The file Buddha.dll seems to be highly sought after. Typically this is in relation to someone trying to get a cracked version of a computer game working, alternately getting some form of hackware/spyware program working (such as a phonehack, camhack or the like). This file seems to be exclusively used for this purpose and we have found no legitimate copy of this file.Under no circumstances is it recommended to install this file, and we will not make it available for download based on currently available information.It should also be noted that these types of files are often related to various viruses, hacks and trojans, basically you never know what the hacker/crack maker has included in there for his/her own purposes.
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My kids learn mindfulness and meditation techniques in their public elementary school. Before my weekly yoga class starts, the teacher says a bunch of stuff about mindfulness, and setting intentions for our downward dogs and plank poses.
However, I do think there's something off-putting about the "mindfulness industrial complex" - the expensive getaways and self-proclaimed gurus, who make promises about personal transformation they can't necessarily keep.
And I've been looking for something different. I wanted to understand the theology that birthed the modern mindfulness movement. I wanted to understand how, by training your mind, you could actually create some kind of divine connection to yourself, to other people in your life, or even to a higher power.
My mom was a lifelong Presbyterian who served as a church deacon, and hung artisan-made crosses around her house. But I also have clear memories of her sitting on her black meditation pillow in front of the window in her bedroom, eyes shut, breathing deep and audibly.
I wanted to understand what that could look like. My mom died 14 years ago and I can't ask her, so I have to figure it out for myself. That means doing my own research and having my own experience with Buddhism. And what better way to do that than spending time at an actual monastery?
But it did help me understand why more and more Americans are converting to Buddhism, or even, if they don't go all in that way, they are finding elements of that tradition that they can incorporate into their own spiritual life and identity.
They welcome us with tea and give us the basic instructions for staying there: No makeup or any other physical adornments. No fancy clothes. Monks always eat before the lay people like us who stay there, and, even when it's not an official silent meditation time, everyone needs to walk around sort of quietly and keep conversation at a moderate volume.
They went to campus to do something called "almsgiving." Meaning they hold a bowl and wait for people walking by to offer them some food, since monks of this Buddhist tradition can't make or buy themselves meals.
They situated themselves in a line in front of a shopping mall full of retail shops and casual dining options. They definitely stood out, and at one point the mall manager came out to see if they were staging some kind of protest.
So a young woman who's staying at the monastery called up a friend of hers who is a student at Rutgers. He rallied his frat brothers, and they showed up a couple minutes later to escort the monks a couple blocks away to their frat house, for takeout tacos.
Michael sits up on a worn-out red couch and sort of stutters into his answer. "I very much admire people who discipline themselves to like a specific aspect of life. And I feel like it's also good karma." Everyone laughs. "We also think it's good karma," Ayyā Somā replies.
And that's sort of the deal with Buddhism. There's no proselytizing. In the car on the way back to the monastery, Bhante Suddhāso tells me it's just the opposite. "Buddhists play hard to get," he says.
They got a great deal on the place from the Augustinian monks who had lived there before. The Catholics were downsizing and moving west, and Ayyā Somā and Bhante Suddhāso, the co-founders of Empty Cloud Monastery, needed more space.
If it wasn't music in the car, he was listening to headphones. "Like, it was just constant. And so, then getting into this life, it's like, well, one of our rules is that we don't listen to music. So, clearly, I thought I needed that, but I don't need it."
"The Buddha does identify mindfulness as being a wholesome characteristic of mind, so wholesome in the sense that it's, it's beneficial that it brings happiness, it leads towards awakening," he explains. "But it's still only one factor of the eightfold path. So, if one is only practicing mindfulness, then at best you're practicing, uh, 12.5% of Buddhism. Which is not a complete path to awakening. So it's kind of like if you're making a cake and a cake calls for eight ingredients, and you're like, well, I'm just going to leave out seven of those ingredients. Well, that's not a cake, that's a bowl of raw eggs."
Here at the monastery they're interested in the whole cake. Which involves rising before sunrise, chores in the house and the yard, and finishing your meals before noon. Being on this path also means letting go of the big things you can't change, and focusing on what's happening in your own consciousness.
Then it started to unravel: "Are they seriously not going to feed us dinner? Did my kids get a ride to baseball tonight? How am I going to sleep here? Wait, no ... Loving kindness. Loving kindness. Kindness. Do the monks get to pick out their own robes? Does Ayyā Somā miss make-up? It's really hard to do a smokey eye."
When I snuck a peek during the meditation, I caught a glimpse of this young woman named Katie McKenna. She's not a monk, but she was sitting perfectly still, no fidgeting. And she was always smiling. She had definitely figured something out.
I caught up with her later and we chatted for a bit. She said she's been a Buddhist for about 10 years. She was laid off from her tech job earlier this year, and after that happened, she hightailed it to her happy place - the monastery.
"Yeah. That does come up for me from time to time. It's come up for my boyfriend, too, actually. We broke up for a little bit in September, briefly, 'cuz we were both struggling with, like fully giving ourselves to the relationship because we both had this inclination in our mind towards monasticism."
It definitely wasn't just happening to me. I mean, I'd only been at this for a few days, but I was more interested in a form of Buddhism that let me live in my actual life. I needed to talk to someone who wasn't about to shave her head and move into the monastery.
Within a few minutes of talking with her, it becomes clear that she has endured a lot of disappointments in life. And right now, she is working through problems in her marriage. She tells me that Buddhism has taught her things that her Hindu faith never did.
"If you don't love yourself and put yourself in front of others, who're not gonna give you love, you're not gonna be successful. So I give loving kindness to myself. I give loving kindness to the other people who need to be given loving kindness. That helps a lot because the anger, the rejection, and, you know, the ill feeling, come often."
I think she's about to share more about her relationship with her husband, or her kids, or something about work. But she starts telling me about her dog. A golden retriever named Simba who died not long ago. The dog came to her in her dreams.
"He came to me and he said, 'mom, what did you learn from me?' I had to think, what did I learn from him? I know he was very loving. He was a golden retriever. He loves people, he loves pets, he loves everybody."
I know how bizarre this sounds. I'm sitting in the basement of this Buddhist monastery, talking with this woman I barely know, about her dead dog who talks to her in her dreams. And tears are welling up in her eyes and then in mine.
And I get that her grief and loneliness are bigger than this story. And we hold hands briefly across a table. And I share my own losses with her. And none of it is healed, but there is a comfort in that shared intimacy between strangers.
Letting go may be the Buddhist precept for ending suffering. But I think, just as important as the letting go is the letting in. Letting monks into the frat house. Letting a journalist into your monastery. Letting a stranger into your grief.
"Which literally means 'trembling together.' Sometimes we focus a lot on our trembling, or the trembling of the other person. But we don't realize that it's actually the same trembling, and we're all trembling together."
Buddhism may teach that the individual has the power to ease their own suffering, but true contentment requires us all to care about each other. It's not just about being alone in our mind on the mat. Buddhist monks still have to engage with the rest of the world. And the world has to engage back. We share our stories with strangers and absorb one another's grief.
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