hundred glittering eyes. \u201CShe can comfort the man more than you can. Her magic can at least soothe their pain.\u201D

\u201CYou said that yesterday.\u201D Safi\u2019s tone was sharp, her Threads fluttering with impatience. \u201CAnd you said it the day before too. Iz, you can\u2019t help these people. You know what we have to do to help them.\u201D

It was a long way off, though\u2014marching on the Well and healing it. Iseult felt sick every time she imagined just how long. Months might pass before Uncle Eron deemed their forces strong enough to march northeast to Poznin, where all these Cartorran forces\u2014and countless Carawen monks too\u2014would clash against the Raider King\u2019s forces, all so that Iseult and Safi could do this thing they were, as Cahr Awen, destined to do.

And while Iseult waited for that moment to finally come, the slow cleaving would continue. \u201CWhy?\u201D she said quietly, her voice barely rising over their horses breaths, pluming into the frozen day. \u201CWhy do we have to heal the Well?\u201D

Now Safi\u2019s eyes narrowed. She leaned forward to stroke at her gelding, Dandelion\u2019s, neck. He didn\u2019t particularly notice or seem to want the affection, and it was clear Safi just wanted something to do with her hands. Her breaths also plumed. Around her, barren old growth branches drew sharp lines against the winter gray and forest evergreens that hugged the main road.

\u201CI\u2019m the one who usually ask those sort of questions,\u201D Safi said eventually, and she gave Iseult a look that was halfway between worried for her friend and worried for herself. Her Threads fluttered with yellow too. \u201CI don\u2019t know why it\u2019s us, Iz, any more than I know why the sky is blue\u2014\u201D

Safi\u2019s glare slid into a crinkling of her eyes, a crooking of her lips. Her Threads also brightened with raspberry pink joy, warm in a way that the winter around them never could be. \u201CGods below, Iseult det Midenzi, I have missed you.\u201D

\u201CAnd by the Moon Mother, Safiya fon Hasstrell, I have missed you too.\u201D Iseult matched Safi\u2019s grin as best she could, but it was a false thing on her lips\u2014and Safi could clearly sense that because her own smile faltered.

\u201COf course I do. But when I broke our Threadstones\u201D\u2014Iseult patted at her collarbone, where the old rubies used to rest\u2014\u201CI released all the Cahr Awen who came before us. Corlant had been binding their aethers for centuries. He would have done the same to us. But why? I keep going back to that question\u2014why? Because we are the only ones who could kill him? If that were the only reason, then he would have just killed the Cahr Awens every time they were reborn. Instead, he claimed all those souls and kept them tucked away. It means something. I just...I don\u2019t know what.\u201D

\u201CAnd I definitely don\u2019t.\u201D Safi waggled her eyebrows. It was meant to be silly. A movement to remind Iseult that she was the irresponsible one who never studied, never read. But it was a lie. The Safi who had become an empress was anything but irresponsible.

The Cahr Awen souls, Iseult thought. They gave Safi headaches, bulging her Threads to clotted thickness and\u2014Iseult assumed\u2014pressing inside Safi\u2019s skull. Safi had never complained though, never mentioned the pain Iseult could so vividly see. So Iseult hadn\u2019t mentioned it either. Not yet at least.

It was one more person who needed the Well healed to make them whole and healthy again. One more reason Iseult wanted\u2014really, truly wanted\u2014to heal the Well. She just wish she knew more about the why\u2019s behind it all.

\u201CHow many times are you going to do this?\u201D he demanded, once Safi was in earshot. \u201CI realize you\u2019ve no concern for your life, your Imperial Majesty, but have some concern for mine.\u201D

\u201COh yes,\u201D Caden said, taking on a calm, thoughtful tome. \u201CThe other half of the precious, irreplaceable Cahr Awen. How very wise for both of you to leave together and unprotected.\u201D

Eighteen more years of slow cleaving. Eighteen more years of empires at each others\u2019 throats. Iseult\u2019s eyes closed. Stasis, she reminded herself\u2026only to then think, No. I don\u2019t actually have to put up with this.

Ever since three thorough searches of the Solfatara had failed to turn up Caden\u2019s Thread-family, Lev and Zander, the man had become a walking fire-pot. And he\u2019d taken to expressing his frustration at anyone who slightly annoyed him\u2026which was more often than not, Safi.

It didn\u2019t help either that Caden\u2019s Firewitchery had been culled from him by the Hell-Bard Loom was now returned. He and countless other Hell-Bards were suddenly brimming with powers they hadn\u2019t felt or used in years.

She spurred Cloud into a canter, and as the horse\u2019s hooves clattered into a three-beat rhythm on the road, she glanced back only once. But neither Safi nor Caden had noticed her departure. Threads that bound them had turned fiery with mutual frustration; there was little space in their beings for them to notice anything else.

I went to my primary right away and they were very concerned. They did CAT scans and ended up sending me to a hematologist. My numbers were not normal, my lymph nodes were not normal. That was the beginning.

It was really important for me to do the research and to see someone who lived and breathed CLL, who did the research, and who was developing some of the drugs and the trials. It was really important that I saw that top person who really knew everything about CLL.

When I heard that I had CLL, I actually knew what it was. I have a very close friend who was diagnosed about 10 years prior. I had been through the journey with her and I knew what it was when I finally got my diagnosis.

Unfortunately, my numbers rapidly increased. I started at around 20,000 or maybe a little bit more than that when I first got diagnosed. Five years later, I was at 347,000. My white count number was multiplying much faster than the doctors had expected.

We could see it over the years when they graphed it out. There was a pattern. It was going up pretty quickly. I would need treatment probably within five years and they were totally right. Totally accurate.

The next day, she came down with a bad cold. We all got it, but I got it worse, of course. I got a very bad sinus infection that lasted for a month. During that time, I was really sick. I needed to start in September, not October so it pushed things off a bit, which was unfortunate.

Because of my markers, the doctors agreed that I should be on a fixed-duration treatment. I had already researched the options and talked to my doctor about the options. It was venetoclax and obinutuzumab.

However, at the point when I needed treatment, a new trial came out with one arm of venetoclax and obinutuzumab and I think the other arm was venetoclax and acalabrutinib. It was figuring out which is the best option through the trial.

There was some fatigue that went along with that. The worst thing that happened to me was it killed off so many cancer cells all at once. I went from 347,000 white blood cells down to 4,000 in 48 hours. It was crazy.

3a8082e126