[Thriving Despite Us] Book Tour: Found by Jennifer Lauck

[Kate]

When I committed to this book tour, I knew nothing about Found or its author, Jennifer Lauck. By the time the book arrived from Amazon, I had done a little research. I knew that Lauck did not have a positive adoption experience and I had read that she does not support adoption. As an adoptive mother, I was not looking forward to the read. I suspected that Lauck’s anti-adoption stance would upset me and I was fairly certain I was not going to enjoy a treatise on the evils of adoption.

So, with some trepidation I began to read. I was immediately sucked in. She is a mesmerizing story teller and her life could be a movie of the week. Her childhood is the kind of stuff you just can’t make up. I was amazed by her ability to survive and eventually thrive as a strong adult woman and mother. She takes her readers on her search for self and it is a fascinating journey.

Obviously, I am not anti-adoption and I do not believe that adoption is inherently negative. My family would not be what it is but for adoption. After reading the book, I don’t interpret Lauck’s stance so much as anti-adoption as anti-adoption as it currently exists. As she writes in the last chapter, “Adoption, in an open situation, is humane. Adoption where the baby is given a time of physical proximity to the birth mother is also more enlightened as it allows a more healthy development of the child’s brain. Reunion, at some point in the adoptee life, is vital.” (pp. 265-266.)

I got much more out of reading this book than I anticipated and I do recommend it to adoptive and prospective adoptive parents. Found will not be an easy read, but it is a necessary one. 

Here are my book tour questions and answers:

Do you feel that presenting connection with the birth mother as a necessity is upsetting for those adoptee's who are not able to meet their mother because she is deceased? 

Not all adoptees have the option of meeting/finding their birthparents. Is this upsetting to the adoptee? Yes I believe it would have to be. The relationship between a birth mother and a newborn is a primal relationship and many adoptees indicate how healing a reunification that goes well,can be.

I did feel that Lauck presumes ALL adoptees have to find their birth mother to be whole and with that presumption I disagree. Open adoption and family reunification may be ideal but they are not always possible. There are adoptees that grow to adulthood without being able, for numerous reasons, to find their birth families. I do not believe these individuals are doomed to never finding wholeness. It may be more difficult for them and they may have to work harder but I do believe it is possible.

Many adoptees have to deal with these issues just as other children deal with other childhood traumas; death of a parent, divorce, abuse, extreme poverty. As adults, we all have to come to terms with the losses and traumas we have endured through our childhoods and decide how these are going to define and impact the rest of our lives.

Found is a compelling story with many facets affecting Jennifer's life. While I don't doubt that much of her searching was tied to the loss of her birthmother and the closed aspect of her adoption, what other factors may have led to the journey she took as an adult to find herself?

Lauck had a tremendously difficult childhood. It is not just her adoption; she experienced sexual abuse, death of both parents at an early age, separation from her sibling, homelessness and then being raised by a set of parents who were not terribly interested in parenting her. Any child who undergoes these experiences is bound to have issues as an adult. I can’t help but think of her brother--born to her adopted parents, nearly the same childhood traumas . . . he committed suicide.

Her childhood clouds the waters, making it impossible to determine what had what effect. There is no doubt that her adoption and lack of relationship with her birth mother was a profound loss but what about all of the other traumas? They too had to have a tremendous impact.

On pp 17-18, Jennifer talks about a baby searching for her mother after being born. How did this sensory-rich passage strike you? What thoughts did it trigger about the role you play in adoption?

I was truly moved by these pages. Having parented 4 newborns I am truly in awe at how smart and complex newborns are. They are far more than blank slates and I have no doubt that newborns seek out and search for the sounds and smells that are familiar and comforting. This passage is a compelling reminder of the loss in adoption for adoptees.

As I read it, I was saddened for my sons; sad that they have experienced such a painful loss and sad that there is nothing I can do to make it better. The passage brought home to me the depth of the loss.  I also felt sad for my boy’s birthmothers who also experienced this profound loss.


Found is the type of book that you continue to think about long after you finish it. The book forces the reader to acknowledge the grief and loss adoptees experience. Adoptive parents will benefit from the illustrations and descriptions of the irreplaceable loss our children have suffered. We would be wise to never try to diminish their sadness, allow them to grieve as they need to and support their relationships with their birth families when possible.

To continue to the next leg of this book tour, please visit the main list at The Open Adoption Examiner.

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Posted By Kate to Thriving Despite Us at 1/13/2012 05:00:00 AM