The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus
(1)
In Baltimore there lived a boy.
He wasn't anybody's joy.
Although his name was Jabez Dawes,
His character was full of flaws.
(2)
In school he never led his classes,
He hid old ladies' reading glasses,
His mouth was open when he chewed,
And elbows to the table glued.
(3)
He stole the milk of hungry kittens,
And walked through doors marked 'no admittance'.
He said he acted thus because
There wasn't any Santa Claus.
(4)
Another trick that tickled Jabez
Was crying 'Boo' at little babies.
He brushed his teeth, they said in town,
Sideways instead of up and down.
(5)
Yet people pardoned every sin,
And viewed his antics with a grin,
Till they were told by Jabez Dawes,
'There isn't any Santa Claus!'
(6)
Deploring how he did behave,
His parents swiftly sought their grave.
They hurried through the portals pearly,
And Jabez left the funeral early.
(7)
Like whooping cough, from child to child,
He sped to spread the rumor wild:
'Sure as my name is Jabez Dawes
There isn't any Santa Claus!'
(8)
Slunk like a weasel of a marten
Through nursery and kindergarten,
Whispering low to every tot,
'There isn't any, no there's not!'
(9)
The children wept all Christmas eve
And Jabez chortled up his sleeve.
No infant dared hang up his stocking
For fear of Jabez' ribald mocking.
(10)
He sprawled on his untidy bed,
Fresh malice dancing in his head,
When presently with scalp-a-tingling,
Jabez heard a distant jingling;
(11)
He heard the crunch of sleigh and hoof
Crisply alighting on the roof.
What good to rise and bar the door?
A shower of soot was on the floor.
(12)
What was beheld by Jabez Dawes?
The fireplace full of Santa Claus!
Then Jabez fell upon his knees
With cries of 'Don't,' and 'Pretty Please.'
He howled, 'I don't know where you read it,
But anyhow, I never said it!'
(13)
'Jabez' replied the angry saint,
'It isn't I, it's you that ain't.
Although there is a Santa Claus,
There isn't any Jabez Dawes!'
(14)
Said Jabez then with impudent vim,
'Oh, yes there is, and I am him!
Your magic don't scare me, it doesn't'
And suddenly he found he wasn't!
(15)
From grimy feet to grimy locks,
Jabez became a Jack-in-the-box,
An ugly toy with springs unsprung,
Forever sticking out his tongue.
(16)
The neighbors heard his mournful squeal;
They searched for him, but not with zeal.
No trace was found of Jabez Dawes,
Which led to thunderous applause,
And people drank a loving cup
And went and hung their stockings up.
(17)
All you who sneer at Santa Claus,
Beware the fate of Jabez Dawes,
The saucy boy who mocked the saint.
Donner and Blitzen licked off his paint.
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We are making yet another SoC collaborative video of Ogden Nash's poem, The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus. All we need are 17 people. :) Here's all you need to do:
1) Pick one of the 17 stanzas you would like to read aloud (you do not have to read the entire poem) and post the part number in this thread. First come, first served.
2) Read the stanza you have chosen aloud into your microphone and save the recording.
3) Email your recording to me at Vortexfugue at gmail.com along with a picture of yourself or something to go with your stanza that you'd like to have included in the video.
That's it! When all 17 slots are filled and I have all 17 recordings I will start making the video. This is the thirty-fifth installment of "SoC Reads Aloud in Turn" and our 2012 Christmas Reading. The deadline for turning in your reading is Monday, 24 December. [Note: suggest we all pronounce Jabez as in 'jab' (short a) for consistency]
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