Week 3 Power Rankings

[Ronald Hoch]

1. Cella (142.2; bench 65.8) - Ballistic Missile

There are no bones about it. Cella's team killed it this week. He had six players in the double digits and three with over twenty points. His bench scored more points that two of the other teams in the league this week--including Kevan who was destroyed by Cella this week. He's had a rough start this season and he's part of the 7-way tie for 4th place currently, but if this week is any indication of the future Cella should be overjoyed! For all these reasons he gets the honor of being the ballistic missile this week. Like the ballistic missile his team was deadly, powerful, and able destroy its enemies without them even knowing that it's coming--just ask Kevan.

2. Smasher’s (119.4) - Uzi

Matt and Asher get the honor of being aligned with the Uzi this week. The Uzi is an incredible weapon that is the envy of every police force in the world. It's high performance make it the most sold submachine gun ever produced. Like the Uzi Matt and Asher's team is deadly and they're everyone's envy, because they have a killer (pun intended) team that is in 1st place right now. Yes, Moutoux is tied for first with them, but the Smasher's have outscored Moutoux's team by over 70 points over the first three weeks.

3. Bob (114) - Tactical Shotgun

I like Bob's team this week to the tactical shotgun. It's a powerful and deadly weapon that looks super cool, but has some serious limitations. If wielded properly it can do a lot of damage (just ask the Punisher). Bob's team has some serious upside potential and if he makes the right decisions from week to week he can do a lot of damage. Still, there are some serious limitations to Bob's team right now (e.g. injuries and a weak defense) and if he's not careful it's end up hurting him.

4. The Commish (103) - Roman Broadsword

This is the sword that conquered an empire. It is noted by historians and swordsmiths alike for its versatility and deadliness. Still...it's a sword. Any punk with a handgun can over power it. Jeff's team this week performed well and earned the 4th highest score in the league, but he lost the battle to Bob's tactical shotgun. It is worth noting that his bench outscored his team this week, too. That's an impressive feat when you're team scores over 100 points!

5. Moutoux (98.3) - Crossbow

The crossbow is a great weapon. Deadly over distance and powerful to pierce armor. At the same time it's weak up close, though, and can be easily outmatched by modern fire power. Moutoux's team is similar is a lot of ways. He has a great team; he's tied for first place in the standings and is in 4th place in points four. But his team was outmatched by four other teams this week Julio Jones, Stefon Diggs, Jason Witten, and the Texans D all looked pretty week this week and Matt was close to losing his first game this week (he won by 1.2 points).

6. Hoch (97.1) - Mace

The mace is a wicked cool weapon, but is surprisingly weak. It is slow and needs to be wielded properly or else it could end up doing more damage to its owner. Still, if you do land a blow it is deadly. My team is in third place in points for and yet I'm a part of the massive tie for 4th place in the league and am on a two game losing streak. This week was a close one, but close doesn't really count here. Like a medieval knight wielding a mace, I may have come close to a deadly blow, but I missed and then my opponent slayed me while I was trying to swing the wrecking ball again.

7. Seth (91) - Dagger

The dagger can be deadly, but it isn't the greatest weapon. Anyone with a modern weapon or who is swift afoot can easily escape it with little to no damage. Seth had an OK performance this week, but there are some pretty sad points on the board for his players and he's in 9th place in points for. He's lucky that he was facing Drew this week and able to get the win. Looks like Drew tripped while running away and fell face first onto the pavement leaving Seth a prime opportunity to pounce.

8. Taco (79.3) - Nunchucks

Nunchucks look cool, but are actually pretty unintimidating...just like Jack's team. At first glance Jack's team looks like a respectable FF team, but a closer inspection just shows that it's two pieces of wood tied together...not very scary.

9. Drew (62.9) - Sheleighly

The sheleighly? Let's be honest it's just a stick. This is not very advanced and not very intimidating. Drew's team looked pretty terrible this week and, were it not for a couple of players (Hill and Kelce), his bench looked pretty darn sad, too. On top of that he's at the bottom of the list in points for through three weeks. Drew's team is like an army that lined up on the battle field only then to realize that it's only weapon was a stick...doesn't look good.

10. Kevan (54.9) - Fly swatter

Kevan's team looked utterly horrible this week and so on the list of weapons he lands the flyswatter. Harmless...am I describing the flyswatter or Kevan's team? Yes.

[Matt Cella]

Dang. There were a couple moments where I literally laughed out loud. When describing Jack's team as a nunchuck, but on "closer inspection just shows that it's two pieces of wood tied together...not very scary." And just the picture of the flyswatter was worth the entire read. Nice work Ron. 

Question, does it seem like the team that gets the Eddy award always does poorly the following week. So far this year Jeff and Kevan both earned an Eddy and the next week they pooped the bed. Does this usually happen? If it is then I might be doomed this week. 

--
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "The Langhorne Lovable Losers" group.
To unsubscribe from this group and stop receiving emails from it, send an email to the-langhorne-lovable-losers+unsub...@googlegroups.com.
Visit this group at https://groups.google.com/group/the-langhorne-lovable-losers.
For more options, visit https://groups.google.com/d/optout.