Looking ahead, Brief Assignment 9

[Ryan]

Happy Thursday, Group

First, please read and respond to my most recent "stickied" post on
end-of-semester grading. This issue affects us all so your
participation is needed.

Next week, students continue the revision process by revising a
paragraph from their 1.1. The assignment description (pasted below)
defines a "substantial" body paragraph as at least 4 sentences in
length, but I suggest we redefine substantial as at least 8
sentences.

Additionally, the page numbers in the assignment description are
incorrect, but I am unable to find the correction page numbers. The
description says the revision guidelines are on page 682-687 of the
textbook.

This assignment is a bit open to interpretation because there are a
variety of things we can discuss in class. So I'll open the discussion
of this assignment with - What do we want to see reflected in
students' revisions? Off the top of my head, I think we should
evaluate the paragraph for a strong topic sentence and a transition
sentence. Other than that, do we want to emphasize any particular
style elements?

Also, CIs could you also post a little about how you plan to teach
your classes next week? Dr. Lang would like to read more about this in
my weekly progress reports.

Have a good rest of the week - hope to read your thoughts on these
issues soon.

-Ryan

Brief Assignment 9
Objective: To practice revising paragraphs at the sentence level

Description: For this assignment, use the guidelines on pp. 682-687 in
the handbook to revise a substantial body paragraph (i.e. at least 4
sentences in length) from your 1.1. Use the section "Editing for
emphasis and conciseness" on p. 686 to guide your revision.

You will also need to include a paragraph evaluating the revisions you
have made and their impact on the audience, purpose, and meaning of
your draft as a whole.

[TTUEngl...@gmail.com]

For this class, I was planning on using a classroom exercise to take
up time and to do a review of the previous concepts we have covered,
e.g. thesis construction, audience, purpose, and of course, the
ethical lens.

In regards to pp 682-687, I decided that using examples from textbook
would work best. I'm going to select a paragraph from one of the
essays from the FYW book and analyze a paragraph as well. As Ryan
said, I'll be covering topic sentences and transitions.

In addition, I think I'll be going over "qualitative over
quantitative" content. For example, I might take a sentence that
sounds general; "In an 'Inconvenient Truth," Al Gore points out that
one of the factors that contributes to the problem is pollution from
cars. By reducing car exhaust, people all over the world can help
offset their "carbon footprint." Using the revision processes, the
sentence will turn into, "Gore discusses the ubiquitous presence of
automobile based carbon monoxide emissions as a serious contributor to
worldwide warming, and that it needs adequate scrutiny in the context
of reducing, or at least offsetting, our "carbon footprint." The
reason being is that I want students to know that revising their
sentences should not always be equated with making them more direct or
more concise. Since it's not in the book, I'll probably just show
them that as an example.

What's everybody else doing? I'm hoping to get a class plan done by
Sunday, as this is only a tentative plan.

btw: I'll be showing pre-selected sentences with the class projector
rather than writing it on the board.

[kandkg...@gmail.com]

For the class activity on Monday, I plan on asking my students to
write a paragraph about what they did over the weekend. Then, I will
go through my short lecture on good sentences (pages 682-687) and then
ask students to revise their "weekend" paragraph. That way they will
get used to revising their own writing for their assignment.

As for the guidlines on revising sentences, I believe it is on page
686 in the green box. Does that look right?
-Katherine

> > your draft as a whole.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -

[kandkg...@gmail.com]

Also, I forgot to mention that I will let my students know that they
need to revise a paragraph that is at least 8 sentences long. If they
don't have a paragraph that is 8 sentences long, I will ask them to
revise their largest paragraph.
Thanks,
-Katherine

> > - Show quoted text -- Hide quoted text -

[Walki...@gmail.com]

Katherine, I like your idea about choosing a longer paragraph. I think
I'll going to steal that when I talk to my students about the
assignment (if that's okay).

Here's my tentative plan for Wednesday:
1. Discuss pages 350-9, 372-4, and 381-2 in the textbook, focusing on
critical thinking, audience, and tone.
2. Discuss using commas for intro elements and non-restrictive
elements.
3. Discuss sample paragraphs and how to integrate critical thinking
into our essays (I'm really going to focus on how to weave Cavanagh
into the paper.

-Katie

[Amber]

I would also emphasize that students work on cohesion and integrating
source content smoothly.

I've started focusing on cohesion in BA7 & BA8 feedback, so it makes
sense to do so for the body sections too. Here's one example of
commentary that I've provided to students:

"You might begin working on cohesion -- linking new content to old
content. The sentences should resemble this pattern, A to b. B to c. C
to d, in which you introduce a new idea, but lead off with the same
idea in the next sentence.

Here's one example of a revised version of your introduction with
cohesive sentences: "Is citing prayers in school really an unethical
practice that violates <u>constitutional rights</u>? <u>The U.S.
Constitution</u> specifies a <u>separation of church and state</u>.
This <u>separation of church and state</u> includes omitting <u>public
citation of prayer</u> in public schools. So when one school began
<u>citing a prayer</u> in its morning school announcements, it
violated <u>the Constitution</u>." Do you see how each sentence begins
with the idea/concept that the sentence before ended with?"

Hope that helps.

Amber

[Ryan]

I think these are all great ideas. I still can't find the box on body
paragraphs though. Are you all referring to 686 of the handbook? I
don't have my handbook at home, but p. 686 of the textbook is an essay
on Walt Disney's "Cinderella."

My major concern at this point is that we're all identifying different
elements for revising body paragraphs. So far we have topic sentences,
transitions, combining data to produce more complex sentences,
integrating Cavanagh's ideas, cohesion and integrating source content
smoothly.

These are all great ideas, but it'll be nearly impossible for students
to identify a 8-sentence paragraph that hits all these areas.

So, do we want to present all these ideas to students and tell them
that these are things DIs will be looking for? Again, I can't find
this mysterious green box so I'm not sure where to point students for
guidelines for writing this assignment.

I think we have more to discuss here so please respond ASAP for the
sake of the Monday instructors.

[TTUEngl...@gmail.com]

Ryan, I think you are referring to the wrong book. You should be
looking at p 686 in St. Martin's.

cheers

[kandkg...@gmail.com]

Hey Ryan,
Is it possible that you have an earlier form of the handbook? If so,
you might want to talk with Carolyn and ask for a newer copy. I know
that some people picked up their handbook and textbook early in the
summer, and they recieved different copies than those presented during
orientation.
Best,
Katherine

> > > Amber- Hide quoted text -

[kandkg...@gmail.com]

Also here is a helpful outline that I provided to my students for how
their Brief assignment 9 should look:

Original Paragraph:
[insert original paragraph here]

Revised Paragraph:
[insert revised paragraph here and make sure that you have made
changes using the green box on page 686 of your Handbook]

Analysis of Revised Paragraph
[insert analysis here and don't forget to discuss everything in the
Assignment description's last paragraph and back it up with
information on pages 682-687]

On Nov 11, 8:13 pm, TTUEnglish1...@gmail.com wrote:

[Walki...@gmail.com]

Hey, guys. I'm sorry I didn't send this sooner, but I just thought of
it. In my kids' analysis I'm going to have them identify at least
three of the six things we've discussed here (topic sentence,
transition, combining data to create complex sentences, integrating
Cavanagh, cohesion, and something about sources) in their analysis
section and show how they worked to improve those three things in the
paragraph.

Also (this has been a problem amongst instructors I worked with in the
past), where do you all tell students to put their transition
sentences? I teach them that it is the first sentence of the
paragraph, but I know some people teach it as the last sentence of the
paragraph. I just want to clear this up before we start grading BA #9.

Thanks!
-katie

[Walki...@gmail.com]

Here's the prompt I gave my class:

BRIEF ASSIGNMENT #9:

· I would like you to use a paragraph from Draft 1.1 that is at least
four sentences long for this assignment. Your revision of the
paragraph should be no less than eight sentences.

· Your analysis of the paragraph should include the following:
1. Use the information from pp682-7 in the handbook, especially the
green box on
686, to discuss your sentence style.
2. Pick at least three of the following to focus on as you revise your
paragraph:
*Transition/Topic Sentence
*Integrating Cavanagh
*Integrating Source Content Smoothly
*Cohesion (sentences work together to create a unified idea/
argument)
*Combing Data to Produce Complex Sentences and Ideas
In your analysis, please discuss which three elements you focus on
and how
they informed your revision.

· Please use the following format:

Original Paragraph:
[Insert Original Paragraph Here]

Revised Paragraph:
[Insert Revised Paragraph Here]

Analysis of Revised Paragraph:
[Insert Analysis Here]

[TTUEngl...@gmail.com]

Just to give a heads up to DIs. . .

In class, some of my students expressed a desire to work on specific
sentences rather than having to pick out a small cluster to revise.
While most will probably use a 4-8 sentence section from their first
draft, I said that it was ok if students chose to pick "transition
sentences," "topic sentences," or the "a->b->-c>" progression that
Amber wrote about from different parts of their draft.

If you come across a draft from section 12 or 42 that revises 4-8
different sentences, just know that I ok'd it. I'll be posting up a
required format shortly for them to use, so you should see the
original sentence paired with the revised version.

mr