Week 3 Power Rankings

[Jack Scanlan]

Hey guys, 

Tried to do something funny this week for the Power Rankings. Not too in depth stats wise, so my apologies!

If you haven't heard this Dane Cook skit then check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUifFmdL798

My whole Power Rankings is based of this skit. Hope you enjoy! Sorry for the foul language :)

#1. Front Office Ouroboros - Matt Moutoux (The Dude)

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The Dude is about as cool as you can get. No one doubts your Dudeness and ability to keep things fresh. You are the dominate male amongst your peer group. After 3 dominating wins, your team is poised for a big year. You have a great core of young players who are putting up big numbers this year. Hopefully things keep clicking! 

#2. Almost Perfect - Matt Pileggi (Bro)

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Your the guy that everyone wants to be around. You are laid back, cool, and just an all around good time. Everyone loves you. And after a 3-0 start, and double digit wins every week, you are on a role. The only reason I ranked you below Moutoux is because your points total isn't quite as insanely high. But it looks like you are going to be touch to beat!

#3. Whole 'Notha Level - Asher Pileggi (Man)

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You are comfortable in your own skin, everyone likes you, and addresses you as man. You just seem like the guy that is everyones friend. After a convincing win over the newcomer Jared, and riding a 2 game winning streak, you are ready to break out. Keep it up!

#4. Matt Doesn't Like My Name - Bob Schopf ( Homie)

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People aren't too sure about you, but as a sign of respect they call you homie. And you only come around when there's a party going on. Your team looks strong, but this last win was a close call. You are going to need to pick it up to stay in the top of the pack. 

#5. The Roose - Jared Roose (Pal)

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This is where the name calling takes a turn toward the ugly. Nobody wants to be called pal. It's demeaning and makes you feel like the other person thinks they are above you. You started off strong, but got blown out last week. You have a stacked team of big names. So hopefully you can turn it around next week, and come back strong. 

#6. Rise of the Greenman - Matt Cella (Chief)

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Now it's just getting mean! Chief, at least you rebounded after a two game losing streak. You drafted well, but things just haven't turned your way. Hopefully some of that talent can rise up in the next few weeks. 

#7 Ambassador of Quan - Jeff Jones (Guy)

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This person is so generic, you can only muster up "Hey Guy". That's pretty much all the energy you have for this person. Jeff, all I can say is, you shoul've played Brandin Cooks!

#8. Philly Breakfast Bunch - Ron Hoch (Fellow)

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Fellow is like somebody you bump into in a crowd, and rudly ask them to "Kindly move out of my way Fellow." You have no respect for this person. Ron, I'm sorry to say that on a 2 game losing streak, you are heading in the wrong direction. Not even Brady could help you out of this one. 

#9. Massachussetts Taco Scanlan - Jack Scanlan (Chap)

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You had to go back to the 1800s in Britain to come up with an insult for this guy. The standard insult just wouldn't do. My team stinks, and after losing David Johnson, my kicker, and Danny Woodhead all in Week 1, I'm trying not to lose hope. But we shall see. 

#10. Henry Ruther ford Hill - Kevan Rich (Gaylord)

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No, I am not calling Kevan something insulting. This is just the lowest of the low when it comes to insults!