final update?

[Tami Schlabach]

Mom, Ricki and I have been the recipients of so many caring thoughts, prayers and deeds on this Covid journey with Dad. We are so grateful. Personally, I never fully realized what a large network of loving friends and relatives surrounded us. I didn't know how much it would mean to receive your prayers, emails, cards and calls; it's meant so much and given me so much comfort and strength. There's much about this journey you just can't know until you've journeyed there yourself, and I've never been here before. I find myself only now truly empathizing with those of you who have lost loved ones or gone through other hard times. 

It was so good to be with Mom and Ricki all last weekend, when Ricki came up from Nashville Thursday until Sunday morning. Now the poor guy is making the 8-hour trek up here again this weekend. He took the van home to TN to haul Dad's tool chest home, so we made final arrangements for this weekend so he could get his car back. 

He will be coming up today (Thursday) and staying until Sunday again. Tomorrow, Friday, we'll go with Mom to the Social Security office in the morning (just to enjoy the company) and then we will be scattering Dad's ashes at 12:30 with only Mom's pastor present with us. It's a bit awkward, taking Friday off, since it's the first week of school, but my boss and co-workers have been totally supportive. 

I still can't stomach the thought of being close to a group of people at this time, but Mom has been approached with requests for some type of memorial service where people could share their memories about Dad. Could we still do that six months from now or next spring or summer? Any other suggestions? I will let you know if anything comes of that. 

If it confuses you that I don't want to be around people at the same time I'm  back in school, it confuses me, too. At school we are all masking, except when we are seated apart in the classroom at individual teacher's discretion. My biggest class is 22 so students can sit 4-5 feet apart, all facing forward, and I have an extra 4-5 feet between me and the front row. With everyone doing it, it seems "normal", and I know the masking and distancing greatly reduce the risks, yet if I think about it too much my stomach turns over, and I worry every time I cough. 

Thank you again for your support through this hard time. Even now it doesn't seem real and I keep reminding myself I can't just call Dad up for help, advice or just to chat or visit; it feels like an almost-healed sore, which feels fine until I give it a poke. 

Love, Tami

PS. Today I will be teaching my eighth graders about Covid-19, which relates so directly to our first unit on Bacteria and Viruses, and I plan to use Dad's journey to help make it personal and real. 

PPS. You are my friends and family, tied together by the love of me and my Dad, but I've never kept in close touch with a lot of you. If any of you would like continuing glimpses into my own personal life, I could add you to my gang that receives email updates from me, sometimes weekly, more often monthly, depending how busy I am. My friends tell me when I'm busy my emails make them tired. :-) As you might have noticed in these updates, I can get wordy, so be careful what you ask for!