10 Year Old Preteen Girls Masterbating
Siri Vonbank
For my entire adult life (the past four years), I have been sexually attracted to young girls. I think about being with one often when I masturbate, and have intense sexual fantasies involving 8 to 14 year old females. I have yet to act on my feelings, NOR DO I WANT TO! I know it is wrong to have sex with a minor; I know that it violates them and totally scars them emotionally for life. I know that a child can NEVER consent to sex. But... I still have these fantasies. I'm afraid to tell a therapist about this, but I know that's what I should do. Would a therapist tell the cops or something? I haven't broken any laws... but still, what would a doctor say or do? I want more than anything else to be normal, and have healthy relationships with women, but I'm so afraid of them. I feel as though I'm a moth, and adult women are fire... they may look nice, but if I get too close to them, they'll burn me. But little girls... they just seem more real. I have never had an intimate relationship with anyone in my life. I have never been on a date, never kissed, never even held hands. But then again, I've never asked a woman out either. I'm just so afraid of women. I think that might be why I like little girls. I guess what I want to know is... should I tell a shrink, or will that only make things worse?
Dear Annie: This is for "Concerned Teacher," whose 9-year-old pupil rubs herself against her seat all day long. I am a school psychologist. If sexual abuse has been ruled out, she should simply treat it like any other publicly unacceptable behavior, the same way you would treat a child picking his nose in class.
However, kids often engage in self-pleasure when anxious. So the first step should be to track the behavior and see if it happens when certain subjects are taught. The teacher and parents should talk to the child about a signal to let her know when she is doing it because she may not be aware of it at the time. Another point is to make sure she doesn't have a learning or cognitive disability. Students with mild cognitive disabilities sometimes do not understand the social inappropriateness of this behavior.
From California: I spent much of second grade doing the same thing. The cause was a chronic low-grade yeast infection that made me constantly itchy. The rubbing made it feel better but caused inflammation, and it was a long time until I was treated properly and the behavior went away. Yeast infections can be triggered by undetected food sensitivities and often go undiagnosed in both boys and girls. The resultant itching (and other people's reactions) can cause lasting emotional anxiety.
New York: Years ago, my little sister used to do the same thing. Our family doctor discovered that she had pinworms. Our entire family had to be treated, and our mother boiled all our sheets and undergarments to kill the pinworm eggs.
Danbury, Conn.: That child should be examined by a dermatologist for a possible skin condition such as lichen simplex chronicus or lichen sclerosus. These are not uncommon in the genital region and can be treated with topical medications such as cortisone creams.
Ohio: The girl may have an infection or allergic reaction (from soap, bubble baths, laundry detergents, certain foods, etc.) that is causing itching or discomfort. Infections and/or exposure to allergens can come and go, even over several years. A child may say nothing to her parents because she may not realize her symptoms are not normal, and she may have become accustomed to them.
Texas: We had the same situation with a pupil at our school. The girl's third grade teacher came up with a solution. She met with the student and her mother, and found a simple gesture the teacher could use to signal the student when the behavior was happening. In this case, the teacher tapped her own chin with her finger. It was so subtle, no one else was even aware of it, but the student knew to stop the behavior. When the child entered my fourth grade class, this information was passed on to me, and I only had to signal her once.
When is the last time you heard a woman throw around the word, "masturbate", in the middle of a casual conversation? I bet reading that might have been uncomfortable all on its own. From a very young age, women have taken on this role as secret keepers. Sure, it's just "locker-room talk" for a man to discuss jerking off; but a woman expressing ways she enjoys pleasuring herself is absolutely taboo. This behavior from a man has taken on a reputation of its own as, "just guy talk", or will be accompanied by, "what do you expect". Unfortunately, the first thing I was taught about my sexuality, was the simple process of sex. In my blue plaid skirt and an embroidered white polo, I sat in a room with my fifth-grade teacher and every other girl in my class; as the boys in our grade had been taken into another room. I did not realize it at the time, but this simple separation was detrimental to our development process, and the reason for the further divide between the two sexes. No, the focus of this is not the split of the sexes, but the lack of transparency shown to myself and others at a very young age.
I do not blame my teacher for approaching this topic the way she did, she was just doing her job. She spent an hour bluntly explaining: our sex organs, their processes, and how because of sex we would also be getting a period, which of course led to the conversation of pads and tampons. At eleven years old, we were taught that our bodies were machines. She skipped over the part where sex would feel good. That it would leave you in a state of euphoria. She skipped over the part where a woman will, in fact, feel a stronger connection towards her partner after having sex, more than her partner would feel towards her. That it would not be something a woman could control, it was just science. She failed to mention to us, that this same pleasurable feeling that one could associate with a man, could also be brought about on our own. I am not downplaying the importance of learning about sex and what a woman's body will undergo during puberty, no. I am simply voicing my frustration on the way young girls are not taught how to care for their bodies.
Self-love and self-appreciation become more common as one realizes the most important relationship to nurture, is the relationship with oneself. Unfortunately, many toxic relationships are built around dependency; whether that be emotional or physical. However, a woman secure in her own body is an empowered woman. Through masturbating, a woman releases the chemicals: oxytocin, endorphins, and adrenaline. These each play a role in increasing empathy, self-bonding, mood enhancement, and of course blood pressure. Imagine a world, where a female would not have to seek out a man to feel the satisfaction of an orgasm. I have a feeling that the same woman would hold herself to a higher standard.
I do not know why the first thing we are taught, is what our body can do for other people. Why would we not be our own priority? Yes, it is pivotal to comprehend what the female body can embrace through pregnancy and what a man's role is in sex; but what about what our body craves? Being introduced to this topic at eleven is a staple point for any fifth grader as "the talk". The conversation we feel like we should avoid. I do not understand why some things are left unaddressed by parents or teachers. I could have learned more about myself if someone would have just come out and said what kind of attention the woman's body also needs. The stigma of masturbating being "gross", and the conversation of it being "inappropriate" is just sad when it is truly the most human instinct one has. For some reason, there is this double standard when it comes to what is acceptable for a man to do, and what is expected of a woman. We are not machines, and I wish the world understood that.
While these are my 25 favorites, there are quite literally 1000s that could have been included. The Beatles' body of work is massive and there is something for everyone. If you have been living under a rock and haven't discovered the Fab Four, you have to get musically educated. Stream them on Spotify, find them on iTunes or even buy a CD or record (Yes, those still exist!). I would suggest starting with 1, which is a collection of most of their #1 songs, or the 1968 White Album. Give them chance and you'll never look back.
The best superpower ever? Being invisible of course. Imagine just being able to go from seen to unseen on a dime. Who wouldn't want to have the opportunity to be invisible? Superman and Batman have nothing on being invisible with their superhero abilities. Here are some things that you could do while being invisible, because being invisible can benefit your social life too.
Small towns certainly have their pros and cons. Many people who grow up in small towns find themselves counting the days until they get to escape their roots and plant new ones in bigger, "better" places. And that's fine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought those same thoughts before too. We all have, but they say it's important to remember where you came from. When I think about where I come from, I can't help having an overwhelming feeling of gratitude for my roots. Being from a small town has taught me so many important lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
Sometimes traditions seem like a silly thing, but the fact of it is that it's part of who you are. You grew up this way and, more than likely, so did your parents. It is something that is part of your family history and that is more important than anything.
When tragedy strikes in a small town, everyone feels obligated to help out because, whether directly or indirectly, it affects you too. It is easy in a bigger city to be able to disconnect from certain problems. But in a small town those problems affect everyone.
Along the same lines as #3, everyone is always ready and willing to lend a helping hand when you need one in a small town and to me that is the true meaning of community. It's working together to build a better atmosphere, being there to raise each other up, build each other up, and pick each other up when someone is in need. A small town community is full of endless support whether it be after a tragedy or at a hometown sports game. Everyone shows up to show their support.
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