Session 2: Chapters 8-9, Play and Practice

[JD]

Hello and welcome back to our discussion group!  Today we will be discussing the next two chapters and steps for making sure our kids grow up to be happy adults:  Play and Practice. 

 

Some Ch. 7 Points:

 

• Play is important “work”; the opposite of play is doing exactly what you are told to do.  Having a successful career (add, one that makes you happy) means you’ve found a way to “play” that other people are willing to pay you for. 
• Most children learn to play spontaneously, unless they are prevented from doing so by doing exactly what they are told.  Playing in childhood leads to happiness in the moment, “flow”.  Play is being able to make creative use of time no matter what you are doing, to entertain yourself. 
• Play Doesn’t get the respect it deserves, but it is proven that children who play get higher SAT scores.  Play is correlated with improved mental functioning. 
• Flow:  forget who you are, where you are, what time it is, and where you are supposed to go next.  Lose self-consciousness and become one with the activity.  (When kids are deep in play)
• Paradox that we don’t recognize happiness as it is happening and only remember it after the intensity has disappeared (not always true for me..)

 

[cydney lewis]

I think being able to create fun is a skill that builds resiliency. Waiting for fun to come to you can lead to frustration.

[JD]

We've been having a discussion here in the Oasis of the ideas of play and "flow" which is described as that time when you forget who you are, where you are, what time it is, etc.  Think about your child sitting with legos or action figures and playing..this is "flow" and this is really another word for "happiness."  These days kids are so used to passive forms of entertaining themselves (watching TV, playing electronic games, etc.) that they  may not know how to entertain themselves anymore..we agreed that we struggle with our kids to keep these type of passive activities to a minimum, and encourage our kids more to create play.  This type of independent, creative "play" is really important!  I'll try to remember this the next time I get frustrated at having to call my son 5-6 times to come to dinner or do his homework..he's in "flow."

 

 The author says that there are studies that correlate the ability to play with improved mental functioning, and that parents and schools need to give more respect to recess and play time as opposed to standardized testing/data time.  Having just finished 2 weeks of standardized testing here at Lafayette, I wholeheartedly agree with this idea!

[JD]

The end of play...p. 109:  This was a little sad to read, as the parent of two small kids.  On the transition out of childhood  "you are saying goodbye to a certain little buddy that you will never see again, except in memory."  But, according to the author: You have done your work well if your kids know how to play.  The toys have served their purpose and will move on to entertain other kids and help them learn how to play. OUr kids will continue to "play", but in different ways and with different "toys."  The mental creative effort that goes into play will stay with our children as they grow into adults. 

 

Some tips on play:

• Make time for play (put it on your agenda!)  but this means that you are not doing anything, scheduled to be anywhere, etc.
• Limit electronic time.  The author limits his kids to 1hr/day, which seems reasonable to me (but it includes computer, IPad, TV, etc.)
• Don't overschedule your children with too many activities..(see first bullet!)
• Relearn how to play as an adult, be silly, make up games
• Find a place where children can be left alone (backyard, playroom, etc.)
• Make sure school understands value of play.  I think lafayette may be one of a handful who still have a 40 minute recess every day!
• Keep your family alive with humor.

 

 

[JD]

Ch. 8: Practice

 

So after kids feel connected and safe enough (Step 1), they can learn how to play and create fun for themselves (Step 2), the next step is Practice, (which doesn't need to mean "drudgery") which leads to mastery of a skill. 

 

We're having a discussion here about the Tiger Mom book and how she really drilled the practice with her kids, to the extreme.  There might not have been much time left for play in her household!  The author talks about his daughter taking violin lessons and how they have to force her to practice at times, but that she is free to quit violin if she wanted to.  It's a balancing act, according to the author. 

 

Rules are a way to create structure (which kids love) and is a way to have practice inherent in daily life (think: rules for dinner, brushing teeth, etc.) 

 

Tips to help develop habits of discipline and practice:

•  Present discipline as a ticket to free time, mastery, and success ("after homework you can have play time")
• Explain to your kids how successful people they admire only reached their goals through hard work.
• Offer specific pointers on organization and help your child find a system of organization that works for them (written schedules, alarm watch, etc.)
• Avoid words like "lazy" "slacker" etc...rather these people have given up on themselves too soon.
• Don't be afraid to require your child to do what is asked, from homework to manners to chores..you are the adult and they are the child, and doing these things helps instill practice of an important skill they need to be a happy adult

 

Well that's it for today.  We'll be back online next week, perhaps I will try to put up some ideas from the next two chapters ahead of time so that we can spend more time discussing and less time typing during the 2:30-3:30 window.  Have a great week!