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Matt Dreher
This update is supposed to be about Rebecca and if you read on I will get to her. In reality it has always been about me. There is an old adage that when writers put pen to paper (millenials-this is how we used to jot down our thoughts) they are really writing about themselves.
This past week we acknowledged that three years have passed since Rebecca's accident. The old me died that day. Rebecca has often referred to her 9-month hospitalization following her accident as her gestation period. While our old selves were different there are some vague similarities. The "I don't give a s--t" component to my personality has increased exponentially. This is an overall positive development. Nevertheless on a gut simple level we are just trying to enjoy life. That is it. The accident has made that clearer to us.
As many of you know the stars aligned and we were all able to travel to Florida by airplane this past February. When that plane took off, knowing Rebecca was on it, was exhilarating. When we arrived in Florida and I saw my in-laws pull up at the airport with our van I jumped with joy. Down in Florida we all tapped into a fountain of newfound emotional support. Palm trees and blue water also don't hurt. Rebecca went to Disney with her wonderful crew of caregivers. We all went on a wonderful sunset cruise off the coast of Miami on a boat called the Impossible Dream.
Coming back was rough. Our nursing and caregiver situation continues to be very challenging and difficult. To function at the most basic level we need competent good hearted caregivers. This is never ending. It should not have to be like this but it is.
Rebecca plans her days meticulously and then figures out how to execute her plans. She does things that she can enjoy. They may be little things to some but as I have learned little things matter and little things can be big.
I will not lie to you. Our lives can be agonizing, maddening and stressful. Sorry for complaining. Oftentimes I feel as if I am on a tightrope. So am I happy? For me I don't know how to answer that. I am not unhappy but I don't know that I was happy before her accident. I certainly was not unhappy and I am not unhappy now. I have come to learn that happiness is not all encompassing. Most people don't walk around happy 24/7. Well maybe some do, For me I have happy moments. I have sad moments. I have satisfied moments. I have pissed off moments (lots of those).
Our biggest challenge continues to be finding caregivers. Oh the stories I could tell you. We have many good nurses and aides but we need more. Although there is a nursing agency we work with they are continually unable to fill many shifts forcing us to hire privately for Rebecca. This of course is very expensive. Hence we are grateful for all the fundraising that has been done and all the contributions that have been made. Without the vast support that has come our way our lives would be nothing short of disastrous.
My heart still breaks every day and I am a very different individual from the person I was prior to March 13, 2021. I could write a book about the differences. I try not to think about how I was beforehand but I do enjoy thinking about what I was like many years earlier before I turned 30. Honestly I probably glamorize it.
In February we are planning to take Rebecca to Florida. A trip like this requires a tremendous amount of preparation and research. If all goes well Rebecca will get on a plane and fly south with us along with an entourage of nurses. It is the final frontier.
I am going to write a book. It will not be about Rebecca. I am going to title it "Journey to the Bottom of my Wife's Purse". It will be part science fiction and part fantasy. It will talk about the endless abyss, the black hole of what can be found there such as receipts from the 1990's and lost single earrings purchased at art shows. The book may not do well but I would like to license it for a movie.
Rebecca is doing well. She is looking forward to wearing some of the nice fall sweaters that she recently purchased. Lately she has been introducing caregivers and friends to the store Primark located in Roosevelt Field. She continues to paint and is working on the skill of painting Christmas Trees. This is not as easy as it sounds. Nevertheless, she persists. She is also making her protein balls which take up alot of space in our refrigerator.
Tomorrow is Yom Kippur the most serious of all the Jewish holidays as that is when it is determined whether we will be inscribed in the book of life. This past week we celebrated Rosh Hashana which is the Jewish New Year. Last night I had tuna fish and egg salad for dinner which will also be part of the menu when we break fast.
Rebecca has had an enjoyable summer. She has gone to many concerts. Most recently she saw the Lumineers at Jones Beach Theatre. Earlier this summer she saw Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift at Met Life in New Jersey. As for me I saw an Eagles tribute band and Oppenheimer.
This past week my mother-in-law came to visit. I truly love when my mother in law visits as she brings such a good vibe to our house. On the Saturday of her visit we drove into the city and went to see Aladdin on Broadway. Rebecca navigated her power chair through all of the craziness in Times Square. She said it was like being in a video game with people coming at her nonstop from all directions. That same week we also took some fun day trips to Greenport and Tobay beach.
Earlier this summer Rebecca took the Long Island Railroad for the first time since her accident into Grand Central Station. It was quite an adventure being on the train with her. We then had lunch in Bryant Park and watched the Dominican Day Parade. For lunch that day I had a Caesar Salad with too much dressing which made the lettuce kind of soggy.
Rebecca continues to paint. She has gotten quite good. We all continue to move forward. I find the best methodology is to not think too deeply or overanalyze. Just do and enjoy. As Carl Reiner said if you wake up and you are not in the obit then have breakfast!
As many of you know Rebecca's second annual 5K race took place this past Saturday over Memorial Day. It was an unbelievable success as there were over 700 participants. This far surpassed the turnout for the previous year. The weather was beautiful. Thanks to all of the wonderful sponsors and volunteers there were plenty of bananas, corn muffins, bagels and water for everyone.
We want to thank all the volunteers and the entire Plainview community who helped make the event run so smoothly. We especially want to thank the "Executive Committee" including the entire Mensch and Brenner families who work year-round to stage this fantastic event! We also want to thank the Gulotta's and Michelle Schneider who were also part of the committee. We are very fortunate to have such great friends! A special thank you to all of the sponsors! By the way, Rebecca does the entire 5K in her chair.
The 5K event not only serves as a much-needed fundraiser for Rebecca but it also helps bring about more awareness for those with Spinal Cord Injury (SCI). We read about advances that are taking place for SCI and are of course cautiously optimistic that one day those advances can help Rebecca. In the meantime however we would like to see commercial airlines make a simple accommodation and provide space so that Rebecca can fly sitting in her wheelchair.
Rebecca if she is ever to fly anywhere, cannot fly commercial. She needs to be in her chair as she can not transfer to a regular seat. If the airlines did something as simple as removing a seat to provide an empty space for her chair, she could in fact fly just like you or me. I hope the CEO of Delta or Jet Blue reads this or even the head of the FAA.
In addition to the 5k, Rebecca also got to see Taylor Swift at Met Life Stadium the Sunday after the race. Many of you know this as she posted TikToks about the show. As her chauffeur, I got to listen to the concert from the parking lot. We could hear it loud and clear. There were thousands of teenage girls in the parking lot who presumably could not get tickets to the show. As one friend of mine aptly pointed out, Taylor Swift is their Rolling Stones.
Earlier in May Rebecca was invited to speak on a panel at an event at Glen Cove Hospital. The event focused on patient care at the hospital and advancements that have been made there. Audrey and I attended and it was a great chance to catch up with some of the staff there that we had not seen since Rebecca's discharge. Rebecca spoke beautifully. It was also enlightening to hear the other panel members speak as well. They were all former patients who had suffered traumatic injuries or had developed illnesses that impaired their cognitive and motor functions.
In the past couple of months, we have had several visitors stay with us. Audrey's parents came to visit in March to help celebrate Audrey's 60th. Audrey's sister Debra was up here for the 5K along with Audrey's dear friend from Denver, Lisa. My cousin Cheryl who lives outside of San Francisco also visited with us for five days in April. It was a delight having all of these guests as they bring such good energy.
That about sums it up. As for me, I have been trying to understand the origins of the universe and Planck density when I am not working. Audrey also is busy working. When not working she enjoys using the Swiffer, getting her nails done and shopping online for shoes. As for our dog Ollie he likes when we put tsatziki sauce in his food.
We have more or less settled into routines. We work. We exercise. We socialize. We cook. We go out to dinner. We go shopping. We sleep. We get pissed off about stupid stuff. We laugh. We have good days and we have bad days.....just like everyone else.
It is far from easy but the only path any of us really have is forward. While the challenges of the Koltuns are obvious we recognize that many people face difficulties whether they be mental health issues, financial trouble, sickness, phobia. The list goes on.
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