Week 5 Power Rankings
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Ronald Hoch
Oct 14, 2015, 8:28:37 PM10/14/15
to The Langhorne Lovable Losers
As I contemplated what theme to use for the Power Rankings this year I thought that I'd use something that I'm comfortable with and that speaks to my interests. As a seminary grad and HS Bible teacher I thought it'd be appropriate to do something theological/biblical in nature. Hopefully this will also serve as a refresher on some of the biblical story lines.
1. Finger Luckin' Good - Simeon (Genesis 34)
The story of Simeon in Genesis 34 is one of the Bible stories we don't tell our kids. Simeon's sister, Dinah (Jacob's only daughter recorded in Scripture), was raped by a guy named Shechem. Shechem then wants to marry Dinah and Jacob is on board. But Simeon and his brother Levi want revenge and so they devise a plan. They tell Shechem that in order to marry their sister he and all of his people have to get circumcised. Love drunk Shechem agrees. And "on the third day, when they were sore" (Gen 34:25) Simeon and Levi went into the city of Shechem and slaughtered all of the men and took their women and children as their slaves. Drew slaughtered Motoux this week. Drew was Simeon to Moutoux's Shechem. For this reason, I liken Drew's team to Simeon in Genesis 34.
2. There's Something about Someone - King David (1 Samuel 17)
This is a story we all know and love. Little David, who later becomes the greatest King in Israel's history (and, therefore, an important foreshadow of Christ the King) slays the giant named Goliath. Somehow, Kevan was undefeated going into this week. The only team with such a designation and, as such, he loomed large in our league. He was the giant in our league. Yet, our beloved Sethykins defeatd Kevan mightily and, in doing so, makes the analogy to little David defeating the big bad Goliath.
3. Los Pollos - King Josiah (2 Kings 22-23)
Josiah was a God-fearing King who is known for making a number of major reforms in the kingdom of Judah. The people had forgotten the law of God under the kings that preceded Josiah. During his reign one of the priests found a copy of the law (meaning the Torah, 1st five books of the Bible) in the Temple while doing some renovations. Josiah immediately understood the importance of God's law and, after reading through the law, made some major changes. Josiah brought the people of Judah back to faithful worship of the living God after many years of idolatry. Much like the people of Judah had forgotten the law, it seems like the Commish had forgotten how to play fantasy football. Fortunately for him, the law was rediscovered. Like King Josiah he is leading his people (his team) in some major reforms and they seem to be working.
4. MAshers - Rahab (Joshua 2)
Rahab was a prostitute in Jericho who helped the Israelite military spies while they were on a reconnaissance mission in the city. We're told in the Bible that the reason Rahab helped the spies is that she recognized that Israel's God was the true God. This marks her "conversion" in essence. For her faith in YHWH and her help of the spies she is spared from death in the city and earns a place among the Israelites; she even becomes the great-great-great-great-great-etc-grandmother of Jesus (Matt 1)! The MAshers remind me of Rahab because they have a lot of ugly points on the team and yet, they keep doing the right thing and earning some wins. It seems God is blessing them for their faithfulness, despite their past sins.
5. Seriously? - Uriah the Hittite (1 Chronicles 11:41 & 2 Samuel 11)
Uriah was one of David's "mighty men." He was most likely an important military commander whom David trusted. There's good evidence that the mighty men served as advisors to the King on a host of different matters. Unfortunately for Uriah things didn't turn out so good in the end. David slept with and impregnated his wife (Bathsheba); then to have his sin covered up he ordered Uriah to the front lines of the war where his death was inevitable. Jack is like Uriah this week in that he scored the most points while still losing. He has a strong team and he is mighty, but it didn't end very well for him.
6. Go Cubs Go! - Tamar (Genesis 38)
Again, this isn't one of those stories we teach the little ones. Judah, we are told, has three sons: Er, Onan, and Shelah. Er married Tamar, but before they could have children he died. According to the Levirate marriage custom (see Deut. 25) Onan had to marry Tamar and give her children. He didn't like that idea so he would "waste his semen on the ground" whenever they had intercourse (Gen 38:9). God struck Onan dead for this action. According to Levirate marriage custom Shelah should have married Tamar next. However, Judah didn't like this and so he wouldn't allow Shelah to marry Tamar (Who would blame him? Both of his sons who married this woman have died!). Feeling jilted, Tamar decided to dress up like a prostitute and have sex with Judah in order to get children. It worked! Tamar became pregnant. Judah was ticked off - here was this woman in his family who got pregnant outside of marriage! He ordered her to be burned to death. On the way to her execution, she identified Judah as the father of her children (she had twins). Upon hearing this, Judah declares, "she is more righteous that I am." So, in the end Tamar was vindicated, but it's still a story that makes us uncomfortable. This is kind of like Cella's win this week. He earned his first win, but it wasn't because his team did particularly well. He put up decent numbers, but he also played against Bob who's team did horribly. In the end, Cella was vindicated, but we still feel a little weird about it - just like Tamar.
7. Fuzzy - Goliath (1 Samuel 17)
You know the story - you can also look at my recap of King David above. O how the mighty have fallen! Sethykins slung a stone and it his Kevan right between his eyes, dropping the giant with a sickening thud.
8. McDonald's - Abraham (Genesis 12-25)
We never really know how to feel about Abraham in his stories. There are moments when he is a champion of the faith, as when he prays for Lot (Gen 13-14), when he sacrifices to Melchizedek (Gen 14) or when he obeys God's commanded to sacrifice Isaac and then obeys God's command not sacrifice Isaac (Gen 22). Yet there are other times when we look at Abraham and go, "What were you thinking?" - as when he said that Sarah was his sister and gave her to other men, not once but twice (Gen12, 20)! Or when he agrees to have a child with Sarah's female servant Hagar (Gen 16). All that to say, Abraham is a mixed bag in Scripture. He has high highs and low lows. The same is true for my team - it is a mixed bag with high highs and low lows.
9. QB Browns - Shechem (Genesis 34)
Again, the background to this story is recounted above with the blurb on Simeon. What can we say, Moutoux? Not only did you get slaughtered, but (to add insult to injury) you were slaughtered while icing your twig and berries. Double ouch!
10. You're Killing Me... - Jacob (Genesis 34)
There's a great quote from Jacob in Genesis 34 (cf. the Simeon narrative above). Upon hearing that Simeon and Levi had killed all the men belonging to Shechem he declares, "You have brought trouble on me by making me a stink to the inhabitants of the land..." (Gen 34:30). This reminds me of Bob-O this week. He, indeed, has become the stink of the LLL land.
1. Finger Luckin' Good - Simeon (Genesis 34)
The story of Simeon in Genesis 34 is one of the Bible stories we don't tell our kids. Simeon's sister, Dinah (Jacob's only daughter recorded in Scripture), was raped by a guy named Shechem. Shechem then wants to marry Dinah and Jacob is on board. But Simeon and his brother Levi want revenge and so they devise a plan. They tell Shechem that in order to marry their sister he and all of his people have to get circumcised. Love drunk Shechem agrees. And "on the third day, when they were sore" (Gen 34:25) Simeon and Levi went into the city of Shechem and slaughtered all of the men and took their women and children as their slaves. Drew slaughtered Motoux this week. Drew was Simeon to Moutoux's Shechem. For this reason, I liken Drew's team to Simeon in Genesis 34.
2. There's Something about Someone - King David (1 Samuel 17)
This is a story we all know and love. Little David, who later becomes the greatest King in Israel's history (and, therefore, an important foreshadow of Christ the King) slays the giant named Goliath. Somehow, Kevan was undefeated going into this week. The only team with such a designation and, as such, he loomed large in our league. He was the giant in our league. Yet, our beloved Sethykins defeatd Kevan mightily and, in doing so, makes the analogy to little David defeating the big bad Goliath.
3. Los Pollos - King Josiah (2 Kings 22-23)
Josiah was a God-fearing King who is known for making a number of major reforms in the kingdom of Judah. The people had forgotten the law of God under the kings that preceded Josiah. During his reign one of the priests found a copy of the law (meaning the Torah, 1st five books of the Bible) in the Temple while doing some renovations. Josiah immediately understood the importance of God's law and, after reading through the law, made some major changes. Josiah brought the people of Judah back to faithful worship of the living God after many years of idolatry. Much like the people of Judah had forgotten the law, it seems like the Commish had forgotten how to play fantasy football. Fortunately for him, the law was rediscovered. Like King Josiah he is leading his people (his team) in some major reforms and they seem to be working.
4. MAshers - Rahab (Joshua 2)
Rahab was a prostitute in Jericho who helped the Israelite military spies while they were on a reconnaissance mission in the city. We're told in the Bible that the reason Rahab helped the spies is that she recognized that Israel's God was the true God. This marks her "conversion" in essence. For her faith in YHWH and her help of the spies she is spared from death in the city and earns a place among the Israelites; she even becomes the great-great-great-great-great-etc-grandmother of Jesus (Matt 1)! The MAshers remind me of Rahab because they have a lot of ugly points on the team and yet, they keep doing the right thing and earning some wins. It seems God is blessing them for their faithfulness, despite their past sins.
5. Seriously? - Uriah the Hittite (1 Chronicles 11:41 & 2 Samuel 11)
Uriah was one of David's "mighty men." He was most likely an important military commander whom David trusted. There's good evidence that the mighty men served as advisors to the King on a host of different matters. Unfortunately for Uriah things didn't turn out so good in the end. David slept with and impregnated his wife (Bathsheba); then to have his sin covered up he ordered Uriah to the front lines of the war where his death was inevitable. Jack is like Uriah this week in that he scored the most points while still losing. He has a strong team and he is mighty, but it didn't end very well for him.
6. Go Cubs Go! - Tamar (Genesis 38)
Again, this isn't one of those stories we teach the little ones. Judah, we are told, has three sons: Er, Onan, and Shelah. Er married Tamar, but before they could have children he died. According to the Levirate marriage custom (see Deut. 25) Onan had to marry Tamar and give her children. He didn't like that idea so he would "waste his semen on the ground" whenever they had intercourse (Gen 38:9). God struck Onan dead for this action. According to Levirate marriage custom Shelah should have married Tamar next. However, Judah didn't like this and so he wouldn't allow Shelah to marry Tamar (Who would blame him? Both of his sons who married this woman have died!). Feeling jilted, Tamar decided to dress up like a prostitute and have sex with Judah in order to get children. It worked! Tamar became pregnant. Judah was ticked off - here was this woman in his family who got pregnant outside of marriage! He ordered her to be burned to death. On the way to her execution, she identified Judah as the father of her children (she had twins). Upon hearing this, Judah declares, "she is more righteous that I am." So, in the end Tamar was vindicated, but it's still a story that makes us uncomfortable. This is kind of like Cella's win this week. He earned his first win, but it wasn't because his team did particularly well. He put up decent numbers, but he also played against Bob who's team did horribly. In the end, Cella was vindicated, but we still feel a little weird about it - just like Tamar.
7. Fuzzy - Goliath (1 Samuel 17)
You know the story - you can also look at my recap of King David above. O how the mighty have fallen! Sethykins slung a stone and it his Kevan right between his eyes, dropping the giant with a sickening thud.
8. McDonald's - Abraham (Genesis 12-25)
We never really know how to feel about Abraham in his stories. There are moments when he is a champion of the faith, as when he prays for Lot (Gen 13-14), when he sacrifices to Melchizedek (Gen 14) or when he obeys God's commanded to sacrifice Isaac and then obeys God's command not sacrifice Isaac (Gen 22). Yet there are other times when we look at Abraham and go, "What were you thinking?" - as when he said that Sarah was his sister and gave her to other men, not once but twice (Gen12, 20)! Or when he agrees to have a child with Sarah's female servant Hagar (Gen 16). All that to say, Abraham is a mixed bag in Scripture. He has high highs and low lows. The same is true for my team - it is a mixed bag with high highs and low lows.
9. QB Browns - Shechem (Genesis 34)
Again, the background to this story is recounted above with the blurb on Simeon. What can we say, Moutoux? Not only did you get slaughtered, but (to add insult to injury) you were slaughtered while icing your twig and berries. Double ouch!
10. You're Killing Me... - Jacob (Genesis 34)
There's a great quote from Jacob in Genesis 34 (cf. the Simeon narrative above). Upon hearing that Simeon and Levi had killed all the men belonging to Shechem he declares, "You have brought trouble on me by making me a stink to the inhabitants of the land..." (Gen 34:30). This reminds me of Bob-O this week. He, indeed, has become the stink of the LLL land.
Drew Ridley
Oct 14, 2015, 8:52:51 PM10/14/15
to The Langhorne Lovable Losers
This was amazing on many points!
#1 I love Old testament stories and Biblical figures. This was truly entertaining and brought me back to my PBU with Gary Snickers~!
#2 I thought I had to do the power ranking this week, so to sign on and see it was your week was a huge weight off my shoulders as I am dead tired
#3 " Drew was Simeon to Moutoux's Shechem" This, while somewhat degrading and vulgar sounding, is awesome!
Well done Ron, I'm glad you wove your expertise into the Power Ranking and made it enjoyable for yourself to write and enjoyable for us to read!
Ronald Hoch
Oct 15, 2015, 7:56:09 AM10/15/15
to Drew Ridley, The Langhorne Lovable Losers
Thanks, Drew! I had fun writing it, so I'm glad that you enjoyed it!
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Jack Scanlan
Oct 15, 2015, 10:19:35 AM10/15/15
to Ronald Hoch, The Langhorne Lovable Losers
This was fantastic! I'd say one of the most well thought out power rankings we've had in awhile. Well done Ron!
Seth Bryan
Oct 15, 2015, 2:23:46 PM10/15/15
to Ronald Hoch, The Langhorne Lovable Losers
I enjoyed them a lot too, however, in my opinion, they lacked a some football analysis BUT you made up for it with superb knowledge of the scriptures and really good comparisons. Oh and the fact that you compared me to King David was pretty sweet and a nice allusion to me becoming King of LLL. I mean check out my team and you would agree! :D
When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, then you will be successful.
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