BP comments

[Gianfranco Scipioni]

Here are some suggestions/comments after reading over the BP. I'm not sure if you guys were going for a certain style, etc. so I didn't make any changes directly (besides spelling/grammar)... but here are the changes I would've made .Some suggestions are trivial but I felt like i should include everything that came to mind. Also, I did come across some questions if you guys could be so kind to answer. Also, we are sending this to one of your entrepreneurial profs right? Obviously, this is your guys' product so do as you pleaseeee

-im pretty sure i can tell who wrote what sections too... obvious change in writing style haha

"Era of Man is also very focused on bridging the gap between those interested in using these types of products and those that are unsure about them. "

  -Maybe change word choice a bit? Did you mean "and those that are unsure about using them". Maybe I'm over-analyzing but this sentence seems a little ambiguous.

"We eventually will seek financing to hold more inventory when our own cash flows cannot keep up with demand"

-Theoretically, after $150,000, we should be able to maintain and expand our inventory without additional investments/loans, no?

"By year 3 we will be seeking a $250,000 loan at 6% interest in order to expand inventory and increase advertising. "

-Just curious, where are you getting these numbers from?

Table of Contents

-Description of Business and Financing sections appear before the table of contents? Is this correct?

"Era of Man will be one of the few retailers of its kind, and what makes it so unique is its focus on accommodating the larger male demographic that may normally be off put by traditional cosmetic or facial product marketing campaigns thought to be too feminine. "

-Run on sentence. Propose change to: "Era of Man will be one of the few retailers of its kind. It will focus on accommodating the larger male demographic that may normally be off put by traditional cosmetic or facial product marketing campaigns thought to be too feminine..... etc.

"Era of Man plans on utilizing the very best website technology available to make shopping and ordering experiences on par with that of amazon.com. "

-this sentence is placed kinda awkwardly in the middle of all the advertising stuff... perhaps move it.

-Propose change to (or something similar): "Era of Man plans on utilizing proven techniques and methods in web design and development to create a genuinely high-end eCommerce environment. The main goal of the website will be to provide an exceptional shopping experience on par with best-in-class online retailers such as amazon.com"

"We also plan on staging an aggressive YouTube campaign, geared towards actually showing what these products are capable of doing for the male customer, as opposed to pitching or advertising about the products. "

- Suggest removing the last phrase entirely. especially since you repeat and reinforce the idea in the next sentence.

"This business does have some risks for which we have accounted. One risk is that the demand will not be as high as initially expected. Another risk is that our customer base may reach a limit and the company’s profits will plateau. "

-Nothing fundamentally wrong here... just had a feeling: suggesting the following: "Entering the cosmetics market does bring with it some potential risks. One risk is that demand will not be as high as initially anticipated. Another risk is that our customer base may eventually begin to plateau, leading the company's profits to follow suit."

"We as co-owners of the company will each be investing _______ into the company."

-As co-owners of the company, we will each initially invest an equal amount of _______ into the company.

"Era of Man will be hiring several part-time employees, who will receive an annual salary of $20,000."

-how did you come up with 20k?

"South Korean men spent 495.5 million on makeup"

"anticipate yearly sales of $885 Million in mens cosmetics."

-consistency, either 495.5 million USD or $495.5 million, right?? also I dont think "million" is capitalized here.

"In a survey of individuals averaging 21 years old in China (20 males and 8 females), "

-Is this worth including? sample size seems way to low to be statistically significant.

"Currently, shaving products, pre-shave, post shave, and razor blades"

-preshave, postshave and razor blades ARE shaving products, should reword this

"We will experience competition from The Art of Shaving, however, the Procter and Gamble subsidiary has a primary focus on selling men’s shaving products, whereas Era of Man’s focus covers a broader spectrum of men’s cosmetics and facial care. "

-In that paragraph, you go from saying we will have competition (from estee lauder, etc), to we wont have competition, to we will have competition (from AoS), consider rearranging sentences so its order makes more sense

-Run on sentence and just sounds bad in general, consider revising. Suggestion: "The Procter and Gamble subsidiary, The Art of Shaving, may pose a significant competitive force in the market. However, Era of Man will cover a broader spectrum of cosmetics and facial care products, limiting the negative effects of such a competitor."

"Era of Man will face competition from online retailers like “The Skin Store”, however, this website caters to both women and men with a focus on women. Thus, our customers will not likely consider us to be in the same category or market. "

-This should not be in another paragraph from the one above, consider merging this paragraph with the one above it.

-Propose change to "Another potential competitor includes "The Skin Store", an online retailer that caters to both men and women. "The Skin Store" may not pose a significant threat because its target audience focuses on women, encouraging male customers to choose us over them ."

"By following these strategies, we predict there will be little barrier to entry and we will experience rapid sales fairly quickly. Due to the fact that very little websites exist whereby men are able to acquire all their facial care and cosmetic needs in many different brands. "

-Doesn't make sense to me, consider revising.. perhaps comma instead of period after 'quickly'??

Towards the end of the plan, it suddenly switches from "era of man" to "we".

"We hope to recieve a lot of feedback and constantly improve. "

-Nothing wrong, just a suggestion: "We hope to analyze our feedback, develop new strategies, and keep on constantly evolving and improving our service to achieve and maintain a powerful standing in the marketplace."

"We plan on making the videos “manly”, high energy, and fun."

-Propose "We plan on making the videos “manly”, high energy, informative, and fun."

"We are also planning to use female models to market Era of Man for more traditional YouTube based commercials"

-What do you mean by "traditional youtube based commercials"??

"We believe that using attractive women may help to gain more attention and cause more of a viral effect."

-The viral effect thing is a little too far fetched

"We may also use specific models repeatedly and deem the Era of Man supporters, however, this strategy remains to be discussed. "

-what? consider revising

"Young males will be equally as important as older males, but initially we believe that older males ranging 30 and older may be a good market to target because of increased disposable income to allocate towards items like those we are selling."

-Borderline run-on, recommend shortening: Suggest: "Younger and older males will be equally important in our marketing strategy, however, men aging 30 and older seem to be a more promising audience due to increased disposable incomes."

"We believe that we will be able to market to both sexual orientations and lifestyles by doing this. "

-hahaha, not "both" orientations.. gotta be politcally correct. change to "all sexual orientations"

VIII. Assessment of Risk
The only foreseeable risk is that the demand is not currently as high as we have anticipated. However, even this poses very little threat to our business model because we are 100% confident the industry is going to experience tremendous growth over the coming years. As cultural preferences become more progressive, we believe we will be well positioned to take advantage of this opportunity.

  -Is this section neccesary to include after the "primary competitors" section above which basically says the same thing?

-How literally are business plans taken? can we use "100% confident" so loosely?

--
Gianfranco G. Scipioni

Electrical Engineering

Vanderbilt University Class of 2015

gianfranco...@vanderbilt.edu