ellragu fedrik sachar
Margorie Gomoran
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When we're talking about being an ally towards someone, it's not a new idea. Allyship has been happening forever. If you think of any group of people who have been excluded or marginalized in some way - when they are able to make progress, to break free, to actually have rights and so forth, it's not just because they've been valiant, and great, and competent, and courageous. It is also because someone else from a group that was not marginalized, stepped up, spoke out, fought for, in some cases died for those individuals in that group to have the opportunities and the equity, and the respect, dignity, and freedom that they deserved. What we're talking about is not a new concept, but it's gotten much more popularity. The word allyship is just one way to refer to this idea that you truly believe in equity, opportunity, and dignity for all people.
What I know from being in the company for the last year, is that when we came here, there was an enormous amount of curiosity. But there was also a lot of interest and a lot of excitement about really making a difference when it came to increasing the representation of groups that had been underrepresented maybe historically, maybe just in our organization, or in an industry. We also saw uneven awareness. But people have been working to raise their awareness, to talk more about the issues. We have talked about unconscious bias. We have talked more about privilege. This is our next step, which is how we move from awareness and talking to doing. The thing that I want you to be thinking about when we hear from our colleagues today is this idea of what it means to be an ally.
The main thing we want people to pay attention to around allyship is the idea that all of us are in an interconnected world. That means that every step we take to make equality and equity more available to all groups, we are helping ourselves. Every time we are allowing, or being neutral, or being complacent about the kind of exclusion we might see, or the marginalization that's happening, we also are being hurt by that. In other words, we need to be in solidarity with each other to make this happen, not because we feel sorry for someone. Or not because we think we're better than they are. But because we realize we are them, that we are all connected.By far when allies fail, it's because they actually think they're doing something for someone else. They don't understand that they are doing it for themselves and all of us.
We have some fabulous folks from our wonderful company to come in and talk about their own experience with understanding allyship, what would make sense to them, where they've experienced it, where they haven't, what they would like to see.
Maya: It's a good story. It's a little awkward. when you start at Netflix as a director, everyone gets a one on one with Reed. It's a very nerve-wracking thing. You don't get a ton of lead up to it. It just comes up on your calendar. You're like, okay oh my god. I'm meeting with the CEO. I just got hired. I'm going to prepare. I want him to think, wow, this was a great hire. So we go into the one on one and he stops me in the middle of our conversation and he says, "Can I ask you a question?" Sure, yes. I'm ready. He says, "What does it feel like to be a black leader?" So, right? How all of you were just like, huh? That's exactly how I felt. So many things were running through my mind. One: why is the CEO asking me about my blackness at our first meeting? Two: nobody has ever asked me this question, I don't know how to respond. Three: say something, say something, say something. I just burst out laughing because I was so uncomfortable. I said, "Why are you asking me this?" He said, "We had just added inclusion to the culture memo literally the day before." He was like, "I'm curious about what your experience is because if I don't ask you, I know you won't tell me." I was like, wow. Nobody has ever asked me this question before. To think, wow the CEO thinks enough about it. Now granted, I didn't know Reed very well. I did walk out being like, this is a little weird. The next day I went to my first meeting with the black employee resource group. They were asking, "So new employees, does anybody want to talk about your experience at work?" I said, "Well I had one yesterday." It was interesting because some of the OGs who have been a part of the black employee group were like, "No that's Reed. He really, really cares. He wouldn't ask something that he really didn't mean. And he wouldn't say something that he didn't really want to say." As I got to understand who he was and build a rapport over time, I felt like I had space to really talk to him about what my experience was. I just wanted to reinforce - this stuff is very uncomfortable. It wasn't smooth by any means from my perspective, but that's what it requires. It requires people to get uncomfortable.
Thiago: I would say that the big surprise here is that even if you're part of a minority group, you may be uncomfortable with the topic as well. Lots of this is uncharted territory for us. The first big story that came to mind when I was thinking of allyship was a situation where I failed to be an ally, which happened two years ago. Long story short, I was in a meeting with a network executive that was coming to meet us at the office in Brazil for the first time. Even though we started the meeting by saying our female colleague was the leader of the project, he would only speak to me. It haunts me to this day because it was one of those situations where I was fully conscious about what was happening, but it was so uncomfortable and so egregious that I did not know exactly what to do at that point. I compared this with trying to silently dismantle a bomb and divert things in a separate way. The reality is, I should have intervened more directly in that situation. It was a lesson on privilege because I did not know anything about that project in particular and he was talking to me only. It was quite shocking and it speaks of two things. First - Even if we are doing this work within Netflix, we have to be very mindful and vigilant about how we interact with the outside world in that space. Second - One of my biggest fears in that situation was that by taking action, I would disempower her because I know she is super talented. That was a conflict in my mind that kept me from doing anything. What advice would you have for Thiago two years ago?
Thiago: It was a miss on me for not taking action. For us collectively as leaders, I think we have to reinforce that card for everyone out there. To tell everyone that they are allowed to take action on these things without fearing necessarily losing a partnership or missing a partner as well.
Katy: I just want to underscore that we need everyone to participate. I think we collectively have to understand that there is no easy path for this, for us all to be in a selfless, equal world. We all just have to get in there and figure it out ourselves. And understand that no one on this panel has the answers. No one has exactly the right answers. But if you can listen, if you can learn, if you can try to work with someone who is in a different experience to you, and has a different life experience, then it changes you. When you change, your conversations with your family will change. Your conversations with your community will change. That's where real shift starts to happen in the world. When you can get rid of the fear of the unknown, which is the biggest thing - the biggest obstacle to understanding - then you can start moving forward to understanding and acceptance. That's where everyone in this room can be an ally to somebody else.
Katy: It's so up in my business. Sometimes you just don't want to have that conversation. You're just like I'm tired dude. I don't want to. I just got off a flight. That can be applied to a lot of different other situations in business, in social situations.
Vernā: Because it can get very exhausting. It's not that you can't do it. You're totally capable, but when someone comes around and does that diversion, or interruption, or whatever, you're just like thank you.
Maya: But that requires that you have a good understanding of her life - the fact that she deals with this often. If you didn't know that, you wouldn't even know to say anything. So it requires that you take time to get to know people and what their experience is, so that in the moment you know. Katy deals with this all the time, I'm going to say something.
Thiago: That reminded me of something that I see happening all the time. When you visit an international office and I'm usually on the other end of this experience. I'm there in Brazil hosting visitors. The impression I have is that everyone is expected to go back home with a headline that describes what you saw there in this office. The reality is that the headline can be an oversimplification.
Thiago: I would say, refrain from doing that. I understand where it comes from because when we enter this world that we don't know completely, I think our brains go immediately in that space of okay so how do I box this? What labels do I put on this? I like to compare this with our idea of assuming good intent when you're giving feedback. I would say if you see something different, assume diversity. Then investigate further, understand where that's coming from. Sometimes the value is not there, but you can be surprised. Most of the cases it will be there, it's just a different version of it that you're not fully familiarized with at that point.
Vernā: If you have an idea that is really very simplistic about a group, or about a place, you're probably wrong. You want to keep being curious and get more information. And resist concluding, especially about something that you know very little about.
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